Trusting In You
by kelliejo19
Summary: Tris has a lot to be thankful and sorry for. She's thankful for Tobias and her friends being okay and the new life Tobias and her are ready to start. But when the faction comes crumbling down again, what length will she go to protect what's she has left? **After Div. before Insurgent**
1. Cake and Other Things

**Part I: The Crumble **

_"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."-Author Unknown_

_**Note: Chapters 1-6 and parts of eight are currently undergoing some serious revisions.** _

* * *

_"This is for your own good."_

_I cringe hearing those words. I'm glad Tobias isn't here to hear them. My lungs feel like they are the size of a grape and I'm gasping for air. I wait on a table, paralyzed by arm restraints as I wait for the figure to emerge from the darkness. I can't scream, can't breathe, can't, can't, can't. The figure sneers," This is for your own good." And steps out of the darkness._

_It's Tobias._

_I lay there as tears roll down my cheeks and I try to fight him but I can't. I try breaking out of the straps. It has to work; it's a stimulation. But nothing happens. Instead Tobias comes closer and brushes the hair on my neck aside and I see he is holding a needle. "Be brave, Tris," He says as he injects the needle into my neck." This is for your own good, Tris."_

"Tris! Tris!"

I jolt awake and clutch the sheets until my knuckles turn white. But I'm not in restraints. I'm with Tobias in the dormitory of the Dauntless compound.

"Hey," His brow furrows together." Are you okay?"

I shake my head as the tears began to fall. He embraces me from behind and lays his head on my shoulder. "I was trapped," I say, "You tried to inject me with the death serum-" He pulls away and I feel immediate regret for what I said.

"Tris...I'd never do something like that. Ever."

"I know, Tobias. It's just... I don't know." I shake my head. I'm not making any sense. "I just don't know."

His arms encircle me again and I let out a full blown sob. I cover my mouth careful not to wake the others. Tobias' old apartment was put to use by having the injured stay there.

When I'm done, I wipe my nose on my sleeve and say," Sorry I lost it."

He shrugs. "We all have to lose it sometimes." His lips press against my ear and say quietly," It's probably just the baby."

Right. Our baby. After the war, most of the abnegation and the dauntless went back to the Dauntless compound. Our third month there, I found out I was pregnant with his child. We decided not to tell anyone because in abnegation having a child out of wed-lock would be considered self-indulgent. Tobias proposed to me after we found out and now our wedding is the talk of the compound.

I nod at Tobias then kiss him and whisper," I have to go to work."

"Now?"

I nod. He pulls me back down and I squeal and laugh as quietly as I can as he tickles me then he says," Okay. Meet me in the training room after your shift is over."

"Okay."

We are training some of the abnegation children and adults to fight and be strong in case there is another attack. The people who aren't training help out around Dauntless. Most of the Abnegation are cleaning and taking time to help others with tasks, the Dauntless are helping everyone prepare and learn how to fight and then there are people like me who have multiple jobs. I have kitchen duty, trainer, and being a nurse in the hospital. At first, Tobias didn't like the fact that I have three jobs but slowly he gave in. Not enough to be totally ok with it but enough. I step into the kitchen and I'm surrounded by dishes and food and cake. My mouth waters at the sight of it but then I think of my mother and when she came here on visiting day. She told me to try the chocolate cake because it was delicious. I'm not very hungry anymore.

The hour passes quickly, and soon I'm standing at the training room doors ready to go in but hesitating because I'm watching Tobias teach a girl about the age of ten how to throw a knife. He's patient as she misses multiple times and he tells her gently to exhale before she throws the knife. She does and makes the target. He's pleased and lays a hand on her shoulder to congratulate her. I'm proud to call him my fiancé and the father of our child.

I step into the room and he catches the sight of me right before I reach him. "Hey," He says.

"Hi," I reply then press my mouth to his. The kiss is shorter than I want it to be but we have students waiting.

I help a young woman who is around her mid-twenties how to aim at the target and then I help Susan, who is my friend and former neighbor, how to shoot a gun. I still can't hold one without feeling uncomfortable after shooting Will but at least I can hold one without breaking down which is more I could say two months ago.

"How are you?" Susan asks. It's a typical abnegation greeting but I don't want to answer. I'm a mess. I've been having nightmares almost every night, Tobias and I struggle with keeping the baby a secret, and with the grief of all these deaths hanging over me it's almost too much to handle. But telling her all that would be awkward for both of us so I just say I'm fine. How are you Susan? Do you like Dauntless?"

She aims and fires at the target hitting the edge. "I'm fine, thank you. I like it here. People are a little...outrageous but it's all right. Do you like it here, Tris?"

I nod, smiling. "It's my home," I say

* * *

I'm in the kitchen eating ice cream while everyone else in the compound is asleep. I had another nightmare but this one wasn't as bad as the one I had last night. This one was about the baby. I was in the dauntless compound looking for my baby and Tobias. I found Tobias but the baby was nowhere to be seen. We ended up in the nursery in the hospital but all the babies looked the same. We ran searching for ours but then a pit opened up and swallowed everything in it. It may sound bad but this time there wasn't any blood so I'm happy with that. I'm scooping up ice cream with my spoon when I hear," Tris."

I turn around and see Tobias with his arms crossed leaning up against the door frame. This is not a good pose. This is Tobias the Instructor pose with the same hardness in his eyes that he had when he held a gun to peter's bead during training.

"Tobias," I greet him curtly.

"What are you doing in here?"

"What does it look like, _Four_?" I snap.

He sighs and comes towards me." You can't eat that crap all the time." He takes the ice cream from me and puts it in the fridge. "Says who?"

"Tris-"

" Tobias, Chris-"

"I'm not playing that game Tris."

The name game. It's where someone says a name and the other person says other people's names. For instance he said Tris and I said Tobias then I'd say Christina, Uriah, Zeke and other names until he'd make me stop. But then he cut me off too soon.

"Why are you in here?"

"Well, I was eating ice cream but then you came in here."

He crosses his arms again and says," You know that's not what I meant."

I sigh knowing he's going to get his way again. "I had a nightmare."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

I shrug, look down at the floor, and blink back tears that are threatening to reappear.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head and I feel his hands wrap around me. I let go. I cry into his shoulder for a bit then gather myself enough to say, "This sucks."

He laughs and kisses my forehead. "You're the one who was happy to have the baby."

"Tobias, that was you."

"Not how I remember it."

I sigh out and say, "Tobias I cried for an hour when I found out. You, on the other hand, just about bounced off the walls."

"Really?"

"Really. I remember."

"Hmm. Well I guess I have to remind you how happy I am to have this baby."

He bent down in front of me and lifted my shirt revealing the little bump. "Hey baby. I love you very..." he kisses my stomach once." very..." twice "very..." three times and continues, "much." and then he rises and touches his forehead to mine. " And I love your mommy very very very much too." I pull him down for a kiss and he deepens it. He sets me on the counter without looking and instantly I feel like I sat on something. I pull away and see I sat on the cake that everyone worked so hard on for the Candor students' arrival.

"Oh. My. God." I hop off the counter and look at the mess. "Oh my God, oh my God."

"Tris, calm down."

"Calm down? Tobias, they spent _days_ working on this. I'm not even supposed to be in here. Oh my-"

Tobias slams a handful of cake into the right side of my face. My mouth is open wide as I hiss at him," What was that, Tobias?" I grab a fist of chocolate cake and fling it at him. It hits him square in the face. He wipes the cake away from his eyes and says laughing, "Ok, Tris. Game on."

It takes a while but eventually I'm laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face. We have cake all over our clothes and faces and Tobias has frosting his hair. I waltz over to him and kiss him. "Mm. Tobias, I never knew you could taste so good." He laughs and pulls away." Ha ha. Very funny, Tris." He kisses my neck, my cheek, and then he ends with my lips saying, "You don't taste too bad yourself." After we clean ourselves off, I talk Tobias into making another cake with me. One of his secret talents is actually frosting stuff. He's ridiculously good at it. We spend the rest of the night mixing batter and frosting the cake and kissing until the cake is finished. This cake looks so much like the last cake you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference if you didn't look too close. "Well done, Beatrice Prior."

I laugh. This is kind of a special occasion. Still there was something that needed to be corrected. "Eaton. Beatrice Eaton."

"Not yet," Tobias says.

"Not yet," I agree. "But almost."


	2. Maids of Honor

**A/N: Hey Guys! Thank you to all of you who reviewed the first chapter of my story! Definitively wasn't expecting that kind of feedback! So to thank everyone I'm going to post two more chapters tonight! As always review! -Kellie **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in divergent! I wish I did though!**

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The next day when I go into the kitchen, I halfway expect everyone to be in a total chaos over the cake after they realized it was fake. But when I walk in there I just see everyone either dish washing, serving, or admiring the cake. I exhale a sigh of relief and go over to the serving counter which is where I usually work. I load up a bowl of soup then serve it to each person in the line. Finally, I see Christina and Uriah. "Hey Tris!"

"Hi, Christina, Uriah. What are you to up to?"

Christina shrugs and blushes while Uriah says, "We're on a date."

"That's great you guys!" I'm really happy for Christina after everything that happened with Will. We've come a long way since then and somewhere between there we've forgiven each other and moved on.

"So, Tris, when are you going to go shopping with me for the wedding?"

Inwardly, I groan. I hate shopping. "I, uh, maybe tomorrow or sometime next week."

She laughs. "You are _not_ getting out of this. I'm going to have Four drag you out of the dormitory and throw you over his shoulder if I have to. "

She will too. And Tobias would gladly comply since I really haven't done much with the wedding. She sees the expression on my face and takes it for defeat. "Great I'll see you at four o'clock in the pit." She walks away so that I can't argue with her. Uriah chuckles then says, "She's a handful."

I laugh as I hand him the bowl. "She's _your_ girlfriend."

"And your maid of honor."

"Whatever." I roll my eyes at him playfully." Bye Uriah."

People pass through and I greet each and every one of them but only a few really catch my eye. Rye, a little girl from Abnegation that I have come to adore, Susan and Caleb, Marcus, Tori, Blue, a little girl from Dauntless about Rye's age, and, of course Tobias. When Tobias comes to the line he just reaches across the table, takes my face in his hands and kisses me in front of the entire cafeteria. Hooting noises from the left side of the room, which is where the Dauntless sit, and the stares of horror from Abnegation is what stops me. I pull away. "Tobias, not here."

"Later then," he says with a wink. I laugh and shove him away playfully. One of the girls from Abnegation comes up to me and says, "You and Four make a terrific couple. When are you getting married again?" Her cheeks redden as if someone is going to appear and tell her it was rude to pry for her own curiosity. But this is Dauntless. "We're getting married in two weeks on May sixteenth."

She smiles and says, "If there is anything I can do just let me know."

"I will thank you."

She walks away and sits with some of the Abnegation.

Another addition to Dauntless and the other factions is the student tour of the factions. Before each choosing ceremony, all the sixteen year olds get to tour each faction and spend three days there. Of course Abnegation won't be hosting or touring each faction until the faction's homes can be rebuilt and the people can feel safe there. Tomorrow is our turn to take in the Candor students that will be joining us and everyone is really nervous but excited.

Before I know it, I'm done in the kitchen and training and am back into the dormitory waiting for Tobias. I'm making the bed when I feel arms wrap around me and lips tickling my ear as a voice says," It's later, Tris."

I smile at Tobias and reach up on my tip toes to kiss him. I run my fingers through his hair as his hands tug on my t-shirt. I push him down onto the bed so that he's the one sitting and take his t-shirt off flinging it to the ground. I wrap my legs around him so that I'm straddling him and he starts to kiss my neck. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone so much, I think as Tobias kisses each of my ravens and I sigh with pleasure. He starts to lift my t-shirt off as I'm in the process of undoing his belt buckle.

"Tris? Tobias? We were wondering if-"

Tobias and I look at the now opened door.

Christina and Uriah stand at the door opened mouthed and gaping at Tobias and me. I scramble off of him, run a hand through my hair, and pull down my shirt, all the while turning the color of a beet.

"Christina, I, um-"

"Save it, Tris," she says with such hardness that I think she's mad but I look up and I see she's trying to hold back a laugh. "We are going shopping."

I turn and look at a now fully clothed Tobias and he shrugs. I take it as an okay and follow Christina out the door. Once we are out she starts laughing. "What?" I snap. "Never seen it before?"

"Not for a Stiff! I thought all you guys did was, like, graze hands or something."

"I'm not a Stiff anymore."

She shrugs still smiling and leads me to the Pit where she tells the clerk that she need a lot of dresses for the wedding. The clerk winks at me and gets out a few of the white things they own and hands them to me. "There is a dressing room by the pants section." I thank her and follow Christina to the dressing room.

I am trying on my fifth dress, feeling frustrated. I need something that doesn't show my baby bump but so far each dress makes it look like a mountain. I run my hands along the bump as I turn sideways. "Mommy loves you baby but these dresses don't, "I whisper so Christina won't hear. "Tris! I haven't seen one dress yet!" Christina is yelling outside the door. "I am going to go get the keys and come in there with you if I don't see one."

"Okay, Okay. I'll get another one on."

I panic looking for one that will hide it when I see the fluffy one I thought looked awful before. I slip it on quick and thankfully it fits and doesn't show anything. I step out of the room and Christina gasps. "Tris...it's..." she comes over by me and runs her hands along the ruffles. "It's beautiful, "she finishes.

I doubt it but I'm happy that it doesn't show anything. The dress itself isn't my style and being from Abnegation doesn't help the fact I don't want all the fluff and attention. "I don't know, Christina. Maybe we should keep looking."

"This is the one!" Christina exclaims. "You are stunning! Four will not be able to stop looking at you!"

She shoos me back into the room and takes the dress insisting that she will pay half. I let her 'cause all I want to do right now is go to sleep. We're by the chasm when Christina stops in her tracks and says," You know you can tell me anything right?"

I blink at her. Where did THIS come from? "Christina...are you okay?"

She nods vigorously."Oh yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Are you sure?"

She looks at me and bites her lip. Something wasn't right. "Four..."

I tensed. "Four what?"

She didn't answer.

"What about To-Four?" I ask fumbling between his real name and his nickname.

She looks at the chasm and back to me.

"Christina, I swear if you don't tell me what's going on right now-"

"Four told me you're pregnant," she blurts out.

I gape at her. No, no, no. He _promised_ not to tell anyone. "He did _not_."

She looks back at the chasm again and I know she's not lying. I fume with rage. How many more people did he tell? Did it get back to Marcus? Or more importantly, to Caleb? I spin on my heel and walk toward the dormitory. Christina is calling my name pleading me to stop but I can't. I'm running on anger. When I get there I wrench open the door and am about to scream in Tobias's face when I see nine other people perched on bunk beds or sprawled across the floor. I can't yell across the room to him. It would look bad considering we are two of the leaders in Dauntless. Instead, I force a smile and say in my sweetest voice to one of the Abnegation boys on the floor, "Where is Four?"

"The instructor?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. What other Four could we be talking about?

"Yes."

The boy points to the last bunk where I see Tobias laughing as he lays down a card in a large pile in the middle of the circle. "Thank you."

I walk over to Tobias and say as sweetly as I can muster, "Honey, can we talk?"

He looks up sharply because I don't normally talk like sugar is coming out of my mouth in the form of a waterfall. I smile at him trying not to throw a punch right then and there.

"Sure, Tris." He lays down another card. "What do you want to talk about?"

I clear my throat before I say, "Can we talk about it outside?" I'm starting to lose my patience with him.

"Okay." Tobias gets up and says something about not stealing the chips and everyone laughs. Everyone except me. We get out of the dorm and I shut the door before I hiss, "So exactly how many people did you tell that I am pregnant Tobias?"

"What are you talking about?"

God, he's being_ impossible_.

"Christina knows about the baby. She knows! And there are only two other people as far as I know who know that and that's you and me!"

It looks like he's finally caught on to why I'm mad 'cause he says," I only told you her because she saw you throwing up in the bathroom."

"And you couldn't tell her that I ate something bad?" I wave him off and shake my head. "Whatever. That's not the point. The point is that I asked you to not tell anyone and you did it anyway."

"Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't tell anyone else. I just thought it would be ok just to tell her."

"Have you met Christina? She loves to gossip! Do you know what kind of trouble I could be in with Caleb or your father if this got out?"

He cringes a little at the word father and I soften and sigh. "Tobias, I-I just wanted it to be us and the baby for a while. I thought we could tell people later after we got married."

"She was worried about you and she can tell when someone is lying. I panicked, Tris."

I'm defeated and I don't really wanting to argue anymore. I wrap my arms around him. "It's ok. I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I know you've been under a lot of stress with the Candor students coming tomorrow. I just wish you would have told me you told her."

"I really am sorry, Tris."

Christina comes around the corner and says to me, "Thank, _God_! I thought you were going to do something stupid."

"Not today," I say. "Christina did you tell anyone else I was pregnant?"

"Well Uriah knows."

I sigh, relieved. Uriah knows how to keep a secret.

"So, Tris, when I am going to be an auntie?" Cristina asks trying to hide her smile.

I look up at Tobias just to confirm I should tell her and say, "I'm about 6 weeks now."

She smiles even bigger and then she asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

Tobias shrugs. "It's too young to know yet."

"I'm so excited!" She sequels as Uriah comes up behind her and whispers something I her ear and she laughs and smacks him away playfully.

Tobias and I leave them alone and walk to the chasm.

"That's where you first kissed me," I tell Tobias and point towards the rocks by the chasm. We stare at it and he sighs.

"Sometimes I wish we could go back in time to the way it was before." Before. Before the war with Abnegation and Erudite that killed my mother and father and Will. Sometimes the grief hurts so bad that I can't breathe. But the guilt is even worse. The guilt is like a heavy blanket on top of me that weighs a ton and threatens to crush me on the days when I think of them and know I am responsible for their deaths. I don't tell Tobias any of this. I just wrap my arms around his waist and say," I believe the past and pain makes us stronger than we could ever be on our own." He nods and buries his face in my hair. What I don't tell him is that I'm not confident in my own words. I wish I could feel stronger after all Tobias and I went through; are still going through.

We don't say anymore.

I can't tell if our cheeks are wet because of the chasm or the tears.


	3. Candor

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters, factions, blah, blah, blah is all Veronica Roth's.**

**So now...Enjoy!**

* * *

"Okay, Zeke will go to the training room and show the Candor the guns and the Pire. Lauren you will show them the dormitory and Tris and Four will greet them and take them to the dining hall for dinner." Tori shuts the black notebook and glances at the rest of us surrounded around the table. "Any questions?"

No one says anything. She nods once and says," Good. Remember, we want them to come here so try to be approachable." I feel like she looks right at Tobias and I during her last sentence. Everyone leaves the room at the same time and goes to different positions. Tobias takes my hand as we cross the Pit on the way to the trains outside. "How are you today, Tris?"

"I'm fine," I lie. I was up every hour throwing up my guts into the toilet bowl. Tobias was sleeping hard last night, thankfully, because the last thing I wanted from him was him to coddle me right now. He doesn't question my reply and instead opens the door that leads outside to the tracks. The Candor aren't here yet but that's not surprising. They are walking because part of Dauntless training is to learn to get on and off a moving train. We wait for them for no more than ten minutes when we see them. They are loud but not Dauntless loud as they approach us. "Remember to avoid the net as much as possible."

"Okay," I say. They can't know about the net either because it would take out the scare tactic in falling from a twenty story building.

"Welcome to Dauntless," Tobias shouts over the students and instantly they fall silent. I have always admired that about Tobias; he has such authoritative quality about him.

"My name is Four and I will be your instructor along with Tris." He gestures to me and I smile at the group. "This, as you know, is the Dauntless compound. If you choose Dauntless as your faction, this will be your home."

"Is it true that the Abnegation faction is here too?" A girl in the back of the group asks.

Tobias nods once. "Yes. Until their faction is restored. "

"I heard you were a Stiff," A large boy says with a smirk. "You still a little s_tiff_, Four?"

I hear a couple of snickers and feel Tobias tense beside me. "What's your name," Tobias barks.

"Henry," the boy answers.

"Henry, if you choose Dauntless to be your faction, you should know that taunting is a sign of cowardice and is not looked upon kindly here. So if this is where you plan to stay, you better shape up real quick."

More snickers come from the group but this time it's directed at Henry not Tobias. Tobias turns back to the group as a whole. "When you walk inside, there will be three more leaders waiting to show you around." And with that Tobias opens the door and we file inside.

I take a quick count of the group and gather that there is about fifteen of them. About half of them will transfer to Dauntless I figure since the highest initiate rate comes from Candor. I smile to myself when I realize my Erudite side of my Divergence is kicking in. "Aren't you a little young to be an instructor?" a girl asks me as we are passing through the doors.

"A little," I admit. "But I know how to fight and I learn quickly."

She nods like she is processing the information.

"My name is Tris," I say.

"I know. I'm Iridescent but most people call me Iris."

We walk a little further until we get to the chasm. The Candor fall silent in either awe or fear. "This is pretty stupid," says a auburn haired boy by the railing. "I'm willing to bet you've had your handful of people either try to jump off for the fun of it or to commit suicide." I turn away feeling as if he punched me in the stomach. Al. Tobias glances at me and I see a question in his eyes: are you ok? I nod blinking back tears.

"We try to teach our Dauntless initiates that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy. Jumping off this would not be bravery; it would be just plain stupid. As for the suicide..." He looks at me and continues," We can only hope that it doesn't get to that point and try to prevent it as much as we possibly can."

A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly before any of the students see it. I'm not quick enough apparently because the red head boy says," Did you know someone who jumped?"

Tobias doesn't want to answer either because he's sick of the questions or doesn't want to upset me more so he turns away and leads the group towards the cafeteria full of the Abnegation.

They are silent as we come in not wanting to draw attention to themselves. The Candor are, however, whispering and making fun of the Abnegation probably loud enough for them to hear. I'm furious at the Candor. Maybe Abnegation's clothes are unflattering and maybe they are a little more reserved than the other factions but so what? They have done nothing to hurt any of the other factions yet they are the most picked on. Tobias must sense my tension because he clears his throat loudly and the whispering stops. "The Abnegation and Dauntless want to welcome you with a dinner that we made," I say to the Candor who are already eyeing the chocolate cake. Just then the Dauntless come barging in laughing and talking loudly. The Candor all turn to stare.

I love my faction for its bluntness and because they are brave and free. But there are parts of it that I'd love to tear apart. My Abnegation part of me says that the way they are acting is like they have close to no dignity. One of the couples are making out in the line and his hand is up her shirt. How intimate. I know Tobias feels the same way because we've talked about that before. We both hate public displays of affection and try to keep it to a minimal around other people unlike the other Dauntless couples who insist on this kind of behavior. The auburn haired boy starts smiling at the scene and one of the girls smacks him. "You're stupid, Gabe," the girl says and rolls her eyes.

"I didn't hear any objections from you, Delilah," Gabe snaps back.

"I'm sorry, Gabe, was I interrupting your boner?" Delilah spits back with a smirk.

The entire group laughs and I see even Tobias smiling. Delilah is definitely Dauntless. We file into a line behind the Dauntless members and grab our trays. I'm just about to grab a large portion of vegetable soup when my stomach twists. The tray clatters to the ground as I dart out of the cafeteria into the bathroom. Thankfully, no one is in there so see me vomit. On my second round, Tobias comes running in and when he sees me, he pulls my hair back from my face and waits for me to finish. When I do, I sit back on the wall and look at the ceiling, trembling. He slides over next to me and pulls me to his chest. I choke on my sob and Tobias notices. "You don't have to be strong here. It's just me."

I really do sob at that. I love him so much that it hurts but I can't even let myself go in front of him. I used to think crying was pathetic but now I see that holding back to make yourself look strong is just as pathetic. Sure, I need to be strong at times but when I'm alone with Tobias it should just crumple away. I guess I'm not as Dauntless as I'd like to be; it takes a certain amount of bravery to let yourself go when you've practiced in the art of holding yourself in for so long.

When we return to the dining room, the students are already on the chocolate cake. I smile to myself thinking about the other night when Tobias and I made the cake together. "What are you smiling about?"

I shrug, still smiling like a lunatic. "How good you tasted when we made that delicious cake together."

He laughs then puts a finger to my lips and says quietly," No one is supposed to know about the cake or me tasting so delicious."

I laugh then smack his arm playfully as we approach the table. "Your full of it, Four."

Delilah, Gabe, Henry and three other Candors I don't recognize sit at our end of the table while Iris and the rest are seated at the other end trying to talk over the noise in the cafeteria. "So did you really transfer here?" a girl with honey colored hair asks.

"Yes," I answer taking Tobias hand under the table. "We both did."

"I don't blame you," says a boy with black hair. "Abnegation is a strange faction."

"That's not very polite. You should respect that they came from Abnegation," a bleach blond girl says quietly. By looking at her shyness and persistence to be friendly, she looks like the perfect candidate for Amity. ,

"They left for a reason, Polly," The black haired boy says pointedly.

"You still shouldn't insult it, Joshua. It's rude."

Joshua snorts, clearly signaling that he is not wanting to continue the conversation. When the silence gets too uncomfortable, Tobias asks them their names. Polly, Joshua, Gabe, Henry, and Delilah are familiar but the rest are new. A girl with honey colored hair introduces herself as Jenna, another girl with carrot colored hair says her name is Zoe, and the shy boy who says he's twins with Polly says his name is Connor. He looks older than he actually is with the creases between his eyebrows and his carmel colored hair is falling loosely in curls. I can see the muscles bulging out of his shirt. He'd be good in the first stage of Dauntless with his obvious physical strength. Soon dinner is over and the students are being led by Lauren to the dorms. Tobias whispers in my ear as soon as they are out of earshot, "What do you want to do now?"

I smile and wink at him. "I have an idea."

He laughs and picks me up bridal style then carries me to the net. His shirt and mine are off before I fall into the same net that caught me so long ago and brought me into the arms of the same man who loves me now.

* * *

Afterwards, we lay there breathing heavily clinging to each other beneath a warm quilt staring at the stars. "That one is the big dipper," Tobias says and takes my hand into his own and guides it to connect the dots. I'm not looking at the stars, though. I'm looking at him. He's so beautiful with his shy smile and blue eyes and in this moment I can totally remember why I fell in love with him in the first place.

When he found out I was pregnant, I could see a slow change in him. He spent less time in the training room and more time with me watching old movies or baking supper together. Once I even found him reading a book about pregnancy called what to expect when you're expecting on his break in the control room. He's really excited about being a father, I can tell. We had a talk late one night after he woke from a nightmare where his father hit him with a belt. He told me in tears that he's never going to be his father. I believe him. The hatred for his father runs so long and deep that whenever someone mentions him, he tenses. Marcus had no right to abuse his son and whenever I think of it my hands shake with so much rage at the unfairness of it all.

I lean over and kiss his cheek spontaneously, my heart swelling. He stops in mid-sentence and smiles at me. "What was that for?"

"I just love you, "I say and snuggle next to him, laying my head right where his heart is. I hear it beating so steady and strong and have to stop myself from crying. I'm so glad Eric didn't end his life that same night that ended my parents' lives and Will. I think I would have lost it.

"I love you too," He says softly and kisses my nose. We lay there quietly for a while until he says, "Do you remember that movie about the loins? The one we found in the library?"

I nod. I think I like that one the best of all the old movies that we watched. The little lion, Simba I think his name was, was so sweet and I loved the way he grew up and found his way back home. I remember crying at the part where his dad died. "Yeah, I remember. Why?"

He shrugs. "I was just thinking about the part where Simba's dad tells him about the kings of the past being in the stars." Tobias looks at me and continues. "Do you think all of the people that left us are in the stars?" I look at the little blinking balls of light overhead.

"I think that this isn't it," I say. "I remember my mother telling me about someplace called Heaven. She used to read Caleb and I out of this book called the Bible. It said that if you followed these ten rules and had a relationship with this God you could get to that heaven. I believe in that. "

He lays his head on top of mine. "I'd like to believe that too," he says.

"I can show you sometime," I answer softly feeling my eyelids droop.

He kisses my forehead and I'm gone.

* * *

**A/N: I don't know when I'll upload next 'cause I'm singing in a lot of competitions this week but keep your fingers crossed! -Kel **


	4. Surprises

**A/N: Hey readers! Thanks so much to all of you for reviewing! This chapter is for you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Divergent. I do own, however, Delilah, Gabe, Henry, Iris, and all the other characters that are in this story but were not in Veronica Roth's book. I also own the plot and dialogue.**

**So without further ado...**

* * *

The days go by slowly but surely. We have rotated though all of the factions and now there is the waiting period before the choosing ceremony. I've seen over fifty students and learned a couple of names but only a few stick out. The few students from Candor, a small girl from Amity named Sarah, A bulky boy from Erudite that Tobias hates named Andy, and Jessy from Erudite. I remember them because I know that they will be a faction transfer. Maybe they won't transfer here but they will be leaving behind a faction and family behind somewhere.

I'm waiting on the couch for Tobias to give him two surprises. One is that the hospital is up and running again which means he has his apartment back and the other surprise is that I'm finally starting to show. I was overjoyed and wanted to tell him while we were in the training room but I thought that I'd save it for later when we could be alone.

I hear him twist the knob and him come in. "Tris," he says smiling looking at our feast laid out on the table. "What is all this?"

I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. "Well, you got your apartment back for starters."

He smiles. "Yeah, well, I kind of knew that when I got the keys from Tori."

"I know. I asked her to give them to you. But the other surprise is..." I lift up my shirt.

Tobias's jaw falls open and he kneels on the floor. "Oh my God. Our baby...it's growing."

He runs his hand along the bump carefully, like he doesn't want to hurt it. Awe crosses his face first then total love. "The book said you wouldn't show until you were ten weeks."

I shrug and smile."I guess that I'm showing a little early."

He rises then kisses me. I want him so badly to rip off my pants and t-shirt but instead I pull away and say,"No Tobias. I didn't cook and prepare this meal all day just to have you come in here and take me to bed."

"The meal can wait," he mumbles as he's kissing my neck. I want to cave but the baby wants those mashed potatoes so badly and I wouldn't mind having a taste myself.

"Come on Tobias," I say as I lead him to the table. "Our baby is hungry."

He reluctantly follows but brightens when he sees what's on the table. Mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, cornbread muffins, beans, watermelon, sliced ham, and an odd portion of scrambled eggs is what is laid out for us along the table. "Wow. Where did you find all this stuff?"

"I asked Tori for help. She said that the Amity would know a lot of stuff about the food but she just told me how to make it and what would go good with the ham. The eggs are just there 'cause they sounded good."

We sit down to eat and talk about our day together then we snuggle next to each other to watch another movie I found in the Dauntless Library. This one is about a mermaid with red-hair. We fall asleep before the movie is done but I don't sleep for long. I'm woken up by Tobias. He's got a death grip on my waist and he's not breathing. It's a nightmare.

"Tobias, wake up! Honey, it's a nightmare," I cry shaking him. I'm so scared he's not to breathe before he wakes up. I keep screaming and shaking him hoping that he'll start to breathe again. His lips are going blue when Lauren, Zeke, and Marcus burst in the room. They all stand there and stare until I scream,"Help him!"

Marcus is the only one who seems to snap out of out of the trance and he comes running over. He reaches Tobias and starts to shake him. "_Don't touch him!_" I shriek.

Zeke runs over and takes Marcus's place and he shakes him and yells,"Four! Four! Wake up!"

I'm shaking. He's going to die.

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**A/N: Muahahaha! I'm so mean leaving a cliff hanger and giving you this incredibly short chapter! Oh well! ;) I'll see what I get done today and maybe I'll upload it for you guys tonight if I feel like it's ready!**

**Review! Those little comments make my day! Thanks for reading everyone!**

**-Kellie**


	5. Choosing

**A/N: Hey reader! I'm very sorry that I didn't update last night! I was at a friend's and we lost track of time. But please don't be mad 'cause I have _two_ chapters ready for you all! **

**I'd love it if people review! It gets me really motivated! Speaking of which here is a special thanks to syreze, Fourtris-divergent, katysha, goddessofbooks2435, heycarmicheal, and all of the others who reviewed! You guys never fail to amaze me and your comments make my whole day! And now what you've all been waiting for...**

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But he doesn't. He wakes a few seconds later gasping. I start sobbing in relief. For a few minutes, all I can do is sob in relief.

"What happened?" Tobias asks.

"Y-you were having a-a nightmare and you weren't breathing," I say between sobbing. "I was so afraid you were-" I can't say it. I can't say he was seconds away from death. It would just be too real. He takes in who's in his apartment and he flinches ever so slightly when his eyes reach Marcus.

"What are you doing in here?" Tobias barks at Marcus.

"I'm sorry that I heard Beatrice screaming all the way down the hall," Marcus hisses. "I guess I could have ignored her and let you die."

"Like you care," Tobias snaps back.

With that Marcus leaves. After making sure we were going to be okay, Zeke and Lauren leave also. We're silent for a minute then I say," What was your nightmare about?"

"I was in a box. It kept getting smaller and smaller..." he shakes his head. "But then it stopped and I was in a room with you and our baby. A guy was there trying to force you and the baby into the water tank. I knew that if I let you go both of you would both die so I volunteered instead. It was so awful, Tris. I couldn't breathe." By now he's crying. "But I l saw you and the baby and I just couldn't..." I hold him tight in a hug. I can't console him. How can I when I have the same fear?

"I love you so much, Tobias."

I take his face in my hands and kiss him. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I whisper to him.

He kisses me again and presses his forehead to mine. "Not as much as I love you, Tris."

We smile at each other and for now, I can believe everything will be okay.

* * *

Today is the day. It's the day of the Choosing Ceremony. Dauntless leaders make their way to the control room to watch it all take place. Usually we'd be watching Abnegation's ceremony first but under the circumstances we had to make a few changes. They had their choosing ceremony last night but only two of them transferred to Dauntless. They will be taken by the tracks this morning and jump on the train that leads to the tower and jump. The rest stayed with Abnegation. So first we will be watching Amity's choosing ceremony. Everyone gathers around the large screen as Johanna, the leader of Amity, welcomes everyone. Then the ceremony begins. A boy is the first to walk up. He's sure in his steps as he places his blood in the Erudite bowl. Then his sister is more discreet as she chooses Abnegation. I'm thrown back in time to when Caleb and I chose different paths. I was so angry at him for leaving our parents and keeping that secret from me. Is that girl angry? Did she know? The rest of Amity goes by in a blur but no one transfers to Dauntless. Someone in the room utters a swear word.

The Candor are next. The first one is a boy named Freddie goes up and holds his hand out in front of him and let's his blood drip into the Amity bowl. A couple more go by before Delilah goes up to the stage. She's unsure but I don't know why. She belongs in Dauntless, I can feel it. I see her looking back and forth between the Candor and Dauntless bowl. Then it hits me. She's Divergent. She cuts herself and before she can think twice about it, she places her hand above the coals. Dauntless. Everyone in the room hoots and hollers. She's our first transfer. The second transfer is Gabe then following him is Henry, Jenna, Iris, Zoe and Connor. Connor's twin, Polly, takes the stage and looks at her brother in tears by the Dauntless. She puts her hand over the Amity bowl. The pain in Connor's eyes is immediate. He thought Polly was coming with him to Dauntless. Their mother is sobbing because she lost both of her children. Faction before blood.

We get one transfer from Erudite and then the Dauntless born are next. Almost all of them transfer to Amity or Candor except for five or six. There are murmurs of dissent throughout the room. Our Dauntless born numbers are usually around twenty or so and that's on a bad year. But this...this is really bad. But what can you expect when the Dauntless and Erudite were at war and hundreds of people died at the hands of our soldiers? I'm betting that Erudite's born initiates are low too considering that they were the mastermind of the plan.

Once it is all over, there's complete silence in the room. Then Zeke bangs his hand on the table making me jump. "What the hell?" he yells. "Those numbers are too low! We got, what, five Dauntless-born initiates?"

"What did you expect, Zeke?" Lauren shouts and throws her hands in the air. "We just killed off more than half of the Abnegation leaders and murdered their people. What person in their right mind would want to stay here?"

She's right. The factions are scared of Erudite and Dauntless. We murdered people. No one says anything until a little girl about the age of ten comes into the control room and says," They are almost here!"

We file out of the room in a hurry to get to the net.

Once we are there we wait and look up at the sky. Zeke elbows me and says," I bet you ten bucks the red head, Gabe, is going to be our first jumper."

"Fine," I say. "I bet you ten dollars that Iris is our first jumper."

"Deal," Zeke says and we shake hands.

"I bet both of you that your jumpers won't be first," Tobias says still looking at the sky.

"Well who do you bet will the first jumper then?" Zeke asks. Tobias doesn't answer right away.

After a few seconds he replies," I bet you that it will be Jenna."

"Jenna? But she's so small!" I exclaim.

He looks down at me and smiles. "I remember someone else who was small. But look at where she is now."

I beam at him then stand up on my tip-toes and press my lips to his. Someone yells get a room but that only makes me deepen the kiss. "Seriously," Zeke says laughing. "You guys need to get a room. I don't know about the rest of us here but I don't like watching you two make out."

Someone laughs and Tobias says, "Maybe you were cut out for Candor because you are a terrible liar."

Zeke laughs again and then we all look up to see our first jumper leap into the air.

* * *

**A/N: Just to let all of you know, all of those who reviewed my last chapter, you guys are so funny! All of you were so scared that I was going to kill off Four! I was laughing as I was reading reviews because I already knew what was going to always, review review review! After all, reviews= faster updates!**

**-Kellie**


	6. New Friends and Old Enemies

**A/N: Thanks for reading everybody! Here's the second chapter I promised. Two chapters in one day… you guys are lucky ducks! Anywho…**

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Jenna hits the net with her eyes closed. She slowly opens them and when she sees what she landed on she laughs almost hysterically. I help her out of the net and say, "Welcome to Dauntless, Jenna."

"Glad to be here," She says and beams.

Tobias yells," First jumper: Jenna!"

Everyone applauds and then to me and Zeke he says," Pay up." I dig into my pocket and give him ten dollars as does Zeke. "Wait," Jenna says as she takes in the scene. "You guys bet on who the first jumper would be?"

We nod and she smiles. "I think I like this place already."

The second jumper is Gabe then Delilah then the two Abnegation follow. Their real names are Alexander and Abigail but they introduce themselves as Xander and Abby. The rest of the jumpers jump fearlessly knowing that they'll be fine and soon we are at our last jumper which is Zoe.

I take in the group now that I can finally have a good look at them. There are eleven transfers and five Dauntless-born initiates. I can't believe the numbers for our Dauntless born but what can I do about it? Force all of the Dauntless-born initiates to join our faction? "I am your instructor, Four, along with my fiancé, Tris."

I blush as some of the Dauntless-born initiates make kissing noises. "Tris will take the Dauntless born initiates to the cafeteria and I will take the rest of you to your dorms." As they spilt up, I lean next to Tobias and tease, "Be nice, Four."

"You be careful," he says seriously. "I know how they can be daredevils."

"I will, I promise."

We kiss briefly and part separate ways.

I know most of the initiates this year from working in the kitchen and from training. The pretty brunette and blonde in the back of the line are twins and their names are Lyra and Athena. There are three other boys in the back and their names are Ace, Rex, and Jadon. All of them have tattoos of some sort and, at the minimal, one piercing. I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I grew up in Dauntless. Would I look like them or would I be like I am now? If one thing is for sure it's that my son or daughter will not get a tattoo until they are sixteen.

The cafeteria is crawling with Dauntless members eating lunch but when they see the new initiates, they hoot and holler and pound their fists on the table as a welcoming. The initiates love it and respond by shouting the Dauntless manifesto. Of course the members thrive on that and when they finish all the Dauntless rise and clap as loud as they can. We sit at a table that's right in the center on the room so that we are surrounded by Dauntless members.

As we are finishing off the marvelous chocolate cake, Tobias and the transfers come in. The hooting and hollering is even louder for them and I feel the rhythm of all those hands and voices in my body, vibrating every nerve. The transfers are awed at all the commotion and they should be. No other faction is quite as loud or fearless in Dauntless. Tobias smiles and leads the kids to a table that's three tables away from where I am. I really wanted him to sit by me but, of course, that's not possible because the Dauntless initiates and the transfers aren't allowed to interact together on the day of the Choosing Ceremony. I can't wait to see him tonight although because I want to ask him about how the transfers were adjusting to the change.

Soon enough, everyone is finished and Tobias and I escort the transfers and initiates to their rooms. The transfers are really worn out. Delilah, who usually had a smart comment for everything, looks like she wants to lay down and cry. Some, like Jenna, looks like they are going to fall over from exhaustion. And there are others who look really happy to be here like Gabe and Henry. "Training will start tomorrow," I say. "Be ready at six am in the training room." Tobias and I leave the room as they are getting ready for bed.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Tobias asks as we are walking back to his apartment. Normally we'd watch a movie or play a game but I feel like Jenna; I could drop from exhaustion. "Tobias," I say." Would it be ok if we just went to sleep tonight?"

He nodded then kissed my temple. We walked hand in hand a little further until we came to a corner and bumped right into the last person I wanted to see.

"Ah, Beatrice. Tobias. Just the two people I wanted to talk to," Marcus says with a light smile.

It doesn't suit him well.

"Actually," I say squeezing Tobias's hand." We are heading back to our room."

"But that is part of the problem," Marcus replies. " You see, I spoke with the remaining Abnegation leaders about your..." he pauses trying to find the right word. " sleeping arrangement and we have come to the conclusion that it is not allowed."

"Well this is Dauntless not Abnegation and you and your leaders have no say whatsoever in what we do," Tobias snaps back.

"But we are here as a guest," Marcus says pointedly. "This behavior will affect our members. What if they start thinking that it is okay to go in each other's bedrooms at night for their own pleasures?" I turn the color of an apple. "What if they start think it is okay for them to do that?" he waves a finger between us connecting Tobias and I. "You two were former members. Do not forget that."

His last words are for me. Tobias could care less about remembering his Abnegation past. But Marcus knows how my father would have reacted. He would have been disappointed. And that hurts more than anything.

I turn to Tobias. "Maybe we shouldn't sleep in the same room. Just until the wedding," I say.

"Well, Beatrice, your room is just down the hall," Marcus says leading me away from Tobias. I don't even get to say goodnight to him before Marcus opens up another door and I'm thrust inside. "There are groceries in the kitchen and sheets in the bathroom underneath the cupboard," he says." I appreciate you doing this."

"I wasn't doing it for you," I whisper barely audible.

When he leaves I sit on the couch, no longer feeling exhaustion but a achy loneliness for Tobias. I haven't slept without him next to me for a while now and in the morning Tobias always wakes me up to go to the kitchen before he runs off to training. The nightmares will come tonight, I can feel it, and I can't find the strength to turn the light off. My father would disapprove of my actions as I shrug on a robe over my clothes and head out the door.

I tiptoe all the way to Tobias's apartment, careful not to wake anyone as I make my way to my destination. I knock so softly I am sure he doesn't hear it but then he's there at the doorway staring at me. His hair is tousled suggesting that he had been running his hand though it and he has the same black t-shirt and sweatpants on that he normally does when he goes to sleep. I'm about to apologize for leaving with Marcus when I see that his bedding is perfect, like he hasn't slept in it since this morning. He had been waiting up for me.

"You knew I would come back," I say half accusing him.

He runs the back of his neck and smiles." I was _hoping_ you'd come."

With that I smile, wrap my arms round his neck, and pull him to me. We stand there for a long time just kissing and then we stumble into his apartment, laughing, although I'm not sure why. I put a hand over my mouth to try to stifle my laughter. But when Tobias utters a swear word as he trips over something, I can't hold it back anymore. I laugh really loud and hard. He tries to make me quiet down but I see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips and it only makes me laugh harder. We tumble into his couch and eventually calm down.

His hand and mine are placed over my stomach waiting. "Do you think the baby will move?" Tobias asks quietly as if a loud noise will ruin the moment. I wait a couple seconds longer then sigh. "I don't think so." I push his hands off my abdomen. I'm frustrated because I could have sworn this morning I felt the baby move but Tobias wasn't there to feel it. He must see the frustration on my face because he says, "You'll probably feel the baby move more often in the next week or so."

"Yeah," I sigh still feeling mad.

"Hey," He murmurs, his lips just brushing the tip of my ear.

"Hey, what?" I breathe.

"I love you."

I take his face in my hands and kiss him hard. He nudges my mouth open and slips his tongue in. I laugh softly and pull back. "We can't do this tonight." But it's a lie because I want to so bad and no one is stopping us. "I know," He says then sighs and, to much of my disappointment, he detaches himself from me entirely and walks over to the bed.

I go over to his drawers and pull out one of is baggy black shirts and change so that I'm more comfortable. He peels back the covers for me and I climb into bed with him. I scoot as close as I can to him and lay my head on his chest, sighing in contentment. His fingers absently make circles on my back as I say, "So tomorrow is the first day of training."

He nods. "They will practice with the guns like you did."

I shiver when I think of Tobias pressing his gun into Peter's temple. _Definitely_ not my fondest memory of him.

"Can you promise me something?" I ask.

"Hm?"

I tilt my head up slightly so I can see his face clearly. "Please try to be nice. I remember you scaring the living crap out of me."

He smiles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I can't promise anything. But I'll try."

I nod to give him my approval. His arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him just before I go under.

* * *

I wake up earlier than Tobias. He's still sound asleep when I peek at him from where I lay. He looks years younger when he's sleeping and so very innocent. I run my fingers through his hair once before I carefully push his arms and legs off of me so that I can go get ready.

I jump in the shower that's a little too cold for my liking but that's probably because all the transfers are scrambling to fit in a shower before they have to be in the training room.

My bump seems to have grown overnight but I'm probably imaging it. The baby is still very very small, only the size of a raspberry, but it's still mine. The thought makes me smile. Mine _and_ Tobias'. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we made a baby _together_.

I step out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me expecting him to still be sleeping. But Tobias is pulling a t-shirt over his bare chest while scarfing down a piece of toast. I must have been in the shower longer than I thought, I realize. "Honey, I'm sorry I forgot to make you breakfast," I say walking towards him. He shakes his head, his mouth still full of food. Finally, he swallows. "It's ok. I have to be heading off anyway."

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. Our lips meet and just like that I'm hungry for more than breakfast. I bite his lower lip and he sighs a little. He opens his mouth for me and I slip my tongue in, exploring. The towel is slipping but I make no move to retrieve it. Until I think of where Tobias needs to be right now. "Tobias," I say but it comes out more like a moan. He moves to kissing my bare shoulder, planting a delicate kiss on each bird. I could do this forever. "You're going to be late," I say into his ear.

"Mmm,"he says moving back up my neck.

"I'm serious, Tobias. You don't want to be late on their first day. It leaves a bad impression," I state but I don't really mean it. I could spend all day with him.

He ignores me and plants kisses like a trail leading to my mouth and he kisses me full on the lips. He's the first one to pull back. "Yeah, I know. I better get going," He says grabbing another toast from the toaster. "Did you let the kitchen know you won't be working until training is over?"

"Crap! I'll have to go over there after I get ready. Are you okay training the initiates alone for a bit?"

He nods. "I'll manage."

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."

He gives me a kiss on the cheek then turns to leave. I watch him open the door to go and blame it on the hormones or whatever but I reach for his wrist and pull a startled Tobias closer to me as I say, "Maybe you can be a little late." I dive in for kiss. We kiss for longer than we should and even though I don't want to, I am the one to pull back.

"Bye."

He continues to kiss my neck.

"_Tobias_," I warn.

"Okay, okay," he laughs." Bye, Tris."

He walks out and shuts the door behind him.

I make myself a toast, still wrapped in the towel, and eat it as I'm writing down a message for the kitchen. Crumbs keep getting on the paper so I'm wiping them off constantly which makes me irritated. On my third sentence in, I hear a knock at the door. I roll my eyes and set the pen on the counter. Tobias probably forgot his keys again. This is probably the fourth time this month alone. "Tobias," I call as I walk towards the door. "If you forgot your keys again, I'm going to..."

I open the door and am stunned into silence.

His hair is darker than it was and his skin is more tan. He has grown a little but he was always taller me. But his eyes are what really pull my attention. His dark mossy green ones locked on my pale blue ones.

I don't like it.

"Tris?" He asks in surprise. I didn't think anything would surprise him. But I was wrong.

I can't seem to find my voice but when I do it comes out in a rusty whisper.

"Peter?"

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**A/N: Review! The next chapter should be out in other two to three days if everything goes right! Keep your fingers crossed! -Kel **


	7. Words That Should Not Be Spoken

**A/N: Hey everybody! Thanks for giving my story over 30 reviews! You guys are so great! ****This chapter is probably my most favorite so far so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything in Divergent. Darn. I do, however, own all of the character's who were not in Divergent and the plot and dialogue.**

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We stare at each other for what seems like hours. His eyes explore my face first, like he can't believe how much I had changed even if he saw me just a few months ago. Then his eyes move south and he smirks. Heat rushes to my face when I remember all I'm wearing is a towel. I reposition the towel so that it is almost touching the hollow of my neck. "What are you doing here?" I snap at him.

"Someone is in a bad mood," Peter says back, looking amused with himself.

This only infuriates me and I hiss back,"Maybe next time you'll be more considerate on what time of day you'll come in." It's a weak argument but I couldn't think of anything else.

"Maybe you'll be more considerate and greet your guests with more than a towel on."

I redden.

"Where is Four?" he asks me and crosses his arms.

"Why do you want to know?"

He waves me off. "That's none of your business." His eyes catch my engagement ring as it reflects the light. I curl my hand into a fist, not wanting to share its delicate beauty with him even for a second.

A drip of water from my hair makes a mini river, a trail from my shoulder to my forearm like a slithering snake looking for a place to wrap its body around. I wonder what it would be like to curl up and just fall asleep whenever you wanted. The thought makes me want to crawl under the covers again but I can't; not when Peter is here.

"Where is Four?" He demands again putting his hand on the door.

I cross my arms like he did when he asked me the same question a few seconds ago and say," That's none of your business."

He snorts and puts pressure on the door so that it is sliding open. "Clever,Tris. Didn't know a Stiff could mock people. I thought it was self indulgent."

"You would know about being self indulgent, Peter," I say as if every word was like venom coming out of my mouth. "You've _never_ been anything but selfish."

"Interesting theory but I came to talk to Four not about self-indulgence."

"He's not here," I say trying to close the door on him. Instead he opens in further.

"Where is he then?" He's trying to contain his temper. The thought of me being the source of his aggravation is strangely hilarious and I have to choke down a laugh. I don't answer his question.

"Well, I guess I'll make myself at home then while I wait for him," He says flippantly as he pushes me out of the way and crosses the threshold on his way to the couch.

"This isn't _your_ home," I snap.

"It's not _yours_ either," Peter says and sits himself on the couch. I want to leave claw marks on his cheek bones that run deep and long but I can't. Not in a towel anyway.

I go into the guest bedroom and quickly change into a black t-shirt and pants. I throw over a sweatshirt for good measure because the last thing I want to be around Peter is to be exposed.

When I renter the living room, he's faced away from me hunched over the coffee table holding something. When I get close enough to see what he is holding, I see that it's a glass of water. His slender fingers of both hands are curled around either side of the cylinder tightly and I'm waiting for the glass to shatter. I remember for a brief horrifying second that that was the position of his fingers so long ago on my neck as he held me over the chasm. I push away the thought.

"Why are you here,Peter?" I ask as nice as I possibly can with murdous thoughts running through my head. He's supposed to be in Amity, at the compound. Dauntless was supposed to exile him for treason. Did they? Or did he leave on his own terms?

"Like I said before it's none of your business,Beatrice."

The way he says my name is like he's using it as an insult. I know because when I'm mad at Tobias I use his nickname against him like a weapon. He knows that was my Abegnation name; He knows that my parents and Will died in the war that had no effect on him.

He knows that using my name, my given name, can reopen wounds.

I slam my fist down on the coffee table so hard and fast that I upset the glass of water and it pours all over the carpet. Peter stares at me like he didn't know I had it in me. But there's a lot about me he doesn't know. "Either you can tell me yourself what's going on or I can find out from my fiancé," I say looking him in the eye. "I'd rather hear it from you."

He gently sets his hands down in the pool of water making a few drops leak from the table onto the carpet but he doesn't acknowledge them. He doesn't even break eye contact or wipe the smirk off his face when he says,"Your fiancé invited me to the wedding."

* * *

**A/N: Oh boy. Trouble in the neighborhood! Peter has to ruin everything doesn't he? **

**Thanks for reading and review! The next chapter should be up in a couple of days! I've already started working on it! Until then!**

**-Kel**


	8. Darker Days

**A/N: Hey everyone! So as promised here is the new chapter for you guys! Thanks for reviewing everybody and getting me FORTY reviews so early on in my story! You guys make me smile. :) It only seems fair that I have to credit these songs for helping me push through the chapter as well. So thanks to these songs:**

**-Someone like you by Safetysuit**

**-Annie by Safetysuit**

**-You by Chris young**

**-Til' the casket drops by ZZ ward**

**-Things people say by lady antebellum**

**-Wine after Whiskey by Carrie Underwood**

**-Abraham's Daughter by Arcade Fire**

**-Kingdom come by The Civil Wars**

**-Angel Eyes by Love and Theft**

**-Call me by Shinedown**

**-Wanted You More by Lady Antebellum**

**And the song that inspired the title: Dark Days by the Punch Brothers.**

**I have been motived enough to write this chapter! I recommend listening to at least two of them (especially Dark Days) before reading the chapter to set the mood. And now...**

* * *

Four

"Bring back and exhale." I bring her arm back and propel it forward when I say," Release."

The knife lands on the second ring from the center. Delilah smirks and she looks at me her blue eyes full of pride. Her hair is raven black, something uncommon for a Candor. She's well-liked by all the boys because of her fiery attitude and her apparent physical and emotional strength. I see out of the corner of my eye Gabe smiling at Delilah, proud for her. "Well done, Delilah," I say as I lay a hand on her shoulder. "You'll be deadly in a fight if you work on your aim."

She smiles again and flings another knife onto the board. This one lands in the center.

I shake my head at her, smile, and move down the aisle helping this kid or that kid with his or her throw and technique. Even though I'm encouraging and smiling, I'm starting to worry about Tris. She just went to deliver a note to the kitchen and I'm fairly sure it wouldn't take that long to hand a note over. Even if she ran into Christina and had a conversation it wouldn't take this long. Maybe something happened at the apartment. I feel myself stiffen as I think of Tris in pain or crying. She was late for training one day a couple of months ago and when I went back to the apartment to check on her she was clutching a little stick and sobbing into my shirt telling me that I was going to be a father. _Where could she be?_ As if on cue, she walks through the door. I leave my student and go over to her and envelop her in a hug. She stiffens at first but then relaxes into me. I notice that her face has taken on her contemplating mask. Her eyebrows are furrowed together and the corners of her mouth are slightly tilted downward as if she is fighting an internal war. "Hey, is something wrong?" I ask tilting her chin up so that I can see her face.

She looks at me, her eyes clouded, making it impossible to read what she isn't telling me. Then she shakes her head and smiles even though it is stiff and looks like a grimace. "Nothing is wrong. I'm just a little tired."

That puts me at ease. Tris has been tired for a while now and I can see it has taken a toll on her. But that is because of the baby and it is much easier to hear that than to hear that she is in pain. I smile at her and she kisses me on the lips, teasing me by running her tongue on my bottom lip. She pulls away and faces the initiates who are still throwing knifes at the boards and talking amongst themselves. "So who do you think is going to be the top transfer this year?" Tris asks me sliding her hands around my waist.

I take in the initiates performance and personalities then after a couple minutes of thinking I say, "I think Delilah, Gabe, Connor, or Henry will come out at the top."

She's quiet, processing the opinion I gave her and forming an opinion of her own. I wait for her to state her opinion but all she whispers is, "Delilah is divergent."

"I know," I sigh and it's true; I have known from the moment I met Delilah that she was divergent. Always daring but also always so very blunt and honest. Two parts of one person that were undoubtedly equal. Divergent.

Tris and I are silent for a moment and then she says, "I think Connor will be at the top for the first stage."

She's probably right and I agree with her because I have been the same thing all along. He's strong enough to take someone down easily in a fight and his aim for knifes is fairly good. Tris leaves me and walks over to Zoe who can't hit the board for anything.

The hour goes fast with Tris and I teaching the initiates different ways to throw knifes. Soon I am getting to my favorite part of the first stage of training.

"Okay," I say, picking up a pistol from the table. "Now each of you will learn how to fire a loaded gun."

I face the target in front of me and load the gun. The students back out of the way and get behind me along with Tris who has a pained expression on her face. She still can't shoot a gun. Not after what happened to Will. At first when I found out, I was angry and hurt because I lost one of my former students but then I realized that Tris was only doing what she had to do to survive. I don't blame her; I would have done the same. What she doesn't know is that when I see her holding a gun in her hands aiming at a target, all I can think is one question: Is that the way she looked when she shot Will? It's awful, I know, and I know that she wouldn't hold something like that against me which makes me feel even worse. But we are getting through it. No that's not it. It's more like we are getting _past_ it. Because some things can't be left behind or forgotten. But they can be forgiven.

* * *

Tris 

I get behind Tobias with the other students. Zoe and Jenna are pressed on either side of me, looking at Tobias with the same respect I had when I was in initiation. Tobias picks up the gun with extreme expertise like he's been doing this for years and it doesn't bother him a bit. But I know him. I can see the little shake to his hands as he places his pointer finger on the trigger. If any of the other initiates can see what I see, they'd call him a coward. But I know better because they haven't been through half of the things he's been through. I haven't been through have of the things he has been through. He told me once that one night when he was twelve, Marcus held a loaded gun to his head. Marcus threatened his _life_. He also told me that when he fires a gun, he thinks of that day.

"...now you want to take your aim," Tobias says still looking at the target. "Remember to keep _both_ eyes open otherwise your aim won't be as accurate."

He lowers one eye and shoots.

The sound echoes off the walls and a few of the initiates jump. The bullet landed on the outer circle. This time, Tobias leaves both eyes open and fires. It punctures the target perfectly with the bullet hitting dead center in the red circle. "Now, each of you pick up a gun from the table and begin shooting at the target."

Abby looks at him horrified. "But someone could get hurt!"

"The bullets are blanks, Abby," Tobias explains to her in a dull tone. "Begin shooting."

I watch Abby as she lifts the gun shakily to the target and shoots. The impact makes her step back and she misses the target. Xander, who is her boyfriend and the other transfer from Abnegation, helps her keep the gun steady and soon she is able to stand still as she fires. The best shooter is Gabe who hits somewhere between the eighth and ninth ring at every shot. The worst is Zoe who keeps whimpering with every shot like she is hurting the target board. But what really gets to me is Henry and some of the other boys pretending that they are shooting at one another. After ten minutes of it, I've had enough.

"Henry!" I snap as I briskly walk over to him.

The other students stop talking and watch the scene. He looks up at me with the gun in his left hand.

"Yes, Tris?" He asks smiling like I had just yelled at him for sticking gum under a chair. Like he is the superior one over me because I am small.

"Are you holding a gun?"

He looks at me like I've lost my mind. "Yes...?"

"Act like it. Do not act like this is a game." I take him by his collar and bring him so close to me that I can see the tiny flakes of green that are in his eyes and say," This. Is not. A game. "

I let him go with a little push. I face the other boys who are smirking at the scene. "Any of you who treat this exercise like a game will be put up against the target board and have _real_ bullets shot at you. Got it?"

They nodded, all the teasing gone out of their eyes. I walk away and take my place next to Tobias who is sitting on the table and taking notes on the students. When I look up see his face, I realize he is trying to suppress a smile.

"What are you smiling at, Tobias?" I ask as the sides of my mouth turn downward. He looks at me, smiles and says while leaning back onto his elbows," Well, I remember someone telling me last night that I should try to be nice to the initiates but I don't think that I was the one to be worried about."

I slap his bicep hard and he laughs and because the sound of his laugh is so sweet, I smile.

"You are ridiculous," I say half-joking.

"But I love you," He says into my hair. I turn to my right to face him and when I do our faces are less then six inches away. I do love him, but I'm also confused on why he invited Peter to the wedding. Why would he invite the man who assaulted me and stabbed Edward in the eye with a fork to our _wedding_? I want to ask him here and now but it's not the right time or place with eleven transfers looking on. So instead I peck him on the cheek and say nonchalantly, "I know."

He smiles at me and shakes his head. "You're a piece of work, you know that, right?"

I smile and playfully tap my chin while I say, "Gosh, you know I think I put that in job description..."

He nudges me playfully and I can't help but giggle at him and feel really happy. I'm in love with my job, I'm having a baby with the man I'm getting married to in a couple of weeks, and my seventeenth birthday is coming up soon. Nothing could ruin my happiness right now. I wish I could just freeze this moment and relive it over and over for the rest of my life. I love the entire world.

"Tobias," I say as I close my eyes and copy him by leaning back on the table.

"Hm?"

"What do you say about taking initiates on a picnic today?"

He turns to look at me. "Tris, they still have the afternoon session of training."

"I know but what if they agreed to substitute their afternoon training for their free time for the picnic?"

He thought for a minute. "Yeah, I guess. We'd have to run it by the transfers first."

"Run what by us?" Xander says then reddens because he realized that he was prying for his own curiosity. Then he realizes that he's in Dauntless and curiosity is fine, here and smiles confidently. I decide not to rule out Xander of Dauntless just yet. He'll be just fine after he gets used to the lifestyle.

"Well, Tris wanted to know if all of you would like to go on a picnic after lunch."

The others joined in on our conversation and some like Abby and Jenna quickly agree to the idea while others like Gabe and Henry resist. "It's not very logical to go on a picnic after lunch," the erudite girl voices while crossing her arms. I think her name is Viola.

"I just think it's stupid to go on a picnic in general," Gabe says.

"Well those who want to come can and the others can stay with Zeke and train with him."

They quickly divide and only seven initiates are going on the picnic. Tobias tells them that they have to switch their free time for training if they want to come and they agree.

The bell for lunch rings and we file out of the training room. No, scratch that. Tobias and I start running out the doors and the rest of the initiates follow running after us, some on piggy back and whooping and hollering. The loudest one is surprisingly Abby who is on the back of Xander. I laugh as I run towards the doors of the cafeteria and push them open with a bang. The Dauntless think nothing of our dramatic entrance and don't even glance at us as we stride into the cafeteria trying to catch our breath. The initiates, however, think that this is great and I see awe on some of the faces.

After we have been served our lunch, the initiates split up into their own groups. Dauntless isn't cliquey or anything like that but there are certain people you just don't want to associate with just like any other faction. Tobias and I head off to our table which is already holding Zeke, Lauren, Christina, Uriah, Marlene, and Lynn. Just as I sit down next to Uriah, Tobias kisses me on the temple and says, "I'll see you at the picnic."

I turn around to face him. "Where are you going now?"

"I have to do some extra work in the control room."

I nod. After the war a lot of the cameras were ruined and the security in Dauntless dwindled into almost nothing. Tobias and some of the smarter Abnegation and Dauntless members are trying to obtain what we had before but it's slow and hard process. Most nights he's in the control room trying to fix this or that and I wait up for him until he comes back to the apartment. I'm not bitter or anything about it because I know it has to be done but I miss spending more time with him. I tell myself that after the baby is born and the security is at higher level I can have him all to myself.

I kiss Tobias and the cheek and say, "Okay. See you."

"See you," he replies and walks out of the cafeteria.

"You're so lucky," Christina says while pushing around the lettuce on her plate.

"Why?" I ask.

"You going to have the most perfect wedding with the most perfect guy," she sighs. Uriah coughs pointedly. She rolls her eyes and elbows him in the ribs jokingly. "You know I love you, Uriah. It's just..." she gestures to me and says," look at her. She's practically glowing!"

I blush and stare down at my hamburger.

"Speaking of glowing," Zeke pipes up, "those light bulbs need to be replaced in the kitchen. I heard Lynn cursing in there yesterday."

"You would be too if you couldn't see a damn thing," Lynn snaps back and goes on a rant about how Dauntless doesn't care about efficiency. I glance at Zeke and mouth him a silent thank you and he nods once in return. I hate attention and people bragging about me; my Abnegation side shows more than I want it to. Marlene makes a joke about Lynn not being able to see anyway and Lynn smacks her so hard I swear the people in Amity compound hear it. The rest of the people at our table try to suppress our laughter as Marlene and Lynn tease each other. The Abnegation walk in and I would have missed them if I didn't catch them out of the corner of my eye. They are so quiet as they make their way through the line. Even the children are well behaved and are well practiced in making themselves invisible. Except for one little girl.

Rye seems to bounce on her feet as she thanks the cook with her chirpy voice and the cook smiles. Her genuine happy girlish nature and willingness to please anyone and everyone is just two of the things I love about her. I hope Abnegation doesn't tamper with her fire because it's beautiful. "Tris!" she says and makes her way over to me with confidence. "Hi, Rye. How are you?" I ask politely as she sits beside me.

"Very well, thank you," she says as she unfolds her napkin and places it in her lap. It amazes me every time I talk to her how old she sounds for an eight year old when she speaks. "So," I whisper and lean a little bit closer to my right to that my lips touch her golden colored hair when I say," did you do what I told you to?"

She nods and reaches into a little bag she brought with her and pulls out a children's book. _Green Eggs and Ham_. The book is strange, I have to admit, and the Erudites who run the Erudite library didn't want it because they didn't think the book was logical and pertained to learning useful information. So they gave it to the Dauntless library which never gets used because the kids are too busy running along the pit or making tightropes to balance on to pay attention to books. But Rye, however, loved to read and learn new things and I brought her to the library whenever I could. Her parents would disapprove if they knew because it is against the rules of Abnegation to learn things for your own interest. I knew that Rye would transfer to Erudite one day. As much as I despise them, Rye belongs in a library with thousands and thousands of books and so much information that she couldn't possibly learn it all in one lifetime. I smile a little at the gleam in her eye of reading this new book and say, "After dinner you can come to Four's apartment and we'll read it together, okay?"

She nods eagerly and I can tell that she's going to be way too excited to for the rest of the day. "Rye, you have to eat and do what your mom and dad tell you to do though for the rest of the day otherwise I won't read to you."

She nods and immediately starts eating the applesauce on her plate.

"Where's Four?" she asks frowning a little at not seeing him and her blue eyes begin to search the other tables. The sight of it makes me smile. Rye likes spending with me but she knows Tobias will do all the things the Dauntless children do and Rye is totally interested in that. Tobias and her have this bond I still can't figure out.

"He's not here," I say and instantly regret it when I see her face drop. "But he'll be there when you come to read with me tonight," I finish quickly.

That sets off a smile and I smile back, unable to help myself.

After I finish my hamburger and applesauce, I take the book from Rye and get up to leave. But that's as far as I get. I double over the table clutching my stomach and try to remember how to breathe. Caleb and I played baseball with some of the littler children when we were younger to teach them how to play. Once, I was the catcher and he was batting and when he swung the bat backward, it connected with my stomach hard. That pain seems minimal to me now and I remember crying for three hours after the matter. My knuckles turn an unnatural white as I grip the table for sanity.

"Tris?" Zeke says and gets out of his chair. His face is full of worry and concern but I only see it for a second because I snap my eyes shut as another wave of pain comes over me. This time I scream out startling Rye and making a few of other tables glance our way. For the first time in my life, I could care less if I'm catching attention. "Tris?" Christina says while laying a hand on my back and I don't think I remember her getting up and coming to my side.

"Tobias," I manage to get out. "Get him."

Christina looks at me confused. "Tobias? Who's Tobias?"

Another wave of pain hits me like a ton of bricks. This time I feel like someone is pulling out my insides. I scream again gaining myself more attention. "Four!" I cry. "Get Four!"

She understands and rushes out of the room to get to the control room as fasts she can.

I glance at Rye and see that her face has drained of any color. I feel awful for scaring her. "Rye, it's okay. I'm-" I grit my teeth together to stop the scream that is fighting to get out of my throat. She backs away from me and runs toward her mother who is seated at the other end of the room looking at me terrified. I start to cry because the pain is so awful and I wonder if this is what dying feels like.

Tobias and Christina arrive a few minutes later and he rushes over to me. "Tris?" He sounds panicky, something I have never heard before and I don't like it. "Tris? Tr- Oh my God." I open my eyes to him and he is as white as a sheet. Before I ask him what is making him tremble, I look down and see fresh blood staining the floor. Then it all goes black.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear from you and I LOVE seeing your reactions and theories to the story. Next chapter should be up by the end of the week at the latest.**

**-Kel**

**P.s. I think I've finally got some solid ideas and have a path for this story, so just you wait to see what I have in store for you lovely readers! **

**Adios!**


	9. The Weight of Water Droplets

**A/N: This chapter will be in Four's POV because I felt like I really wanted to explore Tobias feelings and emotions a bit more and I couldn't really do that without getting inside his head. Thanks to TheOMGBecky for pointing out that Edward was stabbed in the eye with a butter knife _not_ a fork. I literally slapped my forehead when I saw that! I wonder why I thought it was a fork... Anywho, Happy reading!**

* * *

Tobias

"Get her to the infirmary!" I scream as Tris slumps into my chest, her eyes roll back and I'm afraid. I hook my arms around her knees and press her to my chest as Christina shouts over to Marcus to inform the infirmary that Tris is coming as an emergency patient. I'd rather have anyone else but what choice do I have? I try to wake her up but I know it's futile. I saw the amount of blood on the floor of the cafeteria and I know that when a blood loss reaches a certain amount there is no going back. She's almost at that point.

I burst into the infirmary and start screaming orders at people. They all look at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am. A male doctor who can't be older than twenty five lifts Tris off of my chest into his arms. He sets her down on a rolling bed and immediately an oxygen mask is placed on her face helping her breathe. I don't like seeing her this helpless, this weak. It makes ME weak.

I start to follow the team of doctors and hold Tris' hand as they rush down a long hallway shouting orders. They lead her into a room and I follow only to have a small girl doctor push me out saying, "You cannot be in here at this time."

I stand at the door stubbornly, sizing her up. She has to be at least six years younger than I am and probably couldn't tip the scale at seventy pounds. I could easily push past her and get to Tris but in the end I only nod. She leads me out into the waiting area and seats me in a dark green chair. She asks me if I'd like anything to eat or drink but I shake my head and thank her. She takes me in once more and then crouches down and takes my hands in hers and looks me in the eye. "I'm sorry," She whispers fiercely. It is as if she believes Tris is already gone. I refuse to accept defeat.

I remove my hands from hers, run a through my hair, and shake my head. I have never cried in front of anyone but my father and Tris before but yet I find tears welling in my eyes as I plead, "Please save her."

She stares at me for a few moments longer then gets up and leaves me with me with my head in my heads and all of my strength falling in small water droplets leaking into the blood red carpet.

* * *

I sit for hours watching the water leak from the ceiling. I counted the water droplets for a while until I lost count. I begin again because I don't know what else to do besides make myself sick with worry.

_Drip._

Marcus walks in and I focus my attention on the next droplet. It waits, then finally when the load gets too heavy, it drops.

_Drip_

I wonder if mentally deranged people start out this way; the load is fine until that one thing comes crashes down and crushes you to pieces. Or maybe it just carries you down with it.

_Drip._

I can't lose her. I can't.

_Drip._

Marcus sits down beside me and I resist the urge to smash my fist into his nose. I probably couldn't anyway; I feel like the load is already too heavy and it's dragging me down.

_Drip._

"How is she?" He asks after a couple of awkward minutes.

"You can cut the act, Marcus," I say, my voice void of any emotion. "We both know you don't care."

"You do not get to decide my feelings, Tobias."

"Then don't go parading around acting like you care about her and anyone else who was unfortunate enough to cross paths with you when really you don't give a damn."

That shuts him up but it's not because he realizes I'm accurate in my accusation. It's not even because he actually cares about Tris. It's because he's required to leave my feelings alone because he is the head leader of Abnegation and it would be incredibly selfish to try to change my personal thoughts about him.

_Drip._

A few more minutes pass before he speaks again. "Did you know I promised her father I'd take care of her?"

"Is that supposed to make me like you better?" I hiss. "Well, it doesn't. I was taking care of her just fine without your help."

Marcus sighs. "I know she is pregnant with your child. I know that you haven't been exactly _careful_ in your inappropriate pleasures."

"Oh, now you're spying on us in our _bedroom_?" I shout angrily then shake my head. All the fire, the hate, just evaporated. I wasn't here to fight with my excuse of a father. I pinch the bridge of my nose and say," You have no right to be here."

"This doesn't concern you, Tobias. This was between me and her father and I will not break his wishes."

"It does concern me when you are intruding on my private life with my fiancé!"

A nurse knocks on the door before peeking through. She stares at us and our hostile expressions before timidly asking, "Is everything all right in here?"

We glare each other for a few seconds longer until I say, "Yes, everything is fine. Marcus was just leaving."

He stares at me, most likely weighing his options, and decides he should leave. He follows the nurse out the door and the door clicks at the same time another droplet leaks from the ceiling.

_Drip._

* * *

The male doctor comes in a few minutes later and I sit straight up in my seat, my tongue ready with questions when he says,"Tris is going to be fine."

I slump back into my seat and exhale, relieved beyond words. I send a silent thank you up to God for letting me keep her. But then another thought hits me, my respite only short lived, and before I ask my next question, I see the look of pity on the doctor's face and I already know. "Oh my God," I say weakly and let my hands fall into my hands. I began to cry.

"Tris lost a lot of blood. We were worried we had to begin surgery to remove her reproductive system but fortunately the bleeding stopped before it came to the point where the loss of blood would become fatal." He laid a hand on my knee. "Unfortunately, Tobias, Tris had a miscarriage."

I lift my head up out of my hands and lean my head back against the wall. _Our baby._

"She had an inevitable or incomplete miscarriage and in that miscarriage, there was a rupture of the membranes which caused the severe bleeding. Before I came to tell you what had happened, our team of doctors collected the tissue of the fetus to determine what went wrong. However, the results were inconclusive. Anything could have gone wrong but it is important that you and Tris know that these things can happen for no reason."

I look him in the eye and say, "Does Tris know?"

He nods. "Tris is going to need a lot of support right now."

I nod and exhale shakily.

"You can try again in six weeks if both of you want to," The doctor says while getting up. "Tris has been asking for you. I can tell her you were unable to reach if you need some time alone."

I shake my head. I won't lie to her. She's been through enough today without having to worry about me.

"I thought you might say that," the doctor says and leads me out of the waiting room. "She's in room 617. I will go alert the staff assigned to her room that you have requested to see her."

"Thank you."

He nods and leaves me with an I'm sorry. I walk down the halls and somehow I get to her door, 617. It's closed and right now, opening that door would be the hardest thing I have ever done. My head leans against the door and I close my eyes. Our baby is just...gone. Just disappeared. It wasn't supposed to go like this. We were supposed to watch our child grow inside her and talk to him late at night and then finally bring our child into the world together. Not like this. Never once had I pictured losing our child before we ever got to hold him or her.

I take a deep breath. Tris needs me to be her instructor right now. I need to be strong for her. I open the door quickly before I change my mind.

Tris lays upright in the bed looking at the wall, her face not seeing me but the poster of a laughing mother with her hands on her protruding stomach. The words, cherish life, are written on the bottom of the paper. It's like it's mocking us and our dead child that would never see its parents. "Tris?" I say and she turns toward me.

"Tobias," she says but her voice catches on end and she begins to sob as she lowers her face into the palms of her hands. I hurry over and crush her with a hug, like I'm trying to squeeze all the pain out of her.

"Tris." Her name causes me to tear up again. _I have to be strong._

But I can't.

Our tears mix together as we sob.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," She sobs over and over again. And I should have something to say, something comforting or even a promise of more children in the future. But I don't. I hold her and rock her back and forth on the bed as yet another water droplet leaks from my eyes, the weight of the world and the loss of a child breaking me, yet another thing to add to my already heavy load.

_Drip._

* * *

**A/N: So in case you are confused with the whole water droplet thing, here is an explanation: Tobias is stressed out and has had many burdens in his life (Marcus abusing him, his mother leaving him, etc.) and feels like if he loses his child or Tris, that burden would only grow heavier and heavier until he would crack. The same thing counts for the water droplet; when the water droplet gets too heavy, it drops. Hope that cleared up some confusion. :) And I know a lot a readers did not want the miscarriage to happen but if everything was just fine and dandy all the time with the couple that really wouldn't be very realistic.**

**Next chapter should be out soon but I have a lot of singing stuff going on this week and volleyball tryouts are in a month so I will be training so be lenient with me!**

**Whew. That was a long author's note! Haha see you soon!**

**-Kel**


	10. Green Eggs and Ham with a Side of Cake

**A/N: Hello all. :) Thanks for reviewing and reading my last chapter. I commend all of you who are still reading even though you may be frustrated with the loss of the baby. I got a lot of messages asking why the miscarriage happened. Well, I have a lot of reasons but if I gave some of those away, it would ruin the story. So here is one of the bigger reasons: If the couple had things go fine and dandy all the time, how realistic would that be? Even in Insurgent, they fight all the time! I can promise you that if you keep on reading it will get better. Keep in mind: Things have to get worse in order to get better. Oh and by the way I got a comment about how I am coping Rosemarie Prior's Ever After, and I can assure you that I am not because:**

**1. I gave her the miscarriage idea along with many other readers and it was by chance that she happened to use it.**

**2. Before I started working on my story in early May, I wrote out all my ideas and what I wanted to happen to my characters and she started writing in early June. So I have had these ideas long before I even read her brilliant story.**

**3. I respect other people's work and will not copy anything they do or say because that would be unfair to the author and I wouldn't feel as proud of my work if it was copied in any way.**

**Sorry for all of you who just want to read the story.**

**I'll shut up now. (:**

***Disclaimer****: I don't own the book Divergent or Green Eggs and Ham.***

* * *

Tris 

I lay in Tobias's bed at his apartment staring at the soup he brought me three hours ago. It's my favorite kind, the tomato soup with a bit of basil mixed in, but I can't find the strength to even lift my head off the pillow. It doesn't matter anyway. The soup is probably cold now but I still feel guilty for wasting it when it could have gone to another person who would have actually ate it. When I lost the baby a week ago, the food supply in Dauntless had dwindled down to almost nothing. Amity, our food supplier, has been having some growing difficulties with their food. Johanna, the head of Amity, told Lauren that the compound has been in a frantic trying to get the water system to work before all the trees and crops dry out. So all the factions are at a standstill with food but the other factions probably stored their extra preservatives somewhere in a basement whereas Dauntless has nowhere to put more food except for a tiny pantry in the kitchen which holds very little. But thing that is really getting on people's nerves is the lack of cake batter. The Dauntless like their cake and now with the threat of it being almost they want it even more. It's stupid. Can't we deal without having cake?

I pick at the thread on my shirt, still staring at the soup. I wonder when Tobias will be back to pick it up. He used to come by every hour but now he only comes by every meal because the initiates have to get past the first stage in initiation and, with everything that has been going on, they are behind. They are frustrated with everything going on and something tells me Four has not been very amiable with them lately. He's just stricken with grief, frustrated, and confused with everything. Who wouldn't be? I hear him crying at night when he thinks I'm asleep. He's trying to keep in good spirits around me when I'm awake though, talking about the wedding and how good the initiates are doing. It breaks my heart. But the thing that really got to me was when I walked into the baby's nursery yesterday and saw that he cleaned everything out. It made it real that the baby was really gone. I climbed into bed after that and so far, I haven't gotten out.

I hear a knock at the door. Rolling my eyes, I pull the covers higher over my head. Tobias and his stupid keys again. He's going to have to go get the spare key he gave to Zeke. I just don't have the strength to get up right now. But someone comes barging in anyway.

"Tris?"

It's Christina. I don't want to see her but at the same time I just want to talk about normal things like make-up or boys instead of the next doctor's appointment or how much weight I've lost.

"In here, Christina," I say and sit up in the bed, attempting to smooth out my matted hair.

She peeks around the corner and smiles slightly.

"Hey."

"Hey. How are you?"

I shrug. Her smile only falters for a second then brightens when she says, "I brought you a visitor."

She steps out of the way and I see a very shy Rye smiling at me. I sum up the strength to smile back at her and say, "Rye. What book do you have?"

She holds it up. It's the same one she had before in the cafeteria. I don't want to read it because it reminds me of the day that I lost the baby but I invite her up on my bed anyway.

"Did you read anything yet?" I ask as she crawls up on my bed.

"No but I looked at the pictures," she says and lays her head on my shoulder.

I opened up the book and began to read to her as Christina backs out of the room and enters the kitchen.

_I am Sam_

_I am Sam_

_Sam I am_

_That Sam-I-am_

_That Sam-I-am!_

_I do not like_

_that Sam-I-am_

_Do you like_

_green eggs and ham?_

_I do not like them,_

_Sam-I-am._

_I do not like_

_green eggs and ham._

_Would you like them_

_Here or there?_

_I would not like them_

_here or there._

_I would not like them_

_anywhere._

_I do not like_

_green eggs and ham._

_I do not like them,_

_Sam-I-am._

_Would you like them_

_in a house?_

_Would you like them_

_with a mouse?_

_I do not like them_

_in a house._

_I do not like them_

_with a mouse._

_I do not like them_

_here or there._

_I do not like th-_

"My mommy says that you are sad," Rye says, interrupting me. "She told me not to come here because I would make you sadder but I told her that I could make you happy again."

She wiggles closer to me and presses her head into my neck. "Am I making you happy yet?"

I smiled. She may be smart and longing for knowledge but there will always be a bit of Abnegation underneath.

"Rye, you always make me happy," I whisper and kiss the top of her head.

_I do not like them anywhere_

_I do not like green eggs and ham._

_I do not like them,_

_Sam-I-am_

_Would you like them_

_in a house?_

_Would you like them_

_with a mouse?_

_I do not like them_

_in a house._

_I do not like them_

_with a mouse._

_I do not like them_

_here or there._

_I do not like them_

_anywhere._

_I do not like green eggs and ham._

_I do not like them, Sam-I-am._

_Would you eat them_

_in a box?_

_Would you eat them_

_with a fox?_

_Not in a box._

_Not with a fox._

_Not in a house._

_Not with a mouse._

_I would not eat them here or there._

_I would not eat them anywhere._

_I would not eat green eggs and-_

"Why are you crying?" Rye asks while rubbing a tear off of my cheek.

I laugh lightly, surprising myself, and say, "Why are you so curious?"'

She just smiles.

"My mommy says that you were going to have a baby."

I look down at her, my laughter forgotten. An ache rips through my chest as I tell her, "I lost it."

Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. "You lost the _baby_?"

I nod my eyes tearing up again.

"Well, my mommy has _never_ lost a baby and she's had _five_," Rye boasts proudly then add, "But I can help you find your baby if you want me to."

I'm confused for a moment but then it hits me. "Oh. No, Rye, I didn't lose my baby like you can lose a doll. My baby..." I still have a hard time staying it. "died," I finish and a new set of tears forms.

"Oh," she says quietly. "I'm sorry, Tris."

A tear falls and I wipe it away but it's futile because more are trailing down and I can't stop it. Christina chooses this time to come back into the room carrying three hot apple ciders for all of us. Her face crumples into a concerned frown as she sets down the cups on the night stand. "Rye, why don't you go to dinner?" She suggests as she sits down on the bed with me.

Rye nods, noticing the way I was gripping the sheets, and slips off the bed, heading to the door. When we hear it click shut she turns to me and says, "What happened?"

"We were just reading and she just was curious about something her mom told her but then we started to talk about the baby..." I trail off as a sob threatens to appear.

"Tris, you have to get out of this place," Christina says as she sips on her apple cider.

"Because there is so much more interesting things to do outside of this apartment," I say with a sniffle then offer a broken laugh. "I don't think so."

"I'm going to drag you out of here," Christina says and goes into the bathroom to retrieve something.

"I'm not going anywhere, Christina."

"Yes you are," She says stubbornly. "Four has done nothing but worry about you for the last week. I tried to have a normal conversation with him last night but he kept spacing out on me."

"Not my fault."

"Not mine either."

She reappears out of the bathroom holding a makeup case and a low cut bright red t-shirt. She stole from Amity when she went there with Uriah for fun claiming that it matched her hair and complexion perfectly.

"No," I say forcefully and lay back down on the bed, turning so my back is facing her.

"Yes. You need to get out of here." She throws the shirt on the bed. "Get dressed."

I look at the shirt. For a girl who doesn't want to go to dinner in the first place, this is a little too bold.

"Okay, I'll go but only if I get to wear my clothes instead of that."

She nods and starts in on my makeup. She chooses a light purple eye shadow with a no lipstick but a little bit of clear lip gloss. Then she tops it off with eyeliner and mascara.

"There; you're ready, "Christina chirps as she screws the top back on the mascara and throws it back in the bag.

"Please, Christina," I beg one last time. "I just want to go to sleep."

She shakes her head. "No can do." She bends down and looks me in the eye. "Tris, you know I love you and I don't like seeing you like this. We are going out to that cafeteria even if I have to throw you over my shoulder and take you there."

I reluctantly nod, mostly for her sake, and she brightens as she grabs my hand and leads me out of the apartment.

"I'm not sure about this, Christina," I say as we get closer to the cafeteria.

"You're not backing out, Tris. You are a Dauntless."

And she's right; I am. But not today.

* * *

When we walk into the cafeteria, I am halfway expecting everyone to turn and stare at me like I just came back from the dead. But they just keep on eating and talking and laughing as if I wasn't even there. I breathe a sigh of relief and follow Christina to where they are serving food. Susan is serving the hamburgers out with such a large smile that I swear it's going to crack her face right in half. "Hello, Susan," I say as I hold out my tray for a hamburger. Her smile falters and a look of pity replaces it. "Tris. How are you?"

"I'm fine," I lie. "Thank you. Yourself?"

"Fine," She says, but her voice is reserved like if she says the wrong thing I might shatter or burst into flames.

Down the whole line I get looks of pity and by the time I seat myself down at the table, I'm frustrated. I did not come out of that bedroom to be pitied.

As soon as I sit down next to Zeke and Marlene I say, "If I get one more I'm sorry or even a sorry _look_, I will throw you all over the chasm before you can say goodbye."

Everyone is silent. Then Zeke starts to laugh.

"When you make a death threat, it sounds ridiculous."

"I am serious, Zeke," I say forcefully but I'm smiling.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you are."

I roll my eyes and nudge him playfully, still smiling. I'm glad I came to dinner. It's better than lying in a bed blaming myself for the loss of the baby. Just as Christina is in the middle of a story about one of the transfers nearly taking her ear off during training, someone comes up to our table and asks, "May I join you?"

I look up and see my brother, Caleb. The last time I saw him was on the train back to Dauntless. I knew he was here, of course, but to see him in flesh and blood and unbrusied is a relief. After we arrived at Dauntless that day, Tobias and I were accepted immediately back into Dauntless after a truth serum questioning and Marcus was accepted into Dauntless because of his social status and because half of the Abnegation already sought refuge there. But Caleb and Peter had to go through interrogation to make sure they weren't going to bomb the cafeteria or throw someone off the roof during lunch or something. I still wouldn't put it past Peter.

I nod and he seats himself next to Christina. He's more muscular than before due to Dauntless life but he's still my big brother. He is carrying a book and his eyes are always searching but other than that he still wears that easy smile with his dimple. His smile falters when it reaches me. My miscarriage has become common knowledge around the compound along with my supposed fragility.

"Okay, so I heard this rumor that Iris kissed James in the dorm room last night," Lynn says while eating her hamburger. "Do you think that's true?"

Christina snorts. "Of course not! Iris can't even say hello to her pillow let alone a guy."

I want to protest and say people are not always what they seem but I'm losing interest in the conversation. I've never been much of a gossiper. They keep bickering about who is right while I push around my peas on the plate.

_James wouldn't kiss Iris. _

_He would too! _

_He's brave unlike Iris who probably won't pass initiation._

"Beatrice?"

I look up and see my brother frowning at me, his curious eyes looking me over trying to learn from my body language why I am acting the way I am. I stop fidgeting immediately.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concerned.

I nod but find it exceptionally difficult to hold back my tears. He seems to be satisfied with my answer or understands I want my feelings to be unseen because he starts up a conversation with Marlene. Marlene and Caleb would be good for each other, I realize as I watch her laugh at something he said. His level head would keep her from doing something stupid and her daredevil attitude might make Caleb try some new things. After dinner maybe I'll try to talk Marlene up to Caleb and boost his ego enough so that he has the guts to ask her out on a date. I smile a little thinking of Caleb with Marlene.

"What are you smiling about, sunshine?" Zeke asks using his pet name for me while shooting me a curious look.

"Nothing," I reply and focus in my peas again, this time I'm splitting them into two parts: bigger ones and littler ones.

I'm in the middle of separating my fourth pea into the little pile when Zeke takes the fork from my hand saying, "You are freaking me out."

"You're not scoring any points with me," I snap and snatch my fork back then proceed with my peas. _Little, little, big, little, big, big_.

"Do you want some cake, Beatrice?" Caleb says while he offers me a plate.

I eye the cake then say politely, "No thanks, Caleb. I'm not very hungry."

He and Christina frown at each other.

"You haven't eaten in three days," Christina points out.

"I have too," I say and will I not to blush or scratch my neck, two of my most dominant give always in lying.

"Don't lie, "Christina warns and I throw my hands up in the air, frustrated.

"I'm not!"

"You are! You turn all red and your voice takes on a different octave."

This makes me turn even redder but it's not from lying, it's from embarrassment. She's right.

There is an awkward pause then Caleb says, "Beatrice, please eat the cake. It will make you feel better and get something in your system. You have to get your strength up."

The back of my brain says I should eat it, that it will make me feel better but I am stubborn and have too much pride to take the cake when he treats me like a child.

"I'm fine. I can handle myself just fine without you two treating me like I'm going to break into a million pieces!" My voice elevates on every word.

"Tris, it's just a cake," Christina says but her voice is leery.

Caleb sighs. "Look, if you don't want to eat it here, you can eat it back in your apartment or in the Pit or whatever. You have to eat something." Why is he pushing this?

"I don't want it, Caleb!" I shout. We both know that I'm not just talking about the cake. I'm sick and tired of sympathy, sick and tired of all this pushing and prodding me to this or that even if it is for my own good.

I look around the dining hall and observe that a few tables have ceased their own conversations to eavesdrop on mine. The thought makes me angry but I only take my napkin, wipe my mouth, get up, and quietly say, "Excuse me."

I walk away from the dining hall and I push the doors open that lead to the hallway.

My vision is becoming exceptionally blurry as I near the roaring rush of water. I hold my tears until I reach the railing then I let them fall into the chasm, the sound of them hitting the larger body of water inaudible. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Before my life got thrown into total chaos, I used to use a counting method my father taught me to overcome any obstacle in life. Whether it was moving on with life itself or when to pounce into action or even time to panic before I had to calm down, I'd count to a specific number and allow myself that time to panic, move on, or pounce. It worked really well and helped me move on from my parents' deaths. I haven't been able to use it since then because the memory of my father would hit me so sharp in the gut, it felt like Peter had kicked me in the side again so hard and fast that stars appeared in front of my eyes. But I am stronger now. The death of my helpless, tiny, unborn baby made me harder and more closed off to the world but I stronger. I am braver than I was before, more Dauntless. So I intake another deep breath and began my game.

_One._

My father used to tuck me into bed every night, kiss my temple, and smooth my hair over before singing so soft, I'd have to lean into him to hear every word of the sweet lullaby that I still remember every word to.

_Two._

The way my mother always watched and always paid attention to Caleb and me but we did not repay the favor. How she knew that on choosing day, we would leave Abnegation, our selfless home, and trade it for either knifes and hand-to-hand combat or books and glasses. I knew barely anything about her.

_Three._

Will's eyes were celery green and they crinkled when he smiled. Christina said it was one of her favorite things about him. My favorite is when he helped me throw the awful Erudite articles over into the Chasm. He could have been an Abnegation with the amount of selflessness he had.

_Four._

I would day dream about what my child would be like whenever I could. Would he have Tobias' dark brown hair or my blonde curls? Would our child be Divergent? Tobias used to tell me that our child would be perfect, no matter what he or she looks like.

Now, I'll never know.

I take a deep breath and breathe out the final number. I have to move on. But I will never forget.

_Five._


	11. Birds of a Feather

**A/N: I just want to start out with an I'm sorry that it took so long to do this chapter. I've had a writer's block for some reason. Oh, well I guess. It's here now! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far but I want to give a special thank you to all the guests who have reviewed this story as well! I see your comments too ;).**

**This chapter is dedicated to Hello (a guest. I'm assuming you know who you are). Thanks for the awesome sweet review! I love your honesty with me too! After I read it, I was on cloud nine and began outlining the chapter.**

**Here it goes!**

* * *

I roll over on the pillow to Tobias's side of the bed and stretch out only to find he isn't there. I sigh. How stupid I was to think that he'd be sleeping. Pressing my nose into the mattress, I close my eyes and smell a mixture of wood chips and cologne, imaging he is here. I miss him more than I care to let on. I mean, we see each other every day but in the mornings we rush off to work and put our full attention on the initiates needs to pass the first stage of initiation then at lunch I eat with our friends while he's in the control room fixing this or that and by the time night comes around, we are too tired and stressed to even offer a kiss on the cheek. Two days ago we got in a small argument about me going back to work in the hospital. There has been a shortage on staff because some of our nurses and doctors went to Amity to help with some sick children while our own faction brings in a couple of coughing, sick people. Tobias's argument is that the staff can deal with a couple of sick people but I know the real reason is he doesn't want me to go in there because it means I could get sick with whatever is going around. I'm still going in despite whatever Tobias says which is why he's still a little mad at me. Hopefully, this tension doesn't last long because I'm missing him.

I walk into the kitchen, my eyes still heavy with sleep, and brighten a little when I see what is on the table. Tobias as made me a full out breakfast with scrambled eggs, sausage, strawberries, and a glass of orange juice. I pick up one of the sausages and find that it is still warm, and I frown. He must have left no more than ten minutes ago. I could have said goodbye to him. There is a note on the table I didn't see and I read it while I'm picking at the strawberries.

_Tris,_

_Sorry. Something in the control room crashed. Heading there now. You'll have to run the stimulations for the initiates. Made breakfast for you. Eat it all! Meet me in the Pire at seven tonight. It will be worth your time. Love you, six!_

_-Your-husband-to-be_

I smile to myself. Maybe things will finally go back normal. I'm famished so I finish my breakfast in record time and after locking up the apartment, I'm on my way to the stimulation room. The initiates are in the second stage of initiation, and they already know what it is about and what is going to happen. Abby paled and almost passed out, Jenna tried not to cry, and the oddest one of all was Henry who actually _smiled_ like we were giving him an early birthday present. I'd never admit it to anyone, even Tobias, that I'm a little intimidated by him. He's the perfect mix of Eric and Peter rolled together and it scares me that he could do something unpredictable.

As I near the room, I hear shouting coming from down the hall and the screams of a girl initiate. Abby. Running the rest of the hallway is a challenge since the screams are getting louder and more desperate by the second and my legs can't seem to move fast enough. Is someone hurting her? Are they trying to...touch her? I can't breathe, I can't think. This hits a little too close to home.

Finally, I arrive at the end of the hallway and take in the scene before me. Xander is kicking Rex in the ribs and Rex tries to hook his foot around Xander's knees so that he falls but each kick is distracting his mission. Abby is hanging on to Xander's arm screaming for him to stop and the rest of the initiates are staring on in horror. I can't move. Xander has never been like this.

"Stop it!" I scream and Rex turns his head to look at me. The look in his eyes is vacant and hollow like he can't even see me.

"Xander!" I snap and go to grab his arm and pull him away from Rex but he shrugs me off. This makes me boil with anger. I am his instructor, his teacher, and he just shrugs me off. My Abnegation side if my divergence says that he's just angry and him pushing me off has nothing to do with his lack of respect for me but my pride takes control of the situation.

I dig my nails into his forearm so hard, I swear I'll draw blood, and say, "Get the hell of him, Alexander!"

Then he backs off but it's not by his own will. Connor stands beside him as he yanks him away from Rex. "That's quite enough," I hear Connor whisper quietly.

I bend down Rex. The left side of his face is starting to bruise and there's a steady stream of blood flowing from his nose. His ribs must be in pretty bad shape too because his breaths are ragged and every time he inhales he winces. I help him up and demand, "Jenna, get him to the infirmary." She rushes forward and I loop one of Rex's arms around her shoulder's s that he leans a bit on her. The weight might be a little much for her because she was so small but she holds him up enough to drag him to the hospital. They get halfway down the hallway when I turn to Xander who is wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"What was that about, Xander?"I spit at him as I grab his arm, forcing him to look at me. "Have you forgotten where you came from?"

He flinches slightly at my words like I physically threatened to slap him. Of course he hasn't forgotten, I never have. I shake my head at him and let go of his arm. "We'll discuss this later," I hiss and take Delilah into the room.

I'm hooking up the wires to the computer and connecting the other ends to each side of her temple and one on her chest like Tobias taught me. I'm in the process of hooking another wire on my own temple when Delilah blurts, "How old are you?"

I usually don't like telling my age because being only sixteen in Dauntless isn't to your advantage but I tell her anyway. Her eyes widen as she says incredulously, "You're the same age as me. But you're a leader...?"

"There were some open spots in the leadership position," I explain quickly and she nods. I'm not exactly lying. There was an open position but it was due to the execution of Eric and Max. I didn't even want the position but Tobias wouldn't do it and I thought that maybe if I joined he would too. I could see it in him, how good he would be at leading, but the thought of dealing with Marcus when he had to travel to the other factions always kept him away from the position. Now that Abnegation is here for a short time, he's going to have to deal with him anyway so he claimed the position saying it would only be until the Abnegation leaves to return to their sector of the city. But then I wonder who would refill his spot and mine? We can't have another Eric and Max. Not again.

I push the thoughts away and focus on Delilah. When I pick up the needle she tenses but I ignore it. If she's going to face all of her worst fears in a month, she is going to have to deal with a needle. I plunge it into her neck and drain the liquid.

"Be Brave, Delilah," I mutter as she slips into the stimulation.

I watch the screen as her fear comes to life.

She's lying on her bed in her old bedroom at Candor. I can tell because of the plain white walls and carpet with a black bedspread. She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh of relief. She thinks her fear is returning home. But I know better. Delilah had a bit of homesickness when she first arrived and I overheard her talking to Gabe one day at the table about how she was afraid what her parents would say if she returned to Candor. She wasn't thinking of returning as far as I know but her the fear behind her thoughts always stayed the same: She was afraid to go home because of what her family would say to her. But that's not something the system would pick up yet because the first test picks up the worst fear. I'm not sure where this is going.

Suddenly her heart rate picks up and her eyes snap open. My brows furrow in confusion; she must be hearing or smelling something that I don't. Then she screams and I understand what her fear is as flames eat away at whatever is under the door. Her worst fear is of fire.

"Delilah!" screams a voice. It sounds like a small child, six at the most.

"Boone!" Delilah shrieks back. "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

She runs to the window I didn't see and pulls on a latch so that she can get out the window and get to Boone's room. But the latch won't open. As much as it pains me, I made the window lock so that she couldn't get out so that she could face her fear. She backs away from the window her heart rate doubling. _Come on, Delilah_, I silently coach her as I wait and watch the screen. _Calm yourself down. It will be over soon._

She screams a little more for Boone and then her screams stop as the crying of the little boy ceases.

I'm sick to my stomach. Realization hits me as Delilah sits down on the bed, setting her head in her hands. Her fear is not of fire. It's knowing that someone you love is dying and you cannot to do anything.

Delilah wipes at her eyes and stands up, looking murderous. Then she walks to the window and punches it with her fist. It shatters under her touch. No no _no_. _Divergent._ There is more screaming down the hall but this time Delilah only stiffens and walks back to the bed letting the tears stream down her face. She lies down in the bed and closes her eyes, effectively slowing her heart rate. I breathe a sigh of relief for her, glad that it is over. If I can't watch this, how can I watch all the others? Delilah slowly awakens and when she takes in her surroundings she starts to sob. I rub her back and whisper it's over; it's over again and again until she sniffles one last time and asks weakly, "Was it that bad for you?"

I hesitate. How can I compare having crows peck at your flesh to hearing someone you love die knowing you cannot do anything to help them?

"Mine was a different kind of fear," I admit.

She nods like she expected me to say that. "Can I ask you something?"

I shrug to show my indifference.

"Do you have a phone in here?"

I blink. "Not in here. There is a phone by the control room though."

"Can I use it?"

"Well," I began," considering _I'm_ not supposed to know it probably not, but I think we can make an exception."

She attempts at a weak smile but ends up looking more like a grimace than an actual smile so she gives up and follows me out into the hall. Truth is that there isn't a phone by the control room, it's in the library, but I need to talk to her where I know there aren't any cameras. I lead her down hallway after hallway not speaking until we reach the control room and then pull her into the supply closet.

"What's going on?" Delilah asks as I check for any cameras or bugs of any kind. Tobias taught me how to do it after I was admitted as an instructor for the initiates. An ache runs through my body for him, suddenly, and I can't wait to see him tonight.

"What where your test results?" I ask abruptly.

I see a flicker of fear and recognition behind her blue eyes just for a second and then she quickly tries to cover by replacing it with a deadpan expression on her face. "Obviously Dauntless."

"Really? Because I heard a rumor that they were inconclusive." There wasn't any rumor going around like that but I need to know; I need to know to try to keep her safe.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," She says and crosses her arms.

I roll my eyes. "Never knew a Candor who could be such a liar."

Her face hardens as she hisses back, "Never knew Abnegation could be so curious."

"I am not an Abnegation anymore," I chide her as I move a broom into the opposite corner of the small room.

"And I am not a Candor anymore," She adds as she watches my actions.

"You will always be a part of Candor," I murmur and she drops her gaze. An overwhelming pang in my chest hits me as I think of my mother, my father, and all the things I left behind in my former faction. Funny how grief can take you off guard.

"Inconclusive, "Delilah confides quietly, her gaze still trained on the floor." The answer to your question they were inconclusive. They said I was-"

I cover her mouth with mine like my mother did to me not so long ago and harshly whisper to her while looking into her eyes, "Never say that word. _Never_."

"Why not?" she questions innocently after I remove my hand and her eyebrows furrow together.

"Because it's dangerous," I sigh. "It's not safe in a faction like Dauntless."

"You're not giving me any _real_ answers!" She throws her hands up angrily and then mutters," Nobody is."

My head snaps up at that. "Who else knows about your situation?"

"N-no one," Delilah stutters and crosses her arms across her chest again.

I glare at her until she caves and sighs, "My test administer..."She lowers her gaze to the floor and whispers, "and Gabe."

I moan. _No no no._ "Why did you tell him?"

"He's my best friend!" she exclaims. "We tell each other everything!"

"Do you know how much _danger_ you put yourself in? That you put _him_ in?" I demand.

When she doesn't answer, I shake my head. "Look, I just want to keep you safe, okay? Do not tell anyone else about this conversation or about the situation unless you want to get yourself killed, alright?"

She nods, her eyes alarmed. "Good," I say then reach for the door handle.

"Why do you care?" She blurts. "I mean, why don't you want me dead?"

I shrug. "I like you."

We're silent for a few seconds then Delilah bursts out laughing. I soon join in and then we are both laughing so hard that I have to sit down and she's got her hands on her knees. It feels good to laugh even if what we're laughing about isn't all that funny.

"We..." she takes in a deep gulp of breath before continuing. "We both know that you're not doing this because you like me."

I give out a short laugh and say, "No. No, I'm not."

"Then why?"

I stop to think about that. Why am I helping her? Why should I care what happens to her? Why did Tobias help _me_? I mean, sure he had an interest in me, but is that enough to risk your own life in the process of saving someone else's?

"You and me," I began slowly and quietly," are not all that different."

Her eyes widen as the impact of the information I'm giving her hits her. "You mean...?"

The silent question hangs in the air: _you mean you are Divergent?_

I nod. "Have you heard the saying birds of a feather flock together?"

Delilah nods.

"Well, people like us stick together. We help one another. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah," she says quietly after a moment of silence. "I think so."

I give a terse nod and turn to leave the room.

"Thank you," Delilah whispers so softly I think I may be dreaming it. But the look in her eyes suggests otherwise so I whisper just as softly," Your welcome."

_We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another._

It really is a beautiful thought.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Oh and I've been looking for a beta reader so if anyone is interested, PM me. And to whoever said to bring Tobias back a little more in this chapter, (sorry, I can't remember your name for the _life_ of me) don't worry! Our favorite man will be back in the next chapter! I just wanted Tris and Delilah to bond for this one.**

**-Kel**


	12. Tension in the Neighborhood

**A/N: I just want to say you all are amazing for reviewing this! I mean almost 100 reviews in twelve chapters?! Reviews are like an author's fruit for the day and of course it makes me write faster!**

**This chapter is dedicated to Eclair94, my new beta reader! Thanks for editing! Everyone should go check out her own Divergent fanfic, _Extreme Circumstances_. It's really great.**

* * *

I sit in one of the library chairs reading one of the few large books they have in Dauntless after I administered all stimulation tests to the other initiates while Delilah quietly uses the phone. Turns out, her older brother is back in Candor and his name is Patrick. I was sick to my stomach when she called him and when he answered she started to sob until he handed the phone over to her younger brother Boone. Now I'm smiling as she laughs at something Boone is telling her.

"No, no, Boone, you do _not_ put play dough in the oven." She pauses. "Yes, I'm sure. Have Patrick help you make hamburgers." Another pause. "Okay. I Love you too, Boone. Hand the phone over to Patrick." She twirls the cord around her finger as she waits. "Patrick? Yeah, I miss you too. How is Rose?" She waits for another second then answers, "She's going to be a great wife, Patrick. Yeah, Dauntless is good. I've got some battle bruises and-"

She stops as I give her a glare. We've broken enough rules today without revealing what happens during initiation. "I'm fine," She finishes. "I am! Patrick, stop. This is what I chose as my faction! You do not have a say in it." She sighs. "I didn't call you to fight. Yeah, I'm sorry too. Make sure Boone doesn't put un-edible things in the oven." Then she blushes a deep red as her brother says something into the phone. "Patrick we haven't..." Delilah glances at me and, if even possible, reddens even more as she turns her back to me and whispers, "we haven't been...intimate like that."

My mouth falls open. Delilah? Intimate with another initiate? She's about as approachable as a bed of knifes when it comes to guys as far as I have gathered yet she's thinking about...

"No, Patrick, stop. I swear he hasn't tried anything. No. _Patrick_." She laughs. "Okay, I love you and I miss you." Delilah smiles and wishes him a goodbye and puts the phone back into the cradle.

"Thanks for letting me use the phone," She says as she walks back over to me.

I shrug. "No problem."

"I probably should go back to the dorm."

I should nod and let her go but I cannot resist from saying, "Got someone to be imitate with?"

To my surprise she laughs. "Something like that."

We stand and walk down the hallway until we part ways as she heads towards the dorms and me toward the Pire. It must be getting toward seven and I know Tobias will be getting out of the control room sooner or later. Accidentally, I drop one of the books I was reading as I round the corner and roll my eyes. I've been really clumsily for some reason. It's probably one of the side effects of not getting enough sleep. When I get up I see Peter smirking at me.

"What?" I snap. I really don't have the patience to deal with him today. Between watching all the initiates' worst fears and confirming that Delilah is divergent I've had enough.

"Nothing," he says nonchalantly but by the gleam in his eye, it is definitely not nothing.

I make a big show of rolling my eyes then sidestep to get past him. But I don't get any further. He grabs my arm, forcing me to stop. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss," he says.

It's like being punched in the gut all over again. _My child, my baby, gone._ I have to turn away from him so he doesn't see the layer of tears that have formed in my eyes. I've heard it all before, the condolences, the pity behind the words, but with Peter it has an entirely different meaning. I can see he is only saying this because he wants to inflict more pain as if I hadn't had enough. I snatch my arm away from him and seethe, "Aren't you supposed to be in Amity sitting around the campfire singing Kumbaya?"

He snorts. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be with your boyfriend?"

"You don't have any right to know my personal life, Peter," I hiss.

"Oh and you have a right to know mine?"

We stare at each other longer than socially acceptable then I can't help it anymore, I have to know. "Did you choose to leave Dauntless?"

He's taken aback by the blunt question but he quickly recovers. "You know exactly what happened."

"What if I told you I didn't?"

He doesn't answer right away but then, "I went to Amity, nothing more happened."

"So you left by choice." I state but I'm waiting for his confirmation.

"And I came back."'

Finally I just come out with it. "Were you exiled, Peter?"

"It's none of your business," he answers almost robotically.

I throw my hands up in the air and my voice escalates in volume when I say, "Is it really _that_ hard?! It's a yes or no question!"

"You're so naive, Tris," Peter barks. "You think that life is so simple. You think you can just go play house with Four and have him get you knocked up then live a happy little life. Am I right?"

I don't answer. He wants me to fight back and I will not give him that satisfaction. I try to sidestep him once again but his hand curls around my wrist forcefully.

"Why so eager to get going?" Peter says with a smile. It makes me sick that he is_ enjoying_ this.

"Let me go, Peter," I say slowly, enunciating every word.

He leans in closer and his lips brush against my ear as he whispers, "You know, Four isn't the only one who could get you knocked up."

My eyes widen and I swing my arm across his cheek slapping him as hard as I possibly can. "It will be over my dead _body_ before I let you touch me," I hiss then jerk away from him. Surprisingly he doesn't come after me and I'm grateful for it. I need be alone for a few minutes and pull myself together. I climb the path that leads to the Pire fast, hoping I don't fall due to the blurriness in my eyes. The top of the stairs comes soon and I enter the Pire. When I made my first trek up here, I was a scared initiate with a crush on her instructor and now, six months later, I am a member of Dauntless with more responsibilities than I count on one hand. But no, nothing more has changed. I am still deathly afraid of what would happen if someone found out that I am divergent. I walk across the room and close my eyes. Six months ago Drew was a beaten up man, Christina was laughing with Will on her arm, and Peter...well, Peter hasn't changed much.

My back presses up against the wall and I fall to floor. I feel violated. It was like I could feel his hands groping against my chest all over again. Hot fast tears roll down my face and as much as I try to stop them, they are hell-bent on leaving trails on my flushed cheeks. My throat chokes on a sob so I bring a hand over my mouth to try and contain it._ I will not cry. I won't._ Still, the tears are running. _I will not give him the satisfaction._ At that thought I pull it together and stand up. Walking across the Pire always made me a little nervous because of all the glass so I tread carefully as I walk to the other side of the room. When I get there, I put my hand up against the glass. Was this how Delilah felt in her stimulation as Boone screamed? So... helpless? I push my hand a little harder into the pane, testing to see how far I can go without breaking the glass. I startle myself when the glass doesn't break but opens.

Rain patters into the ground in a steady downpour on the grass and glass. Slowly, I reach my left hand outside the window and smile a little when I feel the wetness hit my palm. Caleb and I, when we were very young, would wander outside when it was raining and lift our heads to the sky, letting our tongues catch the falling drops. He'd always smile at me, like we were doing the best thing in the world. Maybe we were, I'd never know. We were always taught to be selfless and not indulge in things we would enjoy. I miss it; I miss that Caleb, on days like these. Maybe if we grew up in red clothes instead of gray ones we'd know what it was like to taste the raindrops anytime we wanted and to laugh so loud that the neighbors could hear us. But Amity was never a choice for me. I could never be happy all the time; I have too much of a temper to withstand it behind a smile. I doubt Caleb would have stayed there either with his yearn for knowledge. Ever since the Choosing Ceremony I feel like I don't know my brother as well as I thought I did. Like he could do something totally unexpected and it would catch me so off guard that I would fall flat on my face. It scares me. I wonder if he thinks I could do the same.

Suddenly, I feel a wet kiss on my neck then another and another until the kisses reach my shoulder. I haven't felt this kind of intimacy since I lost the baby. My head rolls back in pleasure and my cheeks redden as I accidentally let a moan escape my lips. But Tobias doesn't seem to notice as he makes a path back up my neck and finally finds my lips. I'm embarrassed about how desperate I am for him, clinging to him like a vice. He feels strong and steady, exactly what I am not.

"Tobias," I murmur against his cheek. "I missed you."

I pull him into a crushing hug, glad that I have him all to myself for the first time in weeks. There is nothing separating us this time, not work or the initiates and for the first time in my life, I feel totally free.

"Tris," he whispers my name like a prayer. "You have no idea how much I love you."

We release each other then I take in the sight of him.

It's amazing how much he's changed to me in a week. Deep purple bags under his eyes have formed and he has a slight stubble emerging. He doesn't look like he's had a good night's sleep in weeks. I feel guilty because I am part to blame for his lack of sleep due to me thrashing around in the night from nightmares. Most nights he'd wake me up from the dream and lay with me until I fell back asleep then make a bed on the couch. It must have been hell lying there every night because the couch is about as comfortable as a brick. Whenever I'd ask him why he sleeps on the couch, he says that it's really hot in our room or that he went to work on something and fell asleep but I know the truth is that he doesn't know how to comfort me after I've had nightmare after nightmare about our baby dying. What is he going to say? That it's not real? Because we both know that it is and that's what hurts the most.

He takes me in his arms again and I hold him tightly, my fingernails probably making crescent shaped indents in his back. When we finally pull apart, he hands me a bouquet of sunflowers and white baby's breaths. I smile at him, take them, and smell it before I sigh, "They are beautiful."

"That's what I told Christina but she wouldn't listen," Tobias says with a fluttering hand gesture that is so unlike him that I have to stifle a laugh. "_She_ thinks that lilies and pink roses would be better for a wedding but I said that I'd ask you first."

I bite my lip. I forgot the wedding was in less than a week.

"I-I don't care, Tobias," I stutter. "Whatever you think would be better."

"Well, I told her that we'd all go down to the flower shop tonight and pick out a bouquet together to shut her up. I swear Candor's don't have a filter on their mouths," He sighs and glances at me. I realize I'm still biting my lip and I stop immediately. The wedding is only three days away and I still haven't put in the order for our cake or picked out the toasting glasses or asked Caleb if he would give me away.

All the things I have not done yet run through my head as Tobias keeps rambling on about how Christina was always a pain in the neck with her non-stop bickering. I feel the need to defend Christina but I don't because Christina has had her share of rants against Tobias as well. Another thought hits me. I was supposed to give Uriah an invitation. There are still over fifty invitations I neglected to hand out. I'm lightheaded at the thought of preparing for a wedding that would take three months to plan and cram it all into three days.

"I want to postpone the wedding," I blurt out.

Until I said it, I didn't know that that's what I wanted. I want a breather. I want to have more time grieving over the death of my child and more time to really plan the wedding Tobias and I want. It feels like everything is moving too fast and I am trying to catch up but I am always one step behind. I need to be one step ahead and that's what more time would give me.

Too late, I realize that I interrupted Tobias in the middle of his sentence. He stares at me, his mouth slightly ajar like he is still forming the next word. I caught him off guard, something very hard to do with a guy like Tobias.

"What?" He finally asks quietly.

"I-I want to postpone the wedding," I tell him again, this time with more confidence.

"Why?"

"Tobias, I just lost a baby. I need more time to think everything over. I just..." I sigh. "I just need more time."

Silence. Then, after a few uncomfortable minutes he exhales, "Sometimes..." Tobias shakes his head.

"Sometimes, what?" I prod gently.

"Sometimes I feel like you're keeping secrets from me," he says in a rush like he's been holding back those words for a while now. He presses his right hand up to his forehead and chuckles quietly but it's not a reassuring laugh. If anything it makes me feel nervous. "I mean," he continues," I had to find out from Caleb that you almost drowned in a water tank. Do you think that I should hear that kind of news from your _brother_?"

A bubble of anger forms in my stomach. Did he really just blame me for my brother being the one to tell him that I almost drowned?

"Well I heard stranger things have happened. Like how I found out from _Peter_, of all people, that you invited him to our wedding."

"I invited all the initiates that I trained. It was only fair," he says evenly.

"You say it like it's the rules to a board game!" I exclaim. "You didn't _have_ to invite him! He would have never found out if you didn't!" A thought hits me and I add," Did you invite him to the wedding because he came back to Dauntless?"

"No, Tris," He says slowly like I am a five year old throwing a temper tantrum. "I invited him because all the other initiates in your group were invited."

I narrow my eyes at him slightly. "Then why don't I believe you?"

"Oh, _now_ we're going to bring up trust issues?"

"If that's what it takes for you to answer my question honestly, then yeah."

"I wasn't born for Candor," he scowls.

"And I wasn't born for Amity," I reply evenly.

He shakes his head. "I am not going to get into this with you. I just want to know why, three _days_ before our wedding, your choosing to back out."

"Tobias," I emphasize and put a hand on my flat stomach. "_I just lost a baby_."

"It wasn't just you!" He sputters angrily and points an accusing finger at my abdomen. "I lost a baby too. You don't think this is hard for me? Do you not think it's hard for me to watch you cry or to try to push away every thought I had about our baby's future or to throw away everything in that damn nursery like that baby never even existed?" He swallows hard and I catch a glint of water in his eyes. "I wanted that baby as much as you did."

_But I was it's mother_, I want to say to him. _I carried that child in me from the moment it's life began._ But I can't say that to him. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have so I resolve to silence. I have been in Dauntless for almost year now and I am used to the banging of fists on tables and screeches so loud that I swear it will shatter my eardrum, but the one thing I could never get used to was the deafening sound of silence. All those words rushing around angrily in the air waiting to be spoken and the thick layer of tension is so loud that I can barely stand it. The atmosphere is supposed to be beautiful in Amity. I used to wonder why but now I know; without the substantial amount of tension in the air maybe you can really see that blue sky.

Tobias sighs, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You are really hard to deal with sometimes, Beatrice."

"You're not exactly my piece of pie everyday either, Four," I hiss back.

He whips his hands up in the air and his voice rises a little in volume as he says, "You know what? How 'bout _you_ just decide when _you_ want to have a wedding?"

"Fine," I glower at him and then add," At least I won't keep it a secret from you."

He turns around and before he leaves the Pire, he throws the bouquet I must have gave back to him sometime in our fight to the floor. The way he does it, is like he's so repulsed by them... so disgusted of _me_.

"Dammit!" I shout to anyone and no one. I let out a scream of frustration. How could everything fall apart so quickly? I kick the foot of my toe into the glass as hard as I can and the little square pane breaks apart. It seems fitting.

Everything I touch shatters into pieces.

* * *

The next morning I am off to work in the hospital where, apparently, the sick have been coming in by the double. I shrug on my white lab coat and head out to the nurses' station where Christina and a girl I haven't met before are discussing what kind of treatment to use on the patients. Christina thinks that a fever-reducing medicine would be best because of the insanely high temperatures most of the patients have; the other girl believes that an anti-vomiting liquid would help most of the children who are sick. They don't ask my opinion and I am glad because I don't know what to do. The most I have been doing in the hospital is taking notes on the patient's behavior. Most of them have headaches, vomiting, and a very very high fever that the doctors can only hope will come down with drugs and cool rags. Other extreme cases have hallucinations, delirium, and, the most haunting thing of all, yellow eyes and skin. I don't go in theses rooms unless I have to. It's scary seeing a person on the brink of death.

"Hey," someone's says to my left. I look up and smile a little.

"Caleb," I greet him. "How are you?"

He shrugs, "Could be better. Yourself?"

I really don't feel like lying to my brother but at the same time I don't feel like indulging in my personal life with Caleb so I just nod.

We walk in silence down the corridors of the hospital. As we walk I steal a glance at my brother. His hair looks disheveled and the buttons on his shirt are fastened all the way up to his neck. I am glad some things never change. He catches me staring at him and gives me an easy smile and I smile back, glad that my brother, the only piece of my family I have left, is here with me. I am about to tell Caleb this but then a loud siren blares inside the door to our right. Caleb and I stand together, paralyzed, as the wail of the siren keeps getting louder. Suddenly, a team of doctors comes sprinting down the hallway shouting everything from orders to directions as they open the door. My breath catches in my throat when I see who is lying on the bed.

Xander.

The doctors rush inside the room and for a split second I can see him. He's perfectly still. Doctors can try to restart his heart and bring him back but I can see the blue coloring already tainting his pale fingertips and know that it is too late.

Xander is dead.

* * *

**A/N: I should probably do some disclaiming. Yes, the main points in Tobias' and Tris' argument I got from the book because they are strong arguments that can hold a solid ground. And for those of you who are medical junkies, yes the symptoms for the infection are also the symptoms for another disease called Yellow Fever. I thought it would be fun to use it 'cause yellow eyes, hallucinations, and a freakishly high fever sound really scary to me. **

**More things to come. Might be a bit before I update again due to training. Just keep this quote in mind: "You have to hit rock bottom sometimes in order to get to the top." Thanks for reading and, as always, review!**

**-Kel**


	13. The Truth is Too Powerful to Contain

**Part II: The Fall**

_/"The marks humans leave are too often scars." -The Fault in Our Stars by John Green/_

* * *

"Go fish."

I sigh and draw another card. "I wish just this one time you'd let me win, Rye."

She brings a small hand up to her face and giggles. "But then it wouldn't be any fun!" she explains with enthusiasm as she pairs yet another match. I take in the sight of her. Her waist length blonde hair is pulled tightly in the standard bun for Abnegation and her robe is a little too big on her so she rolled the sleeves up to her elbow to be more comfortable even if the Abnegation would not approve of her showing skin. She's too young to be worrying about whether her skin shows in her baggy robe or what she's going to choose on choosing day or to help people all the time.

I draw another card and Rye laughs because I have almost half the deck. If I did have any matches I wouldn't know because I could care less about winning. My mind is all over the place, occupied by different tragedies and heartbreak. The sickness has multiplied after the death of Xander and the doctors have finally gathered enough information from the patients to decree that the disease is terminal. Everyone who has it is now a living corpse.

Xander's funeral was yesterday. Abby and Jenna cried the entire time, every now and then sobbing out a few clear words like 'we miss you' and 'we love you' while the rest of the initiates held fast to each other. Tobias's face remained closed off to the world and to me as they lowered our dead initiate in the ground. I wanted to say something to help him unveil his emotions to me but every time I tried, I'd have empty, meaningless words in my mouth. So we remained, side by side, not touching, our flawless facades concealing our emotions.

Tobias has gotten very good at hiding his feelings for me in the past week. Every time we'd pass by in the hallway or catch each other's eye during lunch, he'd remain impassive and his eyes would harden at the sight of me. Sleeping was worse. I'd lay next to him, my mouth barely two centimeters from the nape of his neck, and feel like he was far away from this room, this compound, and finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved in with Caleb two days ago with no explanation and a couple of boxes. Gratefully, he didn't ask any questions and let me take the bed as he slept futon in his office. Every time I see Tobias, I feel a pinch of guilt and think that I am really going to going to say I'm sorry this time; I have the words ready on the tip of my tongue but before they fly, my pride steps in and reminds me of why I am angry at him and I end up walking past him, my emotions bottled up inside me. So that brings me to where I am now, playing go fish with a little girl who has somehow become my best friend in the last week.

Rye sighs as she lays down her last card in a pile of jacks.

"What's wrong, Rye?"

"I was just thinking I have been selfish in winning all of those games. My mother says it is awful to be selfish." She looks up, biting her bottom lip. "Am I selfish?"

I laugh, drop my cards, and lightly kiss her forehead. "No, Rye. Being good at something is not selfish. I would have been disappointed if you let me win."

She wears a lopsided smile as she asks, "Honest?"

I nod. I might have not been cut out for Candor but I would never lie to this little girl.

She brightens a little and scoops all the cards into a pile.

"I want to play a different game," She says as she shoves all the cards back into the box. I'm a little surprised at her request; she's never asked to play anything else other than Go Fish.

"Well, I don't think Caleb has any more games," I say truthfully. Caleb believes that games are a waste of time when there is other, more useful things to do in the compound.

She frowns. "Can we make up a game then?"

I shrug. "Sure."

Rye leans back on her hands and looks around Caleb's apartment. The walls are a pure white and the floor is a deep brown wool carpet for the living room and the kitchen has all cherry wood cabinets and floors, exactly like Tobias's apartment. Rye suddenly takes my hand, dragging me up on my feet, her eyes dancing with excitement as she states, "Let's play dress up!"

I blink, surprised at her suggestion. Where did she learn of a game like that? Certainly not in Abnegation. When I ask her, she smiles and says that one of the books she read in the library had characters dressing up in silly clothes and pretending they were princesses.

She leads me into the bedroom and shyly asks me if I have any clothes that would fit her to play in. I don't really, but I think of the dress that Christina bought me at the beginning of initiation that I never wear anymore and I rummage through a couple of boxes before I find it. When I show it to her, her jaw drops in awe and she tentatively fingers the black fabric. I help her out of her dull robes and she slips on the dress.

It's four sizes too big but it doesn't bother Rye as she takes in the girl in the mirror. She twirls around once and she laughs as one of the sleeves falls down her arm. "I think it's a little big."

I return the laugh and say, "I'll pin it in the back a little and it will be perfect."

I reach behind me for the little box of pins Caleb has sitting on his nightstand and pluck a couple from the box before I pinch back some of the fabric and pin it together to make the material around her chest and abdomen taut. When I'm finished, she twirls around once again at my request and the full skirt swirls around her legs. She tugs on the sleeves and when they don't fall, she beams in satisfaction.

"Now we need you to dress up!" She says.

"Oh, Rye. I don't really have anything to dress up in," I lie. I'm satisfied watching her in my dress.

"Please?" She pleads. "I'll help you."

Her eyes go big like she is trying to melt me and it works because I cave and let her dig around through my drawers. She's slipped on one of the two high heels I have and I can tell she's struggling keeping upright in them by the way the heels are wobbling. But she's content. I'm glad I can give a bit of happiness to her before she grows too old to enjoy it.

Suddenly, Rye gasps and pulls out something I forgot I had.

My wedding dress has wrinkles in the ruffled skirt and in the chest area but other than that, it is in perfect condition. I rise from the bed slowly and take the dress from Rye gently. So much has changed since the day I tried on this dress.

"It's beautiful," Rye whispers. I nod to agree with her. It's too beautiful for someone like me.

"You should wear it," Rye says.

I am about to tell her no but just as the words were about to leave my mouth, I catch sight of the snow white fabric and delicate patterns on the bodice and I am filled with the desire to try it on again, to make sure I haven't changed too much in the last few weeks. I go into the bathroom and change out of my old clothes and slip into the dress.

It's as beautiful as always but it's still not me. I'm not sure why I bought it in the first place. My ravens are in plain sight and I brush my fingers over them before pulling my hair over my shoulder so that I hide them.

When I finally come out of the bathroom, Rye isn't there. Panic threatens to settle itself inside me as I race as fast as I can in this dress out to the living room. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Rye perched on a chair by the table which is now full with a tea pot, dishes, sugar, and two cookies.

When Rye sees me she smiles. "You look like one of the princesses in the story."

"So do you."

She smiles again and looks down, blushing. I can't help but feel unexpected warmth at her meekness. In time, she'll be endearing and beautiful. I wonder if my mother thought the same thing of me.

Rye guides me to my seat at the table and has me sit in the chair across from her. I pour myself a glass of what Rye pretends is tea but it's really cider.

"Do you want sugar with your tea, my lady?" Rye asks with a funny accent to her voice that sounds very unpolished and thick.

"No thank you, Madame. I am _quite_ satisfied," I say, copying the lilt to her voice.

She raises her gaze to meet mine and we both burst out laughing. We sound ridiculous.

I pick up my cup after my laughter subsides and am about to take a sip when Rye stops me. "You have to put your pinkie up," She says. "Watch me." Rye demonstrates and I follow her lead.

"What book did you read that taught you how to do all this?" I ask, gesturing at the table.

"It was Princess and the Pauper, I think," She replies as she bites on a cookie. "It's one of my favorites."

"What is your favorite book?"

Her nose wrinkles as she thinks. After a moment of silence she says, "I really liked Green Eggs and Ham."

Her answer surprises me. She's read so many logical and information loaded books and _that_ is what she picks?

"Why?" I ask.

She gives me an insouciant shrug and replies, "The pictures are funny and I like Sam-I-am." She giggles. "He's cute."

I look down at my cookie on my plate and decide to be brave enough to try the cookie Caleb made. Caleb isn't the greatest chef. Let's just say that scrambled eggs are _not_ supposed to be crunchy. But I look over at Rye and she doesn't seem to be choking over it so I take a bite.

It's almost amazing at how good it tastes and decide to let Caleb cook tonight for once.

"Molly's sick," Rye says quietly, her lighthearted mood gone.

I peer at her over my cup and see her gaze fixed on the table. I set my cup down and sigh. Molly is only ten. Her mother brought her in to the hospital a couple of days ago and when I saw her cough up blood, I knew that she didn't have long left. The head doctor sent her home with a bottle of fever-reducing pills with an order to take one twice a day. When I asked him why he gave pills to a dying child he looked at me with grief ridden eyes and said, "When hope is the only thing you have left, you'll believe any lie too."

I didn't understand what he meant then but now, looking into Rye's watery eyes, I realize the impact of what he said. I'd do anything to spare her the death of her older sister, even if it means giving her false hope. But it's already too late. Rye is not oblivious of the words spoken between her father and mother about the terminal illness or the way her sister is becoming more and more yellow every day. So I only take her small hand in mine and whisper, "I'm sorry."

She lets a tear fall onto the table and wipes it away with a flick of her free hand.

"Me too" is her only reply.

For rest of the afternoon, Rye and I drink more 'tea' and dance to music we can only hear in dresses too extravagant for people like us and pretend that the entire world is inside this apartment. There's no sickness or death or sorrow. But, of course, there is always a bit of reality leaking through our fabricated world when we hear a sob echoing through the hallway or the unmistakable painful coughs of the sick. We are constantly reminded that the remainders of both our factions are a time ticking bomb.

* * *

"No!" shouts a blond haired Dauntless across from the table. Clearly she is upset about the doctor's suggestion. "No, I _will not_ be the one to announce that there isn't an antidote!" She looks around at the rest of us seated around the table. "Do any of you want to say to a husband or wife that is losing their partner and tell them there isn't _anything_ we can do for them?"

No, I think. I don't want to be the one to put out that little flame of hope.

"Do you want to lie to them?" says another boy closer to me. He can't be any older than fourteen. "Give them something false to cling to when, in reality, they are withering away?"

The girl and boy glare at each other longer than socially acceptable and then the girl sits down with a huff in defeat.

The head doctor stands and as he does his name tag glints in the light illuminating the name on it. Dr. Reed Morris it reads and of all the thoughts appropriate for the situation, only one thought hits me: Morris is not a Dauntless name. The thought is not particularly funny but I still find myself biting my lip to hold in a smile.

"We did not come here to fight on a matter that we cannot control," Dr. Morris says looking pointedly at the girl and boy who are avoiding each other. "We are here to cast in a serious vote on what we should tell our factions about the illness." He pinches his nose like Tobias does when he is trying to say something difficult.

"We all know that the disease is fatal for anyone who obtains it and that it is not contagious or hereditary." I think I hear someone mutter a 'thank God' under their breath but I can't be sure. "What we don't know is where this disease came from or what can cause it. And that, my friends, is what we need to find out. But before that can happen we need to decide on whether or not we should spare our factions of the truth."

Tobias said to me once that the truth is too powerful to remain caged. Is it? Or can we contain it long enough to spare our loved ones?

I look at him now from across the table where he is still looking at the doctor as he rattles on about the symptoms of the illness. All the leaders for Abnegation and Dauntless were required to be present for the meeting as well as the important staff members in the hospital but I know that if he could ignore this meeting, he would. His hair is longer than it should be but he finally shaved his stubble that began to emerge. But he is still unmistakably handsome and I feel an overwhelming urge for him, to kiss him, but I sit in my seat and avert my gaze back up to Dr. Morris.

Marcus shifts beside me in his seat and my body tenses. I don't like his body so close to mine. I'm sure Tobias doesn't like it either despite how mad he is at me by the way his fists clench on the table.

"...to make our vote. If you want our factions to know the truth your vote is yes and if you don't then vote no. No one will be excused from voting," Dr. Morris says snapping my attention back to him. The vote starts with the blonde haired girl who votes no. The no's continue until they get to the fourteen year old boy who looks the girl in eye and votes yes with confidence. People continue voting but I check out mentally. I think about how Rye looked just a few hours ago when she told me her sister was sick. Her usually bright demeanor dampened and her childhood ignorance was gone. How many children like Rye can I spare by holding back the truth?

"Miss Prior?" Dr. Morris calls to me and I look up. "Your vote?"

The answer is none. I can't spare those children. The truth is too powerful to contain. It will destroy us all no matter what my vote is. This realization sinks in and I say quietly, "I vote yes. Yes..." I pause, thinking of Rye's sweet face and her dying sister. "Yes for the children."

I hear a few murmurs of agreement and angry hisses of disagreement. Those voices don't matter to me. It's the following people that do.

"Yes," Marcus says with vigor. "It would be selfish to withhold the truth."

My eyes rest upon him for a second and I'm surprised to have his gaze fixed on me. His deep blue eyes same as Tobias's bore into mine and I don't like the way they look on him. On Tobias they are beautiful and mysterious but on Marcus they are deadly and dark, swirling with secrets.

I pull my eyes away from his and we both focus on the next person.

"No," Christina says. "I will not crush their hope."

Her eyes meet mine as a few people yell in her direction but she ignores them. She locks her gaze with mine and her facial expression tells me she's thinking of Will. Guilt crushes me but I hold her eyes in mine until we pull away simultaneously.

"Please!" Dr. Morris yells over the angry shouts. "Every person is inclined to their own opinion." The shouts slowly come to a stop and when they do Dr. Morris continues. "We have a tie. Our last voter will vote will determine what way we will approach the situation."

Every eye fixates on our last voter.

Tobias does not look up from the table even though I am certain he can feel the stares of fourteen people bearing into his face. I've always loved his stubbornness, his refusal to give into something he does not believe is right. I hope that does not fail him now.

He finally looks up after a long minute and his eyes find me across the table. These same eyes that crinkled in a smile when he laughs or hardens when he's angry now are careful to release any emotion. But I can see it; I can his facade cracking. Instead of the relief I thought I'd feel at his crack, I feel like crying.

He looks defeated.

He doesn't acknowledge the stares daggering into him from the other people at the table or the fact that half the people in this room are holding their breath. His only focus is on me. How much are we really alike? Do I really know Tobias as well I think I do? His next answer will answer both of my questions.

"Yes," He says, his eyes never leaving mine. He doesn't provide an explanation like the rest of us did. But his intention is clear to me: he will not stand ignorant as the people of both our factions wither away when he knows the truth. They deserve to know.

We are more alike than I thought.

The silence is deafening for a minute as his words sink in.

Then the shouting begins.

* * *

**A/N: Before you go all, that sounds familiar, I will disclaim it. Yes, that last sentence came from Insurgent. I just loved the way it wrapped up the book, but also had a touch of a cliffhanger. So I thought I'd try it out on the chapter! Hate it? Love it? Review! It's serious motivation! **

**Oh and I got a few requests to show everyone what Tris's wedding dress looks like so if you want to see it, head on over to my profile and click on the link. :)**

** From now on, though, the chapters will be a bit shorter due to school starting. :/ Oh well. And I won't be able to update for a bit 'cause I have to crack down on my AP history summer homework. Ugh. Until next time!**


	14. The Truth is Too Powerful to Hide

****Important A/N: **

**Hi everybody! Just wanted to get three things out there:**

**1. The illness can effect _anyone_. Not just children and teens. I've been focusing on the children because that particular age group is where the illness is the most effective on. You'll find out why in the next chapter. :)**

**2. School is starting September 4th for me so after that date my chapters will not be as frequent as they have been. I'll try to update every two weeks (usually weekends). If they aren't up, blame it on volleyball and AP. **

**3. YOU GUYS! We made it to 100 reviews! I'm so happy right now! Thank you all so much! It really means a lot to me!**

**This chapter goes out to lighthouse63. I think you'll like this chapter. ;)**

* * *

I wake with a scream in my mouth.

Tonight, the nightmares are worse than usual. Normally, I'd see Eric trying to plunge a needle into my neck or Tobias trying to strangle me. This time, though, it's a thousand times worse because I know the dream I had was not a nightmare. It happened. My doing.

_Will._

He didn't even cry out as the bullet hit him. Instead, he crumpled to the ground like a broken toy. I shove the sweat soaked comforter off of my body and sit up in my bed. There won't be any more sleep for me tonight. I recall the way Christina looked at me after her vote. She still blames me for Will's death. No matter how much she can try to lose herself in her love for Uriah, there will always be the question of what could have been. Of what could have been if I hadn't pulled the trigger.

Suddenly, I remember that I am sleeping in the same apartment as Caleb. What if I woke him? I stumble into the living room, still sleep-ridden and cross the carpet until I get to the room he calls his office. It's UNBELIEVABLY messy for someone who is so logical but I breathe out a sigh of relief when I see him passed out on the futon, his arm thrown over the edge and papers stacked underneath his abdomen. He must have been exhausted. I walk back out to the living room and find one of the few fluffy blankets Caleb has and drag it back into the office. I throw it over the top of his sleeping figure and push his bangs out of his eyes before I leave the room.

Throwing on a robe, I tread to the couch where I sit down and rub my eyes.

_Will. Will. Will._

A strangled cry escapes my throat and before I know it I'm wiping away a couple of tears that have spilled from my eyes. I can't rid myself of the grief that I know all too well but am usually able to push it to the back of my mind. Tonight, I fall apart. My mother, my father, Will, innocent Abegnation children, dead leaders, Dauntless members all gone. Some were my fault. Now, I have the weight of the illness pressing down on me.

After the voting, the people present at the meeting made way to an old ballroom I didn't even know we had. There, we stood in front of what was left of our two factions. Dr. Morris stood on a podium and explained to everyone the truth. He told them what symptoms to look for and who can be affected by it. When he said there was not an antidote for the ill, a few cried out, some in anger, some in sorrow. But when he painfully explained that all who fall to the disease will die, the entire room was filled with cries and shouts of parents, children, and initiates alike. One person that caught my eye was Delilah. She clung to Gabe's arm and he pulled her into his side, as of to hold her up. The look on both their faces said they were thinking of Xander. They didn't utter a word as the left the ballroom alone.

I sniffle again and wipe my nose with my sleeve. An ache fills up inside my chest for my mother and my father but I can't have them. I don't have the right to have them back after I lead them to their deaths. But I can't stop crying and the ache won't stop getting bigger and bigger. I wrap my robe tighter around my body and stand up. I don't want to spend the rest of this night alone.

* * *

The hallways are disturbingly loud for this time of night with the coughing and vomiting of the ill as I walk. People are hustling in and out of rooms passing by me but they don't even notice I'm here. Good; I prefer it that way. When I make my way down the hallway I know so well, I peek in the initiates' room.

They look peaceful but I know they aren't asleep. Delilah's breaths are uneven, Jenna sniffles once, and Rex keeps tossing and turning. Even the healthy are being affected by the illness. I close the door quietly, glad that they are okay. Ever since Xander's death, I have become paranoid about the safety and health of my initiates because they are not only my students anymore. They have become my family.

I tread softly, careful not to make any noise the rest of the way. It wouldn't matter if I did; most of the people are awake in the compound anyway. When I finally arrive at his door, I just stand outside it, not touching or even standing close to it. Just standing there. I don't know what's the matter with me. I've done this a million times and I had never had a problem before. Maybe it's because of the way he looked at me at the meeting yesterday or maybe it's because I can't even bring myself to look him in the eye most days. I just don't know. But I do know that I'm not going to live this way anymore.

I place my hand on the door and let my fingers slide over the brass knob. _You can do this_, I coach myself silently. My hand gives the knob a quick twist and I push.

The door isn't opening.

A laugh bubbles out of me. Of _all_ the times that Tobias forgot his keys and left his door unlocked, he chooses tonight, of all nights, to lock it. My laugh becomes almost hysterical as I place a hand on the door to keep myself from falling over. But as soon as my laughter starts, it stops. I break down into tears, sobbing. My back presses against the door and I slide to the floor. I press my hands into my eyes to try to stop the tears.

"Tris?"

My head snaps up.

Tobias stands in the hallway with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. His shirt is buttoned wrong but I couldn't care less. Just the sight of him makes me feel at ease.

"Tobias," I start but my voice cracks and the tears come trailing down my cheeks.

I can't seem to stop crying tonight.

He doesn't come toward me or make any move to so I stay put, unable to move from the floor.

"What are you doing here, Tris?" He questions. He doesn't sound angry or sad or even curious. He sounds hollow.

"I-I..." I sniffle. "The nightmares...they were- and I-" I'm not making any sense and I break down again putting my head in my heads and manage to moan out one eligible word: Will. The sound of his name makes Tobias move forward. He scoops me into his arms and gently forces me to stand. My arms clasp around his waist fiercely as his head rests on top of mine and his hands press on my back, warm and strong. I never knew he was this strong. So strong to keep me steady with his physical and emotional, strength. I was so wrong, so very wrong, to think I didn't need him because I do.

My nose presses into his chest and I smell the same smell that he leaves every morning on the bed when he leaves for work: wood chips. It's the most beautiful smell in the world. "I can't..." I start but realize that's not what I want to say. "I don't want to..."

"You can sleep here," Tobias says quietly as if he read my mind.

I nod, assuring him that's what I want to do. He nods back as if he is trying to convince himself that this is okay. We guide each other into his apartment and head straight to the bedroom. Slowly, I slip under the covers as Tobias sits at the edge of the bed, the middle of his back in line with my belly button, careful not to get too close to me.

A blush flares on my cheeks from the way I acted just a few minutes ago and I pray he can't see it. It would only make things worse between us. So I close my eyes and try to pretend he isn't here.

Except, that is impossible. His pure presence alone makes me shiver.

I'm feeling the same thing I felt on the Ferris wheel the night of capture the flag. I know that if he touched me right now, I wouldn't be able to control myself. He has that effect on me.

Suddenly, Tobias kisses my forehead and brushes a few stray hairs out of my face. I can feel his stare through closed eyelids and find that it's really hard to breathe. Then he stands up from the bed and makes his way towards the door. A nervous panic rises inside me as I see him leaving. Don't, I want to say. Don't go, don't leave, just...

"Stay," I say with such desperation, such weakness, that I am ashamed of myself. But I am beyond caring. "Please stay."

He turns his head to look at me. Our eyes meet and instead of the hardness I have grown accustomed to during the past week, I see something else.

I see love.

He nods and retraces his steps back to the bed. As he slips under the covers beside me, I hear him whisper a single word.

"Okay."

* * *

I wake once again in the early hours of the morning but this time it's not because of the nightmares. It's due to the closeness of Tobias pressed up against me, heat radiating off of him.

I feel selfish, foolish, for coming here and making him believe that everything between us is okay when it's not. It's so far from that. He's no fool, though. He understands that I can't say sorry when I'm not. The only thing I'm sorry for is not being able to realize sooner my mistake in coming here.

I kiss him on the cheek lightly and brush back his hair from his face then I carefully unwrap his arm from my waist and lift the covers from my body. As I lift myself from the bed, I look at him once more.

I want the space between us to disappear; I'm tired of it.

But I can't.

Our secrets and mistrust form a barrier between us.

I turn away from him and leave him in his apartment alone, my side of the bed empty as it should be.

I am a selfish fool.

* * *

"You could have saved her! You let her die!"

The screams of a young man wake me up. He continues screaming at someone about his wife. His dead wife.

We're all dropping like flies.

I sit up in Caleb's bed and sigh. I can't save anyone.

I walk to the kitchen to get breakfast and try to ignore the screams of the man. Opening the cupboards, I see that Caleb has yet again forgotten to buy groceries and I roll my eyes. I swear, for someone who is a former Erudite member he is so illogical at times. I mean, if there isn't cereal, milk, eggs, _or_ bagels it would be common sense to take a trip to buy some food.

"Caleb!" I shout as I search the fridge. Nothing. "Caleb!"

I wander around the apartment, weaving in and out of each room looking for my brother. When I come to his office, I see papers still scattered around the floor and pencils strewed across the table top of his desk. Caleb must have left in a hurry this morning.

I'm turning around to leave when my foot steps on a paper and rips the edge. I curse under my breath and pick it up. Maybe if I can tape the ripped edge and the paper back together he won't notice. I turn it right side up and start to inspect how I can fix it when I read some of the words on the sheet.

**Stage One:**

_**Dizziness**_

_**Vomiting**_

_**Headache**_

_**Slight Delirium**_

_**Escalating fever**_

_**Loss of appetite**_

**Stage Two:**

_**Yellow Eyes**_

_**Yellow skin**_

_**Extreme confusion**_

_**Hallucinations**_

_**Death**_

I cringe when I come to the last word. But I look over the sheet one more time to confirm that Caleb wrote down symptoms of the disease. My heart swells and I smile. He must be working on an antidote. Then we can stop this pandemonium. Curiosity gets the best of me and I look around the room again and think, what else has he uncovered about the illness? How close is he from finding a cure? But Caleb would be so angry if I went through his things without permission. Plus, it would be incredibly selfish of me. But if he didn't know...

I curl my head back and call out, "Caleb? Are you in here?"

Again, silence greets me.

I drop the paper back on the floor where I found it and move to his desk. Now that I'm closer, I can see that most of the books and papers on his desk are books regarding different needles and syringes to give to patients and that most of the papers are various notes Caleb took. I leaf through them and see Caleb has marked down several people's names that have the illness including Rye's sister, Molly. That makes sense; who wouldn't take note on who has it and who doesn't? But then I see that he took their age and their mental condition into consideration. What does metal stability and age have to do with this?

My brow furrows. The answer is nothing. Everyone is who is affected by the disease can be any age in any metal stability. Caleb knows that.

Suddenly, I hear a ding on Caleb's computer and I jump as the sound penetrates through the silence. After the initial shock of the sound, I quickly turn around and make sure Caleb hasn't walked in. It's still vacant so I open up his email account and scroll through the messages until I get to the one that he hasn't opened yet. The sender's name is from a person named J and I doubt that that is the person's full name. I open the file and quickly scan over the email.

_Caleb,_

_An update on the factions:_

_Benny is in Amity. He has gathered the people's medical health among the faction and has concluded that the illness has multiplied throughout the past week. Still no word on what age or mental health these people are in. Emerson is in Candor but the sickness has not reached the faction yet._

_Has the contamination gone into effect for the Dauntless compound? If so, have you accumulated who is being affected by it? I should think if you administered the virus right, it would be highly effective by now._

_Jeanine_

I stumble backward quickly as if the computer is poison. Caleb is not helping us find an antidote.

He's trying to kill us.

"Beatrice?"

I freeze.

Caleb is back.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading and REVIEW!**


	15. The Truth in a Lie

There is a point in every life where there is a brief moment in time where you know, in the deep part of your gut, that something bad is about to happen. That thought alone can still your thoughts and paralyze you or you can go into action with your fists balled tight and ready to go.

I fall into the paralyzed category.

"Beatrice?" Caleb calls out again.

I try to clear my throat but end up squeaking out, "In here, Caleb."

My eyes frantically search the room for something that I can take with me to show that my brother, my selfless brother, is not so selfless after all. Finally my eyes land on the sheet that named all the people who had the illness and I stuff it into the pocket of my sweatshirt along with a few other papers beside it.

Caleb rounds the corner to the office and as soon as he sees me he frowns.

"What are you doing in here?" He asks and, briefly, his eyes flick over to the computer and back to me in a nervous glance. It would be a harmless wander of the eye to the outside person but to me it only confirms that he is hiding something.

"Well, Caleb," I say, thankful my voice is confident and strong," yesterday I walked in here to give you a blanket so you wouldn't be cold and saw this mess." I wave a fleeting hand over the papers and books lying on the floor. "So I thought I'd clean up a bit in here."

He looks at me for a moment as if he is sizing me up and I swear the papers are burning a hole in my pocket.

"Thanks, Beatrice," he says and gives me a lopsided smile. It makes my stomach clench and giant butterflies swarm around inside every inch of my body.

It takes every fiber I have to smile back. "My pleasure, Caleb." I walk towards him and the doorway that will get me out of here. He grabs my wrist at the last second and it sends a jolt of shock through me. "Are you okay?" he asks, his face etched with worry.

Yeah, Caleb, even though I find out that you're working for Jeanine, plotting a plan that would potentially kill half the members in our factions, and lying to my face, I'm just peachy.

"I feel fine," I say with a bit of hardness I didn't mean to add.

"Are you sure?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, Caleb, I'm fine," I stress and manage to pull off a smile. "I'm heading off to Christina's apartment to eat breakfast, okay?"

I don't wait for an answer as I finally maneuver around him and push open the door that leads out of this wretched apartment. I have never felt a nervous panic like that in my life. Like if I said or did the wrong thing he'd turn into a cold blooded murderer.

My _brother_.

I shiver involuntarily and take a step forward and then another and another until I'm in a full out sprint in the direction of the only apartment I know, without a doubt, that the occupant will know how to deal with this.

* * *

"Zeke!" I shout as I pound on the door. "Zeke!"

He opens the door with Uriah close behind. "Jesus, Tris. What is _wrong_ with you? It's six thirty in the morning!" He sighs and rubs his eyes. "Four's keys are on the counter in the kitchen."

"This is not about Four," I hiss and push Uriah and him out of the way as I enter the threshold. "It's about this." I slam the fistful of papers down on the table in front of me. Curious, they walk up to stand on either side of me and peer over the papers. Zeke slowly reaches forward and picks up one of the crumpled sheets as if it might bite him.

"What is this?" Uriah asks me as Zeke reads one of the papers. I don't answer him and instead look at Zeke, waiting for his opinion. It must be a full minute before he acknowledges me.

"Where did you find this?" He demands in a cold tone.

I hesitate. My brother may be plotting against the factions with Jeanie, of all people, but does he deserve to be killed? No, he doesn't. But I will make sure that doesn't happen even if it means putting my life on the line in the process.

My voice cracks as I say, "Caleb."

Uriah hisses between his teeth behind me and picks up one of the sheets on the table to read it.

"Are you sure?" Zeke asks in a hushed whisper as if someone is listening in on our conversation.

I nod, not trusting my voice.

"_Caleb?_" he asks again as if he can't believe it. I don't blame him; I don't believe it either.

I nod again and Zeke steps forward and encircles me into his arms. I'd shatter into a million pieces on the floor, unable to put myself back together again if he wasn't holding on to me so tight.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into my hair and my eyes start to tear up. But I will not cry. I won't.

I don't answer him. I wouldn't have got the chance to before he says, "You know we have to take him in and question him, right?"

I knew that before I came here but it still stings my heart a little when I hear it coming from his mouth.

I whisper a soft yes and Zeke steps away from me and puts his hands on my shoulders. "If you're not okay with this, I can question him by myself. Just say no and I'll take him in alone."

I'm confused for a moment when he says this. Would it make a difference if he was questioned alone or in front of a group? But then it hits me. I am a Dauntless leader as is Tobias and we will both be required to be there. Do I want to find out what my brother has done to corrupt the factions?

I lift my head in the air slightly as if I am going to say something intelligent and witty but all that comes out is a simple yes.

But, yet again, nothing is that simple anymore.

* * *

We meet in a room that I can only describe as solitary and cold. Caleb's hands are pulled tight behind his back by Uriah and Rex who are pushing him into the room where the counsel consisting of the leaders of each faction besides Erudite are sitting. I grab onto Tobias' forearm as they shove him into a chair forcefully. We're still not on the best terms but right now it's not my top priority to make up with him.

Tobias lays his right hand over the top of mine as if to say, be brave. He knows how hard this is going to be for me.

Caleb screams once again to know what is going on when Zeke slams down another chair opposite of him and says, "I will be the only one asking questions."

I've never seen Zeke this serious before. He's always laughing, always pulling one prank or another on someone. Once after he found out I was dating Tobias, he gave me a box full of birth control pills and condoms. I remember wishing that he'd just be serious for even a minute. Now that I have seen it I'm not sure at like it.

The entire room is silent as Zeke asks the first question.

"Did you or did you not pass emails back and forth between Jeanie Matthews, the head leader of the Erudite faction?"

Caleb's eyes widen slightly and flick over to me and in that tiny second, I see real, true terror in my brother's green eyes. I squeeze Tobias' arm tighter.

"No," he says defiantly. "I did nothing of the sort."

Zeke quirks an eyebrow. "Oh really? Then explain this." He flings one of the papers sitting behind him at Caleb. Caleb reads over it and when he finishes, he sets the paper down with shaking hands.

"Would you like to change your answer, Mr. Prior?"

I hold my breath. The values of Candor have never been Caleb's strong point but I am hoping that his roots to our Abnegation background will pry the truth out of him to save the lives of others.

"Yes," Caleb says, his tone cold. "I did contact Jeanine Matthews."

"On what topic?"

Caleb shrugs. "Many topics."

"Specifically..." Zeke leads.

"How my friends are doing back in Erudite, her experiments with childhood development, and the structure of the Erudite compound."

"None of these emails contained the topic of the disease?"

Caleb rolls his eyes. It shocks me how he is being sarcastic with Zeke right now. "Of course they did."

"And what are in these emails?"

"Information on the illness."

Zeke is starting to get frustrated with Caleb's vague answers. "Mr. Prior, I will expect you to be more lenient with the information you are withholding from the counsel otherwise we will be forced to use the truth serum on you."

I stiffen. I have heard the things the truth serum can do to a person once they are under. Once they insert it, your body becomes slack and so does your mouth. Everything you are keeping inside yourself comes out without your choice.

Caleb must come to this realization too because he lets out a shaky breath and says, "Alright. We talked about how the illness is affecting the factions and how many people fell to it."

"What, exactly, do you mean by how many people fell to it?"

I swear Caleb locks eyes with Rex when he says, "Died because of it."

Pain stabs my heart. _Xander_. I think of his smile and how he would always tap Abby's nose when she did something right and how he was always shy but all the initiates loved him regardless.

"Did you or Jeanine have anything to do with the illness?" Zeke asks but then he shakes his head. "Never mind. We already know the answer to that. What I'd really like to ask is _how_ you had something to do with this."

Caleb writhes his hands together as he says, "Jeanine...told me things. Things about..." He pauses as if it is okay to say the next word. He must decide it is because he whispers," Things about Divergents."

My brows pull together as I think about his confession. Divergents and the illness have no connection whatsoever...right?

"What does this have to do with the illness?" Zeke asks.

Caleb throws up his hands in exasperation. He's probably frustrated that the counsel is not catching on as quickly as he'd like. Sorry, Caleb, not all of us are Eurdite.

"It has _everything_ to do with it!" he exclaims. "_They _are the reason this disease is happening! _They_ are the reason we formed the contamination!"

"You formed a contamination?"

"Yes."

"And when you formed this drug, did it occur to you that it would not be only harming Divergents but children as well?"

Caleb flinches slightly at that. "I was not aware that it would be harming children under the age of sixteen until Jeanine told me that those children are potential Divergents and that they must be disposed of."

My stomach boils with anger. How dare she talk about those children like they are nothing more than one of her experiments? How could Caleb believe someone that our father despised?

"So you put together a drug that would only harm Divergents and children under the age of sixteen, correct?"

I have to look away when I see Caleb nod.

"Can you explain to the counsel how this drug works?"

Caleb faces the entire group of people for the first time and he says," The drug is a lot like something called an anti-depressant except the drug shows no signs of having the drug in your system until the drug is gone. Now, this drug can only be effective if it has been inside the body for a considerable amount time and your immune system has grown accustomed to it. If the person taking this drug would slowly withdrawal away from it, the person would be just fine. But pulling away from it all at once can be deadly."

I can see the gleam in Caleb's eye as he talks about the drug. It's like this whole thing is some sort of experiment to him. And I hate myself. I hate myself for hating him because he was brainwashed by the sick leader of Erudite.

"If you pull away from it so suddenly, the immune system will have no chance to defend the body because the drug is already in the bloodstream," Caleb continues. "The drug will attack the immune system first, of course, then move onto organs like the kidneys, digestive system, and then, eventually, the brain. When it reaches the brain, it will attack the cortex part of the brain where dreams and such are formed. The drug, once it reaches that point, will behave much like the fear stimulation. It will bring out the person's worst fears and make them believe that those fears are the reality."

The room is silent as all of us process the information he just gave us. Xander was having a hallucination when he attacked Rex. It makes so much more sense now.

Zeke breaks the silence a few minutes later. "And how did you plan on using it?"

Caleb ponders this for a second and says, "Well we thought about the water system but then I remembered that some of the ingredients would damage the system and that would be tragic for all of the factions."

"Then how did you manage to spread the illness among the factions?"

Caleb won't answer. Zeke keeps talking and talking and asking until his face turns an angry red and I am sure my face is an angry red too when I stand out if my chair and snap, "How did you spread it, Caleb?"

He looks at me and do I see...remorse? Regret?

"In Amity it was the apples, and in Candor we tried to contaminate the hamburgers but Emerson, being the idiot that he is-"

"I don't want to hear about your stupid friends," I say, cutting him off. "How did you poison Abnegation and Dauntless?"

He leans forward and clasps his hands tightly in front of him like if his doesn't he's either going to punch someone or break down into tears. Maybe both.

"You," he says quietly," are not a stupid girl, Beatrice. Think about it. _Think_."

I want to yell at him that I am thinking, that is all I do, but nothing comes out. What is he trying to get me to remember? What is he trying to tell me? I think back to when I first got back to Dauntless and then I'm thinking of initiation and how all of the initiates had no idea what the food tasted like here especially...

I intake a breath sharply as it hits me.

"The cake," I murmur.

Caleb nods, not meeting my eyes. "I know that Dauntless is known for their chocolate cake so I figured that it would be the quickest to spread."

"But Abnegation-"

"Had their fair share of cake as well," Caleb finishes. I wait for him to explain because Abnegation would not eat something as extravagant as chocolate cake. "Dauntless members offered the people of Abnegation a piece of cake at every meal and the faction thought it would be rude and selfish to turn it away."

Caleb looks up at me now and I see that his eyes have a thin layer of tears lining the swirls of green. "And I am so sorry, Beatrice. I didn't know! I swear I didn't know."

I'm confused. What is he talking about?

"Caleb..." I start but he cuts me off.

"I didn't know until that day in the cafeteria when you started bleeding that you were...and I..." Caleb wipes away a few tears and in that moment I know what he is saying and I hate it. I hate hate _hate _it. I hate him. "The baby didn't even need the withdrawal from the drug for the illness to become effective. It was just so small. And you didn't get sick because the drug can only affect one person..."

He's saying more but I am only hearing the whirring in my ears. The illness killed my baby. The illness killed my baby. Jeanine Matthews killed my baby.

_My_

_Brother_

_Killed_

_My_

_Baby._

As he is forming the next word in his sentence, I slap him hard across the face. Shock registers across my brother's face and I slap a hand over my mouth so that I don't scream something insane. But I am insane; I swear I am when I clench my fingers around the collar of his shirt, our father's shirt, and rip a chunk of fabric off.

He took something from me so why can't I take something from him?

I'm screaming so loud that my throat is throbbing and my eyes are burning. Tobias punches Caleb in the jaw and I can see from here that big fat tears are rolling down both their cheeks.

We're broken and this time I don't think we can be put back together.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Next chapter should be out soon. Review!**


	16. At the Bottom of the Bottle

**A/N: Just a couple shoutouts: **

**Thank you to my amazing betas! They are seriously incredible and put such hard work into editing. And thank you to MMjrox88 for pointing out a mistake in the last chapter! Can't believe I missed that! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Seven."

I look up at Rye who is peering down at the needle in my hand with a look that says she doesn't want it near her. "Seven what?" I ask.

"That's the seventh time you poked me with that thing," she replies, shying away from the sewing needle. I sigh. I honestly didn't mean to poke her. She got a rip in the black dress I gave her and she didn't want to ask her mother to sew something she isn't supposed have, so she came to me. My sewing skills rank somewhere between my expertise for makeup and knife throwing which is towards the very bottom of things I am good at.

"Sorry, Rye, my mind is all over the place," I sigh as I start threading the fabric together again.

"Where is it?" she asks innocently.

I pause. I could tell her exactly where it is. My mind is back to three days ago when I saw a man kill his own child with a knife claiming the child "needed to get out of its misery". The man was my next door neighbor. I moved in with Zeke after that, who lives the farthest from my apartment, besides Christina and Uriah who are sharing an apartment together, and the last thing I want to be is the third wheel. Tobias offered to have me back in his apartment again, but I saw the way he looked when he said it. It was like he offered because he felt obligated to. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was a little concerned that a murder was living next door to me, but things aren't exactly lovey dovey between us since Caleb was taken into Dauntless custody along with Peter who was also in the plot. The day after Peter was taken into custody, I wanted to go talk to Caleb but Tobias threw a fit. Long story short, we got into a huge argument over it and now our relationship is in an even worse position than it was before.

I could tell Rye all of this but instead I tap her nose and say, "Way up in the clouds with the birds."

She smiles. "I think it's with mean and nasty pirates on the sea and it's walking the plank." She holds out two of her fingers and taps the air with them, imitating legs walking.

"Maybe something will eat it when it falls off," I suggest as I sew another piece together.

"Definitely," Rye agrees holding back a smile. "Probably by a shark with teeth as large as a whale."

"Mammoth," I argue, our voices rising with every new word.

"Mountain."

"Earth."

"Sun."

"Milky way."

"Galaxy!" Rye cries out excitedly.

I tap my chin playfully, pretending to think over her suggestion. "Well, I think that _is_ the biggest. But...you forgot the-"

"UNIVERSE!" We shout at the exact same time, causing us to giggle.

"Right. So my mind got eaten by a shark with teeth as big as the universe."

"And it fell off the plank," Rye reminds me watching me tie off the thread.

"Well, my mind had quite the adventure it seems."

She nods and I laugh at her effort to appear uncurious about outside of Dauntless, but she fails miserably. Her eyes sparkle with yearning for new things and adventures and someday I hope she will get those things.

I finger the side of the dress that I fixed and examine my handiwork. The stitching is not very neat but it holds the dress together so I am satisfied.

"There," I say. "All done."

Rye wipes her palms down the sides of her dress and smiles. "It was very kind of you to fix my dress."

Her comment makes the corners of my mouth twitch downward. I hate it when she says things like that because I am not a very kind person. When I came to Dauntless, kindness was considered weakness so I traded it for ferocity. I regret it.

But I force myself to smile anyway, lower my voice to a soft whisper, and say, "My pleasure."

I take her hand and lead her to the kitchen where I have a sack of potatoes, corn on the cob, and bread rolls laid out on the counter, waiting to be cooked. Zeke will be back in an hour and we're eating supper with Christina, Uriah, and Rye. Rye goes right to work on taking the corn husks off the cobs and I start peeling the potatoes.

"Do you have any more books for me, Tris?" She asks, looking up hopefully at me as she sits on the floor, Indian style, and peels another husk off. I wish I could tell her I did but I have been so preoccupied with the illness that I haven't had much time to think of anything else.

"No, Rye. I'm sorry."

She nods, frowning, and looks back down at the corn again and I feel guilty. I promised her three weeks ago I'd sneak a couple of books to her from the library and I should have had plenty of time to do this little deed for her. Another thought hits me and I smile, knowing how I can brighten her spirits.

"I have an idea," I say as I peel back another potato skin. "What if we created our own story?"

She looks up, hesitant. "I don't know if that is a good idea."

"Why not?" I question, surprised that she is considering declining my offer. She NEVER does that.

"Because..." she pauses. "Because I just want to listen to a story. Not make one up."

"Well I can make up the story and you can just listen," I suggest.

She nods and picks up another cob as I begin my story.

I tell her the first thing I can think of, which is also the thing I hold most tender to my heart: my family. The story starts with two children named Alice and Sam who lived in a gray house with their parents, went to school every day, and did what was expected of them. They learned to become models of their parents, who were the perfect example of everything a person should be.

Then the story molds itself into something entirely different. Instead of the amplitude test tearing the family apart, like most families living in the factions, a tornado separates the family into different parts of the city. The brother lands in Erudite, the sister lands in Dauntless, and the mother and father stay in Abnegation. They try to forget each other, to move on with their separate lives, and they do, for a while. Sam learns about the world through books, Alice falls in love with a boy, and their parents throw themselves into helping the poor. But they can't forget each other. Their love is too strong, like each heart has a balloon string and they are all tied together in one unbreakable knot. Each of the family members gives up something to get back together. Sacrifice, I have learned, can either save you or break you to pieces.

By the time I am done with the story, the corn and bread rolls are done and piping hot, the potatoes heated and mashed, and Rye and I are curled up on the couch. Her head leans into the right side of my rib cage, making it so every time I inhale, her head lifts with my breath. My arm is around her and both our eyes are drooping even though it's only seven O'clock when the story finally ends with the family eating supper together in that gray house, happy and content. Minutes pass before Rye says, "That story was about you, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," I sigh as I run a finger through her long, blonde hair.

"You were Alice, right?"

I nod.

"I like Alice," she whispers. I want to say I like Alice too, but I can't. I can't because I know Alice, and Alice is not a very nice, likable person at all. A nice, likable person would not kill one of her best friends.

"I like you," I say and I mean every word. Rye more than just a companion; she is my little sister, my child.

"Did your family get back together?" she asks, yawning.

It is an innocent question. So innocent and harmless coming from a girl who cried when she realized that hamburgers were made from live cows that I almost lie to her to protect that innocence. Almost. Y

"No," I say, that one word almost choking me. "We are farther apart ever. The tornado is still turning." I make a twirling motion with my fingers to try and lighten the mood but it's futile because we both know that this is not a lighthearted subject.

We sit, huddled on the couch together, for longer than we should, but no one is telling us to get off so we do as we please. I even catch myself drifting off a couple of times. On my third time nodding off, Rye says sleepily,"Tris?"

"Yeah?"

"I think your story is my favorite book of all time."

If only it could have happened in real life, I think. If life was fair and good all the time, I'd be having supper with my parents and showing off my fiancé to them while Caleb shoots him a dirty look. But life isn't fair because I want it so bad, and yet I can never have it. I don't deserve to have that life because my parents died because of me.

With this realization, I whisper softly, "Me too."

* * *

After a long, draining, supper with Zeke, Christina, Rye, and Uriah, I am wandering the hallways toward the library to check out two books I think Rye will love.

Supper was less than enjoyable with the prolonged silence and tension between everyone despite Rye, who talked the entire time during the meal about why trees change color in the fall. Zeke was the only one who attempted to start up another conversation, but somehow, it always came back to the illness. Everything, no matter what it is, seems to always come back to it.

Just as I am entering the library, I hear a loud shatter coming not too far down the hallway. My brow furrows as I walk toward where the noise came from. Not too many people use these rooms except if people want to be alone. The thought stops me from opening the door right away when I get there. If they wanted to be alone, why should I be the one to intrude? But I push open the door anyway because part of me is worried that someone is hurt and the other part of me is way too curious for my own good.

I step into the room and see a man slouched over in an armchair hanging onto a liquor bottle that's almost empty. His entire appearance looks disheveled, like he just woke up in the morning and didn't bother to change his clothes or run a comb through his hair. I take in my surroundings and find there really isn't anything to look at. Besides the armchair, there is a small table across from a torn couch which is facing the armchair that the man is sitting in. The floors are concrete and the walls appear to be a deep red but it's too dim in the room to be sure. There is a corner off to my right that is littered with glass shards that the man probably threw not too long ago. I also see little blood trails staining the floor. I clear my throat and say, "Are you okay?"

The man's back stiffens visibly and he slowly turns around. I intake a sharp breath when I see dark blue irises and gray robes.

"Marcus?"

He takes a moment to look me over and slurs, "Ah, Beatrice. How lovely of you to join me." He raises his bottle, like he is making a toast to me, and then dips it back in his mouth. He's drunk. The thought makes me angry for no reason. If he wants to get drunk, why should it bother me? Maybe I'm angry because he has found a way to escape this world and its dying people for a short while.

"I heard something crash in here," I say to clarify I was not coming to ruin his drinking binge.

"Oh yes. I threw my glass over against the wall over there. No harm done."

He doesn't offer an explanation and I don't ask for one.

"Are you bleeding?" I ask.

He looks at his hand but by the way his eyes are glassed over, he's not really seeing it clearly. "Well, I guess I am!" He says like he won some huge prize and laughs. I don't join in.

"I'll go look for a bandage," I say and start to leave the room.

"No thank you, Beatrice," He says. "I will be fine."

"I think you need a bandage," I push, wanting to get out of this room and his presence.

"I think what I need is another drink." He points to a small crate I didn't see and asks me to grab him another bottle. I don't want to, but I find myself holding the neck of a bottle of vodka and making my way back to Marcus, who is still seated in the arm chair.

He thanks me and the bottle comes open with a loud snap.

"Would you like a drink?" He asks as he fills another small glass.

I'm about to say no when I think, what have I got to lose? My baby? My fiancé? I think we both know I lost those a while ago without any help from Marcus.

"Yes," I tell him and he places the glass in my hand. It's a clear liquid that I would mistake as water if not for the pungent smell of it, which smells a lot like rubbing alcohol. My nose wrinkles in disgust. Why would anyone want to drink something that smells like a hospital?

"Are you just going to stare at it?" Marcus asks loudly and, as he gestures at my drink, some of the liquid tips over his glass and spills on his gray pants.

"No," I snide, and tilt the glass up to my lips. The liquid runs down my throat, leaving a trail of fire there. It _burns_. My eyes water to the point where they are threatening to spill over and I cough over and over again making the burning sensation even worse. Marcus hands me a glass of water and I drink it thirstily, glad for something to sooth my throat.

Even though it tastes awful, I like the way my mind feels after the sip of the spirit. It's like my head is stuffed with cotton balls and the edges of the room are blurry. Colors seem a little brighter and, as I go in for a second shot and then a third, the room seems to tip a bit. Kind of like I feel if I get up too fast, or take to many rides on the merry-go-round.

By now, I am seated across from Marcus on the couch, with my feet propped up on the arm rest and my empty shot glass on the table to the side of me. I'm looking at the ceiling and counting all the squares on it, when I lose count somewhere around ten. I start to giggle because after the fifth time counting, I can't remember what comes after fifteen. _1, 2, 3, 4_... four? Isn't there a person named four? That's a really stupid name.

"What's so funny?" asks Marcus.

"I'm not really sure," I say honestly, because my thoughts are swimming so fast in my head, I can't focus clearly on just one.

He sighs. "Are you drunk?"

I don't answer right away. Am I drunk? I've heard stories where you feel like your head is disconnected from your body, or you say or do things you normally wouldn't. But I'm not feeling like my body parts don't belong to me, or sharing things about my love life with Marcus, so I think I'm stable.

I shake my head to Marcus's question. No, I'm not drunk. I'm a bit tipsy, and maybe a little loopy, but drunk? No.

We let the next few minutes tick by in silence. He actually startles me when he says, "Do you know how many people died today?"

_What is he talking about? _I think. I'm trying to get my mind to make my mouth work so that I can ask, but he doesn't wait for my answer before he whispers, "Three people. One was only two years old. _Two years old. _"

Just like that, I'm sober. I remember everything with a sharp, painful clarity. Rye's sister, my baby, my initiate, all fallen to the illness. Hot tears prick at my eyes and I shift them away from Marcus and, instead, focus on the shattered glass in the corner. Realization hits me like the glass hit the wall. I know why Marcus is here. It's the same reason I'm here.

He can't get away from the hurt and the anger, so he came to drink it all away.

We're both looking for answers at the bottom of the bottle.

I didn't know how serious the sickness is until this moment. Marcus is cool, calm, and collected when I see him roaming the halls, or speaking at a meeting. Now, it's like his facade is crumbling, and I'm seeing the true Marcus, one is scared and afraid for his people.

I look at Marcus again and he's staring at the concrete floor. I hate him for ruining Tobias, for ruining his childhood, but I feel this strange connection of understanding binding me to him. I know what it feels like to try to escape. I know what it feels like to try your best to save someone and fail, fail, fail. I know what broken feels like. I know, I know, I _know_.

I reach across the coffee table and lightly place my hand on his forearm. I want him to know I'm sorry for so many things. I'm sorry for the loss of three people. I'm sorry for the grief that's plaguing you. I'm sorry for hating you, even now, when I should be comforting and assuring.

"I'm sorry," I say, softly.

He slowly meets my eyes.

"We all are."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading and review! Next chapter will be out within the week. :)**


	17. Painting with Blood

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers! Let me just say I adore you all. :) **

**Shout out to Violet O'Shea and Lighthouse63: Your wish will be granted in the next 3-4 chapters. **

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* * *

There is nothing like spending your entire morning in front of a toilet.

The vodka was awful and sour down my throat, but coming back up my throat was ten times worse. As if that wasn't enough, I have a killer headache, making every small sound like a jackhammer. But that's not enough to stop me from doing what I planned to today. Tobias said it would break me if I saw Caleb, but I need to. I _need_ to.

I descend the long flight of stairs down to the place where they are holding my brother. It's cold and lonely down here, but it's nothing compared to seeing a cold, lifeless body of a two year old being lowered into the ground.

When I get to the bottom of the stairs, I am in a damp room with a large woman sitting at the table directly in front of me, not too far away. Something feels terribly wrong about this room. Not the temperature, not the eeriness, but more like the realization that this is what it must feel like to be underground. Six feet underground, to be exact.

My throat constricts violently, and I feel like I am gasping for air, but I realize I'm not breathing at all. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and tell myself to breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Finally, when my heart rate turns back to normal, I open my eyes and walk towards the table where the woman is sitting.

She's not very pretty, or even all that nice, when her eyes move up and down my body and smirks. I feel like I am being X-rayed from the inside out, and some of the things on my inside are not something I'd like to share.

"Name?"

"Tris Prior," I say and then she laughs. A fire in the pit of my belly forms. I didn't come here to be laughed at.

"What's so funny?" I ask, my voice menacing.

"I know your name," she says, indifferent to my tone of voice. "What inmate would you like to see?"

I feel stupid for a moment, but then I realize she didn't clarify whose name she needed, so she should feel like the stupid one.

"Caleb Prior."

She looks up. "Caleb is in solitary confinement," she states slowly, as if I am going to freak out on her. Maybe I am. I'm so confused. Why is Caleb in solitary confinement?

I ask her this and she shrugs, like it is no big deal, and writes something in a notebook that is in front of her.

"He refused orders." She looks up. "Is there another inmate you'd like to see?"

Becoming a Dauntless member has taught me many valuable things. One of them is that you don't pass up valuable opportunities, no matter how invaluable they might seem. Because the only other inmate in Dauntless custody is Peter. And Peter is someone who has answers.

"I'd like to see Peter," I tell the woman, with a strangely huge amount of certainty.

The woman nods like she expected as much, and then says, "I'll go get him. You can wait in the room to the right."

She lifts herself from the table and I see what she was hiding underneath the table.

A baby bump.

I have to turn away to not cry. Pain is immediate and sharp like a dagger, and I wish things like this wouldn't catch me so off guard. Then I could protect myself from hurting this much.

The room to the right is almost identical to the one I met Marcus in last night, except it is three times smaller and contains four things: a metal chair, a metal table, another metal chair, and a girl who is shaking like a leaf.

I stare around the room for a couple of seconds and then seat myself in one of the metal chairs. The coldness seeps through my body, and somehow, I find comfort and sanity in that. Coldness keeps me awake and alert and ready for anything.

But as soon as he walks in, that comfort is gone.

Seeing Peter again under normal circumstances would be its own special kind of awful, but meeting him like this, with his eyes raged, hair unusually messy, and being held by two muscular guards, is probably worse than him holding me over the chasm again. He's either gone mad or he's delirious with rage. And that scares me even more.

"Tris," He says, suddenly calm and collected, but his tone icy.

"Peter," I greet, mimicking his tone of voice.

The guards shove him in the chair across from me. The taller guard says," You have ten minutes."

When they leave, silence falls over us. I watch the clock on the wall and wonder how long it will take before one of us will say something. Maybe the entire ten minutes will go by and we'll say nothing at all and my trip will be wasted. I can't afford to do that.

I clear my throat and start. "You know why I'm here."

It's not a question.

He looks bored when he says, "You couldn't see your pathetic brother."

I tense. I despise Caleb for what he was part of, but I also still love the boy who would take me out in the rain and catch raindrops on our tongues.

"Don't talk about him like that," I chide.

"Why not?"

I snap, "Because you don't know him like I do."

He snorts. "I don't think you know him like you think you do. Did you know he was the first one that wanted to try out this experiment? Did you know he _created_ the drug before he even showed it to Jeanine? Did you know any of that?"

I'm silent. No, didn't know any of that.

Peter sits back in his chair, smug. "I didn't think so."

"Don't act like you're all high and mighty, Peter, because you're far from it," I seethe.

"And you're not?"

I don't answer. He's right; we both so far from high and mighty.

Another moment passes in silence before either of us says anything.

"Did you come to talk about your brother?" Peter snits.

I don't rise to his bait to make me irritated, which he clearly wants, but instead, I calmly say, "I came to ask you some questions."

"About...?"

"The illness."

Peter shakes his head. "What makes you think I'll tell you anything?"

Slowly, I lean forward on the table and clasp my hands together. I narrow my eyes, challenging him, as I say," What have you got to lose?"

His mossy green eyes shoot daggers into my pale blue ones. I can already feel the smugness creeping up on me because I, Tris Prior, have broken the barrier between Peter's mask and his secrets.

I lean back to a normal position and start with my first question.

"Why is everyone dying?"

He guffaws and then says, "Out of _all _the things you could have asked me, _that _is what you ask?"

"I think it's a fair question," I retort.

"As opposed to what?"

"As opposed to if or if not you're going to rot in this jail with the rats," I bark. "Only difference between you and them is that they choose to be in here."

He's dying to yell at me but refrains from it because the guards are watching this entire conversation behind a one-sided glass wall on my left.

I feel a bit of power, shutting him down like this, but I don't let it get me carried away. Pride and power can lead you down some nasty roads.

I continue with, "Why is everyone dying? Why the children? Why not just the Divergents?"

As soon as the word 'Divergents' leave my mouth, I feel dirty, like I said a cuss word in front of my mother or father. 'Divergent' is a word people don't say out loud.

Peter doesn't acknowledge that I said it and answers my question. "Because the drug doesn't work like that. Once it is entered into the body, it attacks two things: the immune system, and the brain. In the brain, the drug will search for any signs of divergence. But the person will not feel anything abnormal, nor will the body, until the drug supply is cut off.

If the person was not a divergent or a child, nothing will happen. But if the drug identifies either undeveloped divergence, a fully developed divergent, or a developing divergent, then the withdrawal will kill them."

"What is the point in killing a child?" I say as calmly as I possibly can.

"They are potential Divergents," he explains. "They could ruin everything."

I am itching to scream at him for thinking that a child is something to just throw away. A child is a gift. A gift I had and lost due to the leader of Erudite and her accomplices.

"What's everything?" I ask.

Peter huffs and then leans forward. "This is so much bigger than you think it is," he whispers, careful to not let the guards hear him. "Divergents could ruin everything we have obtained. The factions themselves could be in jeopardy because of them."

Somehow, I find that hard to believe. It's not like I _chose_ to be Divergent; my brain is just different from everyone else's. I'm sure the other Divergents don't plan on something like disposing of the factions just because our aptitude tests said we were split between two lifestyles.

Peter is staring at me strangely and I realize I've been quiet for at least three minutes. Heat crawls up my neck and onto my cheeks much to my humiliation. Not that I should be humiliated by the boy who saw me naked in my dorm room. Just thinking about that makes my blood curdle.

"Are you about done?" Peter asks irritation evident in his voice.

"Just one more question." I lay my hands on the table and lock them together tightly. If I close my eyes, I can pretend it's Tobias keeping me steady, but that idea is so ridiculous I almost laugh. Tobias keeps me steady just by glancing at me a certain way, or showing me how to turn my fist at exactly the right moment so that I can hit my opponent with maximum strength, or even just a brush of our hands on accident can send beautiful butterflies bursting throughout my entire body. Suddenly, I miss him so much it actually hurts to not see his face or touch him. I push the feeling aside with strong determination. Who knows when I will see Peter again and get answers? This is my only chance and I am not going to waste it by thinking about boys and butterflies.

"Is the drug still in the cake?"

It seems like it's been eternity when he finally answers.

"No. The drug was taken out for the withdrawal."

I breathe a sigh of relief and feel a bubble of insane laughter making its way up my throat. Peter crushes it before it actually surfaces, though.

"There are still people getting sick, aren't there?"

I nod and he sighs.

"There are people who don't show symptoms of the illness until they are at the fourth stage of the disease."

My heart feels like someone dropped an anchor in it. I thought the disease was finally coming to a stop but we are far from is being over with.

I'm so furious at Peter and Caleb for drugging our people, _innocent_ people, that I could scream. Maybe I could expect that from Peter, but Caleb should know better. He was raised better than that.

"What, exactly, went through your sick mind when you poisoned the cake?" I hiss, my voice leaking acid. "Did you think 'oh well, let's let five or six hundred innocent people die. It's only someone's husband or brother or sister or child'? Is that what you were thinking?" By now, I'm shouting and rage is making me shake with the desire to smack his faux frown right off of his face. His lack of concern for the lives of our faction makes me so angry that I can't even breathe right. My father would disapprove of my thoughts to push the entire Erudite faction off of a cliff because they took the life of my baby and many others, but I want to do it. Oh, I how want to.

Peter points an angry finger at me when he hisses," You and I are not that different. We might have different reasons and different people we are protecting but we are painting with the same brush and colors. Do you understand?"

I have a witty remark on my tongue, ready to fly, when the guards return, take Peter by his forearms, and lead him out. He's gone before I really understand what he said to me.

Peter is killing innocent people for his own reasons and I am having thoughts of killing innocent people just because they took something from me. No, we are not all that different, Peter. We are both painting with an ugly color.

We are both painting with blood.

* * *

The saying Fear God Alone is something I can associate with safety. It brought me comfort when I was assaulted back in initiation and it brings me comfort now as I lay with Tobias on his couch sipping coffee. It's painted in black and I can see from here where some of the paint is chipping off. I like the way it looks up on the wall, like when Tobias painted it he wanted it to be impossible to miss.

"What are you thinking about?" he suddenly asks.

I peer up at him and smile. "How big you wanted that saying to be on your wall."

He smiles at me and then peers at the words.

"It was kind of a spur of the moment thing," he tells me quietly.

We're quiet for a moment and then I lean into him, hesitantly, careful not to make him uncomfortable or spill his coffee. He slips an arm around me, and I think it's more of a reflex more than anything because we have sat like this so many times it can be considered innumerable.

I look up at him and stare at his face. His eyes are closed and I can tell he's tired. Tobias hasn't had more than four hours of sleep since Caleb's confession. He keeps drifting off every minute or so only to jolt awake a few seconds later, determined to stay awake. The next time he wakes, I lay my hand on his forearm and say softly, "Go to sleep."

He looks at me from the corner of his eye and groggily tells me," I have company."

I laugh lightly and set my cup on the coffee table beside me.

"I'm not much company," I say truthfully. Coffee and comfort is what I came here for.

He looks at me now and the corners of his mouth twitch upward when he says, "You're enough."

I blush and turn away from him. It wasn't a flirty comment, rather a friendly statement, but it made my insides feel like they had been warmed up by a campfire.

Instead of replying, I become suddenly interested in the blanket we're sitting under.

There is not a quality to the blanket that makes it unique to all the other blankets in the compound. Actually, it's the one everyone is given after the initiation ceremony along with a new apartment and twenty extra points for buying essentials. But to me, it is beautiful because of all the memories knitted in with the fabric. Tobias giving me this blanket on the platform as I received the keys to my apartment that I would never use, sharing our first cup of coffee together the morning after initiation, and, probably the most favorite memory of all, when we made love for the first time. It started out as an innocent kiss under this blanket that neither of us wanted to pull away from. Then we became curious, pulling at each other's clothes until we were left bare, and kisses were placed where no other person's lips had touched, and then came the fullness of him and me together, connected as one. That moment I hold tender because not only had I faced one of my fears, but I had come to love Tobias more than I thought was possible.

I realize two things while inspecting the blanket. One is that I miss him. More than I care to admit. Two is that I am ashamed at how far we have let ourselves grow apart since our argument. I am ashamed that my pride won't let me get off my high horse and say I'm sorry.

The sudden caress of his fingers on my cheek snaps me out of mind. Worry etches lines onto Tobias's forehead when he questions, "Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

If I answered truthfully, the answer would be no. No because without Tobias to distract me, my thoughts would steer back to Molly's funeral and how I imagine Rye would look as they lowered her older sister into the ground. No, I won't be okay if he falls asleep but I know he needs it physically and emotionally so I'll lie to him.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I murmur, wishing he'd just close the space between us.

He studies me for a couple seconds longer then rises from the couch and heads toward the bedroom. When I hear the door click shut, I exhale an angry huff. That would have been the perfect time to say anything was holding back. I had a list of options to choose from.

1. I don't like being mad at you

2. I love you

3. I need you

4. I'm sorry.

The last one would be the simplest considering it's only two words and seven letters, but yet it's the hardest to say because I'm sorry can mean so many things. I'm sorry that I lost the baby, I'm sorry that I screwed things up, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I put in another movie and while it's playing, I start to drift off to sleep. It's welcome and comforting to think, as I'm teetering on the ledge of sleep and conscious that I can get away from reality even if it's only for a short while.

* * *

_"Get out of here!"_

_My eyes snap open only to find that I am not in Tobias's apartment anymore. I'm in the cell Peter and Caleb share._

_"No one wants you here after what you did!" Caleb shouts._

_"What are you talking about?" I ask._

_Peter starts ticking off a list of things I did on his fingers one by one. "You killed one of your best friends, egged another on to commit suicide, lead your mother and father to their deaths, and killed your own baby."_

_Caleb narrows his eyes at me. "How could you be so selfish, Beatrice?"_

_"I-I didn't mean to," I stutter. "It wasn't my fault!"_

_"Lying is selfish Beatrice," Caleb scolds._

_"I didn't mean to do any of those things!" I cry, desperate for them to understand. "I didn't want to kill anyone!"_

_"Why don't you just admit it, Tris?" Peter seethes. "You are responsible for those deaths and now you are responsible for these."_

_I don't know what he means until I am standing in front of a grave yard with the dead laying on the grass. Some are still warm, others are already decaying._

_"No, no, no! I couldn't save them!" I shriek, panic creeping into my body._

_"Couldn't or didn't want to?" a voice asks behind me. I know that voice and it sends shivers down my back as I turn around._

_Rye stands in front of me in the black dress I gave her, some spots in the fabric darker than others due to tears seeping in._

_"Rye, I'm sorry," I sob._

_"No, you're not. You didn't even try to save her."_

_"I tried everything!"_

_"Too much and nothing at all," she says dully._

_She's right, I realize. I didn't try hard enough to save her sister. _

_"I'm sorry," I say again, hoping it sound as pathetic as it sounds to me._

_She shakes her head and her bottom lip quivers as she says, "I trusted you."_

_At that I break down sobbing again. She gave me her trust and I broke it. Another thing to add of my list of things I had and shattered to pieces._

_Another I'm sorry is forming on my lips when I am shoved into a large hole by a pair of unseen hands. I'm confused why someone would push me in here until the dirt is flying down. _

_I'm shrieking for help but no one comes except for the piles and piles of dirt, burying me beneath it. I'm losing oxygen fast, and I know that I'm dying but I make out one last sound before I slip into death. It's the cries of the people above me. They are not shouting in anguish, but in victory._

_They are glad I am dead._

_As I edge out of this world, I hear the steady pace of someone pounding a gravestone above me, and think there is no need for that. No one will miss me anyway._

I bolt upward and let out a sigh of utter relief. It was just a dream. An awful, awful dream. I realize I am still covered with the blanket and shove with off of my sweat-drenched legs with force. I have a feeling that after this nightmare, I will not be able to be covered with anything.

Suddenly, I realize someone is pounding on the door and get up with shaking legs to answer it. Before I do, I wipe off some of the sweat that has gathered on my forehead and my chest to feel less hot.

I open the door to a frantic Zeke.

"Zeke, what are you doing?" I ask, just as I hear Tobias come out of the bedroom. Zeke is pale and his eyes look like someone rolled them out to the size of saucers.

"Zeke," Tobias sighs as he stands beside me, still heavy from sleep. "It's four in the morning."

"It's Rye," Zeke tells us, frantically. "She's sick."

Someone screams and as Tobias grabs onto my wrist, I realize it's me. I can't hear anything above the one line Peter said to me earlier._ "There are people who don't show symptoms of the illness until they are at the fourth stage of the disease."_

Rye.

The world seems to teeter as I push Zeke aside and sprint into the hallway, with Tobias close on my heels. I can't seem to go fast enough. My vision is blurring and my throat seems to be getting unnaturally tight as I round a corner. Tobias keeps saying to slow down or I'll hurt myself, but I couldn't care less. I don't care at all. I couldn't save her sister and now she's going to die too.

I can't do anything right.

I can't keep anyone alive.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! As always REVIEW! It makes my day, takes less than a minute, and totally boosts my motivation to write! Not sure when the next chapter will be uploaded since I have to concentrate on homework and go to volleyball everyday for two hours but will try my hardest to get it done within two weeks. **

**Adios! **

**-Kel **


	18. Refuge

**A/N: I know most of you probably think I have either fallen off the face of the earth or given up on this story, but the truth is I have been so busy between volleyball (undefeated so far!), AP history, and friends, that I haven't had much time to write. But I have been scribbling outlines during lectures and typing a paragraph or two a night, so I have been working on it... just at a slow pace.**

**Thank you all for being so patient with me!**

**Special thanks to NarutoRockLee98, isinkintohearts, amandahurly92, Guests, Heart Breaking 101, penguinmusic98, HypotheticalPretzel4, MMJrox88, littlemissthgandpll, TobiasWillJaceFinickFourNine , VioletO'Shea, SyrezeDF, and Legend254 for either reviewing, favoring, and/or following.**

**P.S. When you come to it, the way you pronounce his name is E-ky-a-ah. **

**-Kel**

* * *

Being seventeen isn't what I thought it was going to be like three months ago. I thought that I'd be married to Tobias, progressed even further in my pregnancy, and placing bets with Christina on when Uriah was going to propose. But instead I am too busy to even think about Tobias, Christina and Uriah are on full time medical staff, and I am sick with dread and depressed with hopelessness at the fact that the sweetest eight year old girl in the world will be dead in less than a month. I don't even remember my birthday passing with everything going on, but my birthday passing without my knowledge is the least of my worries right now.

Ever since Rye got sick less than week ago, I moved back into Tobias' apartment. Even though we rotate nights on who sleeps on the couch and who sleeps on the bed, I like it better than my own lonely apartment. He's never pressured me to try to mend our relationship or talked to me about our argument, and I am grateful for that because I don't think I could handle a complicated relationship on top of everything else.

Tobias is down at the infirmary where he's trying to see if there is a drug of any kind to make the patients more comfortable as they fade out of this world. So far, he hasn't come up with anything but something tells me he's not going to give up until he does. Tobias loves Rye just as much as I do, if not more, and he won't want to watch her in pain any longer than he has to.

I turn back towards the chasm. The water that splashes my face and legs every few seconds is cold and refreshing. It also reminds me of when Peter hung me over this same chasm almost a whole year ago and that memory isn't as pleasant as I want it to be. I think of mine and Peter's conversation that we had a week ago.

_"You and I are not that different," _Peter said._ "We might have different reasons and different people we are protecting but we are painting with the same brush and colors. Do you understand?"_

Who is he protecting? I wonder. What are his reasons? As far as I am concerned, he cares for this life and its people in it as much as he cares for a piece a trash. So who could he be trying to protect? Who could be worth Peter's concern? Who could be able and stubborn enough to get that out of him?

I don't even bother to try to answer those questions. Instead, I mull over how someone so violent- violent enough to hang me over the chasm- could also have a knack to be so persuasive to point where he could convince two other boys, one who was my friend, to assault me and make them think I was a threat to their being in Dauntless. Granted, I_ was_ a threat because my name was on top of the leader board and beating Peter by six minutes for the fear stimulation. But Peter was actually _afraid_ of me to the point where he thought the only way for him to get to the top was to kill me or at least scare me enough to let him slide into the first place slot. Not only did he see that but he also he knew that if Al helped in assaulting me, I'd be more than scared; I'd be petrified. And I bet it didn't cross Al's mind that I'd also be furious at his betrayal.

I bet it didn't cross my mind when I told him I never wanted to see him again that I would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

My hands lights graze the wet railing as I ponder how Al could do it. Jumping off and knowing that when you hit the bottom, you will no longer exist. Did he think about his parents before he jumped? Or, maybe, did his thoughts drift towards Christina and Will and how happy they looked together and realized he could never have that with me? Did he wonder if it would hurt when he landed in the chasm? Or did he just jump with no final thoughts at all?

I wonder what it would be like to literally stand on the edge between life and death.

Tobias would think I am absolutely crazy and remarkably stupid for what I am about to do.

I swing my right leg over the railing and then my hands grip the ledge as I bring my other leg over as well. I'm sitting on a precariously thin railing above a chasm that would instantly kill me if I fell, but it's not enough. I want to stand up to really see what Al was seeing that night. As I carefully position myself to a standing position, I think that someone must have screwed up my results for the amplitude test because my Erudite side of me should be screaming, wrong wrong wrong, this is not logical, but it's not saying anything at all. Besides, if it was, would I listen?

Now that I am standing on the slippery railing, every muscle in my body is coiled into springs as tight as a knot. It's dangerous, standing on this ledge, but it is also very powerful. I know that if I moved a fraction of an inch, I'd fall to my death.

Could I do it? I wonder as I look down into the chasm. Could I just...jump? Could I just end my life on one swift decision?

I shake my head, answering my own question. No. No, I couldn't take my life. There are too many people who died because of me and too many lives that died for me for me to just throw it all away now. I will not be like Al. I won't be a coward and take my life just because I am afraid of what is coming next.

After all, I am Dauntless.

And Dauntless do not cower.

No matter what the personal cost.

* * *

Rye gets worse every day no matter how much she insists she's doing fine. I can see the truth simmering beneath her yellowing eyes, and provoking every scream from the horrific hallucinations she has every night. No matter how much I could delude myself from the truth, I can't deny anymore that Rye will not live to her ninth birthday. She won't get a first kiss or choose a faction or get married or even have kids.

And I hate every person in the Erudite compound, whether they were part of the plotting or not.

The medical staff is in full swing today and heaping with healthy volunteers like me. As I am gathering bottles full of painkillers and serums, which are specifically assigned to each individual patient, I see Tobias giving directions to an Abnegation member. Part of me screams to fling myself on him and crush his lips to mine until I can't breathe. But the other part is telling me that I can't do that to myself and to him. I can't confuse him and say I want him to love me again like before all of this happened then carry on with sleeping on the couch and avoiding him. That part is a lot stronger, so I ignore the screaming side of me that wants him.

I can hear from here Abby's giggles and Delilah's loud laughter at Gabe's impression of Dr. Eakyia and I had to admit that he even got me biting back a smile at his perfect example of his high pitched voice and twitching eye. They are supposed to be getting more blankets and pillows for the people who are sleeping on the floor while the sick sleep on the beds, but I haven't seen any of them smile since Xander's death so I let it slide.

I load the rest of the painkillers and serums into my basket and head out of the infirmary to deliver the medicine to the patients. Really, the only patient I want to deliver to is Rye, but she is the last on my list since her apartment is the farthest from the hospital. It's selfish, I know, but I can't stand to see her in pain anymore.

Going door to door takes hours on end. The number of apartments in Dauntless has nothing to do with the time it takes to deliver the medicine. It's the people inside those apartments. Four out of five apartments have a sick person occupying in it. Out of those apartments, at least three of them have a hysterical child or grief stricken parents. Those are the worst homes to visit. They beg me to save their child or brother or sister or parent and plead me to help them. It's so difficult to look into someone's eyes and see desperation burning in them, like they actually believe I can perform a miracle right before their eyes. But the worst part is the hopelessness and loathing for myself when I make a promise that I know I can't keep. I should feel guilty about lying to them, but I don't. Some people need hope, even if it's not real.

I should know; I'm one of them.

Mindlessly, I travel from door to door as yet another child pleas me to save their parent, I say the same thing over and over again. _I promise._ Broken promises pile up as do the dead. But I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. _I promise. I promise. I promise._ It's a very old broken record. Part of the reason for my faux vows is that dream I had. Rye, accusing me of not trying to save her sister, of not trying hard enough. It's not her accusal that haunts me though.

It's the fact that she was right.

What did I actually do to help her sister? The answer is one big fat nothing. I was too busy trying to mend my relationship with Tobias, too preoccupied with trying to deal with the grief that comes with losing a child, and too selfish to see that other people were suffering too. So now, I don't stop helping. I work with the medical staff into the night all the way up to the morning where I drink a big cup of coffee and get right back to working all over again. Most of the staff goes home about midnight to sleep for a few hours before six am rolls around and they have to go back to work, but I stay up doing little things like organizing the medicine, collecting blankets, or staying up with a broken family who needs support.

Christina notices how much I am at the hospital and praised me once for how brave and selfless I was being. Her words couldn't have been more far from the truth. The real reason I'm doing this is because I can't go to sleep out of fear Rye will die while I'm sleeping or someone will need my help and I won't be there. And for the part about being selfless, my only reason is so I don't have to think about Rye's upcoming death. I can't stand to think of her small lifeless body in a casket so I push the thought under the stack of papers that needs to be organized or behind all the bottles of pain killers that need to be delivered.

I am up all night and all day, drinking coffee in the early hours of morning and delivering medicine or helping someone, but yet I'm still not doing enough.

I'm never doing enough.

According to Uriah, becoming a member in Dauntless means having the freedom to love who you choose, get tattoos, work at your chosen job, get your own apartment, and eat all the cake you want. I must have got a different handbook because my life as a member in Dauntless has been nothing but pure hell and grief.

When I step out of an apartment that had a mother of three suffering from horrific hallucinations, I run into Tobias. Literally. My nose bumps into his chest hard, and I rub it a little to try to take some of the edge off of the pain. I'm mostly concerned about the medicine though, and breathe a sigh of relief when I see none of the bottles or serums were damaged. Medicine, like everything else in Dauntless, is running very low and I will not be the one to ruin the relief the medicine brings when the patients get it.

"Sorry, "I mumble, not meeting his eyes. I try to maneuver around him but his hand grasps my wrist and keeps me in place. I don't think I could have moved away from him even I wanted to. His hand is wrapped so lightly and delicate around my wrist that I am imagining a beautiful blue butterfly landed on my hand and wrapped its wings around it like it was enveloping me in a tiny embrace. I am captivated by this new gentle side of Tobias I have never seen before. His eyes tell a different story as they eye me up and down, his gaze fixing on the deep bags under my eyes. Feeling self-conscious of how I look should be the very last thing on my mind, but despite how hard I try not to, I keep wishing that every imperfection, inside and out, would disappear.

"You haven't been sleeping," he says after a minute. It isn't a question.

I don't deny it. My eyes advert his, not wanting to look at him anymore. The look he is giving me says he's not happy.

"You need to sleep, Tris."

I yank my arm away from his grasp angrily. "I'm not your initiate anymore, Four," I snap. "I can take care of myself."

"Like hell you can," he snorts. "Beating yourself up over Rye is not going to help her."

"I'm not beating myself up," I retort, crossing my arms. "I am _helping_ her."

"You can twist it any way you want but depriving yourself from sleep is definitely not helping her."

"You don't even know what I'm doing during the middle of the night!" I tell him and throw my hands up in the air to put emphasis on what I am going to say. "I'm giving out serums, looking up information on past diseases in the library, you name it! I'm doing-"

"Nothing!" he shouts over the top of me. "You're doing nothing help her. Get it through your head, Tris." He lays one hand on each shoulder, giving them a hard enough squeeze so that I will pay attention to what he is about to tell me. "She. Is Going. To die."

The words are somewhat a slap in the face from reality and an awakening from the truth. My heart burns as I push Tobias away from me.

"You don't know that," I say, but it is more of a question than anything.

"Yes," Tobias tells me and sighs heavily. "Yes I do. She's not getting any better."

"The medicine-" I start to argue but he cuts me off.

"Does nothing but ease the pain and stop the hallucinations." He pauses, letting his words sink in. "She will die. I can't do anything to stop it and neither can you."

I look up. His composure is slipping fast. I can see the tears he's holding back from me because he's a Dauntless prodigy and a Dauntless prodigy is not supposed have fears. But he does. And losing Rye is one of them.

My body goes numb.

Rye is dying.

I really realize it for the first time. All this time it just wasn't..._real_ to me. Tobias just told me what I already knew. I can't do anything to help her. I can't do _anything_ to help her.

I am a failure.

Suddenly, Tobias is standing in front of me wearing a concerned expression on his face. "Tris? Are you okay?"

I want to laugh. _Yeah, Tobias I'm just dandy. Fantastic even. And how are you?_

But nothing comes out. I'm not sure if my lips even exist anymore.

He grabs onto my right arm- I'm a little surprised to remember an still _have_ limbs- and in that second, it's like I slam back into my body and it's too much.

I fall forward into his chest and he stumbles back in surprise but quickly recovers and wraps his arms around me in an awkward position, where the palms his hands are on each of my shoulders. And then I have to start crying. The tears soak into his shirt as I ball a piece of fabric into my fist, grabbing ahold of him and the strength he always possesses even when he is beyond terrified. I make utterly embarrassing animal noises as I sob but as much as I want to I just can't calm myself down enough to care about the noises that are coming from my mouth.

Tobias does not cry but he grips onto me just as tight, if not tighter, as I am to him.

We are each other's refuge.

I don't know how long we stand out in the hallway, crying and squeezing each other so tight you'd think we were trying to squeeze all the pain out, but we make our way back to his apartment in a silent agreement that we both need rest.

I don't even notice until I am wrapped up in his comforter, my back pressed against his chest and his arm casually wrapped around my waist, that I should be sleeping on the couch tonight. Instead, I am in his bed with his warm breath blowing pleasant gusts of air at my neck, warming me up all the way down to the every edge of my toes. I shouldn't even be in here much less thinking about what I would do if Tobias kissed me. If I had a bit sense, I would get out of his bed and go sleep on the couch like I am supposed to do. But I don't have any sense.

And, somehow, I doubt Tobias will mind.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	19. Now I Lay My Soul To Sleep

**Hey readers. I know I've been apologizing like crazy, but I really am very sorry that I didn't get this done on time. It's been crazy! Our varsity volleyball team is playing at state! (I'll be #15 middle hitter on the Cannon Falls Bombers if any of you are going to be there.) So excited! :)****Anyway, this chapter took me forever to write since it was emotionally exhausting and challenging to write. And because I was reading this awesome book called _The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer_ and couldn't put it down. I hope this chapter turns out okay!**

**Shoutouts to: acppb26, potterduckx, kojisaymeow, Hungergameslover6130, Vlescalona, ZizisGirl23, dianapham12, HypotheicalPrezel4, Legend254254, Forever free me, Potterllamapanemaniac, GirlWithASoul, and Guests, for either reviewing, favoring, or following. **

**For those of you who are sick and tired of my insanely long author's notes, read on.**

**-Kel**

**P.S. This is dedicated to my sister, Kendall, who inspired Rye's character. **

**** M rated themes in the chapter. ****

* * *

The phone call comes when Tobias and I are eating supper.

I don't even have to look to know who it is. Tobias and I glance at each other from across the table, challenging one another to pick it up and confirm what we already know.

Rye is ready to go.

I bore my blue eyes into his, and tell him silently I just can't pick it up. He gives me back his own message. He can't do it either. But he scoots back his chair anyway, making a loud screech penetrate the silence. My fork picks at my spaghetti as Tobias takes the call. The bundle of nerves that I kept bottled up inside spills and suddenly, I can't think straight. I knew Rye was going to die soon but it doesn't make the fear any less. I'm not ready for her to die. There were so many things I wanted to say to her and do for her before she left this world. I'm going to fall apart when her eyes close and completely shatter when I see Tobias in pain. I'm definitely not ready to lose her.

I'll never be ready.

Tobias greets whoever is on the phone and then pauses as the other person tells him something. By the way Tobias winces, it can't be anything good. He assures the person on the phone that we'll be there soon and lays the phone back in the cradle.

The silence is back with suspension, thickening the atmosphere. Tobias places his hands on the counter, leans into them, and lets his head drop to stare at the countertop. I should comfort him, maybe wrap my arms around him and tell him I am here for him, but those are not the words that would fly if I opened my mouth. I would say we didn't do enough. I would only I inflict more pain on him if I said it so I keep my mouth shut and wait for him to say something.

When he finally turns around, he meets my eyes immediately. His blue eyes seem to wilt as he locks my gaze with his. I ask him a silent question, not trusting my lips.

_Is it going to happen tonight? Is she going to go?_

Tobias doesn't answer right away and I don't expect him to. He tears his gaze away from me and directs it toward the cup boards. He tries to avoid me as I prepare myself for his answer to soften the blow if it's what I think it is.

What I don't know is that nothing can prepare me for the pain I feel when Tobias nods.

* * *

The halls leading to Rye's apartment are strangely quiet. There isn't any coughing or pleading seeping through the doors but the medical staff is still weaving in and out of rooms, delivering this and that to patients. As we pass by another apartment, I see a very pale Delilah help Jenna lift a dead body into a stretcher. They shouldn't be doing this, I think suddenly. They should be getting tattoos and piercings and training for the tests. Being a corpse gatherer should not be the regular way of life for an initiate.

The door to Rye's apartment is wide open and I grip Tobias's hand to make sure I don't fall over. I'm afraid to see her. Tobias must be too because his hand squeezes mine very tightly. I'm still a little unsure about where we stand as a couple, but I know I can't do this without him. We walk hand in hand through the door.

Rye's mother is sobbing on the couch with her husband at her side trying to console her. Their two other children are sitting on the floor watching the scene and hanging onto each other's hands tightly. It's strange to see an Abnegation family who is falling apart because they usually are the ones who keep their emotions in check the longest to maintain the image of non-selfishness. Can't have a mother who is losing her child cry due to the rule of not focusing on yourself, but on the pain of others.

Christina was right. Abnegation is a little backwards sometimes.

Rye's father reaches for another tissue on the table in front of them and catches sight of Tobias and me. He hands the tissue to his wife, who balls it up in her fist, and walks over two us.

"You must be Tris," he says wearily. When I nod, he smiles ever so slightly.

"She has been talking about you. She misses you."

My eyes burn at that but I push the tears away. I can't cry in front of everyone. Not now.

Rye's father turns to Tobias and says," Tobias. It has been a while."

My eyebrows winkle together as they shake hands. How does Rye's father know him?

Tobias nods once but doesn't say anything else.

"My name is John, and that is my wife, Mary," He tells me, even though it is unnecessary. "I'll take you to Rye."

John leads us through the living room and stops when he gets in front of a wooden door. "Rye is...different from the last time you saw her," he tells Tobias and I. "She's not as healthy as she was and her appearance is appalling."

"It doesn't bother us," Tobias says harsher than he probably meant to, and it might be a spasm of the hand, but Tobias's hand squeezes mine and I take it as a reminder that I am not alone in this.

John nods as if he is considering our response. "She's right through the door," he says then turns back to the living room to comfort his crying wife. Silently, I thank him for leaving us alone with Rye. Tobias and I walk into the room together, not touching or talking.

I'm not prepared to see her. I know that when I see her cheek bones curving out and her skin a ugly yellow and her blue eyes as hollow as a person's could be. It bothers me to see a little girl who should be so much more alive and well, be this...dead. My gaze averts hers and sinks to the floor, even though she's not looking at me. I really doubt that she is looking at anything at all because of the way her eyes are a little glazed over and look about a million miles away. I look away because I know part of this my fault. I am divergent and they made that serum for people like me. If people like me didn't exist, then neither would this disease. My self-loathing is irrational and stupid but it's still there, lurking behind the guilt.

Tobias lets go of my hand and trades being by me for being by Rye's bedside. He takes her hand gently and removes some of the strands back from her face. He's comfortable being by her and it doesn't bother him that she's just a living corpse now. But it bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I don't want to love someone even more than I already do when they are just going to be ripped from my grasp. I don't want to let her take a little more of me with her when she dies. I'm scared she won't be the same eight year old who tried on dresses and read books for fun. I'm afraid of how much it is going to hurt when she dies if I sit by her bedside and say soothing things like "it's okay" when she and I both know it's not. I can't do that to myself. I can't do that to her.

Tobias looks back at me, wondering why I'm still hanging back. In all honesty, I'm not really sure what compels me to move toward her and Tobias but by the time I realize what I'm doing, I'm already at her side. Tobias glances at me, trying to tell me something, but my mind is a tangled mess today and I'm too exhausted to decode his message, so I ignore his glance and turn to Rye. I'm a little surprised to see that she is already looking at me. When I connect eye contact with her, my fear melts away. She is the same Rye she was before she got sick and I will be by her side until she goes no matter how much it hurts. I take her hand into mine, my heart swelling over as I say, "Hey."

The corners of her mouth turn up as she registers my voice and sees that Tobias and I are here. "You came," She says to Tobias, gratefulness leaking into her voice.

Tobias smiles a bit. "Of course I did. You're a pretty important person, you know."

"After Tris?" Rye inquires, looking at me for the briefest second.

Tobias thinks for a second then breaks out into a full out grin. "You're way more important than Tris."

I smack his upper arm playfully. Rye giggles with her hand over her mouth and for a moment, I forget that she is dying. It doesn't last long, however, because she begins to cough painfully and sputters up a little blood. The room is silent and Tobias and I try not to stare at the redness staining the gray blanket.

"What's it like to die?" Rye asks after a minute has passed in such a small voice that I have to strain to her it. Her blunt question takes me aback. _What is it like to die?_

I turn towards Tobias for help but he is staring at the wall with a hardened look on his face so I guess I'm on my own.

"I...I don't know," I say truthfully and run my hand over the soft quilt as I avoid her eyes.

Minutes pass in silence and then," Do you think it's going to hurt?"

Her voice cracks on the end. I look up to see tears glittering in her eyes. I'm about to tell her the truth but Tobias beats me to it.

"No," He says sternly. "No it won't hurt."

We both cock an eyebrow as if to ask how he knows this and he shrugs, answering our silent question. "I just do" is all he says.

Rye about to ask him something else but her eyes shift over to the door to see who walked in.

Gabe and Abby stand awkwardly at the doorway with a basket. I'm not sure how they could know Rye, I was always assigned to this room when delivering medicine, but I don't question it when her face lights up at the sight of them.

"Hi, Rye," Abby says to her and then when her eyes catch mine, she gives me a small nod. Gabe sets down the basket next to her nightstand and smiles at Rye. Shortly afterward, Rye's sniffling mother and her somber father walk in with the preacher and Dr. Eakyia close on their heels. Tobias, Gabe, and I all back away from the bed to make room for her family. Abby stays, clinging to the quilt Rye is covered up with. Tobias and I exchange a curious glance but don't expand on it.

The preacher stands to the right of Rye's bed and lays a hand on Mary's shoulder. "Are you ready?"

She chokes on her sob and shakes her head as she fumbles for her daughter's hand. I feel my throat tightening but I keep it together. John shoots a side glance to the preacher and nods, indicating to start anyway. I scoot a couple inches closer to Tobias just to be in within his reach if he needs me but he ends up wrapping his arm around me and pulling me tight to his side. It's nice to be wanted, I decide as I wrap my arm around him as well. The preacher opens the bible and beings to read an old Dauntless prayer for the dying.

"Now I lay my soul to sleep, I pray it is the Lord's to keep. May Angels stay by my side as I bravely head into the unknown light. The valley of death will not faze me, for I am one of God's bravest souls. Forevermore, will I be a Dauntless lamb of God free of the pains from this world, new and old." The preacher keeps talking, but I drown him out and instead focus on Rye. She's listening intently to the preacher, her eyes searching and curious, trying to analyze everything and remember it. My heart physically hurts so much that I press a hand up to my chest and stop trying to suppress tears. Tobias is crying too, which is so rare for him to show so much vulnerability, that my very soul hurts to the point where I can feel it cracking and crumbling.

It's only a matter of time before I do too.

Abby clings a little tighter to Rye, still sobbing, and Gabe awkwardly lays a hand on her shoulder, not sure how to comfort her. Abby starts to hiccup and I remember that Rye always did that too when she got upset. And the way her hand would trace circles on my thumb when she sensed I was unhappy. And how she would smile shyly to cover up her tears.

Suddenly I realize that Abby is one of Rye's sisters. It's like I can feel the pieces falling together slowly as I recall each memory. Abby, not coming to training the day of or the day after Molly's funeral and Rye occasionally mentioning an older sister. I drink in their features and realize they could be identical if it wasn't for Abby's dark brown hair. Everything gets more horrific by the second.

Tobias squeezes me tighter to him and I snap out of my mind just in time to hear Rye's painful coughing and sputtering and wish I could retreat into Tobias's chest. My eyes betray me and demand me to watch her death unfold. Panic spreads like wildfire throughout my veins until my every cell is buzzing with panic.

This is it.

She'll be gone in a few minutes.

I don't know how I know but I do and I become frantic, praying and begging for more time. It can't end like this. She was supposed to grow up. She was supposed to kiss a boy and fall in love and choose a faction she would belong to. It's like I'm losing another child again.

Rye's eyes lock into mine and the entire world halts.

She's not afraid.

She's not afraid to die.

I choke on my tears, producing an ugly sound, and I bring my hand up to my mouth to try and stop it, but it's not working. Tobias is clutching me tighter now, for his sake or mine I'm not sure, but I'm glad for his arms around me keeping me from falling. I turn away from Rye and bury myself into Tobias, seeking the comfort I won't find. The preacher suddenly stops after a few minutes and the entire room goes silent.

Including Rye.

I lift myself out of Tobias's chest and wipe my cheeks, now alert with the fear that Rye is no longer here. It's impossible to believe she isn't. I'm too scared to look at her so instead I stare at Dr. Eakyia. He unwraps the stethoscope from his neck and places one end on the place where a beating heart should be. But there is nothing there.

"She's gone" is all he says.

**{0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0}**

How do you go on after someone close to you has died? It's like missing a vital organ or trying to live with one leg or arm. I feel violated, like someone invaded the deepest tenderest part of my heart and tore something from it, making a hole so big no one could ever mend it.

I slip into my old apartment hours after Rye died. Her parents had a small funeral right after her death. Tobias and I did not cry. I can't explain the feeling I had when Tobias wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tight against him when the Abnegation and Dauntless volunteers lowered into her into the ground. He knew I was on the edge between losing it and somehow knew that I saw Rye as another child I lost. He coddled me for the first time since I met him. I know it was not his intention, but that little moment made me feel very insecure and frustrated. I am a strong person, capable of holding my own, even if I am small. Sometimes I think Tobias forgets that.

Slowly, I saunter over to the couch and plop down tiredly, my face in my hands. I close my eyes only to find Rye. Rye laughing as I attempted to make hot cereal, me carrying a sleeping Rye home many times, and Tobias chatting with Rye by the chasm. She's everywhere. I open my eyes to get relief from the painful mental pictures. My hands press against my eyes, the skin pink on the edges where the light seeps in. My head is so heavy, too heavy for me to try to lift it out of my hands so I keep it there. Minutes pass in complete silence, sweet yet unnerving, and I swim in it, glad to clear my head for even a few seconds. Suddenly, something red catches my eye between the cracks of fingers. I consider ignoring it but curiosity wins out in the end and I lift my head out of my hands. My hand reaches under the couch and pulls out the red object.

The words Green Eggs and Ham stamps over the fire truck red cover. My fingers graze over the words slowly, remembering when I last read her the book. She said how when she grew up she'd become an author and write a book like this one. Tears well in my eyes and a huge ball in my throat forms. It's not fair. It's not right. The ball keeps growing until the only way to get rid of it is to...

I scream so loud I think the people in Amity can hear me and throw the book at the fall facing me in one quick motion. The book hit the wall with a quiet smack and topples to the floor. Throwing the book gave small relief but it's not enough. My hands tremble with rage as I pick up the glass cup on the coffee table and fling it at the wall. It shatters, leaving behind little glass shards scattered all over the carpet. A need to throw something else fills me so I walk to the cup boards and find a plate and throw that too. My hands grab whatever they can reach and throw it toward a wall. Glass and porcelain chips of the china I never used litter the floor. When I throw the last plate at a wall and hear the shrill crack of the porcelain, I sink to the ground, finally succumbing to tears. The sobs rack my body as I lay on the ground with the pieces of glass tearing into the palms of my hands. Why her? Why me? Why should this be happening to me twice? I have done some awful, things, but is it any more awful than what the Erudite people have done to me? What they're still doing to me?

I swipe away the tears with the back of my hand and sniffle. Tris Prior is supposed to be fearless and brave and right now I'm missing both of those things. My hands are etched with small cuts and blood. I push myself off the floor and walk towards the door to go to the infirmary to wrap my hand and clean the cuts. As I open up the door, I'm making up a story to explain the cuts and the blood. I'm so absorbed in my fake story that I almost don't see the person standing outside my door.

Tobias's hand is raised in mid knock when I see him and a surprised look is painted on his face. He lowers his hand once he snaps out of the trance and stares into my eyes. I don't like the way his eyes look. They are cloudy, dark and extremely sad, nothing at all like the boy I know. I open my mouth and start to say how sorry I am for being so unstable when he crashes his lips to mine. I don't respond right away, the shock of his actions still hindering my mind, but then I feel him bite my lip and I kiss him back. His hand skirts against my cheek in a haste to have his fingers on my hair. He takes a firm hold on the back of my neck, hair resting between his fingers, and presses me closer to him as if he can't get enough.

I know the feeling.

My hands are restless, grazing every part of him. His neck. His ears. His hair. The muscles in his back, arms, and abdomen. I can't seem to satisfy myself. I've experienced this all before but something is different this time. It's not...right.

All the times before, he was gentle and teasing, never pushing me into something I might not want. He never pushed me up against a wall, ripped off my t-shirt, groped my chest, or forced his tongue on mine. But I'm not resisting him. I'm equally wanting. I've never torn his t-shirt off or unzipped his pants with such fervor before. I hate how we are both rough with each other, not caring if we hurt one another, and how I am ignoring the tears on his cheeks or how he is overlooking the blood and cuts on my hands. It's not supposed to be like this. Making love is supposed to be just that-making love. But this time it's more like we're trying to forget what happened today and erase the hurt and anger by replacing it with wanting and kisses. I'm not going to stop him if this makes me forget, even just for a little while, and something tells me he's not going to stop either.

Tobias lifts me to him, my legs on either side of his waist, straddling him. He sighs in the pleasure of my center grazing his arousal and presses me closer. We stumble in the bedroom, kissing and touching, and fall into bed for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

**A/N: Did any of you hear about Shailene Woodley possibly being casted as Tris? I have very strong opinion on this but I'd like to hear what you have to say about it. Leave your comments in the review! Next chapter is planned to be out by next weekend but that is iffy. Thanks for sticking with this story!**


	20. Raising Knifes

**Hey everybody! I think I'm on an author's high right now! 200 REVIEWS! THAT'S INSANE! I'm amazed that people are reading this at 1:30 am and that people are actually fan-girling over this! To give you a visual when I got my 200th review: I was on the couch and when I got the email of a new review. I started kicking my legs in the air and jumping around and laughing for no reason. My mom probably thought I needed to be on pills. Anyway, Thank you thank you THANK YOU all for your kind reviews! It makes my entire day!**

** Shoutouts to: ****fourtrisforever, RandomPerson007, Keggera, Prim12, Lilyzinha, twistedfate13, , Darkdemonpixie, Potterllamapanemaniac, bellascriba, , DivergentWizard, SoccerSarahK, Caroline, kataang143, MaryMich, SleepyWillow, Sammy3729, Beany256, JennatheCandor, Trina, Jfeather13, HeartBreaking101, 265, VioletO'Shea, ALW4, lighthouse59, Anonymous, Legend254254, heycarmichael, Softballchick101, writerlovesreader, So4obsessed, americangirl2498, AmityTransfer, cheergeek101****, and all the guests for either favoring, following, and/or reviewing. I just have one request if you do review and you are a guest, please put your name in so I can thank you personally in my author's note. A special shoutout to ****ThecrazyGirl**** for being my 200th reviewer. **

****I fixed the error in this chapter! I can't believe I accidently copied and pasted TWO WHOLE PARAGRAPHS again on accident. Oops! Late nights have its consequences. Thank you to all the reviewers who pointed it out!** **

**Read on!**

* * *

Change can come in many ways. Change can be brought on by an inspiration, an idea, a sudden gratifying experience that can shake you to your core and stir up your insides so much that your very soul demands a change.

For me, change comes in the form of an eight year old corpse.

I remember her blue fingertips, her perfectly curled hair, and the makeup someone applied to her yellow skin and cheekbones. But what I remember most is what she wore. She was buried in the black dress I gave her with the addition of a perfect gray bow tied around her tiny waist. Someone had slipped in an artificial baby blue rose, the exact color of her eyes. That alone should have moved me tears but I couldn't cry. The tears just didn't come no matter how much I wanted them to. Tobias and I stood strong and firm but yet sad at her funeral, just like we did at Xander's. Since then something has changed in me. Something's burning in the pit of my stomach, boiling and brewing, and I don't know what it. But lately I have been waking up for no reason and can't go sleep until the early morning but then it's too late to go back to sleep.

Today isn't any different. I got up from the bed I didn't sleep in and woke up Tobias from the couch. After the emotional night of Rye's death, we went back to the old sleeping arrangement. I considered moving back into my own apartment but then Tobias started to have night terrors. The first night he had them I was sleeping on the couch when I heard the lamp next to his bed fall and break. His hand was covered in blood and glass when I got there. I had to resort to throwing cold water on him to wake him up. He hasn't had any nightmares since then but I'm terrified to move out and have him hurt himself again.

We didn't acknowledge each other this morning and instead headed our separate ways for the day. Him to the hospital and me to the initiates. Not talking once again.

I sigh and shake my head to clear my thoughts. I put off getting these stats up for too long. My eyes skim the paper in front of me and see the times for the final fear simulations of the second round. The highest one is Gabe's whose stimulation went on for eleven minutes. Jenna, Rex, Henry, Lyra, Athena, Jadon, Zoe, Connor, and Iris all fall somewhere in the middle category with mediocre scores. I smile. They aren't Divergent. My smile falls however when I get to the two last scores. Delilah falls in second with a time of 2:18.

Abby fills the slot of first with a time of 1:26.

My jaw drops in shock. Abby is scared of everything. She couldn't have possibly gotten put that fast. Except, to her, the test is about outsmarting the system, not learning how facing her fears. She's Divergent. She hides it so well.

The door behind me starts to creek open and, in a haste, I shove the papers into the third drawer and slam it shut before the person even peeks their head in.

"Tris!" beams Uriah as he enters the room. "Long time no see!"

I cock an eyebrow that him. "I saw you at breakfast," I reply pointedly.

He shrugs, the smile still plastered on his face. "Too long ago."

He takes a seat next to me as I roll my eyes at him playfully. The corners of my lips are twitching to smile and I let the urge transform my face. It feels good to smile again.

"What are you up to?" He asks as he plays with a string on the edge of the armrest.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Fighting unicorns, catching butterflies, and saving the factions from the overthrow of the munchkins. You?"

"My life certainly is not exciting as yours, but I'm working on the whole overthrow of the munchkins. They can be pretty short tempered."

I burst out laughing at his cheesy pun. "That was not very funny."

"Made you laugh," he argues with a smile.

I agree with a lift of my shoulders.

Suddenly, Zeke pops his head in and says, "Johanna and Dr. Eakyia want everyone in the mess hall for a mandatory emergency meeting."

"I have to get Christina to watch over the initiates while we're gone," I say as Uriah and I get up out of our chairs.

"It's not just for the leaders, Tris," he explains. "It's for everyone."

That sends my mind into a flurry. Dauntless would never call a mandatory meeting unless it was extremely important. No one would come if it was just a gathering for the people of the faction.

Uriah and I exchange a look but nothing is said as we file out the door.

Halfway to the cafeteria, we meet up with the initiates walking in the same direction. Gabe and Delilah are walking side by side with Abby tagging along to the right of Delilah. Abby's hair is still pulled up in a tight little bun, the signature of an Abnegation women. But she is not the same Abnegation women who arrived here only a mere few months ago. Her smile has unwound from the tight grin she wore into something radiant and pleasant and her personality has sprung open like a flower with so much to offer the world. But sometimes I see the hardness in her eyes or the tick in her jaw when someone dies of the illness. A true Abnegation would try to look impassive or offer sympathy to the family but Abby was angry. The disease that took Xander, her closet friend and boyfriend, is still stealing other people's loved ones. I see myself in Abby sometimes when I think of all the ones who I lost. Of the the ones I'm afraid of losing.

Abby wants revenge. I hate myself for wanting it, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it too.

By the time our little group has reached the cafeteria, the area has been stuffed with people and most people don't have a seat. Tobias and Christina, however, got here early so Zeke, Uriah, the initiates, and I all have seats. All the initiates file into the row ahead of us as I sit next to Tobias and Uriah. We're silent as the rest of the two factions file through the doors and find somewhere to sit or stand. Out of the corner of my eye I see the doors close, signaling that everyone is here. In front of the large crowd, a makeshift stage made out of plywood stands and holds three chairs on either side of a podium, waiting and expectant for occupants. It doesn't have to wait long, however, because the moment the doors close people file onto the stage. Marcus, Tori, two amity boys, and Shauna are among them. They take their seats as Johanna, the leader Amity, and Dr. Eakyia stand before the podium. The entire room slowly falls silent.

"Thank you for coming," Dr. Eakyia starts, leaning towards the microphone. "I am aware that for some families and individuals this has been an extremely hard time." A couple sobs sound out from within the crowd but it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where they came from. Dr. Eakyia continues. "The hospital and many volunteers have seen many devastating tragedies that will impact us for the rest of our lives. Husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, babies, and even fetuses have been taken from this life unjustly by an illness that one faction created intentionally." He pauses. "208 children and babies have died of the illness in Abnegation and Dauntless alone. 397 lives have ended all together just in these two factions. After speaking with the other doctors and medical experts in other factions, I now know that a grand total of 896 people have died due to this disease." He lets the numbers sink in before going on. "A while ago, we gathered the people of Dauntless and Abnegation in this same room to tell them there is no hope of antidote. We were gathered here to tell them there was no hope. Today, we are gathered here for a different reason."

He nods to Johanna and steps off the podium and trades it for a seat.

Johanna steps up to the podium with all the grace in the world but her face is very stern. So unlike Amity.

"Two members of our compound-" She extends her hand out to indicate where the two Amity boys are sitting. "Went to Erudite to speak with Miss Matthews about the illness and the possibilities of an antidote. She answered their questions very vaguely and addressed our plea of an antidote as impossibility. They assumed something was off about her indifference to the entire situation. I know Jeanine Matthews personally and within that, I also knew that Jeanine would never give up on something that she thought could possibly change the fate of the factions and save lives. She strictly believes in logic and it would not be logical, or even relatively smart to let eighty five percent of the faction's children die. I had the same two members explore the Erudite compound, strictly to see what Jeanine was hiding." Johanna's jaw ticks and I clench the fabric of my pants. Seeing Johanna or any Amity member angry is so unusual and unexpected that it sets me on edge. Amity is all for peace and love and happiness. Johanna is none of those things right now.

"Two days past and I heard nothing from them. Then, on the third day, I received a message." She faced the crowd directly now and her green eyes danced with anger. "I was informed that there, in fact, was an antidote and Jeanine Matthews and all of her followers are hiding it from us. They are letting us die without avail."

The entire room is stunned into silence. My jaw slackens in shock then tightens as I think about everything Jeanine Matthews has taken from me. My mother, father, the loyalty of my brother, my unborn baby, Rye, Xander and Will. I had always blamed myself for their deaths, and yes I am responsible for most of their deaths, but never once had I even considered Jeanine as the source of their deaths until now. And I want her dead.

Shauna now takes the place of Johanna who takes a chair beside the other Amity boys. "We have tried to get the antidote peacefully," She says and nods at Johanna. "Selflessly," another nod to Marcus. "Honestly, and even logically." Her hand balls into a fist and pounds into the wood of the podium. "But now we are going to do is the Dauntless way and fight!"

The crowd roars in agreement and I see the glints of knives being raised into the air, in anger and in enthusiasm. Others stomp their feet and holler into the air. My soul absorbs their energy like a sponge and I feel _alive_. This is my call for revenge and I raise my own knife into the air along with Zeke, Tobias, and Christina. Shauna has to shout into the microphone to silence the outrageous crowd. Then Johanna speaks. "I have talked to the people of Amity and we have decided to aid the Dauntless and Abnegation factions with shelter, food, and soldiers if they need such. However, if the Erudite faction needs aid, food, or soldiers we will provide them as needed due to our close relations with them in the past."

The Dauntless do not agree. They throw obscene words at her but she defects them expertly. "Our entire faction depends on Erudite and without them we would no longer exist. We do not wish to side with the Erudite, and we won't, but we cannot cut them off from our faction completely due to mutual needs. We will not fight with you, but we will fight for you in our hearts."

Her words make the crowd's anger dissipate slowly. Amity is on our side and is sending soldiers and protection. That is all that matters. Johanna pauses waiting for anymore objections. When there is none she continues. "In Amity, we asked for soldiers instead of demanding them and taking them against their free will. I have talked to the Abnegation and Dauntless leaders about our way of asking for compliance and it has been decided that we will be asking for volunteers to join the army before drafting people." She nods at Marcus who stands and takes the microphone from her. "We will start taking volunteers now. If you wish to volunteer, there will be tables in the pit where you can sign up."

No one moves for a moment. Then, one Abnegation member stands and walks out of the room and another and another until half of the faction is gone. I start to stand up as well when I see Zeke, Christina, and Uriah getting up but Tobias grips my wrist, holding me down. "Don't," he says almost desperately. "You have too much to lose."

His words slice me like a knife and reopen the wounds I have been trying to heal. It's then I realize everyone I care about is either dead or dead to me. Xander, Rye, and my sweet baby, the baby I never got to hold or even _feel_, is gone. Everyone that is gone is who I have to fight for. No matter what the cost.

I rip my arm from his grasp and snap, "I have _nothing_ to lose."

And with that, I walk out of the doors to sign my name on the document that is promising me my revenge.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading and review please! I'm hoping for the next chapter to be out sometime this week since it is a short one and I have off tomorrow from school. In honor of getting two hundred reviews, I will be doing a short one-shot for Trusting in You after I finish part two. Leave what point of view you wish the one-shot be in and what scene you think it should be in in the reviews. Oh! And tell me what you think about Alexander Ludwig possibly being casted as Four. **

**P.s. If you haven't read the Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin, go out and buy it right now! It's incredible!**

**Okay I'm done talking. **

**Kel **


	21. Wherever The Heart Lies

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who gave suggestions to the one shot. I'm really leaning on a one-shot on Delilah's POV or Abby's POV but I'm still open to suggestions!**

****Shoutouts to lighthouse63, ZoeyC, pianoluver101, SarahMiles, fandom6789, jabc123, FourSix, shaylahenderson, Love Four Divergent, imadbalog, DivergentLover05, Allison1 fan, ledgend254254, ALW4, SyrezeDF, Mrs. Tobias, DivergentWizard, caroline.b, Me (guest), HungerGameslover6130, FourTris-Divergent, writerlovesreader, Thecrazygirl, Alex-Love, fourtrisforever, Guest, SoccerSarahK, FourEvah786, The Reading Turtle, and Bean256 for either reviewing, favoring, following, or PMing me.****

**Enjoy!**

* * *

My fingers are burning from the cup that is radiating warmth. I'm not much of a coffee person but when I need to wake up, it's the first thing I turn to. Tori asks me from the break room if I'd like more sugar and I decline. As she is finishing up making a second pot, I look at my surroundings and decide nothing much has changed at the tattoo shop. Bud is still sneaking in the break room to grab a donut between customers, the tattoos that are offered are still as fierce and dauntless as ever, and I am still coming to Tori for advice. No matter how many days or months or even years pass, there will always be times I need my mom and Tori is the closest thing I have.

Tori saunters around the corner carrying a mug of coffee identical to mine and sits across from me. "I haven't seen you in a while, Tris," Tori says then takes a sip of her coffee. She takes me in, scrutinizing every detail.

"You're different," is all that she says and leans back into the couch.

"How so?"

"When I first met you, you were a small Abnegation girl with a crush on her instructor and were just learning about the world outside of your home." She pauses for a moment then says softly," Now you are a Dauntless solider."

Guilt washes over me as I replay the day I volunteered, how cruel I was to Tobias, saying that I had nothing to lose. Now I realize that he thinks I meant that I had already him too. Minutes pass in silence between Tori and I before I sigh and spit out," Tori, do you think I did the right thing?"

Tori raises an eyebrow, questioning me.

"By volunteering?" I elaborate.

I nod and slowly she does too. "It was a smart, selfless, and brave thing to do."

I could have almost laughed at her definition of my decision. Tobias said the exact opposite. He pulled me aside after I signed up and accused me of being an adrenaline junkie just like the rest of the Dauntless. I spat back at him that he was no different than I am because he signed up too. Later, I learned that he signed up so that he could keep an eye on me, which was so much worse. I don't need him to keep an eye on me. Sometimes, I wish he'd realize that.

"Tris?"

I snap out of my thoughts and face Tori. Concern etches the outlines of her face.

"What's wrong?"

I avoid her eyes. I don't want to talk about my love life with Tori. My eyes absorb her and unlike her observation about me, she hasn't changed. But something catches my eye and I am surprised.

"You got another tattoo," I say eyeing her left arm. It was a tattoo of a circle outlined in blank ink on her upper left arm.

She shrugs and takes another sip of her coffee. "I always thought it was a good idea but I never did it until a few days after your initiate, Xander, died."

I stare at the perfect circle for another moment before meeting her eyes and saying, "What does it mean?"

She hesitates. "Do you remember when you got your bird tattoos?"

I nod and I can almost feel their wings fluttering on my collarbone to remind me that they are there.

"When you got them I didn't realize what it symbolized until I heard that your brother betrayed you, your father died and so did your mother." She held up three fingers. "Three members of your family. Three birds."

Something tickled the back of my mind. It was when I talked to Tori the first time in the tattoo shop and she told me about her brother Georgie and how the Dauntless leaders murdered him. She said they were close and they transferred here together.

"Your tattoo symbolizes your brother," I realize.

She nods. I try stringing the pieces together. The circle tattoo and her brother seem like they don't fit hand in hand.

"I don't get it. What does a circle tattoo have to do with your brother?"

"It's more about his death than his life," Tori explains. "When my brother was found in the chasm, I knew that it wasn't an accident. The leaders knew what he was so they decided to get rid of him. I was devastated and very angry. But yet, somehow I have moved on from his death." She thinks for a second. "Actually, moved on is not the right word. It's more like I learned to live the pain of my twin being gone. But I never really knew how much I had let go of the memory of my brother until your initiate died."

I look at Tori's tattoo once again as if questioning the tattoo itself how it is related to Xander and then ask, "How does my initiate..."

"I saw the pain that your other initiate, Abby, went through and I reminded me of my own pain when my brother died. I thought for sure Abby would just drop out of Dauntless and live with the faction-less but then I saw her still coming to initiation and going to meals and then eventually smiling and laughing with her friends here." She stares at me for a minute then says," I knew then that she had learned to live without him just as I learned to live without Georgie."

Her fingers skate across the tattoo lightly, tracing the circle. "I realized that everything in life is a circle. Everyone will die, or leave you, or hurt you, but life does go on." She takes my hand in hers and says," You have a bit of say in who will hurt you and who will make you cry, and I'd rather have it be someone I care about than someone I can't stand."

I look into her eyes and realize that I have been thinking of Tobias.

Tori squeezes my hand. "Wherever your heart lies, make it count."

She pats my hand once and then stands up from the couch. "I have to get back to work. Unless you're here for a tattoo, then you gotta go."

I stand up too and wrap my arms around Tori, startling her. "Thank you," I say, clutching her shirt in my fist. She wraps her arm around me and whispers a soft 'you're welcome' but I'm not really sure she understands how much I mean it. I mean it in every way possible. I want her to know that a little piece of me belongs to her.

* * *

My hands are still dripping from washing my hands when I look in the mirror. The girl in the mirror has long blonde hair and soft blue eyes and pale skin. She looks perfectly put together. It's only when I feel my own fingers graze across my cheek and the mirror reflects it that I understand that the girl in the mirror is me. I stare at my reflection, unable to look away. This is not what I should look like. All my scars should be visible, like battle wounds damaging my creamy white skin like they are damaging my heart. Instead every scar is hiding inside me. I finally break eye contact with the person in the mirror when my eyes start burning. Every scar resembles a person, a person lost, and no one will remember them but me because I feel the pain that comes with losing someone you love every second of the day.

I slam my hands on the porcelain counter, suddenly frustrated with my lack of visible scars, and push myself away from the mirror forcefully. My feet storm out of the bathroom and lead me to the threshold where I slip on some shoes and head out the door before I do something stupid like cry.

I end up at the railing of the chasm before I realize I'm not the only one here.

Tobias stands leaning over the thin edge of the railing, looking like he's a million miles away. I drink in the sight of him. His black shirt clings to him in all the right places and I can see the tip of his tattoo peeking out of his neckline. I'm caught off guard at the memory of me kissing that tattoo a thousand of times and suddenly, my lips tingle to press against his inked back and tell him I love him. I shake my head and turn away from him. I shouldn't have come here. I turn to leave when the edge of my toe kicks a rock and sends it clattering down the pavement. Silently, I curse at the rock for revealing that I am here. Tobias turns toward my side of the railing immediately and I wonder how he could have possibly heard the tiny rock over the roar of the chasm.

We stand locked in place, both of us startled to see one another. The roar of the chasm is the only thing that is making a sound. My mouth is opening to say that I'm sorry I bothered him when he says, "I don't want to fight with you anymore, Tris."

My heart takes flight at that because we are going to be okay. "Me neither," I say and I take a step towards him and then another and another until I'm chest to chest with him and my arms are around his neck. He feels strong and steady and I let my fingers touch the tip of his tattoo just to make sure he's really here and I'm really in his arms. All of the things I have done and he still loves me. The thought makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. But there's still something at is missing. Something I need to say to get this weight off of my chest.

"I'm sorry," I whisper against his neck. As soon as I say the words, my eyes water, happy and sad at the same time. The anvil off of my shoulders has lifted, leaving me with my heart swelling over for him. For everything about him. My heart lies with him and I'm glad that I am choosing this, all of him, to hurt me and make me cry but also to have him put me back together again, no matter how many pieces I'm in.

"Me too," He murmurs against the back of my neck and I pull him closer to me, glad that he is mine again and that we are one.

As I let my eyes close and breathe him in, I think about what Tori said earlier about making it count wherever my heart lies, and being here with Tobias I know that I am.

I am.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you'll leave a review on the way out! Oh and Part Two is done! YAY! I will be taking a week break to get my thoughts together on what I'm going to do for the next part of this story and working on the one-shot but I will be up and running again the week of Thanksgiving Break.**

**Until then,**

**Kel**


	22. Battle Ready

** Part III: The Rise**

_"I can see the orange haze on the horizon as the morning exhales a yawn, and seems to be ready to rise. "_  
_ -Jeb Dickerson_

* * *

Every day begins like this:

I wake up at five in the morning and eat a regulated breakfast with all the other soldiers. Then, the lot of us head out to the train tracks and run for five miles in any weather. After we get back, we go into the cafeteria and eat a special lunch, made especially for each diet and are packed with protein. Next, we hit the training room until supper, when we are released from training for the day. Every day, we practice with knifes or guns or even more exotic weapons like the bow and arrow and cross bow. Each person has the freedom on which weapon to try out for the day but no one has the choice to back out of the fights. They are brutal and tough, especially for the initiates and members from other factions who have to go up against more experienced fighters like Zeke and Four. Gabe, the best initiate fighter besides Rex, blacked out yesterday in a fight against Tobias. Now, he bruises splattering against his skin and circling his right eye and he's supporting a bruised lip. But he did fine. According to Dauntless, if you didn't back down you did okay. Not as good as winning the fight but not as cowardly as backing out of the fight either. It feels like I'm an initiate again.

I plunge a knife into the dummy expertly, twist it to the right like Tobias taught me, and then rip it out only to stab it back in again. It's a tedious exercise but I do it over and over again and picture its Jeanine, Peter, and then Eric. I set down my knife after I've had my fill and walk over to another station that is housing a few bow and arrows. Zeke said that we would only use these weapons if bullets, ammunition, or knife supply goes out. I have no interest in practicing with something I will probably never use but I want to be prepared just in case I will have to use it.

I pick up a slender back bow with a quiver of matching arrows and pad over to a target. It doesn't take me long before I automatically picture the dummy as people who need to die at the hands of my weapon or my comrade's weapons. I am so completely absorbed that I don't notice the person behind me until a hand is gently laid on my shoulder.

I lower the bow and twist my head to the side to see who it is. My heart jolts a little when I see it's Tobias. My lips curl in a half smile but he doesn't return it. His lips are pressed together in a hard line. I halfway expect them to find my own lips but they don't.

"You're doing it wrong," he says.

His fingers curl around my own and my attention is turned to his one touch. He lifts the bow in front of us. I'm sure he's telling me something relatively important but I can only focus on how close his lips are to my ear and how close his body is to mine.

"You have to keep the end of your arrow by the corner of your lip," he tells me as he draws the string all the way back to my mouth. My entire body is on the brink of bursting into flames or shattering across the floor. I'm totally at the mercy of him.

"And you need to have your aim straighter," Tobias says and adjusts where my arm is positioned at and makes it equivalent to the center of the target. He examines me and then almost, _almost_, smiles when he tells me, "Both eyes open, Tris."

I'm drawn back to a different time where I am an initiate volunteering for a person whom I thought was my friend. I like these words in this moment much better than that one.

He is serious as can be when he orders me to exhale before I let go of my arrow. I do and then a second that feels like eternity passes between us before he whispers, "Release."

My fingers lift off of the arrow and it soars through the air. It lands right on the bulls-eye, just like Four wanted it to. I know I should be amazed at this but if Tobias can make me fall to my knees in a single look then why should shooting an arrow in the center of bulls-eye be any more surprising?

We stand for a moment then I lower the bow. His hands are back on me in an instant.

"Never ever," he chides me, "lower your weapon before you know everything is all clear."

His lips brush my ear accidentally and I suddenly can't stand it anymore. My head curls around to face him. He's not looking at me but at the target, his blue irises reflecting the light that hits them. I'm torn between treating him like my instructor or Tobias. His eyes are void of any warmth when he finally turns towards me. My hands ache to pull him to me but I know in the training room he is looked upon as Four, the Dauntless prodigy, so I refrain myself. But I do raise my hand caress his face. As soon as my hand skims his cheek, he pulls out of my reach and walks pass me to help Zeke.

I face the target, my cheeks flaring. That hurt. What's more is he knew it. He knew it would hurt me. The question is why he would do that.

I lay my bow in the rack and put the arrows I shot back in the quiver then throw them in the shelf.

"Whoa," a familiar voice calls out to me. "Tris is on the loose! Clear the area."

Despite Tobias's rejection, I smile. "Uriah," I greet him.

"Don't feel like saying anything to hurt my ego?" he says feigning shock.

"What ego?"

He snorts. "I expect more from you, Tris. I really do."

I shake my head and roll my eyes. Uriah–the person who can make me smile no matter what.

He bows and says," I was coming to escort you to your gourmet meal, your highness."

I snort. "What?"

"They're serving the best," he presses. "Ham de-la burgers with red sauce and fancy cinnamon applesauce. Only the best."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "That is _not_ our regular lunch."

He shrugs as he straightens his posture. "I might have paid off one of the cooks to let us have something other than tuna sandwiches, oysters, and bananas."

I smile at him and take his arm. "Shall we?" I ask.

He cocks his head up with mock seriousness. "We shall."

We walk out of the training room like that. Then, as soon as the doors close behind us, we're sprinting to the mess hall. My feet are light as I round the corners and I almost hit my side a couple of times during a couple of sharp turns. I reach the cafeteria first and I'm just opening the door when Uriah comes behind me and tackles me to the ground. I land on the cement with a thud but before he can pin me, I roll to the side and pounce on top of him like a five year old. He's laughing and so am I as he cries uncle and we untangle ourselves.

I shake my head at him as we walk into the dining hall. "God, Uriah. You know I don't think I even have to say anything to bruise your ego after that."

He turns his head away from me, pretending to ignore me. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Uriah goes off to retrieve our forbidden lunches from the cook he paid off and I take a seat at the table where the initiates usually sit which is the closest to the corner of the room. When Uriah returns, my mouth waters at the sight of a real hamburger.

All of the soldiers haven't had one since training began due to the tuna and oyster diet we're supposed to be on. He sets them down and I snatch one of the hamburgers and sink my teeth into the meat. Uriah laughs when I sigh at the taste.

"It's really hard to believe you were Abnegation."

I don't answer him and enjoy my sandwich instead. It doesn't take long before we're both done with our meal and Uriah is stuffing cake into his mouth. I won't eat the cake after the batter was contaminated. The Dauntless leaders assure us again and again that there isn't any more of the contamination in batter anymore but I am wary to trust anyone anymore. I mean, my own brother almost killed me for the sake of knowledge.

Just when Uriah scrapes off the last of the crumbs off his plate and into his mouth, the soldiers walk into the cafeteria. It's a little strange to see the Abnegation, Amity, and Dauntless in all the same colors. We all wear the uniform green during training to unify us. In addition to that, we all refer to each other as Soldier. Soldier Tris, Soldier Zeke, Soldier Uriah, just another soldier in a line firing a gun. Just another person who just might die in battle.

I swear I am trained to notice whenever Tobias walks into a room, because when he does my total attention is averted to him. He walks in back of the initiates with his posture confident. He's speaking to Abby and when she says something he cracks a smile. I wonder what she said.

Tobias turns and we make eye contact for a brief second before he turns away and heads out of the cafeteria. I've had enough with this, I decide and pick up my plate and toss it into the trash. I'm done with secrets.

I find him in the hallway heading back to the training room. My pace picks up as I get closer to him. "Four!" I call out.

I'm a little surprised when he stops and lets me catch up to him. When I approach him, I say, "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head. "That is none of your concern, Solider."

I'm a little hurt and infuriated at that. I hate how he is shutting me out. Please let me in, I want to say to him. I want you to trust me with your heart.

"Tobias," I press. "Why are you avoiding me?"

He doesn't answer. His shoulders give a shrug and his face turns away from mine. I want to scream at him but I don't. Instead, my hand presses on his cheek and forces his head to turn back towards me.

"Please," I plead softly. "Tell me."

I'm halfway expecting Tobias to reject my touch again, but he places his own hand on top of mine and sighs.

"Promise me," he whispers," that you'll be okay if I die."

I let my hand fall from his face. My heart crumbles at the thought of not having him next to me. What would life be like if he wasn't here? Would I be here? Or would I just fade away a little more with each day he wouldn't be here next to me? I can never promise something like that. But I _can_ lie to him.

My lips part to lie to him but before I can he takes my hand and squeezes it. "You don't have to promise me right now." He caresses my cheek like I did just a few seconds ago. He nods ever so slightly as if he is assuring me as he says, "When you're ready."

At that, his fingers skirt across my chin as his hand falls from my cheek. He leaves me standing in the middle of the hallway and continues walking until he reaches the training room. The door clicks when he opens it and snaps back shut when he's inside.

The sound of the door shutting brings me out of my trance. My throat is tight as I turn around and head back to the cafeteria. With every step his words echo in my head. _Promise me. Promise me. Whenever you're ready._

I don't think I'll ever be ready.

* * *

The soldiers have been back in the training room for hours when Zeke calls out," Everyone please meet by the chalkboard in five minutes."

I put my knife away with the other soldiers excitedly. I can tell by the jittery mood of all my comrades that the leaders have chosen squads for war. I'm jittery myself as I sit next to Abby. Zeke stands in front of the board with a white stub of chalk in his hand, his expression sober, so unlike himself. Where is the Zeke that used to tease me about being a Stiff or join in on the banter with Uriah? I miss my friend.

Christina takes her place on the other side of me and squeezes my hand. I give her a small smile to reassure her I am fine. Tobias stands next to Zeke but doesn't make eye contact with me as Zeke begins to speak.

"As some of you know, the leaders of Dauntless have been evaluating each and every one of you carefully, looking at your skills and dauntlessness with great expertise. One leader made the final decision in choosing members for each squad by hand, making sure that each member will have an important role in whatever squad they are placed in."

He turns to Tobias and nods his head while holding out the white chalk. Tobias takes it without hesitation and begins to write. The first group does not include my name, but it doesn't include Tobias's name either so I am relieved. This goes on for another five groups until the sixth group, where Tobias writes his own name along with ten others in his group.

Mine is not included.

My jaw drops. _No_. No no no. This is not happening. I was supposed to protect him and watch out for him. We were supposed to be a team. Panic rises inside me. If Tobias isn't in my group, who is?

My question is answered in the names of the next group. My name is placed with Jenna, Lyra, Jadon, Delilah, Gabe, Abby, Henry, Connor, and Zeke. I turn my attention towards Zeke who is standing up by the board with disappointment simmering in his eyes. His brother isn't with him.

Something is off.

When Tobias gets done writing the names he turns around and immediately locks eyes with me. His orbs are sad and cold and wanting all at the same time and I know it couldn't have been him who separated him and me and Zeke and Uriah. It wasn't me. So who was it?

"These groups will be put into effect immediately," Zeke says. "You will be training, eating, and sleeping with your squad members until we depart for Amity. Do you understand?"

All the soldiers in the crowd nod but me. No I don't understand why I'm not in the same squad as Tobias. If they were basing the pairings off of skill, I have trained just as hard as Tobias has and have become a lot better and fit than I was before training.

Everyone is starting to get up so I lift myself off of the floor to even though I'd rather stay there and reverse this entire situation before it becomes really true. I'll be okay without Tobias being there and guiding me, he helped me become independent, but my real problem is me not being there if he's in trouble. Tobias may have only four fears and be physically and mentally strong, but what good is that when someone holds a gun to his chest and no one is there to help him?

When Tobias and all the other soldiers leave the training room, I find Zeke. He's still standing by the chalkboard, erasing all the squads. It should make be happier because now I can't see the separation of our names but it doesn't. The blank chalkboard fills me with frustration and desperation for wanting to fix something that I can't.

Zeke hears my footfall and says, "Tris."

"Zeke," I say, not bothering to hide the irritation leaking through my words. "Who the hell separated people? Tobias and I aren't together and neither are you and Uriah." I shake my head. "We would take better care of the people we love, right? So why not put everyone together who has a connection rather than skill? I'm thinking that we should go talk to whoever separated these people and..." I trail off when I see Zeke's expression shift. It's full of remorse and guilt rather than the anger I would have expected at the separation of him and his brother. My brain clicks together the pieces.

"You arranged the squads, didn't you?"

He doesn't answer which only confirms my suspicion.

"Why would you do that, Zeke?" I demand. "Uriah is your family. Why don't you want to protect him?"

"I would do anything to protect him, Tris," He snaps then sighs. He grabs my hand and wraps it with his own, startling me. "Try to understand-"

I rip my hand from his touch. "Don't touch me," I hiss and back away from him. I know now why Tobias was so distant from me this morning. He knew about us not being together. He was trying to make me mad at him so the separation would be easier on both of us. I don't know whether to cry or scream at the thought. I whip around and dart out of the training room wanting to get away from Zeke and his decision. I end up back at Tobias's apartment, which is empty due to the new policy of the squads eating, sleeping, and training together. But it doesn't matter.

I wouldn't want Tobias to see me cry anyway.

* * *

The night air brushes across my arms and face, stinging my bare skin. I've never been to this part of the compound before. It's on the roof of the pit and I can see almost the whole city from here. The merry go round is still broken and the Ferris wheel is as lonely as ever. The memory of Tobias's hands on my hip when we were climbing the Ferris wheel flutters in my memory and brings a smile to my lips. I can remember everything about him, no matter how small the memory is. That thought smacks the smile off of my face and punctures a hole in my heart. If I close my eyes, I still see his blue orbs, the way they looked when they wrote my name in a different column than his. It was like he knew that he had to let go of me or, maybe, stop hanging on so close. I don't want to think about it for too long or I'll be filled with heart crushing pain, so push all my thoughts about Tobias away for now and focus on how long it's been since I've really notice the changes in the weather. When the soldiers run outside, we are already sweaty because of working in the training room so it always feels warm when we are outside running. But being out here, on my own terms, is so much different. The world_ feels_ like its changing and shifting towards a new season. I notice with new eyes that the wind feels colder and the sound of rattling leaves are drifting through the air and a couple of trees are bare and exposed. I'm sad to see another season go for some reason. It's another season without my parents to guide me and hold me through life. I miss them so much it hurts sometimes. Grief can taint every memory and every moment to come. As far as I'm concerned, grief can screw herself.

I hear a slap of a foot hitting the rooftop and I whip around fast, alarmed. Zeke is standing there and I snap my eyes back to the scenery in front of me. The landscape didn't prevent me from being with Tobias.

I hear him sigh in back of me. "I know you're mad at me," he starts out. I almost laugh. Mad is an understatement. "I just want to talk."

He shuffles his feet for a few seconds then says, "Can I sit down?"

I don't say anything. I am not cruel enough to push him away when he's so desperate to talk but I don't condone it either. I hear him coming closer then he's sitting next to me carefully, and allowing his legs to dangle off the ledge. The tension is thick and I consider moving an inch or two away from him to make more space between us but I don't.

Minutes pass in silence before he says, "Did you know Uriah is the only thing I have left of my family?"

I didn't know but I'm not going to let him in on that. It doesn't matter that I don't answer though because he continues anyway.

"My parents were killed when I was ten. Uriah was only five. They died jumping on train."

He looks down at his hands as if he is ashamed. I feel my selflessness leaking through as I have the urge comfort him but it doesn't take long to squash that feeling when I think of Uriah and Tobias being surrounded by their squad members that are about as good as strangers that wouldn't even think about sacrificing their own lives to save them like I would.

Zeke looks up and his eyes lock into mine. I've never noticed that they were so green. "I had to separate us from the ones we love to keep them safe."

"Explain to me how that would be keeping them safe," I say with venom spitting out in every letter.

He seems a little surprised that I am talking to him but he recovers quickly.

"Say that the person you love and another soldier were being held at gunpoint and you were forced to choose between their life and the other soldier's. Who do you think you'd choose?"

The answer is obvious. I'd save Tobias. Zeke would save Uriah. We would all choose who we love over a stranger. We are all selfish, even the Abnegation, at times of desperation.

"That's why," Zeke continues softly," I separated us from Tobias and Uriah. We both have obligation to make to the soldiers who we don't even know and we have to protect them–strangers or not."

I stare at him. I was so angry at him for separating Tobias from me, but now I see how much he is hurting himself. I've never been incredibly close to Caleb like Zeke and Uriah are but I know what it feels like to love someone so much that you'd let them go. Maybe I can keep Tobias safer this way. I will certainly try my best.

I reach for Zeke's hand and he jumps a little when my flesh meets his own. I offer a small smile as I whisper, "I understand." I don't agree but, yes, I understand.

He smiles ever so slightly. "Thanks."

I nod and turn my head back towards the city before me. If I look really close, I can see the stiff, tall buildings of the Erudite. The lights are still on in various parts of the buildings, probably people still working on some project or another. Looking at the building I am filled with determination.

We will be the ones to bring the Erudite to their knees.

I am part of a revolution.

I am battle ready.

* * *

**This is Kellie coming to you live from Bentonville, Arkansas at my grandma's house! As most of you know, I took a week break from writing but now I'm back! I posted a one-shot in honor of getting 200 reviews and if you look under my profile you'll see it under my stories. It's called Different. I hope you'll take a peek! Sorry about having the shoutouts at the end of the chapter. I wanted the quote to have the spotlight. **

****Shoutouts to: TobiasOdair, Hgdivergenthp, ALW4, Jenali, , Potterllamapanemaniac, DivergentWizard, XxNutellaNinjaxX, Edge67, sammylovesshutch, ClatoisReal, TrustaSmiles, theOneAndOn1yOne, DivergentLover05, SyrezeDf, HungerGameslover6130, Softballchick101, Alex-love, writerlovesreader, VioletO'Shea, The Reading Turtle, ThecrazyGirl, Bean256, , , 101Fourtris, TobiasWillJaceFinnickFourNin e, and fangirlforlife11jace for either favoring, following, or reviewing on either Different or Trusting in You!****

**Thanks for reading and review! Next chapter will be up sometime soon hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed!**

**-Kel**

**P.s. Happy only-one-year-away-'til-Catching-Fire day for crazy fans of the Hunger Games like me! May the odds be ever in your favor. **


	23. Afloat

**A/N: Hey everybody! This is the longest chapter I've written...ever! *pats myself on the back*. Anyway, I was going to do shoutouts, but my email decided to hate me and delete all of my emails under my Trusting in You file (screw you Gmail. Screw you). So, I won't be doing shoutouts this time because I don't want to leave anyone out. But thank you to those of you who either favored, followed, or reviewed! Oh, and this story is at 100 followers! YAY! Thanks everyone! **

**P.s. Special thanks to those of you who PM'd me those sweet messages. My ego was boosted ;). **

* * *

My mother told me once that leaving someone behind is one of the hardest things a person could do. She also told me that it would be selfish to bring that person with you into danger just for the sake of company. What she didn't tell me is how much it would hurt.

I stuff another blue t-shirt that one of the spies stole for us in my backpack along with an Amity red shirt that some of the Amity soldiers handed over after trading them for a soldier uniform. I take a second to admire the blending colors in my backpack then jam in two black pants to add to my collection. Someone knocks one the door, startling me a little. Whoever is outside doesn't wait for an answer before they come into my room. My heart is filled with joy and pain at the same time when I see it's Tobias. He's just as handsome, if not more, as he was when I first met him. His brown hair is tousled neatly and his blue eyes find mine as he asks," Do you need any help?"

I shake my head and look down at my backpack, afraid if I look at him too long I might do something dumb like cry.

I don't sense his presence anymore so I think he has left but then I hear a drawer opening and shutting and his feet lightly patting the carpet as he treads over to me. His chest is pressing against my back as he shoves in a couple more yellow shirts and a black dress I bought after I gave Rye mine.

"I always loved you in this dress," he says, more to himself than anyone, as his pinches the fabric between his fingers for a few seconds, then lets it fall. I turn around to face him and I'm sure that wasn't the greatest idea when I see his squad number stitched into his black jacket in bright red thread. I lightly touch my own number, three, and in an instant he knows what I am thinking about and wraps my hand with his own.

"It's just a number," he assures me but we both know it's more than that. His group will be heading to Abnegation to force the rest of the Erudite and Dauntless traitors out of the remaining houses, and my squad will be staying at Amity until we hear we should move further into the city. We won't see each other for months at the very best.

I nod, but it's for his sake more than mine. He pulls me close, squishing me against his chest and I clutch his jacket in both of my fists tightly. My face buries into his shoulder and I breathe in the smell of him. He smells like...Tobias. I'm going to miss that. I'm going to miss _him_.

He pulls back but I want him to hold me for just a few moments longer, have his arms enfold me again. I let him go, however, even though my instinct tells me not to. He examines me for a moment then brushes a few stray hairs that have fallen onto my forehead back into place. My lips tingle to smile, so I do, and to my surprise he smiles back. I reach up to touch my fingers to his lips and when my fingers find them, I stop. They are smooth yet rough at the same time and I run my fingers over them again and again. Soon, my hands yearn to touch him somewhere else and I let them wander to his back. The skin is smooth and soft except for the area in his middle back where there are indents from a leather belt. Wincing, I run over them lightly with my fingertips and picture a young Tobias crying due to these scars that his father inflicted. Even though I hate that it happened to him, I love these scars because it is part of him just as his past is part of him too.

His hands push me back gently, and at first I think I've hurt him, but then he kisses my cheek and murmurs, "My turn."

I'm still as stone as his lips find my collar bone and plant a kiss on each bird. As his lips find my last raven, I am paralyzed with the fear that he will become one of these birds. I have already lost three birds of my family; I don't want to lose another. I pull him closer to me as his fingertips find my shoulder and lightly trace the bullet wound there. Yes, it hurts a little, but it doesn't hurt as much as the thought of losing him does. I don't know why, but this feels like the most intimate thing we've ever done, even more than making love, because we're noticing each other's weaknesses and loving them anyway even though some of them are so ugly and awful that we want to cover them up.

His fingers make a path from my shoulder to my neck where an injection mark is laid. My own fingers find his own mark on his neck and we pull each other closer. My arms are around him in a second and tightly hanging on. Tobias's head falls on my shoulder in a tired heap. I stroke his neck to comfort both of us that we are still here together and everything is fine right now. I believe that is all we can ask for.

When we pull away, I just want to hold him again. My eyes search his dark ones for some sign that maybe we can both stay here and just enjoy each other instead of going to war with the Erudite, but I only find sadness. Tobias gives me a sad smile and picks up my backpack with ease, slings it over his shoulder, and says, "Time to go."

I suppose it is.

* * *

"Get into your squads!" shouts a Dauntless leader I've never met.

I hustle behind Zeke and the other seven initiates follow behind. We're wearing thick black coats to block out the wind and cold and on the right arm we have a tie-dyed

Handkerchief that supports the colors red, black, yellow and grey. The colors of each rebel faction blending together in unity.

Once we are in our squads, the same man who shouted speaks again. "Now, you know that each squad has a different assignment and these assignments will be put into effect once you board the train. Your group leaders are assigned by age and skill. They are defined by the white band around their arm."

I immediately notice Zeke has this band along with the colored kerchief. Then I look at the line next to us and see that Tobias has this band. I'm worried for his safety and proud of him at the same time.

"When the trains arrive, you will be jumping on and traveling to Amity. From there, your leaders should know what to do."

Then the wail of a whistle sounds through the air and I bounce on my feet a little to get some of the feeling back into my legs. My hands grip the straps of my backpack tightly, ready to run and jump.

The Dauntless leader wishes us luck and then the group on the far right starts to run. The other groups follow in suit. Finally, Tobias starts to run and the people behind him follow. Then it's our turn. Zeke jogs at first, but then we're in a full out sprint by the time we are about hundred feet from the train. I'm breathing heavily but not as heavily as some of the other initiates who are having a hard time catching their breath. Once we are about five feet from the train, Zeke leaves the group to jump on. He takes a huge leap in the air and rolls onto the train like an expert. I'm left in charge now so I keep running until I feel like the person behind me is ready to lead the group at a good pace, then I sprint even faster to be in alignment with the boxcar. I see Tobias, Zeke, Christina's faces waiting for me to hop on. I look behind me at the initiates once more before I jump as high as I can into the air.

My foot catches on the bottom of the car, and for a terrifying moment, I imagine being like Uriah's parents and dying from jumping on a train. I'm scared out of my mind but I manage to get my foot out and crawl into the train. I'm not asked if I'm okay or if I need any medical attention. I would be disappointed if I was. I am Dauntless. I can take care of myself.

I find Tobias sitting in a corner with Uriah but they seem like they are in an intense conversation so I don't bother them. Instead, I stand by Zeke and watch as the initiates jump on one by one. They are flawless as they pounce into the train and I know Four did a good job in training them for this.

Delilah is the last to jump on and then the atmosphere shifts from an adrenaline rush to waiting and expectant. I take a seat against the wall and lean my head back. My head is already starting to pound from the brief adrenaline rush.

Zeke slides down beside me and says, "Don't get too comfortable, Tris. Amity is only another five miles from here."

I shrug, not caring if he thinks I'm weak, and for some reason he chuckles and shifts his posture so that he and I are a foot apart. His knee is drawn to his chest and his hands rest around his ankle haphazardly. He reminds me a little of Tobias in how he can rise to a leadership power and feel comfortable in it while also being conservative and caring with the amount of authority he possesses.

Zeke notices me staring at him and smiles. "Like what you see?"

I blush. "I didn't mean to stare at you."

"They never do," he teases and I shake my head at him. He is definitely Uriah's brother.

I am about to say a smart-aleck comment but then him and the other leaders stand up.

"Everyone up!" someone shouts. "Amity is right ahead."

I am on my feet in a couple seconds and taking my place in the middle of the line to jump off. Some of the Amity soldiers are smiling and laughing more than normal because they get to see their family before they are sent off to work on assignments. If I got to see my family again today, I'd be excited too. The thought makes me full of remorse but I don't have time to dwell on it for very long before Zeke shouts to start jumping. People leap off, a flash of black in the sky for a brief second before they're gone. Tobias is a couple people ahead of me and he jumps off without a second thought. Dauntless. Then it's my turn. The train is moving fast, the land outside the car a blur of green and brown and blue. Then I see an occasional red popping out from the cornfield, and I recognize it immediately. It's the Amity, harvesting whatever is left in the fields. I bend my legs and jump off the train without looking back.

I land on my feet, a little wobbly but still better than some of the soldiers who are clutching their arms or legs in agony. I hear a couple more people jumping off but then all I hear is the wail of the train. My head turns to stare at the cars and to my surprise I still see groups lounging in the cars, and I realize that we are the only two groups that got off. I suspect that the rest are going into the city or are on their way to their assignment. I silently wish them luck. I keep walking until I reach the corn field where I shove the stalks out of the way and pluck a couple of corn cobs off and shove them in my backpack. Never know when you might need food. It isn't until I am at the end of the corn field that I see other soldiers from mine or Tobias's squad. Delilah and Gabe seem to be fine as they stumble out from the fields, Abby is helping Jenna who seems to have sprained her foot, and the rest of them are trickling from the cornfield alone like I did. I find Tobias in the crowd and he's got his arm around one of the Amity men who looks like he broke his leg. He won't be fighting anytime soon. I rush over to him and put the man's other arm around my own shoulders. He's heavy but I'm strong so I don't collapse beneath his weight. Between Tobias I, we make it to the entrance of the Amity compound which is a chaotic mess due to the amount of soldiers coming in and family members rushing forward to greet their loved ones. A nurse approaches Tobias and me. Her blond hair falls over her shoulder in ringlets, mixing with the red of her outfit.

"I can take him from you," she says in a gentle tone only the Amity could pull off. Tobias nods and we pull his arms off of our shoulders and give him to the nurse who coaxes him into a wheelchair. When the man is wheeled away, Tobias and I smile and reach for each other's hand. I don't want to know when his group is leaving tomorrow. I don't want to let him out of my sight. I want and don't want so many things it could be considered innumerable, but most of all I just want to spend time with him before he leaves and I'm left behind.

"I got a room for us," he says as we round a hallway painted a soft yellow.

I face Tobias and inquire, "I thought that we had to sleep with our squads?"

He shakes his head. "That rule was pointless and irrelevant to any fighting strategy. Besides, no one listens to Paul anyway."

I assume Paul is the man who ordered us around this afternoon before we got on the trains. Tobias seems to know where we are going so I don't worry too much about it. Instead, I take in the surroundings of this place. Every wall is painted a different shade of yellow or red, some even mingling the two colors making an orange shade appear in various parts of the wall. It is strange how so many colors there are and how careless they painted their walls. I could never be part of this colorfully faction.

Tobias brings me out of my daydream when he turns right and takes a key out of his pocket. He slips it in the keyhole and, with a quick twist; a click tells me the door is unlocked. He opens the door with one hand and lets me walk through first.

The first thing I notice is that there are three mirrors in one room; one in the bathroom and two in the bedroom. I've never seen a room with so many mirrors, even in Dauntless. The first thing I want to do is cover them all up just like we did in Abnegation, but I don't. Instead, I let my hand touch the mahogany wood of the dresser, the cool pane of the window, a cold fireplace, and finally the light wood of the bedposts. I look at Tobias leaning against the door as I touch the bed lightly, wanting nothing more than to be with him in it. He just smiles at me knowing exactly where my thoughts are. Suddenly, my eye catches a picture that is right above the fireplace. My feet carry me there and the picture comes into focus.

It's of the faction symbols, but they are not separate like they usually are. They are integrated into one ring, something I've never seen before. The hands of Abnegation are holding the lush tree of Amity in its palms and in the tree there are the scales of Candor balancing the factions. Then, clinging to the outside of the ring are flames of fire signifying Dauntless, the brave and bold, my faction. It beautiful and disturbing at the same time seeing the factions combined. I step even closer and see that the name of portrait is hidden in one of the flames.

It reads Divergent.

I whip around. "Have you seen this?" I ask Tobias softly. He shakes his head and comes behind me to inspect the picture. He's silent for a moment before he says, "It's incredible."

I nod because it is. Someone took their time and painted each faction onto this canvas with care. Someone cared about this a lot. I wonder who this someone is.

My hands reach up and clutch the sides of the painting then lift up to get it off the nail. I lay it down on a table near the bathroom, the painted side faced down, and look for a name to claim the picture. I find it at the lower right side of the frame, so small and light that I wouldn't have noticed it if I wasn't looking for it.

"Demetry Ridder," I say and trace my fingers over it lightly.

Tobias snaps his head up and treads toward me. "What?"

"His name is-"

"I know what you said," he tells me impatiently as he walks over to the picture. "I know a Demetry Ridder."

My brows furrow. "How?"

"He was on my mom's side," he explains. "We were cousins."

I look down at the name again, trying to fit the pieces together. "Were you close?"

"When we were younger, but we wanted different things." He says this quietly, almost like he is speaking to himself. Maybe he is.

"Do you know where he is?" I ask because I've never seen something so rebellious, so unlike _everything _I've seen in the factions. I want to know why he painted this.

To my disappointment, Tobias shakes his head. "The last I heard of him is when he transferred to Erudite, but he could be factionless."

I flip the painting over and hang it up again above the mantel where it belongs. It's probably not supposed to be here in Amity, in ANY faction, where things like this are dangerous and wrong. I want to ask Tobias more about his cousin, about his painting, but Tobias seems like he's tired of talking about it, so I leave it alone.

He sits on the bed like it's a relief to finally get off his feet and puts his head in his hands. I walk to him, sit beside him, and place my hand on his leg. He's impossibly tired, mentally and physically, all over. I want to take him in my arms and comfort him, but I know better. Tobias is strong and I am strong. We become stronger when the other is weaker because it's what we need to do to keep the other afloat. It's how we work.

I brush a hair that has fallen onto his forehead back to where it belongs and I ask him, "Are you okay?"

He looks at me with soft eyes and says, "Yeah, I'm okay."

For his sake, I pretend I can't see right through that answer. Instead, I nod and lean against him, laying my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes, glad he's here and that I'm here with him, keeping him afloat. Maybe he's keeping me afloat too.

* * *

I wake up against Tobias's chest. He's still sleeping, his arm laying lazily over his stomach and moving up and down with every breath. I roll off the bed and step into the bathroom. I strip off my clothes slowly, still sluggish from sleep, and jump into the warm shower. It's relaxing to have water streaming down my back and off of my fingers in a steady stream. I let my eyes close until the air is dense and thick with steam. Then, I shut off the water and then wrap myself in a towel, ready to go get my clothes, but I stop short. A black pair of pants and shirt are folded neatly on the toilet seat and as I get closer, I see a long necklace with a charm the size of my pointer finger. I pick it up and examine the charm closer, seeing that there are little leaves and vines engraved into a tube-like shape. It's beautiful. I close it in my palm and smile. Tobias must have gotten this before we left Dauntless.

I hop into my pants, pull on my t-shirt, and step out of the bathroom to thank him for giving me this but he isn't on the bed. He's not in the room at all. I panic a little but I swallow it down, and tell myself that Tobias is fine and I'm just being immature and insecure. After I shrug on my coat and slip on my shoes, I leave my room and lock it with the key, keeping Demetry Ridder's painting safe from the outside world.

I walk down the hallway aimlessly until I hear a guitar strumming then a violin harmonizing with it in a sad song, whining and wailing together. I look out the window and see that it is pitch black outside except for an orange light that illuminates the sky and the figures that are parading around it, making shadows appear. I follow the noises to the main hall of Amity where the music keeps getting louder and I step outside into the night air and step closer and closer to the scene until I am in it.

The orange light is actually a warm fire and the figures are the Amity and some Dauntless members dancing and twirling to the music. Logs are circled around the campfire with most of the soldiers and Amity are seated on them, laughing and talking or sharping their knifes or cleaning their guns. Then I spot Tobias sitting next to Zeke and Christina on the other side of the circle and walk over to them. Zeke and Christina seem to be in a heated argument about one thing or another so I take a seat beside Tobias.

"Hi," he says and his lips turn up, making my heart turn to liquid.

"Hi," I tell him and then I lean into his ear and whisper, "Thank you for the gift."

Tobias's smile dips for the slightest second then it brightens. "You're welcome."

I think I would have thought I imagined his slight frown if not for the pain simmering in his deep blue eyes.

I turn my attention back to the music which has turned from a slow song to a rapid, fast-pace tune that gets many of the Dauntless off of their logs and inspires them to dance. Zeke is on his feet in a second and so is Christina.

"Four, I bet you're a_ lovely_ dancer," Christina teases and curtsies.

I smirk and Four says, "The best."

The two trot out by the campfire and leave Zeke and me standing there. He doesn't wait for a second before mocking Christina saying, "I bet you're a _lovely_ dancer."

I laugh and say, "I'm _so_ much better than Four is."

He winks and holds out an out stretched hand. "I don't doubt it."

I thread my fingers through his and I lead him closer to the fire. Zeke takes my other hand into his and before I can fully realize it, we're dancing. _Dancing!_ The thought makes me want to laugh. What would my old faction think of me dancing and twirling and spinning in a boy's arms with my blonde hair flying in the wind? Would they be ashamed? Would they be proud?

I look around me at the soldiers clothed in black with their tie-dyed kerchief tied to their jackets; the colors signifying everything we are and everything we should be. And just like Demtery Ridder's painting, I have a forbidden thought.

I am no different than the Amity girl playing the fiddle, or the Abnegation women braiding a girl's hair, or the Dauntless boy grinning as he lets out a howl into the sky.

We are all just people, fighting for what we believe is right, no matter what virtue of our society we value.

We are insurgents.

It's a good thing to be.

* * *

My mother was right when she said that letting go of someone would be the hardest thing a person could do. You'll want to clutch them in your fist, she told me, you'll want hold them tighter, until it is nearly impossible for them to escape. But they'll die that way. That's why you have to be selfless and set them free. I'm having a hard time accepting my mother's advice as I lie next to a sleeping Tobias, wide awake long before we're supposed to get up.

_You'll want to clutch them in your fist_.

I want to so bad.

_You'll want to hold them tighter_.

I do.

_But they'll die that way_.

That line always stops me from begging Tobias to stay in Amity. What would that do to him if I asked him to stay? I answer my own question in a second. It would tear him apart. It would be tough to pick, me or his soldiers, but in the end I believe he'd choose me. And maybe he wouldn't regret it now, but I know that later on, he'd end up hating me for it. So I keep my question to myself, neatly folded inside me, careful not to let the words on my tongue because if they end up there, I might not be able to stop myself from letting them slip.

I tuck myself into the place between his arm and chest, careful not to wake him. My hand rests lightly on his chest, his consistent heartbeat relaxing me immediately. I don't know what it is about this, but knowing that he's fine and that he's a lot steadier than I am makes my racing heart slow. Maybe it's the competitive side in me saying that if he is calm, I can be calm too, but I think it is more than that. I think it's just _him_. Always strong, always steady, always a little bit of Tobias and a little bit of Four mixed together to create someone so real, so impossibly _mine_ and imperfectly perfect. He can hold me together, keep me afloat.

My pointer finger sketches a heart on the left side of his chest, directly over his heartbeat. I smile as I do this for some reason. He's still sleeping, his mouth slightly open and his mind drifting someplace where I can't be. I keep drawing hearts for a while but then my finger swirls into letters across his abdomen.

I keep writing them over and over again until I realize what I've written. The words I spelt out should say-

"I love you."

The bass voice startles me. I look up and to my surprise, I find that Tobias is awake.

"What?" I ask, knowing what he said perfectly.

"I said," he whispers as softly as he possibly can, a grin tickling his lips," I love you. That's what you spelt."

I nod.

His hands tickle my stomach and then travel to my lower back, teasing my skin by tapping lightly in areas. Finally his fingers rest and then they are drawing.

It feels like a half of a heart, then a snake, then back to the half of a heart again. _He's repeating himself_, I realize. I let him draw for a few more minutes before saying, "Two?"

He nods. "Because I love you_ too_, Tris."

I smile. "Beatrice."

"Beatrice," he agrees, grinning. I'm reminded of the day when we baked a cake together after we ruined the first. We've changed so much. We have so much more to fight for and if you have more to fight for, there's just as much to lose.

I rest my head against his shoulder again, tired by the thought. I don't want to lose anything anymore.

"What are you thinking about?" Tobias asks and runs his fingers through my hair.

"How much I don't want to lose you," I say instead of what I want to tell him:_ I don't want you to go_.

He doesn't answer. He just keeps running his fingers through my hair over and over and over again, his fingers occasionally getting caught in a snarl of blonde. He pulls his fingers out of the mess expertly, though, and keeps on combing my hair. Could he pull himself out of a tight spot like his fingers pulled out of my knotted hair? Or would his fear control him and drag him along with it? Or if someone else was in trouble, would his selflessness take over and have him charging straight into the heart of danger? I hope not.

"Tobias?" I murmur softly, my head still resting on his chest.

He is not really paying attention when he answers, "Hm?"

"Can you promise me something?"

I feel him tense. He's afraid of what I'm going to ask. I realize he's not going to answer me so I say, "Can you promise me that you'll come back?"

"It what condition, I can't say." He says it light-heartedly, a joke, but it feels like someone took an axe to my chest and ripped my skin apart. I can't have him come home in a casket. Not like that. My God, _anything_ but that. He realizes his mistake and pinches my chin, forcing him to look at me. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant I don't know what I'm getting into."

_Do any of us really know what we are getting into?_ I wonder. Maybe we'll all be dead in two weeks. Maybe we'll all get bullets embedded into our skulls like Will or sacrifice ourselves like my parents did in the end. Too much was lost last time in a race to kill. It can't happen again.

"Is it going to be like last time?" I whisper, terrified to hear the answer. I don't want to hear that I'm going to see people I know get shot in the chest and cough up blood until they fade away or to see our soldiers die against the Erudite's. I don't want to see Tobias hold a gun to me, ready to make my heart stop beating in an instant. No, this time cannot, _will not_, be like last time.

Tobias is hesitant to answer right away. He won't lie to me about something like this. This much I know. He's not going to hand me false hope to cling to like a lifeline when there isn't anything holding me steady. When he does answer he sighs then murmurs, "I don't know."

That's the worst part.

My hand finds his in the blanket and I thread my fingers into his. "Can you promise me then," I whisper gently," that you'll try your hardest to stay alive?"

He smiles, or maybe it's a grimace, I can't really tell, but he says what I wanted to hear. "Yes. Of course."

His lips kiss my forehead and my tongue feels too heavy to talk all of the sudden, like someone filled it with lead.

Then, slowly and all at once, I'm gone.

* * *

**A/N: * Disclaimer (cause I haven't done it in a while): I do not own anything from Divergent. No Copyright intended. I do own all of the characters that I have added into the book, such as Delilah, Gabe, and Abby, as well as the plot.***

** Thanks for reading and review!**

**-Kellie **


	24. Letting Go

**A/N: Sorry everyone this is so late! I got an early Christmas present (a new guitar!) and I could _not stop playing with it_. Also I am moving and may have been reading an awesome book called Every Day by David Levithan. AND I have this huge research paper due before Christmas but now that I'm done I can get right back on track with this story (Thank God!).**

****Shoutouts to max-rose-clary, Imjustawesome, FourTris1234, imanawesomeperson, littlemissthgandpll, Divergent115307, Abloodprincess, Brook, SoccerSarahK, AlwaysLookinUp, TheOneandOn1yOne, meloldy, FourSix, Hungergameslover, TobiasOdiar, Quietgal22, Nia Pietrovski, Melody, Erica.  , and all the guests for reviewing, favoring, and/or following this story. Thanks to all the people who are just reading too :).**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"No," Zeke says and wrinkles his nose. I sigh.

"What do you mean no?" Jenna asks with her mouth full. "Breakfast for lunch is a great idea! Eggs are great! Toast is great!"

"But chocolate cake is better." Zeke points his fork at her as he makes his point and raises an eyebrow. Jenna mumbles something back and then they are teasing again. At first, I was a little wary about Zeke and Jenna badgering each other all the time because it almost always comes so close to cruel, but then I realized that they belonged together because their personalities are almost exactly alike. But they can also be annoying.

I tune out the banter and look around the cafeteria at the strange compound. There are girls in red dresses dancing clumsily to a song that a boy is playing on a harmonica. I like the way their smiles are easy and their laughs are playful. One girl has blonde hair that reaches down to her waist and swings along with her body. She reminds me a little of Connor in the way her face is smiling and her nose crinkles up when she laughs. Suddenly, it comes together. That girl is Polly, Connor's sister. Mentally, I compare her to the memory I had in my head. Polly, shy and small as a Candor, is thriving here. She reminds me of a flower. She was in the wrong environment when she lived in Candor. Now, in Amity, she's so alive and vibrant. Look what the sun can do to a small flower.

People can't seem to get their eyes off of her, including the four boys leaning against the wall and smiling at the scene. They won't lay a finger on her, though, because Connor is lounging on the floor with his legs laid out neatly in front of him clothed in black, the color of ferocity. I can't see him fitting in here with the dancing bodies of Amity. Maybe it's because he's too conservative or controlling to be here, but I take a second look at his gleaming blonde hair and face and see that it's simply because he was meant to be in Dauntless. His muscles strain against his shirt and the tattoo of the Dauntless symbol is stamped onto his left forearm. He looks fierce. He looks Dauntless. I see Polly's hand reach for his and he hesitates only for a second then takes it. She pulls him into their strange dance, full of twists and turns and dips that I wouldn't even dream of doing. From here, I can see his mouth open, laughing. Polly's laughing too and, if I'm seeing right, hanging onto him a little tighter just in case he might pull away before she wants him to.

A sudden warmth is slipped into my hand, startling me, and when I look up I see a familiar face. My eyes crinkle as I smile at Tobias and squeeze his hand to assure him I'm fine. Lately, he seems to be more in sync about my feelings with his approaching departure, like when I touch my birds, he senses that I'm thinking about him leaving. I try to not show him how afraid I am for him or somehow reveal the gruesome images of him in my head of him diving in front of another person to save their life and having the bullet hit his chest, causing him to fall limp and his eyes turn to glass. I almost laugh at myself at how dependent I've become on one person. When did I become so weak? When did I fall in love with the one person who would ruin me?

* * *

I don't let go him until we are out in the cornfield. My thoughts are dark as I realize this might be our last goodbye. Tobias Eaton, Four, fiancé, instructor, ally, lover, friend. There are so many things I connect him with. I can share only a look with him and he knows what I'm thinking or feeling or wanting. He's amazing.

He keeps sending me worried glances at me clinging to him. No doubt he's wondering why I'm so attached. I'm wondering that myself.

The train tracks appear faster than I would have liked. I refrain myself from grabbing Tobias's hand again, refuse to tell him not to leave. I have to let him go off of what his instinct is telling him to do rather than what my heart wants him to do.

It's ripping me apart.

Suddenly, we stop before the train tracks, unlock our hands, and wait. Everyone around us seems to be hugging or kissing or counting their weapons and luck to make sure they have enough to keep them alive until they can return home. As for me, I stand by Tobias not looking at him, not touching him. Voices rise in the air, desperate and pleading some even calm and collected, but my voice doesn't join in. I can't risk a goodbye. Saying goodbye would mean that I might not see him again. Saying goodbye is similar to final, done, complete. Saying goodbye to Tobias would mean so much more than a word so I say nothing at all. Being here next to him is enough.

Tobias grabs my hand after my minutes of solitude, startling me, and says quickly, "We won't say goodbye, okay?"

I'm about to nod but he doesn't give me the chance.

"Remember to use your knees and elbows when you're in a fist fight. Never let your guard down. If your opponent is a girl, go for the hair. If it's a guy, knee him as hard and fast as you can then get the hell out. But never, _ever_, stay down if you happen to fall. Always-"

"Stay up and alert," I finish the ends of my mouth in a slight smile.

"Right," he whispers.

I realize how stupid I was for thinking that being near him was enough. My heart needs to be right next to his, our hands intertwined, his cheek pressing into mine. I want to find comfort in the contours of his face and memorize the hue of his eyes.

My hands find his and my body fits into his shape like it always does and somehow it's comforting to know that I can always fit somewhere perfectly every time and someone else can fit into me. It makes me feel wanted and needed and like I belong. I'm sure I'm hurting him as my nails press into his back like little daggers, leaving behind little crescent shaped indents. He's much gentler with me. His arms wrap delicately around my shoulders and envelope me carefully but fiercely at the same time. I breathe into him, breathe in the smell of him, and try to reserve a spot in my mind to keep it and to return to later when he can't be there to remind me.

"Just..." I sigh against his shoulder. What do I want to say? "Just be careful, okay?"

Tobias pulls back slightly and rolls his eyes playfully. "I'm always careful."

I snort then say, "I mean it. Don't do anything stupid."

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch leaving my skin with a trail of blazing fire. I'm still amazed even after all this time at what he can do to me. "Same goes for you, Six." He doesn't smile as he adds, "It's okay to be selfish sometimes, you know."

The words hit me like a blow to the stomach. The pain I am experiencing is purely emotional; I know that. But it feels like that same pain is being stabbed into my heart, my chest, ripping down the center of my very being. I believe that emotional and physical pain are so intertwined and tangled that you can't tell them apart. Emotions can leak into bones the same way cracked bones can trickle into emotions. Either way, what he is implying me to do is impossible.

He wants me to not sacrifice myself for any of the soldiers or even Zeke or Uriah. Most importantly, he doesn't want me to sacrifice my life for his. It's an unfair request. He must know that he's being incredibly selfish in asking me to let him die if it comes to that. He has to know that I'm selfish enough to not let him have his wish.

I lift a hand to his cheek and lie, "I know." But I don't. I really don't. Tobias is a fool if he thinks for one second that I wouldn't jump in front of him to save his life. Being selfless enough to let him die is not in my nature. For now, though, I give him the small gift of assurance and I will let fate take the rest.

He pulls me back to him, and his lips press against my forehead, warm and comforting. I lie against him and try to convince myself that he and I will see each other in a few months. We're fighters, we're survivors. It's what we do best. That thought doesn't make leaving any easier when I hear the shrill whistle of the train. Panic runs through me. _Wait_, I want to say,_ I haven't told him that I love him enough to fill two lifetimes worth_,_ or how I loved the way he smiled_ _when I told him I loved him for the first time, or how nice it feels when I wake up and see him next to me sleeping._ I haven't told him any of that and now we're out of time.

His lips brush against my forehead as he softly says, "I'll see you soon, okay?"

I nod, trying not to let him see how nervous I am. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Tobias kisses my cheek quickly then distance jumps between us. I hate it. I want him pressed against me again. When I look at the desire in his eyes, I know I'm not the only one.

Other soldiers in Tobias's group have already started to sprint toward the train. He has to go now too; I knew this moment would come. What I didn't know is that it would come all too soon. He gives me one last glance, his eyes full of mystery, and then runs ahead not looking back. My fingers graze my birds unconsciously. My only prayer is that he will not become one of them.

Tobias runs with the skill of a trained Dauntless. Part of me worries for him but the other part of me is admiring his perfect form and grace. All of the sudden he takes a leap.

And, like a bird, he's gone.

* * *

One, two, three.

Drop. That's how many days they've been gone.

Four, five, six; yellow, green, red.

I've spent all afternoon in the orchard with the Amity and some of the soldiers who are helping out with picking apples. Zeke and I have been at this particular tree for over ten minutes. He's steadying the ladder for me and when I start to wobble, he'll grab my ankle to keep me from falling. Once, his fingers slipped under my pant leg accidentally in a haste to keep me in place. My cheeks burned for three minutes straight. Physical contact with people other than Tobias still isn't something I am totally comfortable with despite my time in Dauntless. Judging by the blush still staining Zeke's cheeks it wasn't something he was fully comfortable with either.

As I drop the last apple into the full basket, I slowly climb down the ladder with care, making sure my feet land on all the rungs. Then on the third to last one, I jump off and land on my feet expertly. Zeke smiles at me then takes my basket from my hands.

"Well done, initiate," he says with a hint of a tease in his voice.

"I'm not an initiate," I remind him and roll my eyes.

He chuckles then bumps his hip to mine while holding the massive basket of apples out in front of him. "Sure," he scoffs and mimics me by rolling his eyes dramatically.

Despite his pointed teasing, I laugh. He smiles at me.

"If you were Uriah, you'd be dead by now," I say. As soon as the words fly out of my mouth, I know I've made a mistake. Uriah could be dead right now. Right now someone could be backing him into a corner and pressing a gun to his temple. He could be turning cold beneath someone's fingers.

I place my hand lightly on his forearm and stop walking to stand beside him. "Zeke," I plead for him to understand," I didn't mean-"

He flashes me a soft grin. "It's okay." It's not okay, not at all, but I force my lips into a smile to match his expression. I hate how I'm pretending that what I said isn't killing me but if me pretending makes Zeke feel better then I will keep pretending until the unintended hurt ebbs away. Zeke shifts the basket then continues walking, his face a little pale. Polly joins us, carrying her own basket of apples. Zeke immediately brightens.

"Hey, Polly," Zeke smiles.

In return, Polly beams back at Zeke, "Hello, Zeke."

"How's life in Amity these days?"

Her eyes are thoughtful as she considers her answer. "I love it here. It's so much brighter than Candor." She lifts one of her arms up from under the basket to gesture to the land around us. It_ is_ beautiful. The leaves are falling steadily to the green grass and the dirt path and the sky is clear with the exception of feather light clouds hanging over us. Polly is bouncing with energy; her smile as vibrant as the red and her personality as lively as the yellow.

"So," Zeke says," Dauntless was totally out of the question?"

"Oh yes." She reddens from her answer then babbles, "I mean, it is a lovely faction with its cake and...people but-"

"It wasn't you," I conclude.

She nods, grateful that I understand. "My brother and I are very different people. He belongs in Dauntless whereas I belong here with Johanna and Sam."

Her cheeks redden at the latter name which leads me to believe that there is a boy swooning over Polly that Connor doesn't know about. I grin and end up turning up the other way so that she doesn't see it. Zeke follows in suit but recovers quickly when Polly says," The only thing I'm not fond of is the peace serum."

Zeke asks what it is. Polly bites her lip then stage-whispers, "I don't think I'm supposed to talk about it."

"We won't say anything," I promise.

She looks at me nervously but then says, "It makes you so you're sort of incoherent. Like being drunk almost, although you are... happy and at peace. It will wear off of course sooner or later depending on the amount given. Small amounts are even given in the bread here."

I ate bread this morning. Bile rises in my throat but I swallow it down.

"But it really isn't that bad," Polly continues. "I mean, every faction has their own way of keeping people in line. Candor has the truth serum and Amity has the peace serum. It's just how it is."

_This is sick_, I think. People should have their own rights, be able to control their thoughts and actions toward one another, even if those actions aren't always the right ones.

Zeke stares at me trying to catch my eye but I ignore him and instead trudge forward with my basket and keep my thoughts to myself. We're halfway back to the compound when one of the younger Amity boys, Alan I think, sprints toward us. He almost trips over a few stray baskets scattered on the ground in his haste to get to us.

Something's wrong.

My mind immediately thrown into overdrive. Was it Tobias? Or, even worse, was it the entire squad? Are they dead like I feared they would be?

The boy reaches us and out of the corner of my eye, I see Polly latch herself onto Zeke. The boy wheezes out words that are fast and tangled together in one quick sentence that flies by me. Zeke's eyebrows pull together and I know he doesn't understand either. He lays a hand on the boy's shoulder and commands with an edge of desperation, "Slow down. Take deep breaths and start again."

The boy takes a breath like Zeke told him to then gasps, "Erudite...Jeanine...cars...guns..."

My head snaps up and over to Zeke's waiting gaze. His green eyes reflect what I already know.

The Erudite are here.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading and review! The plan is to have the next chapter up by December 30th. Also, I finally made a Twitter account! You can follow me for sneak peeks on chapters, book recommendations, and obsessive fangirling (of course). My Twitter is kelliejo19.**

**See you soon!**

**P.s. To those of you who were asking if was going to post any more chapters for my one-shot, Different, my answer is I'm not sure. I might if I get more attention on it but otherwise this story is my top priority.**

**Kellie**


	25. Eleven

**Shoutouts: ****Divergent115307, Sarah, primrosedawneverdeen, TobiasOdair, RenaJ159, Hungergameslover6130, livingtodance, Solikerez, VioletO'Shea, Temperancebooth, jabc123 for reviewing, favoring, and/or following Trusting in You.**

****Warning: Graphic violence*****

* * *

Time freezes and is flying by at the same time. Zeke's voice seems far away when he orders Polly and Alan to go get the soldiers that are in the compound. They take off sprinting immediately. I watch them go, caught somewhere between reality and some world where this isn't happening. Zeke's hands find my shoulders and he tells me to go hide in the field. I snap out of my trance instantly.

"No," I snap and shake out of his hands. "Those are my initiates. I won't leave them."

He stares at me but only for a few short seconds before he nods. "Alright. They should be out by the strawberry fields."

We take off running.

My feet seem to drag behind me and Zeke always seem to be two feet ahead. I have to get to that field. I have to. Zeke sees that I'm lagging and he grabs my hand sloppily. I grip it tightly and he pulls me forward to his side, letting me match his pace.

I almost run into Jenna who is carrying a basket full of strawberries.

"Watch where you're going, Tris!" She snarls at me but then sees the panic on Zeke's face that is probably reflected on my own. The pieces click together for Jenna and she says in almost a bored tone, "The Erudite are here, aren't they?"

Zeke doesn't answer so I say, "I need you to find the rest of the initiates in the field."

She nods and sets down her basket then takes off running.

Zeke and I are alone for a brief moment before Polly finds us with Henry, Athena, Jadon, Ace, and Rex.

I don't think about what happened to the rest of the initiates.

"There is prairie on the edge of the Amity faction," Polly says. "The grass is tall enough to hide you if you lie down and keep still."

Polly takes my hand and leads us to the prairie she was talking about. The grass is wispy and light but towers to about four or five feet. The Erudite will have a hay-day trying to find our group in there. Polly shoves us into the field.

"The others are already in there," She says backing away. "I told them to look out for you."

"Thank you," Zeke says.

She dips her head into a nod and turns around to race back to the compound.

Time is at a standstill for a moment. I catch eyes with Rex who is staring at me, looking for what we should do. I turn to Zeke wondering the same question myself. Zeke doesn't even glance at me even though I'm sure he can feel my eyes on him. Instead, his hands reach out to the grass, part it and he walks through, gesturing us to do the same. I follow his footsteps, turning around once to make sure the initiates are behind me. It's difficult to see Zeke with the thick amount of grass separating us so I rely on sound, hearing his feet hit the solid ground with a thunk or his hands brushing against the grass gently. Zeke suddenly jolts in front of me.

"Zeke?" I say, half panicking. His back is as stiff as a board.

"Something is on my leg," he tells me slowly. The calm in his voice is painfully forced.

My eyes take their time traveling down his body, a little afraid what I might find on him. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see what it is.

"Zeke," I sigh gratefully," It's just Connor."

Zeke looks down and Connor's hand disappears into the grass to hide then his face peeks out at us.

"Connor, you scared the _hell_ out of me," Zeke hisses and I have to cover my mouth to hide a smile.

Connor shrugs the same time Zoe pops out of her hiding place.

"That was kind of the point," Connor says with a smile that seems so out of place in this kind of situation. "I didn't know who you were."

He doesn't have to say who he thought we were.

"An Amity in the fields told us to hide," Zoe whispers, shaking. "She could be dead by now."

"We can't worry about that right now," Athena barks somewhere behind me. "Either she's dead or she's not dead. We won't know. We might be dead too if we don't hide."

My jaw ticks at her words. Zoe was already afraid. I expect Zeke to be slightly irritated by this but he surprises me by nodding at her words. "Athena's right; we have to hide."

He walks for a few feet then flattens himself on the ground. Or I think he flattened himself because he is completely invisible. Not seeing him slightly unnerves me but I manage to swallow it down and push Ace down into the grass and tell him to lie down too. Initiate after initiate I place in the grass. I get so lost in making sure they are far enough away from each other that I don't hear the approaching footsteps, don't hear the commanding voices rising into the air coming closer, don't hear them until it is too late. I'm a deer in the headlights, stuck in fear. I'm on my knees so they can't see me but all too soon, I'll have a bullet in my chest. When I'm accepting that I won't make it out of this field alive, someone darts out of their hiding spot, snatches my hand, and jerks me toward them.

"I called your name about a thousand times," Zeke murmurs as he forces me to lie down next to him.

I snap back in a soft breath, "Not loud enough evidently."

The enemy saw Zeke bring me toward him and they are hollering to the other soldiers that are scouting the field that they saw something move.

The boots slapping the ground come closer with every thud of my heartbeat. Zeke repositions us when they're not paying attention. My hands are next to Zeke's right hand, Zeke is half covering me, and even though I can't see it I know that his left hand is holding his gun. I reach for his free hand without thinking and wrap my fingers tightly around his, long past the point of being uncomfortable with physical contact with someone who isn't Tobias or my kin.

"I thought you saw something, Beck," a solider says, a few feet in front of us.

"I did," Beck barks back. "The grass moved. Carter saw it too."

Through the grass, I see what could be Carter nod.

"Could've been some wind," another solider throws out.

"There isn't any wind today!"

"There aren't any people here either."

There is a pause in conversation.

"Here is what we'll do," I look up, careful not to make my movements too sudden, and see what could only be the head lieutenant of the Erudite faction. "We'll search the field for people. Then, if there isn't any, we'll head back to the Amity and force them to tell us where they are." He turns to look at another soldier who straightens his posture in his attention. "Gerald, are you positive you saw the Dauntless soldiers jump off the train?"

Internally, I am begging, pleading, him to shake his head no but I know that he won't. The small hope is crushed and replaced by terror when he nods.

"Very well then," the lieutenant says. He clears his throat and says,"Zeke?"

I feel Zeke stiffen at the sound of his name coming out of the lieutenant's ugly mouth. My hand squeezes his tighter.

The leader calls Zeke's name a few times before sighing. "Just come on out, Zeke. We have information on your brother." He chuckles. "Actually we _have_ your brother."

Zeke is squeezing his eyes shut and the action breaks my heart. I murmur into his ear that it's not true, not true, not true, but I have no idea if it isn't or if it is. That is their tactic, however, so I have to believe everything they say is false.

The lieutenant keeps feeding lies to Zeke on how Uriah is doing. He says he's not eating anything, not sleeping, because he's so worried about him. When they left, Uriah became sick with the illness and it is slowly eating away at him as they speak. I turn to look at Zeke. He has tears streaming down his face. I want to hold him close and let him know that Uriah is fine, he's alright, but I don't because I'm afraid they'd see me.

Finally, _finally_, the lieutenant stops. I sneak a peek at his face and it is contorted with anger. I am proud that Zeke put it there by not getting up and following him and his lies.

He huff angrily and pushes a gun onto another solider, whose face I can't see, and says, "You try."

The solider clears his throat and I swear I've heard that sound before. I withhold a gasp when I hear his voice.

"Beatrice?" Caleb calls out, unsure of himself. "Tris?"

My mind has thought after thought reeled in at a terrifying rate. How did Caleb get out of the Dauntless prison? Why is he here? Why is he betraying me once again? Wasn't once enough?

I look at Zeke for answers but his face shows something I'm shocked to see. He's not angry, sad, confused, or even comforting. He looks..._satisfied_.

The questions I have come to a complete halt when Caleb says, "Tobias and Christina were caught yesterday." He clears his throat. "Their execution is in three days."

A small sound comes from my lips, a whimper, and it sends a jolt of panic down my spine. _Did they hear it? _

Caleb stops and looks that the lieutenant. He motions for Caleb to keep going. Minutes pass by slowly in complete agony. Caleb tells me lies similar to the one the lieutenant told Zeke and even though I know they aren't true it doesn't make it any easier to hear.

Just when I am about to scream or cry or both, the lieutenant snaps at Caleb. He snatches the gun out of Caleb's hands. In a few quick steps, the toe of his boot is almost touching my fingertips. Every part of my body is telling me to move my hand away from that man but I leave it there knowing if I move it, he would see it. The field is silent for a painful moment before the sound of his gun penetrates the silence with an extremely loud fire. I'm thankful that I didn't jump from the sound and am relieved when I see that none of the others in the grass did either.

But I didn't see everything.

The lieutenant points at the patch of prairie grass that moved and a handful of soldiers make their way over there. _No_! I want to scream. I wonder who's over there. Is it Delilah? Abby? Gabe? Rex? I don't want it to be anyone.

I hear skin on skin contact then a shriek as they pull the person from the grass.

_Jenna_.

She's kicking and screaming at the soldiers but they only hold her tighter. As they drag her toward the lieutenant, she brings her mouth down on one of the soldier's hands. She bit hard enough to make the soldier cuss and let go of her hand. Then she yanks her other hand out of the other soldier's grip. She doesn't hesitate to run in the other direction but other soldiers are behind her and catch her quickly. Her screams turn into words and I am shocked to hear that it's MY name she's calling out. Part of me is rooted to this spot and the other part, the bigger part, is telling me to go to her, to sacrifice myself in order to save her.

Zeke must sense what I'm thinking because his arm tightens around me, making it impossible to get up. Jenna keeps screaming and kicking and the longer it goes on the more ornery the lieutenant gets. Finally, he says with annoyance, "Just shoot her."

Before I can fully register what he said, there is a gunshot. There is silence.

The world seems to stop for a moment. Eleven. There were twelve people in our squad just a few moments ago and now there are eleven. One lost. One dead. I don't see her full body due to the grass blocking my vision but I see enough to scar me for the rest of my life. Blood redder than an apple pours out of her chest. As she gasps out her few lasts breaths, the blood pops and jumps in the air only to land on her shirt again. Her limbs trash uncontrollably until she takes another gasp, her final gasp. Her eyes are glassed over within seconds.

The Erudite soldiers are quiet for a moment, some staring in horror at Jenna and others watching and waiting for the lieutenant to make his next move. After what feels like an eternity has passed, Caleb says softly, "You didn't have to do that."

The lieutenant whips around to face Caleb. "What did you say?"

"I said you didn't have to kill her."

The lieutenant's face hardens. "I am your lieutenant, Prior," he spits at Caleb. "I make the decisions."

"Decisions to kill innocent people or to strategize?"

"They are trying to kill us! They are NOT innocent."

"That is a matter of opinion, lieutenant," Caleb says coolly. "I believe a sixteen year old girl who was only protecting herself is innocent."

"That is also a matter of opinion," rebukes the lieutenant.

Caleb calmly says, "Logical of you to realize."

The lieutenant jabs an angry finger at Caleb. He hisses at Caleb so softly, I strain to hear it.

"The only reason you're still alive, transfer, is that Jeanine told me not to touch your sorry Abnegation ass. You better be thanking your heavenly stars for that."

"You need a better vocabulary, Lieutenant Walter," Caleb tells him, a smile twitching the corner of his lips. "Perhaps when we return to Erudite I can tutor you."

Some of the soldiers snicker. Apparently this is an Erudite insult.

Walter huffs then shouts loudly as if to gain his pride and authority back," Search the surrounding area. I want the rest of them found."

My blood runs cold and Zeke's hand tightens around mine. His green eyes are wild and frantic but the rest of him is stone still. He must sense me staring at him because he turns to meet my gaze. In a silent exchange, we agree that if another one of our soldiers is found we will fight.

The Erudite clomp their way further into the prairie. They are so close that I can see marks on their boots and the dirt that their boots pick up flies onto my face and my hair. After twenty something boots have passed, another pair of boots stomps through and stops right next to my fingertips and on instinct I snatch my hand away and pin it underneath me so that she or he can't step on it. The boots don't move however for a couple seconds and then, something drops.

It's a ripped folded up piece of paper.

The boots keep moving after the person dropped the paper. When they are far enough away and I don't see any more soldiers coming, I reach out and snatch the paper quickly between my fingertips. I bring it close to me and open it. A brass key is taped to one side of the paper. The handwriting is messy and sloppy like someone wrote it very quickly but I know this handwriting is Caleb's.

_Beatrice_, It reads_, I know you and your friends don't trust me but it is essential that you do. I know where you can be safe. I taped a key to this and I need you to do exactly what I say. Go to Candor and find Josephine Curie. Give her the key in exchange for a place to stay. Don't leave from where you are hiding until our soldiers leave the area. Stay safe._

_Caleb_

I hand the letter to Zeke who reads it quickly and mouths, _do you trust him_?

_No_, I think. I nod anyway. If I don't trust him, I die. If I do trust him, there's a chance he's telling the truth and leading us to safety. I'd rather take the chance.

He nods and rips the key from the paper and hands it to me. I push it in my coat pocket along with the tattered paper.

I withdraw my hand from Zeke's and get ready to move quickly. We lay quietly as the soldiers pad around in the grass, some call out names others kick or push the grass away from their bodies. Suddenly, one of the soldiers cries out, "There they are!"

The other soldiers whip around and are quick to race toward our doubles. The lieutenant is more hesitant, his eyes narrowing and scrutinizing them until Caleb calls out, "I see Beatrice and Zeke!" The lieutenant clutches his gun a little tighter then runs towards his comrades. Once their footsteps are a faint plop in the distance Zeke and I rise slowly.

"Get up," Zeke says to the grass. "They're gone but they'll be back and we gotta hurry."

Ace and Athena are the first up and then Gabe and Delilah. Zoe, Connor, Henry, Jadon and Rex rise next. I don't even realize I'm waiting for another person until the pain stabs me. There isn't anyone left to wait for. The eleven of us grab our backpacks in silence then sprint in the direction of the Candor faction.

The world flies past me but I can see the train tracks, the Erudite soldiers, and our doubles as clear as day. They are from Amity. They are sacrificing their lives for ours. I guess everyone has a little divergence in them after all.

As I continue to run, I see everything unfold. The Erudite soldiers have opened up fire on the Amity and a couple of them fall into the grass. One of them looks back. _Polly_. I know her by her blonde hair and her heart shaped face. I know that she volunteered to do this because her brother was out in the field. I know that the next gunshot rings out for her and I'm right because she crumples to the ground. I want to stop and wring the boy's neck that shot her for Connor. But I don't stop. I don't look back.

I run.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I like how this chapter turned out and I hope you did too! Please review! Comments are always appreciated. I now have a Facebook group for Trusting in You so you can join that if you don't have twitter. I don't know when the next update will be due to me moving this week and next week...reviews are motivation!**

**Kellie Jo**


	26. Hurt

**A/N: Hello everybody! It's good to be back. Sorry this took so long but I made up for it by making it a longer than usual chapter.**

****Shoutouts: Savanna, Alana Giselle, MysticWishes, nycgirl166, hopefaith23, Books-Are-Life5, bellatrix476, divergentdandilion, iicis, Things-I-Think-Of, samantha2115, frytjeeeh, AlwaysLookingUp, threeravensandtobias, Chloe-Joann, Soccer SarahK, writerdreamerandmore, d, batman, Katie. , heroherondaletotheresuce, Literature101, hahahohohehe, HungerGameslover6130, allisonargents, jabc123, iamanawesomeperson, divergentcrazy, MoonLight7018, , IHeartUCato, 123XYZt, PirdIsTheWord, Nia Pietrovski, JustDontFlicker, , reibread, BooksAreLife, TobiasOdair, Lobsteralways, Divergent115307, Sarah, primrosedawneverdeen, RenaJ159, livingtodance, Solikerez, VioletO'Shea, Temperancebooth, and all the guests for either reviewing, favoring, following, and/or private messaging me.****

**Here's a special shoutout for reibread for being my 300th reviewer! I'm sending you Dauntless cake through the screen .**

**Chapter 26 Everyone!**

* * *

No one talks on the way to Candor.

Zeke is silent, I am silent, the initiates are silent. The only sound we hear is our hollow footsteps and the birds that chirp and squawk as they fly south for the upcoming winter. Delilah and Abby walk hand in hand, Abby's free arm sometimes brushing mine accidentally. Gabe walks with Henry and Connor who is clutching his gun so tightly that his knuckles turn white. Zeke's ahead of our group, nearing the way to Candor. No one even asks where we're going. I don't think I care. Nothing seems to matter right now.

It's not that we even knew Jenna that well. It's that we didn't. Our loss is that we didn't KNOW Jenna. I don't know who her family is, who her friends are. Do they know she's dead? Can they feel it weighing on their conscience like it's weighing on mine? I remember seeing her jump off that building, Four calling her name as our first jumper. I remember thinking that she would go far in initiation.

The thought squeezes my heart painfully so I push it aside.

The blue sky is painted slowly into an orange and pink canvas. The prairie holds the sun for a while until the weight becomes too much and lets it drop below the surface. Our world turns dark and I have a hard time keeping track of Zeke after that. I can see him, though, as a dark shape moving forward, always moving forward. The grass rustles and swishes against our legs and we walk until we come to the end of the massive prairie where the grass is short and crisp underneath our feet. I can see the dotting of lights ahead of us and as we get closer, I see it's the Candor street lamps. The more we walk, more shapes become focused. All of the buildings are black and white and are jammed together like Abnegation's are. At the end of the street, I see the merciless mart standing alone, lean and proud. People are still wandering the streets in small clumps, some staying put and talking and some walking briskly toward one place or another. I see Zeke untie his tie-dyed handkerchief from his arm and the rest of us follow in suit.

My insides squirm around as our group gets closer to Candor. We don't belong here; we don't belong _anywhere_. One of us could slip up and do or say something Dauntless and BAM! We're done for. I can only hope that Jenna's last few moments remind them what will happen if anyone says a word relating to Dauntless.

As the city concrete hits the soles of our shoes, Zeke stops. He doesn't face us as he says, "We are looking for a woman named Josephine Curie. Stay close together and ask as many people as you can without revealing that you come from Dauntless." He waits for a second then his feet carry on. From the corner of my eye, I see Delilah stiffen as we walk by black and white shops and towering buildings. I see the way her eyes widen when she sees a certain person walking along the sidewalk and try to hide her face. I can also see how see seems to be searching for someone, maybe her brothers, and lay a hand on her shoulder reminding her that she is no longer their Candor sister.

Our squad splits into groups of three and I'm put with Connor and Athena who glare at each other while we walk. We approach a woman who is coming out of a store and Connor asks her if she knows a woman named Josephine Curie. Connor lies with perfection, telling the woman that we're her nieces and nephew and she invited us for supper but we forgot where our mother told us she lived. We haven't seen her in so long. The woman shakes her head sadly after Connor finishes, and says she doesn't know a woman named Josephine and continues her stroll down the sidewalk. People go by in a blur of white and black while Connor's lie filters the air and each head shakes no to his question. No one seems to know where she is. Either that or they're hiding it. I see the look in one man's eyes, the way his brown eyes flash with alarm before they deadpan expertly as he tells me he doesn't know a Josephine. I see the same look in more and more people's eyes as they tell me they have no idea who Josephine is, never mind where she lives. The Candor are not a bunch of truth telling people who stay true to their virtue. They'll lie if it means they won't get hurt.

Our factions are falling apart.

Connor is in the middle of telling our lie to a group of men who are half-way paying attention to him when I see a flash of red and blue lot my right. I turn to the color and see a factionless man sitting hunched over, his back against the wall, begging a passing lady for food or clothes. She ignores him and keeps walking and his cries silence until the next person walks into the alley. An idea pops into my head. The Candor might not tell us the truth but this man has nothing to lose by telling us where Josephine lives. I break of from Connor and Athena, imagining Zeke shaking his head at me then I see Tobias telling me to keep going. Tobias's voice is much stronger than Zeke's disapproval so I keep moving until the man notices.

He's old with a gaunt face and a thin figure, probably from not eating a lot. He's wearing faded black fingerless gloves and tattered leather shoes with holes on the end. He also has a red sling on bag beside him, stuffed to the brim with items like watches, candles, and food. This man has probably been out here for a week begging off people who happen to go through the alley. As soon as he catches sight of me he shoves the bag put of sight and croaks out, "Can you spare some food miss?"

I walk up closer to him and ask," Are you willing to trade?"

His face darkens at that. "I don't do trades. I keep what I get."

"I don't want an item," I say softly so someone other than the man can't hear me. "I want information."

His interest is back and he smiles, showing off slightly yellow teeth with a gap between the two front ones. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know where a woman named Josephine Curie lives," I say. "I'm her niece and my mother is too sick to go visit her so she wants me to give something to her." The lie comes out easy, too easy for me to ever be a true Candor. The man notices and he guffaws at me. Eventually it turns into a cough. When he's finished he says, "You ain't Candor."

"I've lived here my whole life."

His dirty hand grabs my arm and pulls me so close to his face that I can smell his breath." So have I," he hisses," and I know when someone is lying to me."

I don't respond and he loosens his grip on my arm. I rip it out of his grasp and step back. He seems amused when he says," Curie ain't got no niece. She's barely got her head on straight these days." He laughs at his own joke.

Hope and excitement tingles every cell in my body. He knows her! "You know Josephine," I say as calmly as I can with an energy rush.

"Half of Candor knows her."

The other people were lying. Candor is full of liars. He continues talking. "Couple months ago, her daughter was taken away from her in the middle of the night, courtesy of the Erudite. She went crazy after that."

"Why was she taken?"

He cocks his head to the side and says, "I'll need a trade for that."

I pull my backpack off of my shoulders and reach inside for one of the corn cobs I picked off in Amity. His hands reach for it and snatch it greedily. He crams it in his mouth and eats it cold. When he's finished he says, "Her daughter was suspected of having an affair with a boy from another faction for a while and it was proved true when they found out she was pregnant. After she had the baby a couple months ago, the Erudite came and got her and the baby in the middle of the night. It's rumored that they're either dead, being held against their will, or she escaped with the baby."

"Do you know what happened to them?" I ask, feeling sick that Erudite would actually do that do someone. To my disappointment, the factionless man shakes his head. "Nobody knows."

I'm silent for a moment. If I were Josephine Curie, I'd go crazy too after seeing my daughter and her child being dragged out of their own home in the middle of the night just because she loved a boy from another faction.

"Where does Josephine live?" I ask.

"I'll need a trade," he tells me and I pull my backpack off of my shoulders again to grab an apple. He stops me though when he says, "I'll need something more valuable than food for that."

His eyes move to my necklace with the charm that looks like a tube and has leaves engraved on it. "That's very pretty."

My hand clutches it in my fist. Before Tobias left for Amity, he made me promise never to take it off no matter what. I said I wouldn't and I won't. He made me promise for a reason. There has to something special about this necklace otherwise he wouldn't have given it to me. I tuck it inside my jacket and say, "I'm not trading that."

"Do you want the information or not?"

I nod.

"Then you better find something else."

I try to think of anything I can trade. He could use a new pair of shoes but he shakes his head when I offer them. I try my coat even but he refuses. Just as I'm about to give him the necklace, I hear, "Tris?"

I turn towards the street and see Zeke coming down the alley. "What are you doing?"

"He knows where Josephine lives," I tell him and Zeke looks at the factionless man.

"Tell us," he demands but the factionless man shakes his head.

"No can do," he tells Zeke. "She owes me a trade." His eyes catch something and he grabs my left hand. "_This_ would suffice."

I look down and see what he's interested in.

My engagement ring.

I remember when he proposed. We were in his apartment and we were on the verge of falling asleep when he asks me what I thought about being married. I said I wouldn't mind it if there was cake there. The next morning I found him sitting at the table with a huge chocolate cake and a ring. He said that as long as I'd be his bride, he'd be sure to have the biggest chocolate cake he could find at our wedding. I told him jokingly that I'd be his bride anyway but the chocolate cake was really the reason I was looking forward to the wedding. He just laughed and kissed me, some chocolate frosting still lingering on his lips. It's funny how that seems like yesterday.

I look down at the simple sliver band. It's so much more than a ring. It's the only thing I have of him besides the necklace. It reminds me that I will always have him, no matter how much I loose. It reminds me of when we lost our baby and all the pain that followed. It reminds me of how strong he thinks I am. But more than anything, it reminds me how much he loves me and how much he'll love me yet. It hurts to know that if I want to know where Josephine Curie lives I'll have to give it away.

Zeke must see what I'm thinking and he says, "Don't do it. We can find someone else who knows where she lives."

But this man _knows_. The information is right at my fingertips. All I have to do is hand over a simple ring.

I pull my hand away from the factionless man's and glance at the ring one more time before I yank it off. I close my eyes and send Tobias a silent I'm sorry and hand it to the man. He rips it out of my hand and smiles.

"Josephine lives in an apartment on Jefferson Avenue. She's on the fifth floor in apartment 308."

I nod and Zeke and I walk out of the alley. As we turn the corner, I see the some of the initiates huddled by a lamp post and others still talking to people, trying to find the information I already have. My thumb grazes over my naked finger trying to tell myself that I'll be fine without the ring. I'll be okay; I'll see Tobias again. Zeke's hand slips into mine and squeezes it, startling me. I meet his gaze and he says softly," You didn't have to do that."

"It was just a ring," I snap. "It doesn't mean anything."

But it does matter. Zeke doesn't answer. He doesn't let go of my hand either.

* * *

Her door is black.

The paint is chipping off from neglect and some parts of the door are splintering. The other doors in the hallway are perfectly painted and are practically gleaming against the walls. Josephine must not care what her door looks like. Either that or she stopped caring after her daughter was taken away. Zeke unlatches my hand from his then makes it into a fist and knocks against her door. My stomach rolls. What if she doesn't let us in? What will we do then? I hear someone padding around inside and ambling toward the door. The doorknob turns and the door opens slightly.

A woman in her forties peeks out of the door nervously, eyeing us with suspicion. Her brown hair is tied in a loose bun, not at all like the buns I used to wear in Abnegation.

"Josephine?"

"I'm not interested in donating food to the factionless," she says and starts to close the door. Rex steps forward and shoves his foot in the opening, preventing her from closing the door. "We're not here for the factionless."

"We're here because I was told to come to you for a place to stay," I finish.

She narrows her eyes. "I'm not interested in giving a bed to the factionless either."

I dig in my pocket for the key that Caleb gave me and pull it out. "My brother, Caleb, told me to give this to you in exchange for somewhere to stay."

Her eyes widen as she sees the brass key dangle from my fingertips. "Caleb?"

I nod.

She cautiously takes the keys from my fingers and rolls it around in her hands, staring at it. She smiles slightly and then looks back up at me and says, "Okay. You can stay here for a night but then you have to be out by the morning."

"Thank you," Zeke and I say at the same time causing a smile to break across the woman's face. She opens up her door and I step in and gasp at what I see.

The walls are full of colors. Ocean blue, brick red, sunflower yellow, snow white, and pitch black. It's all the colors from the factions thrown into one apartment. Some walls are striped and others are splattered with colors. Some walls have paint cans by them and are white and black. I'll bet the Candor found out about her colors and ordered her to redo the walls to standard colors.

"Sorry about the mess," she says and she moves some of the empty cans to the side. "I'm...repainting." She says it like it tastes bad coming out of her mouth.

"It's perfectly fine," Zeke says and helps her throw the cans into the trash.

The rest of us explore the apartment, absorbing the colors. Delilah touches one of the walls and when she pulls her fingers from the wall, they are a mixture of blue and red which makes a weird shade of blue when they are mixed together.

"What color is this?" Delilah asks and swirls the color around by pinching two fingers together and rubbing them back and forth.

"It's called purple," Josephine says entering the room with Zeke trailing behind her. "It's a mixture of blue and red."

"It's pretty," Delilah remarks.

Josephine nods. "It's one of my favorite colors."

Zeke returns to my side and presses something into my hand. I open it and it's some wadded up papers that have points on them. I don't feel right stealing from the person who is giving us a place to stay but I put them in my pocket for later, telling myself that she won't even miss a few points. Josephine turns to me just as I zip up my pocket.

"I'm Josephine Curie," She says and holds out her hand. I take it and shake it awkwardly and say my own name.

"Tris is a very unusual name."

"It's actually short for Beatrice." I see Zeke smile out of the corner of my eye and realize he didn't know my full name until now.

"Ah," She nods, "Very pretty."

Then she asks all of the other initiates their names and whether theirs is shortened like mine.

"Beatrice, huh?" I feel Zeke breathe into my ear. His voice is on the brink of laughter. I elbow him in the side and say "shut up" just as he starts laughing. Josephine claps her hands together and says, "Well, I suppose you're hungry. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be back with some hamburgers."

Some of the initiates' stomachs growl emitting a laugh from Josephine as she walks out of the room.

Zeke and I sit on the floor and let the initiates perch on the chairs and lounge on the couches while stretching their legs out. Zoe and Lyra fall asleep instantly on the couch and Delilah and Gabe curl up in a chair and try to stay awake. Henry, Athena, Connor, Jadon and Abby seem to bounce in their seats with the promise of food weighing on their mind. When Josephine returns with a plate full of burgers the initiates stumble over each other for one and sink their teeth into it immediately when they get their hands on one. Zeke and I are no different as we scarf down the food like we haven't eaten in days. Josephine joins us and quietly eats a bowl of oatmeal in her rocking chair while watching us lick our lips, savoring the taste of our burgers.

Josephine offers the initiates her bedroom to sleep in for the night and they stumble on their way down the hall into the room. Josephine gets up from her rocking chair and beckons us to follow her into the kitchen. Once we enter the kitchen behind her she says, "I wanted to talk to you two alone for a spell before you two dozed off too."

She hands me and Zeke a cup of black coffee and nurses one of her own and sits down at a small table in the dining room. As we take our own seats she says, "I'm assuming you are not from Candor."

Zeke and I give each other a side glance, wondering if we should tell her. Zeke beats me to it and says, "No. We're from Dauntless."

Josephine takes a sip of her coffee then, "I thought so."

We're quiet for a moment before I ask, "How did you know my brother?"

"Caleb?"

"Yes."

"He was in Candor for an assignment. At least that's what he told me. I said I needed some help with my table 'cause it broke before he came and he told me he'd fix it. While he was fixing it, we talked for a while and got to know each other on a more personal level. He told me about his family and how his parents were dead and how his sister was in Dauntless planning for her wedding. In exchange I told him about my daughter." Her voice is soft as she speaks and she looks back down at her cup. I'm not sure what to say so I keep silent. "He told me that if he got them out of Erudite, I'd have to return a favor for him." She looks up again and smiles. "I guess giving you a place to stay for the night is my favor to him."

I feel a twinge of love for Caleb. He did that for me.

"Well, thanks for letting us stay," Zeke says.

She shakes her head. "It's nice having teenagers around."

She collects our empty cups and ambles over to the sink. As she washes them put she says, "You can't stay for more than a night though. The new policy won't allow it."

Zeke and I exchange a glance and Zeke says, "What policy?"

She's still holding a wet cup in her hand mid-air when she faces us stunned. "You don't know?"

I shake my head and she sets the cup back in the sink. She takes her chair back and whispers, "We aren't supposed to talk about this." Josephine whips her head to the door like someone is going to come stomping in this second. "Last week, Erudite came in and invaded Candor. Remember how we said we were going to stay neutral for the war?"

I nod and she says, "We not anymore. Erudite forced Jack King into signing a document saying we'll fight for them." I force my jaw not to drop to the floor. "Now we're not allowed to have guests in our home even if they are family or be out in the streets after nine o'clock. They don't want anyone to start saying things are unfair and turn against Erudite I suppose. I don't know why they care about that anyway; it's not like we're not thinking it..."

She continues with her rambling but I tune her out. Things must have gotten pretty bad since we left Dauntless. I wonder if Tobias's squad knows about the new policy. I can only hope they aren't planning on staying in Candor longer than we are.

"Tris?"

I blink and stare into the face of a worried Josephine. "Are you alright?"

I wave her off and say, "I'm fine. Just tired." _And worried_.

As if on cue, Zeke yawns causing Josephine to laugh. "Looks like that makes two of you. There's a bed in the back that is my daughter's. You're welcome to sleep in it."

Zeke gets up from the table and stretches, "I'll take you up on that. Wake us up when we need to be out."

"Of course," Josephine nods.

Zeke turns to me and yawns again then says, "You coming?"

"In a bit; I'm going to finish my coffee," I tell him and he disappears down the colorful hallway. Josephine stands from the table and goes to the kitchen sink to finish cleaning the dishes. My Abnegation side screams for me to get up and help her but my body is sluggish and my legs are like jelly after walking for so long so I stay put.

"Well, dear, you have some wonderful friends."

I nod, not bothering to correct her. The initiates are just as good as my friends. I sip what's left of my coffee, enjoying as the warm liquid slides gracefully down my throat.

"And that boy of yours..." she winks. "He's a wonderful man. You're lucky to have him."

The coffee catches in my throat causing me to cough violently. When I get myself enough to where I can speak, I sputter out, "We're not together."

"Oh. Well, he's quite the man either way."

I nod a yes because Zeke's someone you'd want on your side if your world comes crashing down because he'd put everything into trying to make it whole again.

I stand up from my chair emitting a moan from it and say, "I'm going to go to bed now."

"Oh..." her face scrunches like she can't believe I actually need sleep and says," Well, goodnight, Tris."

"Goodnight, Josephine."

I'm about to slip into the hallway when I turn back and call out," Josephine?"

"Hmm?"

Pause. "You'll see your daughter again."

I let the black of the darkness envelop me as I enter the hallway. Even though I don't look back, I know Josephine's smiling.

* * *

The moon is painting light across the carpet and the light dances as I move to the bed. I'm a little surprised to see Zeke lying there but I'm so tired that the shock doesn't register and I climb into bed. He's facing towards the wall so I face his back, watching how smooth his breaths are. When my eyelids are beginning to feel like lead I hear, "Do you think she's crazy?"

With all of my willpower I open up my eyes to find that Zeke is facing me, his hand carrying the weight of his head. His green eyes are expectant, waiting for an answer.

"Not crazy," I whisper and bend my arm to lay my own head in my head. "Just lonely."

"Well don't you think it's a little strange that all of her walls are covered in" –He sweeps his other arm around the room– "this?"

"Yeah; it's strange. Maybe it's her own little act of rebellion."

He thinks for a moment and then nods. "I guess. After her daughter was taken away like that though...I still think she went a little crazy."

"Alright...maybe she's a _little_ bit crazy," I admit and Zeke starts laughing, making everything worse. I clap my hands over his mouth, not stopping the sound completely but muffling it enough to where Josephine won't hear it. It only makes him laugh harder, though, and with his eyes scrunched up and his body shaking with laugher, I press one of my hands to my own mouth as I start to laugh. We're laughing so hard that tears start to come out of the corner of our eyes and we're both rolling around trying to keep our laughter under control. Finally, when our laughter dissipates to heavy breaths, I say, "We're no more crazier than her."

We crack up again, not even bothering to keep quiet this time.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. There's a couple things I wanted to ask you guys before you leave:**

**1. Shailene Woodley was officially casted as Tris last week because she spoke publicly about her role in an interview. I was never a big fan of Shailene because of her role in _The Secret Life of The American Teenager_ but then I saw her interview and she seems really passionate about playing Tris. I think it's really important to have someone who wants to do her best to stay true to the books and truly loves the characters as much as we do. What do you think about that and the casting?**

**2. Should I keep doing shoutouts or do they get annoying?**

_**Bonus question:**_

**2. Who's your perfect Four?**

**Review!**


	27. Sacrifice

**Welcome back! I'm so excited to give this chapter to you! Therefore, my author's note will be short and sweet. **

**Thanks to klaporte, Gopudding610, Zariha321, , mrspineapple98, weekss, Storm's True, divergentmovie14, DemonOfTheBlackMoon, Mabel Gumdrops, HDavis101, fredweasleypwns, Iris Molefoursted, EmmaxxCaroline, Rory, Hannah B, rachaelmonster18, sweetreads2013, fantasybooklover, Justchildrenplayingsoldiers, ThisGirlLoveFood, FourTris12354, lolo, .MockingJay, , Hungergameslover6130, frytjeeeh, tobiastris4ever, Potatocakes0, AuthorRebekka, and all the guests for either reviewing, following, PMing me, and/or favoring me or Trusting in You. It's amazing how supportive you guys are.**

* * *

It's about four in the morning when the bedroom door flings open with a loud crack against the wall. Josephine stumbles in mumbling something about getting out. I pry open my eyelids only to find Josephine mere inches from my face. Her eyes are wide and she seems even crazier than last night when she chimes, "Time. Time time time."

I sit up and wipe a hand across my face to try to rub the sleep out of my eyes. "What?"

She doesn't answer me but she keeps humming to herself.

"What about time, Josephine?" I ask impatiently.

She turns back toward me, looking at me like she's confused. Then her eyes clear and the confusion drifts away as she says in a crystal clear voice,"Tris! You have to get out!"

"Why?"

"It's raid night! They are looking for you!"

I'm not sure she actually knows what she's saying but I'm not going to take any chances. I sit up and whip off the blankets from Zeke and then I shake him awake. He flutters his emerald eyes open just as Josephine rushes out of the room.

"What's going on?" he mumbles groggily.

"Josephine says that someone is looking for us," I tell him. "She says it's a raid night."

He stumbles out of bed after me and we both step out of the bedroom to find Delilah and Rex stuffing something into their backpacks. The rest of the initiates are in a panic, talking in heated voices and jabbing fingers at each other accusingly. Henry and Jadon are shoving each other and spewing curse words at each other like daggers. I hear Athena angrily accuse Gabe of telling someone that we were staying in Josephine's. Before I can anticipate Gabe's answer, Zeke shouts above the initiate's voices. "Stop it!" They stop immediately and turn to look at Zeke. He's pulling on his jacket as he continues. "We need to get out of Candor. We can only do that if we work as a team."

Athena and Gabe give each other one final glare just as Henry and Jadon give each other a final shove.

"Go get everything together. Make sure you don't leave anything behind," I say and walk into the kitchen to help Josephine clear away any sign that someone other than her was here at all last night.

Josephine is throwing dishes underneath the sink, not caring where they land. They shatter into pieces with a sickening crack. "Josephine!" I say and she turns to look at me. I ask the one question someone should never ask a mentally insane person: "What should we do?"

"I'm not sure..." Josephine pauses as if she is having a hard time processing everything that's going through her mind. "I think I know where I can take you." She turns around to face a drawer and pulls out a map of Candor. It's a rough drawing, one that was sketched by an amateur hand, and it shows alleyways, abandoned buildings, and cellars throughout the city. The paper is crisp and white beneath her fingertips leading me to believe that she drew this not too long ago for her daughter's escape. I hope this map doesn't lead us into the same fate as her daughter's.

"I'll help you to the edge of Candor," she says and drags her finger to the edge of the paper. "From there you're on your own."

I nod. Zeke comes into the kitchen with a few of the initiates trailing him. His hair is messy and disheveled like he's ran his fingers through it a thousand times in the past few minutes. He's nervous, I realize. And as I look down to see my fingers subconsciously tracing my birds, I realize I am too.

A banging sound in the hallway makes us all jump a little and bring us back to our senses. We hear rough voices exchange a heated conversation then a door slamming. "We have to get going," Zeke whispers quietly. "They'll be here any second." Josephine nods then pulls on a white winter coat.

Zeke and I follow close behind her and the initiates follow as we head out of her apartment. As we pass an apartment not too far from Josephine's, I hear angry voices asking questions to a frantic woman who is screaming that she doesn't know anything. The gunshot comes next. I face forward and try to ignore the sound of her body crumpling to the floor.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zeke staring at me but I don't meet his gaze. I push my feelings aside and focus on how we will get out of here. When we climbed the stairs last night up to Josephine's apartment there must have been some emergency exit. My eyes scan the halls around us as we walk for a flashing red but then it hits me. If the Erudite are searching for us, they would search logically. They would go to all the exit ways first and they would block off the stairways. The only place they wouldn't look, the only place that would be so illogical, would be..."The windows," I whisper. "We could climb out the windows."

Zeke turns to me and the look on his face tells me he thinks I'm absolutely crazy.

"What are you talking about?" He replies softly and keeps walking. I pick up my pace to keep beside him.

"The Erudite won't look out the windows; they'll look down the staircases," I grab his arm, forcing Zeke to stop and listen. "It's illogical."

"It's also stupid," Zeke barks. "I can't put all of us in danger like that."

"You're putting us in danger by taking us down the stairs," I hiss. "We can't go that way." I squeeze his arm and force him to meet my eyes. I'm shocked by what I see in them. He's scared. His green emeralds are wild with fear. "Zeke," I plead, "please just trust me."

For a second, the entire world just him and I. His green eyes are locked with my dull blue ones and they are full of intensity. I can't see Josephine, I can't see the initiates; all I see is him. My eyes are opened wide in a desperate plead. He has to see.

He pulls his arm out of my grip and my stomach sinks. "I can't," he says. "I can't risk our lives just because you think you know what is and isn't illogical."

He turns to follow Josephine and the initiates. I'm fuming and furious. I can't disobey him because he is my lieutenant but once we get out of this stupid building I am going to slap him so hard that he would have fallen out of the damn window instead of climbing down like I asked.

He ignores me the entire way down the stairs. Instead he looks at the rough map Josephine made.

At the end of the stairs, Josephine holds a hand up to us, indicating for us to stop. She presses an ear to the door and then jerks back a moment later as if the door shocked her. She turns around to face us and she whispers, "There are soldiers outside."

I glare at Zeke for a brief second and Josephine shoves us into the wall where the door would hit if it swung open. Nine of us crowd into the space, making sure that when the door opens the people outside won't be able to see us. Zeke's elbow is digging into my ribs and making it slightly harder to breathe but my hand is has a death grip on his arm so I'd consider us even.

"I told you-" I start to hiss but Zeke cuts me off.

"Yeah, I know. You were right and I was wrong," He says bitterly. "Happy now?"

"Actually," I murmur," I was going to say she's still crazy. If she was sane we wouldn't be hiding behind a door." I lift my head from where it was resting on his shoulder, my lips curled in a smile, and see that his are too. This is so inappropriate to be smiling in this situation but I can't help it.

He bends his neck and puts his lips in line with my ear then says, "I told you she was crazy."

I'm about to laugh but the sound of Josephine opening the door to the soldiers crushes it. As the door opens, we press further into the wall hoping to blend in with the paint. My face is smashed against someone's neck and I hope to God it's not Henry or someone I don't know very well. I listen to Josephine's conversation and sneak a peek through a crack in the door at Josephine and the soldiers.

"Oh!" Josephine exclaims and puts a hand to her chest like she's startled. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to disturb you."

I move a little so I can see the scene through a crack in the door. One soldier waves a hand to her and says, "It's no trouble 'mam."

Another soldier steps forward. I stiffen as I take in his height and the gun he carries in his left hand. His face is more defined than the other soldier's was and memorable by his crooked nose. A shock runs through my body and I squeeze Zeke's arm tighter when I realize I recognize him. He killed Jenna and Polly in Amity.

"Actually, Ms. Curie," Lieutenant Walter says," I need to ask you a couple questions."

Josephine smiles and says, "What would you like to know?"

The lieutenant clears his throat. "Yesterday we received a report from an inside source in Candor that a group of about ten people came into Candor asking questions about where you lived. Ms. Curie, they were Dauntless."

"I knew someone who transferred to Dauntless," Josephine says with a childlike smile. "He was my cousin."

The other soldier's eyes light up. "Did he have blonde hair and green eyes? 'Cause I met this one Dauntless who-"

Lieutenant Walter jabs the young soldier with the butt of his gun and shuts up the soldier pretty quickly. The younger soldier tilts his head to the ground and his cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"These Dauntless, Ms. Curie, were trying to find you."

Josephine fakes being surprised by bringing a delicate hand up to her mouth and having her eyes widen with shock. "Oh my goodness! How terrible!"

"I need to know if you have seen this group. They were wearing black coats and the leader had a white band around his arm. The other leader, a girl, had long blonde hair."

Josephine's face pinches together as she thinks and after what seems like eternity she says, "Yes! Yes I have seen them! Just last night I was taking a walk around the apartment when they bumped into me. Did the leader have greenish colored eyes?"

Lieutenant Walter smiles and it makes me sick to know he's looking forward to killing us. "Yes, that's him. Do you know where they went?"

"The last I saw of them was when I was on the fifth floor. I think they were headed to the roof."

Lieutenant Walter and the young soldier push past Josephine and run up the stairs, eager to finally find us.

"Come on," Josephine whispers and she pulls the door toward her, revealing us. "We done have much time to get you out of Candor."

We file out of our hiding spot and follow Josephine out the door. It's a lot colder than it was last night when our group came to Josephine's odd colored apartment. I wonder what would happen if Lieutenant Walter knew that Josephine was helping us. Would she end up like Jenna with blood leaking out of her chest? Or would she have the same fate as her daughter as a prisoner of the Erudite? The weight of Zeke's fingers pressing on my arm brings me back to the present. I meet his gaze and he hands me a gun. For some reason, Zeke handing me a gun feels wrong. He's so gentle and innocently funny that seeing the black of the gun wrapped in his hand seems out of place. I take it from him quickly just to see it out of his hand.

Our little group takes so many twists and turns that I forget where we came from and how to get back if I needed to. Josephine occasionally stops to look at the street signs and to look back to see if we are still following her. I've never been good at trusting someone, not even Tobias, so I guess it is only natural to feel nervous about Josephine, the woman who is supposedly crazy, leading us out of Candor. For a brief second as we veer down Equity Avenue I wish Tobias was here. I wish he was here to hold my hand and whisper what to do. I wish he could tell me to stop being so afraid and to start being dauntless. But he's not here so I have to be dauntless by myself.

People still crowd in the streets of Candor talking and arguing about everything and anything worthwhile. I spot one man waving his arms rapidly as we walk by. His face is red with what could be passion but could also have a touch of anger too. Although I know I could never be Candor I admire how they are furiously passionate about their opinions and their virtue. Even the street names are related to their virtue. Names like equity and honor are posted on signs down the streets reminding the members where they stand.

My body is trembling from the cold and the nerves that vibrate in every cell. Each person who passes doesn't give us more than a curious glance but I still worry. They could recognize one of our faces and we'd be done for. If anyone did, though, they don't do anything about it. A couple of people eye us up and down but turn around when they realize there's nothing special about us. Nothing special except, of course, that we don't belong in Candor.

Josephine takes a couple more turns when I can see the edge of Candor. It's not what I thought it would look like. I thought it would be vast and open with maybe a few scattered stores with little to no business built on the grass. But this...this is something else. The land is open and green like I thought it would be with the land stretching out to the point where I can't see where it ends. It's the signs of rebellion that make the end of Candor so unusual. Tattered clothing of all different colors are tied on wooden sticks making a flag of some sort. There are maybe ten or twenty of them in two lines parallel to one another so that they make a sloppy path to what looks like it leads to nowhere. But the point of the path was not to lead the walker somewhere. It's there as an act of rebellion. Some sticks have two colors tied to them and others just have one but they all have the same word written down the side: Divergent.

Josephine tears her eyes from the flags and I rip mine away from them as well so I can meet her waiting stare. "Fight hard," Josephine says. "Crush them to the ground."

I nod and she presses a kiss to my cheek. "I will," I say meaning every word.

Josephine moves to Zeke and brings her lips to his ear. She whispers something that makes his cheeks blossom to a deep red. I turn away from them to let them have their privacy. Zeke is obviously embarrassed so it's better to pretend I don't see their private conversation. When she's finished, she pats his cheek gently and smiles warmly at us. "Go straight," She says and then blows us a kiss before turning around to go back into Candor. Part of me worries about her safety while Lieutenant Walter marches around Candor angry that Josephine lied to him and brought us out of his grip instead of into it. The other part of me says that anyone who paints their walls with colors like purple and orange is brave enough to face men like Lieutenant Walter.

Zeke takes control once again but it doesn't feel that way. Before when he took over, it felt like I was his personal servant who was supposed to follow every order he gave me no matter how dangerous. Now it feels like we know he's supposed to be in charge of us but either he doesn't want it anymore or hasn't risen to power yet. It's nice being a team. And as a team we travel in a pack down the path of makeshift flags, the first sign of rebellion against everything we've known.

* * *

"Where are we going?"

I don't know who asks it but it sounds like Henry only because he is the only one who would care enough to ask. I expect Zeke to answer right away but he doesn't. His footfalls keep on plopping on the stiff brown leaves littering the ground and break them into pieces. The ground is full of leaves, some brown, some still a dull shade of green, and others bursting with colors like red or yellow or orange. The path provided by the colored flags has long ended and in its place is a bare forest with a dirt path that looks like it hasn't been used in years. Zeke finally answers with a monotonous voice," Does anyone have any suggestions?" No one answers for moment but then Connor says, "Let's go to Erudite. Let's get the antidote and get out." His voice is bitter. I've noticed a change in him since we left Amity. Late last night, I heard him sobbing into his pillow, trying to muffle the sound. It's like when he got rid of his tears a hole was formed and then bitterness set in to stay. I miss the old soft spoken Connor who used to laugh easy and watch his sister dance in Amity with other boys protectively. I suppose all of us will change in some way or another; it's only a matter of time.

Zeke nods at Connor's suggestion. "Okay—we'll go to Erudite."

Once a decision is made, the initiates start talking again. Their voices fill the empty air as we walk down the dirt path. Somehow a song gets started and they're belting out the lyrics to the only song the Dauntless sing: The Dauntless Warrior. I can hear Rex, Jadon, and Athena's voices above the rest which makes sense because they've lived in the Dauntless compound their entire life. The different tones and the off key melody soar through the air and I swear the trees even sway a little to the song. Zeke jabs me in the side lightly to get my attention and when I look at him he rolls his eyes while smiling, taking away the seriousness. I laugh at him and me and all of us. Zeke and I link arms and we start to sing along as we skip. I can barely breathe I am laughing so hard and trying to sing at the time. Zeke's baritone laugh mingles in with the rest of us.

Suddenly, Zeke stops and stretches his arm in front of me like a gate so I can't go any further. His eyes squint at something at the end of the clearing then widen when he figures out what is there. I peer around his arm and try to see what he's seeing but before I can he's hissing at the initiates. They're startled at Zeke's sudden change in character, as am I, and stand dumbly as Zeke orders them to hide and whips his backpack into the woods. They don't react until he shoves Gabe's shoulder. "Move it!" He whispers harshly and they scatter. The leaves and twigs on the ground crackle as the initiates hide behind bushes, tress, large rocks, or fallen rotten logs. I want to make sure they are okay but before I can Zeke's hand grips my arm, yanks off my backpack, and drags me forward.

"Keep walking," he murmurs.

I keep myself moving forward like he asked. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. "What's going on?"

"Soldiers," he says. "I think they're Erudite soldiers but I could be wrong."

At the word Erudite my body buzzes with fear. Lieutenant Walter or even Jeanine could be up there waiting for us. Zeke might not be killed on the spot but I will be because of who my parents were and because of my ranking in Dauntless initiation. I was always a target, even then. Even if they decide not to kill us right away, we'd be taken to Erudite to have Jeanine and her cult poke around in our brains and insert serums into our systems until our bodies can't take it anymore or they execute us. Either way we're toast.

The end of the forest is coming closer and with each step I can see what's waiting for us at the entrance of Erudite. At first I thought that Erudite is as free as the rest of the factions but they have an iron gate surrounding their faction. Zeke didn't know this either, I think. I'm pretty sure he thought, as did the rest of us, our walk through the Erudite would be free and easy. I wonder what the Erudite are keeping in by putting a fence up or, more importantly, what they are keeping out. The soldiers who are standing in front of one of the entrances can't be much older than Zeke. One boy is younger than I am, maybe fourteen, and looks annoyed as the two other boisterous guards tease him about something. I sigh, relieved that I don't see someone I know.

Before we leave the woods, Zeke stops me by grabbing my right hand. My eyes find his and he lays something soft and wool into my hand. "Don't take it off," he says. His eyes are full of intensity and his voice is serious. "Don't speak; let me do all the talking. Got it?"

I nod then he nods. He pulls me into a rough hug and I grip him tightly. It's then I realize I'd trust him with my life, with everything, with anything at all. Maybe it's because he has the same wood smell as Tobias does or how he seems to care about everyone and everything no matter what. I don't really care why I trust him. All that matters is that I do.

The scarf is warm like I thought it would be and I pull it up to my nose so that you can only see my dull blue eyes. Zeke does nothing but zip up his jacket and pull over the hood so you can't see his hair. Maybe it's not his hair he's hiding but something on his neck. I'm pretty sure it's a tattoo but I could be wrong. I'll ask him about it later.

The youngest soldier spots us and jabs the other soldier in the side and then points at us. The other soldiers turn their attention from the boy and when they see us their posture straightens the slightest bit. Zeke and I walk even closer to them until we're no more than five feet away. I see that the youngest boy can't be more than fourteen and has freckles dotting his pale face. The other men look like they are a little bit older than Zeke with a lot more muscle than an Erudite member would have. These must be Dauntless traitors.

"IDs," grunts the blonde solider, clearly bored. He's probably been doing this all day with either the Candor or Erudite members.

Zeke adverts his eyes expertly to the ground and says, "We were robbed. Last night I, uh, forgot to lock our front door-" his face turns red right on cue-" and everything valuable was lost." Or tossed into the woods, I add silently.

The taller brown-haired boy looks at Zeke suspiciously and says in a monotonous tone, "I suppose that includes the IDs."

Zeke nods. "Do you know who stole them?" The blonde asks.

"I'm guessing it was the factionless but it could have been the Dauntless or-" Zeke wrinkles his nose in mock disgust. "The Abnegation."

"We're looking for a girl who lived in Abnegation," the youngest boy pipes in proudly. " Her name was Beatrice but she goes by Tris now. She lived in Dauntless with her boyfriend but now she's gone." The blonde solider glares at him. Jeanine wants me. That's why Zeke made me put on the scarf and tell me not to say anything, I realize.

"Who's that?" The brown-haired boy interrupts jerks his head toward me.

"My sister," Zeke answers, totally calm. "Her name is Beth."

"Your name?"

"Sam."

"Which faction are you a member for?"

"Candor," Zeke lies. I watch him as he keeps spewing out lie after lie to the solider. I stand loyally beside him not saying a word. He's a great liar with how his eyes deadpan when the solider asks a question like he's bored out of his mind. As the taller soldier keeps peppering Zeke with questions, I see the blonde soldier take a step towards me. I advert my eye quickly towards Zeke and I pray he doesn't come any closer.

His footsteps crack the twigs laying on the grass as he steps closer. My body is on high alert and screaming at me to take a couple steps back but I hold my ground and slowly raise my eyes to meet his. The first thing I notice is that the color of his eyes are copper. The second thing I notice is a scar that runs across his left cheek all the way down to his neck. He notices me looking at it and crosses his arms then snaps, "Take off your scarf."

I don't say anything, _can't_ say anything. Stupidly, I didn't think he would ask. Zeke hears him demand it again and says, "She can't. She has a condition."

"I don't care if she's dying," the scarred solider retorts," I want her to remove her scarf."

Zeke clenches his jaw. I roll my fingers into fists. We're done for. Yet, both of us stand as still as stone as the wind whips around us.

The soldiers stand waiting until they realize we aren't going to do anything they want. The blonde huffs and moves toward me to rip my scarf off, his hand outstretched and fingers reaching. Before I can even process what's happening, Zeke's fist connects with the soldier's jaw. His head snaps back and then he's tackling Zeke to the ground. The other soldier whips my scarf off. I face him because there's no way to hide who I am now. I might as well die as myself. His eyes widen and he whispers, "You're her; you're the one Jeanine is looking for."

Her name starts a fire in my stomach then spreads throughout my limbs and then reaches every cell in my body until I have to hit something. I swing at the brown-haired solider with everything I have but he sees it coming and catches my fist in his hand. He pulls me to his chest but I still fight. I scream and I kick as he drags me farther from Zeke. I notice a car parked not too far from the gate and I know that's where he'll take me. I'd go with him to be another one of Jeanine's experiments to be stuck in a room full of my fears with needles in my neck and a handful of scientists monitoring every scream I take and recording it like I'm an animal. I won't be that.

His fingers dig into my flesh as I keep fighting and thrashing around. This time though, my hands skim his sides looking for a gun. I feel nothing except his skin until I hit the bulge his left side. A gun. Before I can think about what I'm doing I rip it out of his pants pocket, put my finger on the trigger and pull back. His arms fall limp around me and I kick his dead body off of me. I run towards Zeke, my finger still on the trigger and my heart pumping pure adrenaline. The soldier and Zeke are still on the ground throwing punches and trying to pin the other. Zeke is on top and punching the soldier until he looks like he is unconscious. Zeke takes one hand off of the solider to reach for his gun. It proves to be a fatal mistake. The soldier whips a knife out and plunges it into Zeke's leg. "_Zeke!_" I scream. His face scrunches in pain and he falls off of the soldier's body. The soldier stands up and as soon as he does, my bullet hits him in the chest. He crumples to the ground. I see the youngest soldier take off in a sprint to anywhere that will take him away from here before I can aim my gun at him.

I'm in a full out sprint now to get to Zeke. He's writhing on the ground and clutching his wounded leg. Blood leaks onto the dead grass and stains it. Zeke wheezes out my name as I kneel beside him.

"Zeke," I breathe and push some of his brown hair off his forehead. He's sweaty from the fight and some of the hair still sticks persistently.

"Tris," He says again and it sounds more normal this time. "You killed them."

I nod. "I had to." I don't mention that seeing him being stabbed in the leg was the motivator. He must know though because he says, "Is it bad?"

I don't want to look at it but by judging how hard the soldier stabbed him, I'm guessing it's deep enough to be almost to the bone. I shake my head though and say, "No; it's fine."

He laughs roughly. "You're a horrible liar."

I smile with him until he hisses and clutches his leg. "_Shit_ this hurts," he says and for some reason it makes my eyes water.

"You're going to be fine," I lie. He probably won't even make it until tomorrow if he doesn't get his leg wrapped and disinfected. We don't even have emergency aid kits for something like this. I want to shout for one of the initiates to come over here and help me drag him somewhere else but I'm scared that a person inside Erudite could hear me.

_People in Erudite_. I freeze. They must have heard the shots. Someone must be coming over here to check out what happened. I finally force myself to look at Zeke's leg to see if he can walk. Thank God all I see is a blotch of red and a slit. I turn to him and ask, "Can you walk?"

He puts a bit of pressure on his foot and is in agony again. His green eyes look watery and I don't think I've ever seen Zeke cry. "Nope," he chokes out and then tries to smile. "I don't think I can."

"I'll carry you then," I say and just as I loop his arm around my neck, I hear a branch snap.

Not too far from where we're sitting, there is a boy about my age dressed in a blue winter jacket or, more accurately, an Erudite winter jacket. I pick up my gun and he panics. "Stop! Stop!" His hands go up as if he's surrendering to me. "I'm not an Erudite."

I don't let the barrel of my gun drop from where it is aimed at his chest. "Prove it."

He slowly takes a backpack off of his shoulders, still watching me, and dumps out its contents. An apple lands by my feet and a couple more trinkets fall to the grass before what could be the most valuable thing I have ever seen thumps on the ground. Medicine. I lunge for it greedily but he steps in front of it. "I need something in return," he says.

The factionless's unwritten rule: If another person wants something from you, you don't walk away without getting something from them as well.

"What do you want?" I ask, still eyeing the medicine and the rolls of gauzes laying haphazardly in the grass.

"I want you to come with me," He says and when I eye him confused as to why he'd want me he says simply," Reward money."

I don't care where I'm going to. I don't care what will happen to me as long as Zeke can go home to his brother at the end of all this.

"Tris-" Zeke starts but I cut him off. "This isn't your decision, Zeke." I turn back toward the boy and say, "Okay. I'll go with you."

The edges of his mouth curl up in a smile. "Okay," he says then drops to the ground to help wrap Zeke's leg.

The leg is even redder than it was before as the boy rips the pant leg off of Zeke. With a cloth, the boy wipes the wound with some kind of disinfectant that makes Zeke squirm. Then the boy takes out a needle from an emergency kit and starts stitching Zeke's leg back together.

I don't want look at Zeke's leg so I look at his face instead. The whole time his face doesn't reflect the pain that must be going through his body. Instead, his eyes are on me and I know what he wants; I can see it through the fear and the desperation. He wants me to stay. He must know that's not an option anymore.

The boy wraps the gauze around Zeke's leg and then pins it together with a safety pin. The final ting of the pin coming together tells me it's time to go. Zeke grabs my hand as the boy gets up and whispers," Don't do this. Don't go with him. Shoot him."

I could shoot him; I already shot two other men today. But I shake my head.

"I can't. I can't do that after he helped you."

"Tris-"

"I'll be fine," I snap at him and he loosens his fingers from my hand.

"We better get going," the boy says and I stand up.

I nod and the boy starts to walk away from me and Zeke. I call out for one of the initiates to come and help Zeke. I make sure I see them come out of the woods before I turn around and follow the boy.

I don't look where I'm going.

It doesn't matter.

I don't ask where we're headed to.

I don't care.

I don't let myself think of Tobias or the initiates or Zeke or any other people I care about.

I just walk.

I don't look back.

* * *

**Tell me what you think! I hope there isn't too many grammer errors. Updates will come at a slower pace until school is done (May 31st) due to tests and homework and other stupid things like that. If you want to receive sneak peeks of chapters and talk about anything and everything Divergent, you can follow my on Twitter (kelliejo19) or join the Trusting in You group on Facebook. Thanks everybody for the feedback and reviews! Reviews are motivation. **

**Kellie.**

**P.s. New chapter length record! *fist pump* **


	28. House of Colors

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry this hasn't gotten to you sooner. My life has been crazy busy lately. I wanted to get this out to all of you patient people before I go to Chicago (the home of Divergent!) on Monday so I'm sorry if there are any grammar errors or spelling mistakes. Thank you all for being so patient with me!**

**Shoutouts: dollyluvsya101, kamprincess, sammij96, callygirl08, sweets21, macaronii, tvandbooks3, Iris Molefoursted, Phsco13, klaporte, divergentdandelion, carolinejean, The-Things-I-Think-Of, fourforever, frytjeeeh, and all of the guests who reviewed or favorited or followed my story. I want to send a special shout to the people who stayed up late reading this and/or are new to my fanfic! Welcome aboard! **

* * *

My necklace glints in the light as we walk. The engraved leaves seem to come alive and swish this way and that as though the wind is really blowing them. I clamp my fist around the necklace and stuff it in my jacket. Pretty things aren't meant for girls who break promises to people they love and shoot people like they're animals. Pretty things aren't meant to have another person's blood on it. I shove the image of the blonde's eyes grazing over just before he died out of my mind. For the next mile all I do is shove. Shove out the image of Zeke lying in the grass pleading me to shoot the boy. Shove away Tobias smiling at me, shove away Uriah crying uncle as I pinned him to the floor, shove shove shove. Those things can't matter to me now. I made my choice; I can't go back. I do let one thought seep in though. I wonder what Tobias would think of my decision. Would he be disappointed and furious or would he be beside me saying I did the right thing? Eventually I push that thought away too.

I focus on the city in front of me. The vast open disappeared a while ago and in its place is the city but I can't tell which sector we're in. The buildings look as tall as ever and they pass by me in a blur. I keep my eyes on the boy in front of me and watch his blonde hair bounce and sway in the light wind. I can tell by the way he is always just about to smile and how he keeps looking back to make sure I'm there he's nice. But he could just as well as be a murder for well as I know him. Just as I'm thinking about how fast I could pin him if he tried to shoot me, he says," You okay back there?"

I nod then realize he can't see me. "Yeah," I tell him," I'm okay."

"You're kinda quiet," He says and I can hear a little bit of concern underneath the joking tone. I feel a pinch of guilt for thinking he could hurt me.

I shrug and he shakes his head smiling.

I suddenly realize, as I look at my surroundings, I recognize the gray buildings and the cracked streets; I used to walk them every day. "Where are we going?" I ask him half-hysterical. I can't go back to a ruined Abnegation and know my parents, who are dead because of me, raised me there.

The boy turns around and raises an eyebrow. "The factionless."

For some reason, this shocks me. The factionless?

I sound about five years old when I ask," Why?"

"There are a lot of people who are looking for you, Tris," The boy says and before I can ask how he knows my name he continues. "Most of them are offering rewards for whoever gets you first." He looks back and makes sure I'm following as he turns right down a street. "Erudite is offering a bottle of the antidote, which would be valuable, except the factionless don't have a use for that because they weren't infected by the illness like the rest of the factions were. However, it would be a great thing to trade for because you could just about get anything you wanted."

"So why don't you just turn me into the Erudite then?" I ask as he leads me down another street.

"Because the factionless are offering something much more valuable," He tells me. He turns around and says," Fake IDs."

Of course. The factionless could belong to any faction with those. That means if he's more drawn to the factionless's award rather than the Erudite's that he's..."You're factionless, aren't you?"

He turns away from me and snaps," That's my business."

I let it be. He's right–it's his business not mine.

We walk in silence for three other streets. Slowly, as if they are evolving and shifting in front of my eyes, the buildings change. The shape of the building is the same as the others but the colors splattering the buildings are what make the buildings come to life. It reminds me of Josephine's apartment in the way the colors drip down the sides of the walls then into each other. The sun puts a candle light glow on the scene, making the colors darker than they actually are. I was always taught the factionless lived under bridges and froze on the street corners in the winter without the blankets the Abnegation gave them. Instead they live in abandoned houses and roam the streets and look in dumpsters for food and clothing. I can't believe I didn't realize it until now.

"They have their own sector," The boy says as if he is reading my mind. "They built it from scraps of plywood and metal and concrete. Incredible, right?"

I nod and wonder how many other things I was wrong about.

The blonde boy stops in front of a house that was bigger than the rest of the houses I saw in the factionless sector. This too is colored with paints but it seems to explode with light. Little bulb lights are strung randomly across the house, some even cross over windows making it look like some sort of beautiful prison. The boy climbs the concrete stairs to the door and I follow him. As I get closer I hear the high- pitched chatter of girls and occasionally a burst of laugher. He holds up a hand to me and I stop on the stair behind him. He knocks on the door. The voices inside reduce to a whisper then stop all together. The blonde knocks again, this time louder, and just when he is about to knock again, the door swings open.

A woman who is a little taller than I am opens the door. Her hair is jet black with the exception of a few gray hairs trying to hide inside her braid that reaches to the middle of her back. She is wearing a blue dress that barely skims the floor and she wears a yellow scarf wrapped unevenly around her neck. She seems bright but the scowl on her face suggests otherwise. She scowls at my guide.

"What are you doing here? I told you never to come when my girls are-" She stops suddenly and her eyes find my face. Her stare is icy cold and I want to slide behind the boy but I straighten my posture and face her instead.

"Who is that?" She says.

"It's her; Tris the Dauntless."

Her eyes widen and she pushes him out of the way. She steps closer to me and then wraps a finger around my chin. She lifts my chin higher and inspects me. Her stare turns into something that scares me more than anything: wanting.

"It's her," she says in awe.

"I told you it was her." The woman moves to grab me and take me inside that strange house but the boy pushes me behind him protectively.

"I want compensation," he grunts and crosses his arms.

The woman huffs. "I don't have it."

"The hell you don't," he argues, his voice rising. "You promised a reward that's even better than Evelyn's. I'll take her to Evelyn right now you you don't give me my damn reward."

The name Evelyn sends a jolt through me, screaming at me that I've heard the name somewhere, but before I can realize where it's gone.

The woman rolls her eyes. "You are something else. I'll go get your stupid card."

She disappears into the house. When the door clicks shut, the boy turns to me. "Listen to me," he begins and the words come out in a rush. "You'll know when to get out. Don't sell your soul."

His words leave me dizzy. What does he mean don't sell your soul? Before I can ask what he means, the woman walks out from the house and thrusts a card into his hand. I get a glimpse of the picture on the card before his hand wraps around it. There's a boy that has the same hair as my guide, blonde and fine, but that is where the resemblance stops. That boy has a gaunt face with budging eyes while the boy standing in front me looks softer and his features don't resemble a man on his death bed. But anyone who would check the IDs wouldn't look that close anyway and if they did he could say he was very sick when he took the picture. Lies are the way to survive in our world now.

The boy shoves it in his jacket pocket and zips it up so that it won't fall out.

He turns around to walk down the stairs, his eyes cast to the ground. Only when he is side by side next to me do his eyes rise. They send a message that says be careful. He walks past me after that and leaves me feeling numb and unsure of what I'm doing. I watch him until he disappears down an alley, his blonde hair glowing in the setting sun.

"Charlie's always been like that," the woman says indifferently. "Determined as bull. He takes after his father." She shakes her head and smiles. "Well, we better get you inside; Show time is soon."

I don't know what she means by show time but I don't ask. I let her take my arm and drag me inside the house.

The inside of the house explodes of color and light just like the outside of the house. Vanity mirrors with bulbs are lit up and illuminating every color in the room. Makeup and elaborate dresses are littering the floor and girls are skittering across the room in heels almost tripping on the unwanted gowns. One girl is brushing her cheeks with some kind of powder and another is smearing lipstick onto her lips and puckering at herself in the mirror. Some are laughing, others are quiet in concentration, and some are fighting over makeup. Two girls in the back are doing each other's hair in tight sausage curls and another girl is slipping on a golden sequin dress that barely reaches to the middle of her thigh. My eyes widen at the scene in front of me. What IS this place?

The jet black haired woman claps her hands to get attention and the girls turn toward her. "Ladies, I would like to introduce you to our new girl." The girl's eyes shift to me and some of them turn back to do their makeup or hair. "She's an exclusive."

Her words swim around in my head but I find no purchase to their meaning. I don't know what exclusive means but it makes the other girls glare at me jealously. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

"Ruby," The woman snaps. "I need you to help me get her ready."

A girl with curly brick red hair sighs and pushes herself away from her vanity. She's about the same height as I am but she slips on a pair of sparkly red slippers and suddenly she's towering above me. She glances at me, half-curious and half pity then faces the woman next to me. The woman gives Ruby a fluttering gesture to which Ruby rolls her eyes to and then starts walking away from the mirrors and the girls. Ruby and the woman lead me away from the room full of girls and down a hallway. As soon as we leave, the chatter slowly comes back to life and the clinking sounds of makeup being opened and closed resumes.

Our trio ambles up the stairs and when we get there, I see a long hallway of rooms. Ruby and the woman walk with me down the hallway and I get a peak in some of the rooms. One room is full of red; Red curtains, red pillows and blankets, and red paint. Another room is bathed in black and the next room is doused in a light yellow. Each room expresses a personality specifically to each girl but I can't tell which room belongs to whom yet.

Ruby stops in front of a door that is closed shut. The door is painted black, contrasting with the other doors which are painted white.

"This is your room," The woman says and with that she flings open the door.

If the girls were glaring at me because they knew I'd get this room, then they were right to be jealous. This room is the most beautiful in the entire hall although it is not the most up kept. A crystal chandelier hangs above a four poster bed that is covered in extravagant pillows and a comforter that looks like it is made of silk. A vanity, much like the ones downstairs, sits by a window that is at the right side of the bed. A fireplace burns in the left corner in the room and warms me down to my toes.

"This is your room," the woman says and I don't believe her. "You get ready here and have an exquisite wardrobe to choose from." The woman walks into the room with confidence leaving Ruby and I standing in the threshold. She walks to the left side of the room by the bed and pries open a closet I didn't see at first. Dresses much like the ones I saw the girls trying on downstairs hang on hangers in the closet. I think I see a black one but she closes the closet before I can make sure.

"Every morning at ten am, every girl is to be downstairs to eat breakfast. After that, you can do whatever you'd like until five O'clock which is dinner. If you don't arrive on time, you don't get any. Then at seven, we start to get ready for customers." She smiles at me and I don't like how her smile holds one meaning while her eyes hold another. "And then when nine O'clock rolls around and all of my girls are in their rooms..." She pauses for effect then stage whispers, "it's show time."

Her schedule makes me even more confused. What does she mean they start to get ready for customers? What does she mean by show time? I don't ask anything though and make my face appear like I know what she is talking about. "Any questions?" I shake my head and she smiles. "Good." She walks up to me and places her hands on either shoulder. Her eyes are swirls of blue much like Marcus's making me what to push her away. Her teeth are mostly white with the edges yellow. I don't want to trust her but what choice do I have? She smiles and says, "Welcome to my house of colors."

It doesn't feel welcoming at all.

* * *

The woman is giving Ruby instructions with what to do about my makeup and outfit. I zone her out when she talks and instead fiddle with the zipper on my coat. It's the only thing that is familiar here in this place. When the woman leaves, Ruby turns to me and barks," You can stop zipping that up and down." My fingers instantly leave the zipper and return to my sides. Ruby briskly walks over to the vanity and pulls out a drawer. Without her stare, I feel like I can ask her a question. "So is Ruby your real name?" She turns to look at me.

"Why do you want to know?" She snaps and it sounds angry but I know from experience that an angry tone can sound a lot like a defensive wall.

"I guess I'm just curious," I bark back defensively. She has a temper to match her hair but I can also fight back. I'm dauntless; it's in my nature.

"Well, curiosity killed the cat," she says like she's bored even though her eyes say she's anything but. Ruby turns back to the open drawer and pulls out a couple more bottles and brushes before slamming it shut. I sit in the chair before she asks which is rewarded by a filthy look, then say, "To make things clear, I'm not here because I want to me; I'm here because of a trade."

"Most of us are," She says as she starts to unravel my bun. The waves of blonde spill over my shoulders.

"My friend was dying," I explain. "Charlie helped heal him for a trade which just happened to be me." I hold my tongue to prevent myself from revealing any more than I need to.

"Charlie is always looking for a trade," Ruby snorts. "He pretends to be better than the rest of us, but he's not. Charlie and Zach-" her hands still in my hair for a brief moment then continue to rake through my snarls. Like me, she realizes she doesn't want to say much. She clears her throat and moves onto another subject. "Madame gives us all names when we come to her." I assume Madame is the woman with the jet black hair. She's the only one who seems to hold the most power. "Most of the girls are colors but the few she adores she gives them the name of a flower." So her name is a faux. She must not be one of the adored ones since her name is Ruby. Her ice blue eyes click with mine and she says, "She wants you to be a flower."

I should feel honored but I'm filled with dread instead. "Can't I keep my real name?"

To my disappointment, Ruby shakes her head. "When you come here, everything you had before is dust. The sooner you forget about your old life, the better off you'll be."

I nod and pain blossoms in my chest. I close my eyes and Ruby does my hair. Other than the accidental tug of hair, I can't feel a thing. When my eyes are closed I can pretend that I'm back in the Dauntless compound in Christina's apartment. She's smiling at me and saying that I'll look stunning by the time she's done. Her hands are in my hair, puffing it up, and then she's brushing powder on my cheeks and painting my lips and then a voice shatters my daydream. "Open your eyes."

I open them to Ruby standing in the mirror, looking smugly at her work. When she realizes I am looking at her she snaps, "Look at yourself for God's sake. I didn't do all that work for you to stare at me."

I stare at her for a second longer then let my eyes move across the mirror until I find my own eyes. When I see my face, I gasp.

I don't recognize the girl in the mirror. Her hair is in soft waves that ripple down her back and over her shoulders. Her eyes are heavily made up with charcoal colored eye shadow that makes her look like she is something that rose out of the ashes. On the edges of her eyelids glitters a thin line of golden eyeliner. Her cheeks are stained with a pink blush. Only when I raise my hand up to touch my face do I realize that girl is me.

"Pretty amazing, right?"

I look up to see Ruby staring at me like I'm a piece of artwork. In a way, I guess I am.

I can't answer her. I'm not beautiful, I have never been, but I am stunning. And very deadly. Ruby must realize it too because she throws her head back and laughs. It's warm and light, nothing at all like I expected it would be. She puts a hand on my shoulder and leans in, eyes sparkling. "Madame wants a name for you, we'll give her one." She pauses and makes sure that I'm hanging on to her every word. She leans in closer, eyes glittering with her secret, and whispers, "Rhododendron."

The word swirls around in my head, exotic and foreign. Why Rhododendron?

Ruby seems to hear my silent question because she says, "It's considered one of the most stunning flowers in the world. And, more importantly, the most deadly." The meaning dawns on me and, as it does, a smile cracks onto my face. I'm still Tris; I'm still deadly; I haven't lost who I am. Maybe Ruby is just giving me this name because she can't stand Madame but it's still a gift to me nonetheless.

Ruby squeezes my shoulder one more time and then backs away from the vanity. She ambles over to the massive bed and motions for me to sit on it. I scoot out of my chair and move toward her. The lamp on the vanity is providing all the light in the room so when I step out of the light the rest of the room is dim. Ruby's hair looks almost dark purple in the light and it swishes as she moves around the room. I sit on the bed like she asked and listen to the click of shoes and the swish of the clothes in the closet. When she's picking something out in the wardrobe she says," I think Rhododendron is kind of a mouthful, don't you think?" She doesn't wait for my response before replying. "I think I'll just call you Rho."

Rho. Short and sweet; I like it. It doesn't sound like it's up for opinions anyway. Ruby lays some sort of silk in my hand along with a pair of shoes I can't identify in the dim light. I strain my eyes to try and see what the silk is and it looks like it's some kind of dress; a very short dress. "I'm in the red room," She tells me. "You can come in there any time you want. Except after nine." She takes a step back from me and moves toward the door. Just before she's going to walk out she says, "Good night, Tris."

The door clicks shut.

Without Ruby, the room is strangely quiet. It's almost like the room is filled with hot and furious tension even though I'm the only one in the room. Now that it's quiet, I can hear the muted chatter coming from downstairs. The voices are feathery but loud and I hear one girl's laughter ring above the rest.

I don't belong here.

I focus on the silk in front of me and let my fingers graze it gently. It's a slippery as water and swishes back and forth when I pick it up off of my lap. The first thought I have is that it's too small and then the thought that follows it is that I can't wear this. I picture myself in this dress and find that I can't even imagine myself slipping into something like that. But I do.

I hop off the bed before I change my mind and zip off my coat. Pieces of my clothing drop to the floor like confetti and I get colder every second. When I'm down to nothing, I hop in the dress and pull on the heels Ruby gave me. I can barely stand much less walk in them but I get used to it after doing some test walks between the bed and the closet. When I'm on my fifth test walk my heart jerks and I panic for a second. My necklace. I look down and don't see it dangling from my neck. Then relief washes over me as I remember I took it off at the vanity when Ruby was doing my hair. The heels click against the wood floors as I hurry over to the vanity. The light burns my eyes but I'm so happy that I found it that I don't care. I slip it over my neck and am ready to head back over to the bed when my reflection beckons me to take a peek at my reflection. I cave into the desire and I my eyes are shocked at what they see.

The dress is shorter than I realized. It would be generous to say it reached my thighs. I'm much taller than I actually am with these monstrous heels on and I hate it. My hands yank on the ends of the dress and will it to be longer magically. I pull as hard as I can but when I let go the length is still the same. Suddenly, I'm back in the room with all the girls and my vision focuses on the one girl in the back pulling on a golden dress much like mine. I hear Madame rattling off her schedule; I hear Madame saying I'm exclusive; I see the pity Ruby's face; I hear Charlie saying don't lose my soul. Panic leaks into my body and the person in the mirror's golden lined eyes go wide. Realization floods in and crashes into me so hard that I'm gasping for air. I know where I am; I see what Charlie meant by warning me to be careful. Madame doesn't own a house of colors. She owns a house of girls.

She owns them and sells them to whoever bids the highest.

What have I done?

* * *

The only thing I let myself remember is the way Tobias's eyes were swirling with love when he proposed to me. I could see it as he pulled the ring box out of his pocket. His hands were shaking and he tried to hide it by holding onto the box with both hands tightly as if he was hanging onto dear life. His words, like the rest of him, were nervous yet sure, like he had been planning this for a long time. He had to speak above the noise of the chasm which probably annoyed him a little but I didn't mind. All I could think was how beautiful his eyes were then. They were not a storm nor a wall of blue but a navy full of deep unyielding love. I remember thinking that as long as he would be there to hold or even fight with I'd be okay.

I stroke the silk of the dress as I think of the memory. The dress reminds me of Tobias's eyes no matter how much I don't want it to. I will myself into believing that it's Marcus's eyes instead. Earlier, I shrugged on my coat and zipped it all the way up until the zipper was cutting into my windpipe. I don't cry; I don't get angry. I watch the clock praying that the clock will stop and I will never see nine O'clock. The minutes tip into each other though and I can't stop them. One minute pours into another. 7:15, 7:45, 8:30. I hear the girls climb up the stairs quietly, their boots or heels clicking as they walk.

_8:45._

I pace the room and look out the window. It's hard to see through the darkness but I know the drop must be at least a thirty foot fall. I try to open the window by yanking on the ends but it's locked, just like I thought it would be. I also try the door but that's locked too. I don't allow myself to cry.

_8:55._

I take off my jacket and shut off the light. I shove away any thoughts I have about Tobias or Zeke or the initiates.

_8:58._

I make up a few rules for myself as I sit on the bed waiting for whoever bought me and my body for the night. I won't say anything to him. I absolutely won't react to his touch. He's going to have to make every move by himself. I won't let him hold me afterwards; only Tobias can do that.

_8:59_

My heart rate speeds up as I hear someone come down the hallway. I fist the blankets as I hear the bass voice coming closer. My stomach knots as he turns the door handle.

_9:00_

The man steps into the room confidently but when I look at his face he has a sheepish grin as if he was shy.

"You look _gorgeous_." His voice is gruff and I snap my eyes to the wall. I hate the way he's looking at me. He steps closer and closer until his fingers reach out tentatively to stroke back a few of the curls from my shoulder. He kisses my neck and I have an impulsive urge to slap him away and kill him like I killed the other two soldiers. Instead, I sit motionless as his hands travel along my body, fleeting in some places and rough in others. My suitor pushes one of the straps of my dress aside and kisses my shoulder. He lays me back onto the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers.

Tears well in my eyes as I think, _I'm sorry Fou_r, and I close my eyes willing the night away.

* * *

The man doesn't touch me afterwards. I want him to leave but he stays to my horror. At least he turns away from me to allow me some privacy. I scoot away from him and swing my feet over the bed. My feet walk towards the plush chair that has a few stains tainting it and I sit in it and fold my knees into my chest and look out the window.

The moon is shining now and it is almost mocking me because it's a beautiful night. Somewhere out there Tobias is sleeping with his group. I hope he never knows what I've done. My body is filthy, crawling, and I have an irresistible urge to take a shower but my door is locked and Madame would no doubt have my throat for leaving my room when I have my suitor, a very high paying suitor, paying to spend the night with me.

My necklace is on the nightstand and I reach for it. The chain clinks against the nightstand once, sending my heart knocking against my chest. I look over to see if the man is still sleeping and I'm reassured when I see the steady rise and fall of his chest. I release the tube from my tight grip and let it sit in my palm. I run the tip of my finger along the tube and feel the indents of the leaves hit against my flesh. Unexpectedly, tears prick at my eyes, hot and unwanted. Guilt wrenches my stomach into a knot. Tobias is out there still being faithful to me and I am in this silk dress that is too short for me wearing sparkly heels. I want to scream or cry or punch something but all I manage is lowering my head into my head into my hands. The guilt and the hurt reach inside my chest and squeeze my heart to the point where it's a challenge to breathe. I hate myself. I hate what I've become. If Tobias knew what I am now, he'd hate me too.

I bring my head out of my hands and wipe my cheeks, the makeup smearing like paint on a canvas. As I do, I catch sight of the man on the bed. Suddenly I am so angry I can hardly see straight. If I had a gun, I'd kill him. Maybe I can kill him with my bare hands. But I stay rooted to my chair. Instead, I fling my necklace at the wall, letting out a small cry of frustration. The necklace cracks against the wall. I hear a pop then the sound of the necklace hitting the floor. I look at it and I am shocked to see the top of the necklace popped off. I remember Tobias saying not to take it off. Why would he say that unless there is something inside? I get out of my chair to grab the necklace.

The necklace feels dangerous, like a stick of dynamite instead of a tube, as I hold it. I tilt the open end of the tube towards me and I am shocked to see what is inside.

There are ten little matches cramped inside the tube. I dump them out into my hand and a little square of a striking strip rubs against my palm. Why would Tobias give me matches? He doesn't do things just for the sake of doing them. I shake the tube upside down hoping for something else to slip out. Maybe a little bomb of some sort or something that would actually be useful. I look in the tube again and I am happy to see a white piece of paper clinging to the side. It takes me three tries to get it out but I finally pull the paper out and it falls in palm with the matches and the sandpaper. Tobias wrote his name in his thin and tiny handwriting. That alone makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I miss him so much. I unfold the paper and see what he wrote.

_Burn the Erudite to the ground._

_-Four_

A somewhat insane smile bursts through the hopelessness on my face at his words. It's just so...Tobias. I picture him shoving matches into the tube being frustrated that he couldn't put something more useful like a mini bomb in there. He had his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose like he always does when he's frustrated. His message is crystal clear: destroy. I know the perfect place to start.

I slip out of my chair quietly and set the necklace full of matches and Tobias's note on the nightstand. It feels right when I slip off the silk dress and put on my Dauntless t-shirt and pants. I take the silk back in my arms and admire the way the moon reflects off of the fabric making it look like a deep blue ocean.

Then I light it on fire.

Flames eat away at the fabric and I open a window quickly then throw it out. Something that feels like joy stirs in my stomach and fills me with satisfaction. The flaming dress flutters down the side of the house but I turn away from the window before it reaches the ground. My feet find my way back to the bed and the strange man in it and I reach my hand out to grab my necklace before I climb in.

The sheets settle around me like a web, trapping me in, and I scoot as far away from the man as I can. I clutch my necklace in my hand like a secret and pray that the whole house will go up in flames and take Madame and her broken girls and maybe even me with it.

But it never does.

* * *

**I hoped you liked it! Things are pretty bad for Tris right now but I can promise you that they will get better for her soon :). On a lighter note, Lionsgate casted Four! Theo James has the part and I am happy because Veronica Roth was thrilled about him being casted. What do you think? **

**I want next chapter to be out in the second week of April so keep a lookout for it. I'm hoping to have a lot of writing time on the bus :). Thanks for reading! **

**Kellie**

**P.s. Happy Hunger Games day for all of the tributes out there! **


	29. America

**Hello my lovely readers! I'm back! I had so much fun in Chicago and (being the nerd I am) I got a lot of research done too. I have so many ideas now for this story and I saw some of the sites Veronica Roth had in mind while writing _Divergent_. It was my fangirl dream :). **

**It's been so cool to see people reviewing and favoring and encouraging me to write faster so they can read this. Thanks for that. *We're almost at 400 reviews! That is so exciting! I'll make you a deal: if we make it to 400 reviews by chapter 30, I'll post a video of me overcoming one of my many fears. Challenge is on initiates! Good luck! **

****Shoutouts: pottertrubite123, cheeziesmile, nooranriaz, dauntless4evafourtris, WiseGirlSeaweedBrain, louiscompasshome00, Tatumtot1010, ChibiRealm, Adriana Writes, anonimous, MangaManga, DarcyFour, Babydoll46, elisabeth12, smileykat14, , SixandFour4eva, Eve, frytjeeeh, dollyluvsya101, 4610, Baileyboo1207, kitty484, Hungergameslover6130, carolinejean, Divergent Caster, divergentdandelion, and all the guests. You guys are seriously amazing and you make my day a little better when I see a favorite/follow/review/PM pop up in my inbox. Thanks!**

**America everyone! **

* * *

Once I saw a picture of a country that had burning lights every hour of the day or cities with smooth black streets paved to perfection. People would walk or ride in a car or on a bike to get where they wanted to go. The country's pride was held in its people. The country's name was America. The book said that the country rose to the top of the world only to be knocked down again by another cluster of countries called the Soviet Union and led America into its demise. People were lost, their pride in their great country buried underneath their fear. I know what it must feel like to be drowning in your fear and having your pride and dignity stripped from you. I know how it feels to be at the top of the world and then die suddenly of something that you didn't even know existed.

It's almost ten o'clock but I can't bring myself to get out of bed. The man left sometime during the night but I haven't been able to sleep since because if that man left that only means I'll have another customer soon. The thought makes me roll over and press my face into the pillow. A knock at the door startles me and a voice rings out. "Get up or you don't get anything!"

Breakfast. I couldn't think of anything else I could want less. The thought of getting up and facing all those girls after what happened makes me sick. They know exactly what happened last night and now that makes me no different than them. I'm just another girl who had her pride and dignity bought with a few wad of bills. I wonder if America fell like that too with a whimper instead of a bang. The only one I think is different is Ruby. The way she looked at me last night with dignity in her eyes makes me think that she's the only one who hasn't been broken by Madame's customers. Of maybe she was but she pieced herself together again. Either way, maybe she can help me. With everything in me I push off the blanket and step out of my room.

All of the doors outside in the hallway all flung open as if everyone couldn't possibly wait another second to eat. As I walk down the aisle, I notice a couple of doors are closed and are silent. I pass by those quickly and try not think about what's going on inside. The stairs creak as I amble down them and the smell of food drifts up to where I'm standing and suddenly I can't walk fast enough. I haven't eaten since Josephine's. The last step gives a final creak and then I step in the room that was a dressing room last night. Gone are the vanities and racks of colorful dresses and in their place are a string of picnic tables pulled into two enormous tables parallel to each other that stretch across the entire length of the room. Girls are piled on top of each other and some are even fighting over food. There is no need really because there is an abundance food strewn across the tables. Eggs, bacon, toast, donuts, cereal, waffles, and pancakes line the middle of the table with bits that were dropped on the ground accidentally. All in all, the place is crowded and hot.

A plate is shoved into my hand by a girl with brown hair and dull green eyes. She walks away without saying anything to me back to a table full of quiet girls. The whole room is bursting with energy and voices. Somehow I find Ruby eating her eggs silently with two other girls sitting across from her faces down and eating their food. I push my way through the crowd and then push to other girls aside so I can sit next to the only person I know in this entire place besides Madame. Ruby glances at me once then turns back to her food disinterested. "Finally decided to show up?" She asks in tone that says she couldn't care less if I did.

"I was hungry," I say half-truthfully. Ruby shrugs and then shoves another forkful of eggs into her mouth. We eat in silence for a few moments until a girl across the table speaks up and says, "What's your name?"

She has straight golden hair that waterfalls down her back. One side of her hair is pinned back with a clip that has a purple ribbon glued on the top. Her green eyes bore into mine curiously, waiting for an answer.

"Rho," I say after hesitating for a moment. Saying my new name reminds me of my first day of Dauntless initiation. Now I have a new name. I guess it is fit because I have become an entirely different person here.

The girl smiles and says," My name is Daisy."

"She's lying, you know."

Another girl who is the spitting image of a future Daisy speaks up.

"What do you mean lying?"

"Her name is Sam," Older Daisy tells me. "I'm Lizzy."

Beside me Ruby rolls her eyes. "Madame is going to kick you out if you keep saying that to everyone."

"I don't care," the girl says but I can tell by the way her eyes waver with fear that she does.

Ruby shrugs at the same time Daisy says," I like Daisy better."

Lizzy huffs but I smile and say," Me too."

At this, Lizzy turns on me and snaps, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Same reason you're here, stupid," Ruby speaks up not looking up from her eggs.

"I'll kill you, Libby," Lizzy says. Ruby finally snaps her head up from the plate, stands up, and slams her fist inches away of Lizzy's plate, gaining a few curious looks from nearby girls. Lizzy is somewhat startled and looks up at Ruby to hear her hiss, "Don't you _ever _say that again or I'll kill _you_, Violet. " The way she says it sends shivers down my spine. Lizzy and Ruby glare at each other until Lizzy breaks eye contact. Ruby sits down with a plop beside me and begins to eat her egg again. Somehow, I know the argument is not based upon Lizzy's death threat but the fact that Lizzy called Ruby Libby. Ruby told me the past is past and it would be better if I just forgot it. Maybe she's still trying to forget.

"So you're a Dauntless, huh?" Ruby asks me after a beat of silence.

"I don't really know what I am," I tell her honestly. After everything that has happened, am I really Dauntless or do I belong somewhere else? There isn't an answer to that. "I was Dauntless but now..."

Ruby nods like she understands. "I get it."

And maybe she does. Maybe she was in my boat a month, a week, or even a year ago and she knows what it's like to not belong anywhere after belonging somewhere your whole life.

"For God's sake, Daisy," Lizzy suddenly snaps. "Can you eat like a normal person for once?"

Daisy's mouth is stuffed with sausage rolls to the point where she looks like a squirrel going into hibernation. I struggle to keep a straight face. When the corners of Daisy's mouth turn upward just slightly, I lose it. I laugh which earns a glare from Lizzy but a smile from Ruby. Daisy swallows her food in a big gulp and then says," I like your laugh."

"Thanks," I say.

At the other end of our table, girls are whispering and pointing at the door. A man is standing in the entryway talking to Madame who is now wearing a red dress that skims the floor. Fear runs through me but not because he has a gun on him, or because he is twice the size I am. It's because he keeps glancing at me. Last night was one of the most horrifying nights of my life and I swear on my father's grave that it won't happen again. I was out of control, scared, and defeated but I suppressed my fear. That was the most important thing. If I can control my fear now, I can think my way out of this situation. I think of killing the man or somehow escaping but before a clear plan forms Madame is calling me over to her.

Every eye is on me as I get out of my seat and walk pass the two tables to reach Madame and the man. Fear is playing with my mind and crying out for me to run back to the table but I force myself to walk up to the man with a straight back and the courage of a Dauntless. I force myself to look into his eyes like I'm not completely terrified.

"Madame?" I say, not completely taking my eyes off of the man. "Why is he here?"

Madame clears her throat and wrings her hands together. Something about the way her eyes won't meet mine shocks me. Even though I've known her for less than a day, something tells me she is not one to shrivel in the presence of just anyone who happens to walk through her door.

"He's here to take you to Evelyn," she says. "She wants to speak with you." The look on her face tells me not to refuse.

I don't consent to the idea of going to see Evelyn, the factionless ring leader, but I also don't pull away with the man grabs my upper arm and directs me out the door.

As we descend the stairs, I see a cluster of girls cluttered by the window, some even with their noses up against the glass, trying to see what's going on. Ruby and Daisy are among them looking at me with a confused expression while Lizzy is still at the table grumpily pushing around her rubbery eggs. After the man turns a corner and the house disappears, I imagine that the girls slowly amble back to their tables and eat the rest of their plates like I was never even there in the first place.

As we walk, the man keeps a firm grip on his gun. His eyes keep darting in my direction as if he believes I'm going to run for it. I could almost laugh. No Dauntless would be that much of an idiot to run away from someone who has a weapon without having a weapon of their own to defend themselves if they decided to chase them. He turns sharply to the right and I follow.

The buildings gradually get shabbier as we venture further into the factionless sector. When I still belonged to Abnegation this was the part of the factionless I knew about. Dirty, cramped, and overall one step up from living next to a dumpster. Occasionally I see a person or two peak out of a window covered by a ratted burlap sack or a kid skitter across the street laughing and shrieking followed by a kid or two trying to catch them. A couple of little groups stand surrounding a growing fire and sharing a gallon of milk and passing around a sandwich or a can of green beans. Even though I lived near these people for the first half of my life, I didn't really understand how they lived. I thought they lived under bridges and stole things from other factions in order to survive. Instead, they pretended to have nothing and built on the Abnegation's pity. Anger burns inside me as we walk past the group and they whisper and point at us.

The man stops in front of a small brick building with windows thick with grime. Words like "Divergence" and "Down with the Erudite" are spray painted sloppily on the houses on either side of it. This house, however, only has a red X drawn across the rotting door. The man leads me closer to the building and then tries opening the door. He shakes the handle a little but when it doesn't open, he kicks it open instead. The impact shocks me a little and I jump as I hear the crack of his foot meeting the wood of the door causing it to spilt. The remains of the door falls to the inside of the house with a clatter. A few people are sitting inside the house around tables and papers and lamps and don't even glance up when the man walks across the threshold. I follow him and glance over at a group of men having a heated argument over something on the map they are looking at. They stop when they see me staring at them.

I follow the man down a short hallway and he comes to a stop in front of a door that is across from a room full of sleeping people, some on the floor and a few lucky others on a mattress. He knocks once and a female voice calls for him to come in and he swings the door open.

What I notice first is the abundance of maps littering the walls. Some are clean and untouched with the exception of the tacks at the four corners poking through the paper carelessly. The other maps are not so lucky. One map is covered in so much sharpie and pencil marks and scribbles to the point where I can't see the original picture. A chalk board is to the left side of the room with messy handwriting like someone wrote it in a hurry. The second thing I notice is a woman behind a steel desk hunched over. Her curly black hair is in a messy braid that falls over her shoulder. She has olive skin that isn't particularly pretty but isn't exactly ugly either. When the door closes behind me, she looks up at me revealing eyes that look almost black. She doesn't smile.

"Hello Beatrice," she says. "I'm Evelyn. I've heard a lot about you."

I don't say anything. She continues. "When Madame brought you in, I knew I had to see you. I heard you got first in your initiation class in Dauntless." She eyes me with eyes that burn with curiosity. "Well done." She pauses for a moment waiting for me to say something then keeps on talking. "I also heard you visited your brother, Caleb, in Erudite during initiation and killed your friend, Will, during the stimulation attack."

I clench my jaw together when she talks about Will. She doesn't know that he was going to kill me; she doesn't know I didn't have a choice. She's relying on cold hard facts.

"What I want to know is how and why you did those things," She tells me, her voice cold. She wants me to admit I am Divergent-that I did all those things because I'm different. I'm not going to give her anything. After a few minutes of silence, she sighs. "Don't make me get it out of you, Beatrice. I don't want you to end up like your parents."

That's when I lose it. My hand comes down on the table with a slap and swipes across the edge of the table, letting two glasses fall and crack on the ground.

"I prefer to be called Tris," I bark. "And if you say one more thing about my parents, I'll kill you."

She shrugs and stands up from her table. This irritates me even more but I swallow it down. I have to listen to why she wants me here. "Your parents were good people," she says slowly as if not to aggravate me as she makes her way over to the one of the maps covering the wall. "Your parents were selfless people. They were the prime example of what an Abnegation should be."

I snort. "Your people stole from my parents. Don't talk about them like you know them."

She turns toward the lamp light in the back of the room and in the new light suddenly everything fits together. Her eyes, not black but a deep blue, and her hooked nose, a little too big on her face, all add up to Tobias. Memories of Caleb and I hiding on the stairs as my father and mother spoke in hushed tones around the kitchen table about Marcus' wife. They said she died and rumor had it that Marcus was beating his son but they had no idea if it was true or not. I remember my mother crying over Tobias mother's death. The same woman who is in front of me, _alive_, is Tobias' mother.

"You..." I choke on the words. "You're Tobias mother."

She whips around to look at me. "You know him?"

I ignore her and let rage seep through me. "You left him there with Marcus. He was your _son_ and you _left_ him there."

"Beatrice-"

"Don't!" I say and back away from the table. I'm repulsed by her. How can someone who looks so much like Tobias be so different from him? Tobias is sweet and kind and gentle when it comes to people he loves. He'd never leave them no matter what the cost.

"I don't expect you to understand," she says and moves toward me. "I love my son. I had no choice-"

"There's always a choice," I snap. "My parents were good people and they were good parents too."

She doesn't reach out to me as I walk out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

Two weeks pass achingly slow. Each day seems to drag itself out longer and each morning comes way too soon. After the Evelyn fiasco, the same man who brought me to her (I learned later that his name is Thaddeus) brought me back into the hands of Madame. She was glad to see me but smiled coldly when I walked through the door. Thaddeus left without a word. She had Ruby escort me back up to my room with a platter full of leftover food from lunch.

The man who was in my company the night I arrived at Madame's doesn't make a reappearance and I'm glad for it. Although I wished sometimes he would have. Over the past two weeks Madame has had over twenty customers bidding for one night with the famous Tris Prior that they never got because I pretended to be sick every night one came in. Ruby even helped out a little by sticking a thermometer in my mouth and saying my fever was high. Madame went a little crazy after that, thinking I was either coming down with the illness or that I was pregnant. Even though I knew my sickness is a fake, I prayed to God I wasn't pregnant with another man's child and he answered my prayers on a stick that tested negative. I've been playing the sick card ever since though and Madame has been buying it thus far so I'm going to play it out for as long as I can.

As I'm flipping the page to a book Daisy snuck into me after today's lunch, I hear a knock on my door. Ruby doesn't wait for an answer and comes in.

"Hey," she greets and plops herself down on the bed across from me.

"Hi," I say back.

Her eyes flit to the door before she whispers, "You know you can't play the sick card forever, right? Sooner or later Madame is going to get suspicious."

A smiles tugs at the corners of my lips at the way Ruby wastes no time to get down to business. I force my mouth into a frown and say," I know."

"What are you going to do?"

That was the million dollar question wasn't it?

I answer her as honestly as I can. "I don't know."

She sighs and lets herself lay back onto the bed. I stare at her and think that this is the youngest I've ever seen her look with her red hair fanned out on the pillow and her blue eyes shut. Even though she's not much older than I am, she seems like she could be older than Tobias with the way her eyes burn icy cold even if she's laughing. I get the impression someone hurt her and made her grow up sooner than she wanted to.

Ruby opens one eyes and takes a look at the book I'm reading. She raises an eyebrow. "_To Kill a Mockingbird_?"

"Daisy brought it to me," I say. "It's actually pretty good."

She smiles somewhat sadly. "I know; I read it when I was eight."

"You were Erudite?" I ask.

"Yeah." Ruby picks up the book from where it rests by my left knee. She looks at the cover and continues. "I knew I wasn't smart enough to pass the test so I dropped out of initiation two years ago."

She is eighteen then. A year younger than Tobias is.

"Best decision I ever made," She says with a twinkling smile. "Nothing but a bunch of losers."

I laugh at her attempt at a joke. She smiles back, pleased, and gets up from the bed.

Her smile is gone as she goes to my closet and hands me a pair of red heels.

"You have another customer at nine," she says. "I can't guarantee that Madame is going to let another customer go. She's losing big money and she's not happy about it."

I take the shoes from her and they're heavy in my hand. The color looks like blood.

"Madame made you an exclusive because she knew she could make a lot of money on a girl who ranked first in Dauntless initiation," she says, her voice a whisper. "Be nice to her and you'll earn her trust."

I look at the high heeled shoes in my hand and think that maybe I don't want her trust. I don't want anything from her.

Ruby must see what I'm thinking because as she's walking out the door, she looks at me with a frown. Her icy eyes burn into my dull ones.

"Be careful, Rho."

The door clicks shut behind her.

* * *

Hours pass slowly and I sit on the bed as the sun sinks slowly into the ground. The colors leak in through the window and paint the floors and the walls and some of the furniture with orange light. I watch as dust particles float in the air, swirling in the light and then disappear. A sick feeling stirs in my stomach but it's more of a nervous panic than anything. I don't want another man to touch me. I still feel disgusting and tainted from my last customer. Tears fill my eyes unexpectedly as my stomach twists at my homesickness for Tobias. I miss his smile and the way his eyes would darken when he's mad and his sternness when he trained me to do something. I miss him but I don't know if I could see him again without feeling like an unwanted toy. Who wants a tainted toy when they could have a brand new, clean one?

I push the tears back and swallow the lump in my throat. It doesn't matter now anyway. I'm stuck in the situation I'm in now and it doesn't help me deal with anything if I am soaking in self-pity.

I get up from the bed and walk over to my closet. In the back, I feel for my coat and pull it out. When I put it on, it still smells that same as it did the day I came here. It smells like Zeke and Josephine and faintly of wood chips. It smells like home.

I put on my makeup on my own, making the eye shadow dark like Ruby taught me. My dress comes next- a floor length gown with a plunging neckline- and then the heavy shoes. Madame must have picked it out herself; Ruby would have never picked this out for me. The sun sinks a little lower as I wait for my customer, dread sinking in.

I hear a door open downstairs and hear boots clomping in. Men. I look outside again. The sun is still up. My brows furrow together. It's not even seven O'clock yet.

The one man demands that Madame take them to see their customer now but she refuses until I hear the sound of money being slapped into her hand. She calls Ruby to bring them upstairs. The men trudge up the stairs and the usual chatter of girls goes silent as they pass by their colorful rooms. I have a nervous feeling that they're coming to my room. My suspicions are confirmed when I see the door handle turning open. Instinctively, my hand brushes to my right pocket for a gun but, of course, it's not there, so I ball the comforter in my hand instead and pray that I can get this over soon.

The men come in, hoods over their heads and their boots still clomping on the hardwood floor, with Ruby trailing behind them. Something is strange about the way they are standing close to the door and whispering to each other. Ruby doesn't meet my eyes. Another pair of boots comes running down the hallway and they stop into my room. This man is smaller than the rest, with small shoulders and little arms. I know something is wrong when one of them snaps at the other to lock the door. When I hear the lock snap shut, the man on the right comes toward me and I scramble away from him, looking for my matches on the nightstand. Maybe I can light him on fire.

He grabs my wrist and says,"Tris, it's me."

The hood falls and I see Gabe, my initiate, staring at me.

* * *

**Things are about to get real interesting... Thanks for reading! **

**See you soon! **

**Kellie Jo **


	30. Being Brave

**Hello my lovely readers! I won't leave you in suspense for much longer but I have some news! I am officially out of school for the summer (!) so that means no more teachers, no more books, and no more dirty looks, and A LOT more time to write. You guys are freaking amazing with all the support you guys gave me when I had a ton of tests and homework. Thank you all for reading and for your support :). **

**IMPORTANT NOTE: Part one of Being Brave is included just so you can read the chapter as a whole if you want. Otherwise, you can scroll to the second part. **

****Shoutouts: **_BeatriceEaton46, tinkseh,Fanfichus, Razben, Randomgirl111111, WISE2013GIRL, quantumphysicsicecream, katie, Booksforever12, Toadetterocks15, cheeziesmile, Gab, sweetpea2011, taschiiiii, 4TVDPLL6, ChibiRealm, Michiescobar95, giggy24601, dollyluvsya101, and all the guests for reveiwing, favoring, and/or following. _

**And to everyone who is wondering when FourTris comes back into play: Soon my friends. Soon. :)**

* * *

Gabe's eyes are undoubtedly green. I never realize it before. They're not a celery green like Will's were but a more vibrant color like two emeralds glistening. The color disappears when he closes his eyes and throws his head back laughing somewhat insanely. I'm still in shock. In an instant, someone who I was prepared to _light on fire_ is now an ally. Glancing around the room, I'm presented with one more surprise. The two hooded figures have removed their hoods and I see Charlie and Iris, the student from Candor. When Gabe's laughter dies down he pulls me into a firm but messy hug. It's soft and warm and _safe_ and I hold back tears of relief as I cling onto him. I feel the muscles in his arms strain against his shirt as we embrace. I'm surprised to say the least because I never paid much attention to him in training. He was never the strongest, never the fastest, and never did anything to stand out. But he obviously worked hard. I heard rumors when we were still Dauntless that he skipped lunch or dinner to practice throwing knifes or use the punching bag but I never took it into account. Now, I realize he may be one of the best initiates I have. One thing Dauntless tends to overlook is dedication and maybe that means more than anything.

When he finally lets me go I ask him the one question I've been holding inside since I've got to Madame's. "How are they?" There's no need to explain who I mean; he can see it in my eyes.

Gave considers the question for a moment then says, "They're okay. Zeke's been going crazy trying to find out where you went. He was convinced that you were taken to Erudite but...here you are." Here I am. I'm not sure whether to feel relieved that I wasn't taken to Erudite to be dissected by Jeanine and her followers or cry because I'm still in pain, still trying to piece myself back together, and still trying to figure out a way to tell everyone what really happened in Madame's house of colors. I save the ugly thoughts for another time and focus on Gabe's smile. "How did you find me?" He cocks his head towards Ruby who gives a small smile. "Ruby told Charlie to find the group of Dauntless who he found you with. He found us and came and talked to Zeke a couple of days ago saying he knew where you were. Ruby told Charlie that the only into this place was to make an appointment so Charlie made an appointment for Iris and Zeke to come and pick you up but then Lyra..."

He doesn't have to say anything. In Amity, I remember her complaining if a fever and fighting with the other initiates for no reason in Josephine's. She was showing signs of the illness and we didn't even notice it.

"Is she...?"

"No," he sighs. "Not that I know of, anyway. When I left, she was barely there though."

I sigh. So many people dying. Too many. I change the subject.

"Does Zeke know about this place?"

He shakes his head. "Charlie only told him that you were being held in a house in the Factionless center."

I nod, relived and sick to my stomach at the same time because Zeke doesn't know anything about Madame's but that only means I have to tell him myself.

"Thank you," I say.

He waves me off and smiles. "Anytime. Although, I'd prefer not to do this again."

I laugh and it feels good to have the sound rumble through my chest again.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. They're too heavy to be anyone of the girls but also too light to be a man's. Only one person I know walks around here with authority like that. "It's Madame," Ruby hisses and we all spring into action. I grab my match necklace from the nightstand and Ruby sticks a chair under the handle of the door to buy us time. We all look at the door handle as it starts to rattle. "Ruby? Rho?" Her voice is sugary sweet. "Sweethearts, is everything alright in there?"I turn to look at Ruby and find out her eyes are already locked on mine. Her eyes are wide and looks like she's a deer in headlights. "We gotta go man," I hear Charlie whisper and he goes to the window. It opens with a slight pop. He looks down. "Holy_ Sh_-""It's a long drop but if you land correctly you'll be fine," I whisper before he considers backing out. Madame starts calling for someone."We gotta leave now," Iris says and looks to Charlie who nods. "Who's jumping first?" Charlie asks. Every eye turns to Gabe. "Why me?" He sputters. "You're the Dauntless," Charlie reminds him. Gabe rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath. He crawls out the window and lets his feet dangle as he sits in the ledge. His fingers are gripping the ledge so tightly that his knuckles turn white. He takes a deep breath and then pushes himself off.

I hear him hit the ground and then a grunt but he calls up to say that he's fine. Iris is out the window next then Charlie, who yelps when he falls. Ruby and I are the only ones left. She turns to me and her mouth opens to say something but she changes her mind. Her arms find me and pull me into a hug. I'm a little surprised but I hug her back. It's brief but it's real and full of everything we want to say to each other but can't. Ruby looks so...dauntless as she sits on the window sill.

She smiles at me right before she lets herself fall off the ledge.

I'm officially alone now. Before I get onto the window cell, I look around the room. Makeup is scattered along the vanity, along with some brushes and tubes of mascara are on the floor by its legs. Blankets are strewn across the bed and I see tear marks on the pillow. I take the pillowcase off of the pillow and rip it in half. I'm done with this ugly house of colors and the broken girls who walk around like they can never really see anything. Madame won't get a few more wad of bills out of me. I turn to the window and climb out. The fall is further than I thought it would be but I can do it. I swing my legs out of the window so that the only thing keeping me from falling out are my arms which are wrapped around the window sill. I turn and look down at the little group below me yelling at me to let go. I'm about to when I hear the door crack against the wall.

I look back to see two muscular men with blue armbands around their biceps and in the middle of them is Madame. Her chest is heaving with the effort of running up the stairs. She's just as elegant but impossibly cruel as always. We make eye contact.

Then I let go.

* * *

Pain shoots up my left ankle as I land. My face scrunches up in a face in which I'm sure is not even remotely attractive. Gabe's hand reaches out for mine and I grab it so he can help me up.

"You okay?"

I nod. "I'm good."

"That's wonderful," Charlie says hurriedly, "but we better run." He points towards the house and I follow his finger. I see the two men who were with Madame and they're carrying guns. One spots us and positions his gun so that the barrel is in the direction of my head.

"Go!" Gabe yells and we take off just as the first gunshot rings out. My hands cover the back of my head out of instinct and I see the others do the same. Their footsteps pound against the pavement and race after us.

"Take the corner!" I yell and we do. A second bullet rings out and it hits the wall right above Iris' head and ricochets off. She screams.

"Keep going!" Gabe hollers. We take another corner, left this time, and Charlie and Iris soon fall behind. They're trying but it's obviously a struggle. Iris' breathing comes sporadically and Charlie is trying to hide it but I can hear him gasping. Even I am struggling.

"Gabe!" I yell. He turns to look at me. "How much further?"

"Another mile!"

I can't go another mile and neither can Iris or Charlie. I look back and see the two men still gaining on us. Their obviously Dauntless traitors by their physique and how they can seem to run for miles. They don't even look tired. Suddenly, I remember something about the Erudite, even the dauntless-traitors. They're always logical. They would never dream of doing something unexpected and don't expect others to do it either.

"Take then next right then get into an alley!" I gasp.

Gabe shoots me a look that says he's clearly questioning my sanity but he doesn't contradict me. At the next right, we turn sharply then jump into an alley and pull Iris and Charlie with us. There's a rotting garbage bin not too far from where we are standing so we sprint to it and take cover.

My lungs are searching for air and what they find isn't pleasant. The air reeks of rotting milk and carcass and I think I see a chunk of meat with skin on it underneath the bin but I don't stare at it long enough to find out what it is. Iris is fidgeting beside me. "Are they still-?"

"Shut up," Charlie hisses and she quiets.

We wait for the men to come searching and they do. I can hear their footfalls slapping in the ground and they get louder as they approach the alley. My heart seems to beat right out of my chest and I try not to breathe as I hear them come closer. I pray my instinct about the Erudite always being logical are right. We see the flash of a blue armband pass the alley and we press ourselves into the wall as if trying to disappear. They don't see us though. I hear their footsteps getting fainter and fainter until I don't hear them at all. We wait for a minute just to be sure that they're gone then get up from our spot. We walk out of the alley and I can finally breathe again. Gabe and Ruby smile at one another, the relief taking effect on them as well. "Where to next?" Iris says and Gabe turns to her still smiling. "Camp."

Camp turns out to be not inside Erudite but just on the brink of it. Gabe stops in front of a glass building that looks like it could have been an apartment building a long time ago. I crane my neck upward and squint to see the top. Gabe waves us in and we follow him through two French doors. Inside, there is a red plush couch. Or what's left of it anyway. Pieces of fabric and stuffing are all over the floor along with shards of glass. Even bits of sheetrock are on the floor below large holes in the walls. All in all, the entire place is torn apart. Someone was on a wild rampage trying to find something. I turn to Gabe.

"Did you do this?"

"No," he says and looks at the damage as if it is extra decor. I wonder how long they've been here if he regards it so casually. "It was like this when we got here."

"Who do you think was here?" Ruby pipes up.

Gabe shrugs. "It could be anyone. I think it was the Erudite but who knows?"

He starts stepping over the stuffing and shards and we follow him towards the staircase. When we get there, we run up them. On the twelfth floor, it gets easier somehow to run up the stairs.

When we hit the sixteenth floor and Gabe tells us that the apartment that they are staying in is L120, a cross nerves and excitement bubble in my stomach. Seeing Zeke and Delilah and Rex and all the other initiates will be like seeing home again. I'm not worried about that. I'm just worried about what they will think of me once they find out what happened. Especially Zeke. The door of L120 looks shiny and solid just like the rest of Erudite. Gabe fumbles with getting the keys into the lock but he does and the door pops open with a click. He pushes the door open, revealing the room.

It's like being home again when I see Zeke's messy hair and hear Abby laughing at something Connor says. I watch them pass around a bag of chips in a circle like the factionless and continue playing their game of rummy. Zeke shows Abby his cards, proving that he has two jacks and she hits him and he laughs. She shakes her head and as she does she catches sight of Gabe and then her eyes land on me.

"Tris!"

She scrambles up, the card game forgotten, and runs towards me. She hugs me and I laugh and hug her back. The rest of the group is up and hugging either Gabe or Iris. Everyone's words are tripping over one another's and the voices keep raising, trying to be heard. I look over to see Zeke watching me, smiling, and I walk toward him. His eyes wander over my elaborate dress and I can see the question in them but he doesn't comment on it. His arms find me, and they bring to his chest. I breathe in and I could cry because he smells like Dauntless. His hands tangle in my hair and I hear him take a deep breath. I hug him tighter.

I feel the smile against my head when he says, "Welcome back, Tris."

* * *

Out of the entire city, Erudite is the only one who has its lights burning twenty four hours a day. I'm not sure if this is an authority thing with them or they really need the light. I watch the lights flicker from the rooftop of our apartment complex. The wind picks up my hair and whips it in my face but I don't mind it. In fact I welcome it. I close my eyes and soak in the silence. All day I was surrounded by the initiates who were laughing and yelling and talking to me and to each other. I loved hanging out with them though. It was nice for a few hours not really worrying about anything and just talking and gambling with them in a game of poker. Delilah and Gabe sat closer together than any of the other initiates and I wondered if they were a couple now. My suspicions were confirmed when I walked in on a kiss that was clearly supposed to be private. I wish I could have saw more of Zeke but he was busy taking care of Lyra. When I asked if I could help, he told me could handle it. I saw the way his eyes drooped, though, but I didn't say anything because something told me that he needed to do it on his own.

It doesn't surprise me really when I hear a tentative knock on the wall leading to the roof. I turn around from where I stand and see Zeke with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey," he says and takes a hand put of his pocket to run it through his hair. "Can I join you?"

I shrug and turn around to continue staring at Erudite. I catch Zeke's grin out of the corner of my eye and it fills me with a foreign warmth that starts deep in my stomach and in my heart. I feel him settle beside me, his hands resting on the ledge next to mine. He looks thoughtful as he looks out at the bright lights of Erudite and I wonder what he's thinking. I find out soon enough when he says to me, "Do you think we could take them?" I see his hands fidgeting and I know he's not sure. Erudite has always been the center of the factions no matter if the other factions wanted it to be or not. But they do have a weakness. Erudite revolves around logic. Today when Madame's Erudite soldiers came after Charlie, Gabe, Iris, Ruby and I, we tore them off course because we defied logic. But what happens when they realize that we are typically avoiding using logic? What then?

I smile at Zeke and jab his arm with my elbow lightly. "We're Dauntless aren't we?" I say as if the answer is obvious. He smiles at my joke but it doesn't lighten the mood. After a few beats of silence I ask,"Lyra?"

He shakes his head and as he's rubbing his eyes he says, "She's not getting any better. She keeps crying out in the middle of the night and lashing out at Jadon. He's pretty torn up over it."

"We're they...?" I let the question dangle and he answers with a soft tired voice.

"No; Just friends."

The air has shifts and blows a little steadier for a bit. Zeke's chocolate brown hair is tossed around as he keeps on staring at the compound. I watch him, wondering what he is looking for. It's so quiet that I jump when he speaks," I heard what happened."

My heart stops and I want to tell him how awful I feel about not telling him first, how terrible I feel about having him know. My eyes lock on the ledge and I avoid his eyes when I say, "Who told you?"

I have to strain to hear him when he whispers, "Charlie."

I picture Charlie telling Zeke, slowly and carefully, trying to tell it so it won't make Zeke want to punch a wall. I want to crawl away from him and pretend he doesn't know anything. But that won't fix anything so I stay where I am and I become very interested in the street below us. "Tris," he says and I pretend I don't hear him. "Tris," he says, this time more forcefully. I look up to him. His green eyes are soft and pull me in. Even though we're no more than a couple inches apart, I can barely hear him when he says, "I'm so sorry."

I turn away from him, my eyes burning. I face the side of the building and try to forget the man's face and the way that I felt so powerless against him. I hate myself for it. I face Zeke again, frustrated, and say," I just don't know why I didn't fight back."

His brows furrow together and his eyes are thoughtful when he asks, "What do you mean?"

"I mean why did I just accept what he did to me? Why didn't I kill him or stab him or _something_? I wasn't being..." I struggle to find the right word. "I wasn't brave enough," I sigh, defeated and angry.

Zeke doesn't say anything right away. He considers my answer and then says, "Maybe being brave isn't fighting back. Maybe...maybe it's accepting what you can't change."

I let his words sink in and I press the heels of my hands to my eyes until it hurts. Suddenly I have an urge to laugh because I was so worried about having Zeke's acceptance after Madame's that I never thought I already had it. He still likes me for who I am, after Madame's and before. My mouth opens to laugh but all that comes out is a dry sob. I try to contain it but my chest starts to heave and all the tears I've been holding back fall into the concrete. Zeke's arms wrap around me in a firm hug and I hold on tight. My tears soak his shirt but he doesn't seem to care. I feel his hands brush through my hair and I hang on tight to him. I've never cried for relief, for being broken, for love, and for understanding before. But there is a first time for everything.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Chapter 31 (Gosh we're already at Chapter 31) will hopefully be done by 6/23 or 6/24. Keep a lookout and follow me on Instagram at 4thetributesandinitiates. Also vote on the poll on my profile. See you soon! **

**-Kel **


	31. Recap

_Alright so a lot of you have been asking me to do a recap of characters/ relationships/ what's going on. I decided that would be a really good idea (for you and for me) so here it is!_

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**New/ Expanded Characters:**

**Henry:**

-Dauntless Initiate

- From Candor

- Tris thinks he is a sadist like Eric

**Polly:**

-Amity initiate

-Connor's sister

-dead

**Connor:**

-Dauntless initiate

-Former Candor

-Polly was sister

-Strong, loves fiercely

**Iris:**

- Erudite Initiate (check)

-She came with Charlie to rescue Tris

-shy. Doesn't reveal much about herself

**Charlie:**

-Factionless

-brought Tris to Madame's in exchange for IDs

-former Erudite

-comes to rescue Tris

-hiding things about his past but he seems like a nice guy

**Abby: **

-Dauntless Initiate

-former Abnegation

-boyfriend/ best friend was Xander who died

-sisters were Molly and Rye who are dead now

-Divergent

**Gabe**:

-Dauntless Initiate

-Former Candor

-best friend: Delilah

-Tris believes he is dedicated to becoming a true Dauntless

**Delilah:**

-Dauntless initiate

-Divergent

-Former Candor

-best friend: Gabe

- Has two brothers named Patrick and Boone

-Fear of losing the ones she loves

**Demetry Ridder:**

-Tobias' cousin

-Factionless or Erudite (not yet known)

- painted the divergent picture in Amity

**Josephine: **

-a little crazy

-Candor woman

- knew Caleb

-Helps the squad get out of Candor safely

-has a daughter who was taken to Erudite prison

**Athena:**

-Dauntless Initiate

-Dauntless born

-Cold but hardworking

**Rex: **

-Dauntless Initiate

-Dauntless Born

-Jokester of the group

**Lyra: **

- Dauntless Initiate

-Dauntless born

- Sick with the illness

**Jadon:**

-Dauntless initiate

-Dauntless Born

- Friends with Lyra

**Rye: **

-eight years old

- Abnegation child

-dead by illness

**Zeke: **

- nineteen years old

- Dauntless

-Uriah's brother

-Parents were killed

- Squad leader

-Enjoys being around Tris and the initiates

- Funny, dedicated, kick butt when he needs to be, focused

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**Relationships:**

Gabe/Delilah: best friends and boyfriend and girlfriend.

Jadon/Lyra: friends

Gabe/ Athena: enemies

Tris/Tobias: together but not engaged any more

Tris/Zeke: close friends

Caleb/Marlene: like each other but not to the point of dating

Christina/Uriah: still dating

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**Who's siding with who in the war:**

Amity with Dauntless but also Erudite.

Candor wanted to stay neutral but they were forced to side with Erudite.

Abnegation with the Dauntless and Amity.

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_Okay so recap of everything in the story that has gone on so far. It is long but everything in there is essential to the story:_

**Part one:**

This story starts off six months after the attack on Abnegation. Abnegation were housing with Dauntless because their faction was destroyed and they had nowhere to stay until it was rebuilt. Peter was exiled from Dauntless (supposedly) and sent to Amity while Caleb is being monitored for six months for being an Erudite initiate. Tris works in the kitchen and the Hospital voluntarily. Tris was pregnant and Four had his job in the control room and training Dauntless initiates. Tris and Four were engaged to be married. The new initiates arrive to the compound and settle in. Peter shows up back in Dauntless unexpectedly and Tris wonders why he's back at Dauntless when he's supposed to be banned to Amity.

Tris and Four continue training the initiates. Tris says she knows a little girl named Rye who was in Abnegation but she loved to read. At lunch one day after training, Tris has a miscarriage. Tobias and Tris are both devastated over the loss of their child and find it difficult to speak to one another after such a tragedy but are trying to mend their lives back together. Tris is taking the loss of her baby really hard. Meanwhile, the factions have problems of their own. Amity was having some problems growing their food and the water system was starting to collapse. As a result, the food in all the factions start to dwindle. Dauntless cake batter also starts to dwindle out which makes the Dauntless angry.

Christina takes Tris to dinner when Tris is feeling guilty about what happened to the baby to try and make her feel better but Caleb only makes it worse by trying to force Dauntless cake on her because she hasn't eaten anything for the past week. A week later, Tobias tries to reconnect with Tris again and tells her to meet in the control room later that night so that they could talk. On the way to train the Initiates, she hears a scream and she finds Xander attacking Rex in a blind rage. Rex is taken to the infirmary. Delilah goes through her stimulation. In her stimulation, she is in Candor (her home) and her little brother, Boone is crying out for help along with her older brother, Patrick. There is fire outside the door but Delilah is unable to help them. Tris figures out she is Divergent.

When Tris comes back from the library in the same day, she runs into Peter who threatens her. She's shaken up but still meets Tobias in the Pire. He reminds her that they have a wedding in three days and she asks if she can postpone it. He gets angry and they explode at each other with all the pent up feelings they haven't been sharing with each other. They end up not talking. Xander dies unexpectedly.

**Part Two**:

Tris chooses to move out of Tobias' apartment and into Caleb's for a while due to the tension between them. Rye and Tris spend time together. People in both factions are becoming increasingly sick. The disease is fatal. Rye mentions her sister, Molly, being sick. Later on, she dies. People who work at the hospital and some of the Dauntless and Abnegation leaders meet and they decide to tell both of their factions that there is not a cure to the disease people are coming down with. They tell both the factions. The factions are upset.

Caleb is absent one morning when Tris stumbles into his office. She finds a list of symptoms for the disease and finds out he has been in contact with Jeanine Matthews and has something to do with the illness in the factions. The Dauntless bring him in for questioning. He tells how the virus works and he tells Tris that her baby died because of him.

Tris gets drunk with Marcus one night after a hard day and he admits that the deaths have been hard on him as well. Tris decides she wants to go speak with Caleb in the Dauntless prison but he is in solitary confinement so she settles with talking to Peter who was guilty of administering the virus also. He says something that makes her wonder if there is a person back in Erudite who he cares about. Tris and Tobias find out that Rye is sick. Tris turns seventeen. Tobias and Tris get a phone call from Rye's parents saying that they think she is going to die. Abby and Gabe come too and Tris realizes that they are sisters. Rye dies and to Tris and Tobias it is like losing a child all over again.

Tris finds out that Abby is divergent. The leader of Amity, Johanna, tells the factions that the Erudite have been hiding the antidote. The factions have tried reasoning with the Erudite to hand it over but they won't so the rest of the factions decide to go to war over it. Amity remains neutral along with Candor. Tori talks with Tris and Tobias and Tris are back together again after they apologize to each other at the Chasm.

**Part Three:**

Tris begins to train like a Dauntless solider and Tobias is now her instructor once again along with Zeke. Tobias treats her coldly. She confronts him about it and he asks her to promise him that she would be okay if he died. She doesn't say anything.

Squad members are announced and Tris is in a group with Henry, Jenna, Lyra, Jadon, Delilah, Gabe, Abby, Zeke, and Connor. She's upset and confronts Zeke about it. He tells her he didn't put Tobias and her in the same group because if Tobias and another soldier were held at gunpoint, she would try to save Tobias first because of her feelings for him. Tris is still angry. On a rooftop, Zeke tells Tris that his parents were killed when he was ten. Uriah is the only family he has left.

The Squads prepare to leave for Amity to camp out there for a night before they separate and take on different missions. When the squads get to Amity, Tris and Tobias find a room. Inside the room, Tris spots a picture of all the faction symbols integrated into one ring. The picture reads Divergent. The man who painted it is Demetry Ridder who is Tobias' cousin who transferred to Erudite but he could be factionless. At a bonfire later that night, Tobias gives Tris a necklace. Tobias leaves with his squad the next day. In the same day, Amity is invaded with Erudite soldiers.

Tris' squad hides in the prairie. The Erudite soldiers come out in the prairie and try to find them. You are introduced to Lieutenant Walter who is the head lieutenant of Erudite. He has a scar on the left side of his face. He tries to get Zeke to come with them so he tells lies about Uriah being dead and them he uses Caleb, who got out of the Dauntless prison somehow, to try and trick Tris. The soldiers search the grass than they find Jenna and they kill her. After Jenna's death the soldiers move away from the area but a note is dropped before they do. It's from Caleb asking him to trust him and to take a key to a woman in Candor named Josephine Curie. They do and they get out of the field safely. Polly, Connor's sister, is shot when she pretended to be a Dauntless running for the train.

The group has no idea where she lives so they have to trade information. Tris finds a factionless man who wants her engagement ring in exchange for Josephine's address. She makes the deal. The group meets Josephine who has her walls painted all kinds of colors which is an act of treason. Josephine tells Zeke and Tris about the new policy of Erudite's which forces Candor to be on their side inside instead of being neutral like they wanted. Josephine also tells them that she knew Caleb and he said that if he got Josephine's daughter out of Erudite prison, she would have to do a favor for him. The favor was keeping Tris and Zeke's squad for the night. Josephine hasn't seen her daughter yet.

The next morning, Erudite does a check on all the apartment buildings. Lieutenant Walter is there with a crooked nose and Tris is now aware that he will stop at nothing to stop them. Josephine safely escort them to the edge of Candor. On the edge of candor, there are makeshift flags tie-dyed with different colors symbolizing the first signs of rebellion from Candor. The squad decides to go to Erudite but on the way there, but on the way there they think they see Erudite soldiers up ahead. The Erudite soldiers ask for IDs and Zeke says they were robbed. Zeke attacks a soldier when the solider moves to hurt Tris and it turns into a full out brawl. Zeke gets stabbed in the leg. A young soldier who has on the clothing of an Erudite, offers to help Zeke bandage his leg exchange for Tris' compliance to come with him. She goes.

The boy's name is Charlie and he happens to be factionless but a former Erudite. Tris asks why he's not going to turn her into Jeanine and he says that the factionless are offering Fake IDs which is much more valuable. He leads her to a house and a woman, Madame, takes her in after giving Charlie the fake IDs. Inside Tris meets a girl named Ruby who is also factionless. Later on that night after getting dolled up by Ruby's expert hand, Tris has a customer and she learns that she was sold to Madame as a sex slave or a prostitute. After the man has used her, she flings the necklace Tobias gave her at the wall. The top pops off and inside the tube is mat he's and a note that says," Burn Erudite to the ground. -Four".

The next morning, a girl named Lizzy calls Ruby Libby and Tris suspects that that is part of her past. Lizzy has a little sister named Daisy. At breakfast a man comes to take Tris to Evelyn. She goes. She talks to Evelyn and Evelyn wants her to admit she's divergent but Tris doesn't. Tris also realizes that Evelyn is Tobias' mother. Tris walks out.

At Madame's she pretends to be sick so that she wouldn't have any more customers. Madame thinks she's pregnant and Tris hopes she's not pregnant with another man's child. The test results come back negative so she's not pregnant. Ruby comes into her room and Tris learns she was a former Erudite before she became factionless and that she is eighteen. She also says Tris has a customer at nine and not to refuse. The customer comes and instead of one there are three men and Ruby. She was going to light one on fire but then he identifies himself as Gabe, her initiate.

The two other people tear off their hoods and they are Charlie and Iris. Gabe tells Tris that Lyra is sick. They get out of the building and race away from Dauntless traitors that are coming after them. They go back to where the squad is hiding for a while. The building lobby is trashed. Gabe says that the squad didn't do it but he suspects it was Erudite because he thinks they are looking for something. Tris and Zeke meet and she's happy she's back.

Zeke meets Tris up in the roof later that night. They talk and he says he heard about what happened to Tris from Charlie. She says she wanted to be braver and he says she was brave because she accepted what she couldn't change. She cries because she was so worried about what Zeke would think of her but she knows now that he likes her no matter what.

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_If you read that whole thing, I am so proud of you and I am sending Dauntless cake through the screen. If you didn't read the whole thing, that's okay; I wouldn't have either. Either way, thanks for reading Trusting in you! Leave a review on the way out!_


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